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Farting in the sack

  • 16-06-2016 05:05AM
    #1
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭


    Is it unforgivable ? Bird I was with the last night wasn't too pleased when I let one rip. :o


«1

Comments

  • #2
    cheif kaiser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 633 ✭✭✭cheif kaiser


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    Is it unforgivable ? Bird I was with the last night wasn't too pleased when I let one rip. :o

    Depends entirely and whether you want to get her in the sack a second time. I would say your chances are slim to none!


  • #3
    gifted
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,026 ✭✭✭gifted


    Women don't fart in the bed???? :eek:


  • #4
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    gifted wrote: »
    Women don't fart in the bed???? :eek:

    I'm the one who farted, but i have heard in the past that women do fart in the bed, though it could be an urban legend.


  • #5
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    cheif kaiser wrote: »
    Depends entirely and whether you want to get her in the sack a second time. I would say your chances are slim to none!

    So what you're trying to say is I've blown my chance ? :pac:


  • #6
    cheif kaiser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 633 ✭✭✭cheif kaiser


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    So what you're trying to say is I've blown my chance ? :pac:

    I would saw that you have well and truly blown your chance!:D


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  • #7
    Roger Hassenforder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    cheif kaiser wrote: »
    I would saw that you have well and truly blown your chance!:D

    Unless she's into Dutch Ovens...


  • #8
    CruelCoin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,465 ✭✭✭CruelCoin


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    Is it unforgivable ? Bird I was with the last night wasn't too pleased when I let one rip. :o

    My fiancee lost her sense of smell in a car crash, so now i just let rip wherever i am around the house, bed included.

    Best

    Thing

    Ever


  • #9
    Barry Badrinath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭Barry Badrinath


    CruelCoin wrote: »
    My fiancee lost her sense of smell in a car crash, so now i just let rip wherever i am around the house, bed included.

    Best

    Thing

    Ever

    Can she not taste it?

    Eeewwww


  • #10
    Barry Badrinath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭Barry Badrinath


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    Is it unforgivable ? Bird I was with the last night wasn't too pleased when I let one rip. :o

    Was it a small weak one or a big thunder ass cheek clapper?

    Either way, you disgust me OP :)


  • #11
    CruelCoin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,465 ✭✭✭CruelCoin


    McGruber wrote: »
    Can she not taste it?

    Eeewwww

    Her sense of taste is developing rapidly.

    I let a long violent silent one recently, and she was there moving her mouth and saying she could taste something funny, cat and dog had already fled the room at this point.

    I'll have to have a really dodgy kebab and she if she tells the difference.


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  • #12
    cowboyBuilder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,419 ✭✭✭cowboyBuilder


    McGruber wrote: »
    Was it a small weak one or a big thunder ass cheek clapper?

    Either way, you disgust me OP :)

    :D:D:D:D

    Brilliant, I will be using that one in future


  • #13
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I read this as "farting in the sink".


  • #14
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,293 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    Nothing more satisfying than letting a huge one rip under the covers.

    Obviously have to pick your moments, like when she is in the bathroom.


  • #15
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I read this as "farting in the sink".

    Must try it sometime :D


  • #16
    LightsStillOn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 798 ✭✭✭LightsStillOn


    Great move to use if you're in bed with someone and you don't want to see them again. Let one off and trap her under the covers, don't have to worry about that overly clingy one night stand ever again :p


  • #17
    Barry Badrinath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭Barry Badrinath


    LightsStillOn wrote: »
    Great move to use if you're in bed with someone and you don't want to see them again. Let one off and trap her under the covers, don't have to worry about that overly clingy one night stand ever again :p

    But, but, but....what if she does it back?!

    :eek:


  • #18
    PARlance
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,905 ✭✭✭✭PARlance


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    Is it unforgivable ? Bird I was with the last night wasn't too pleased when I let one rip. :o

    Happened me last night too. The bird wasn't impressed but she's gotten used to it after 5 years married to me.


  • #19
    LightsStillOn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 798 ✭✭✭LightsStillOn


    McGruber wrote: »
    But, but, but....what if she does it back?!

    :eek:

    Then you've underestimated her and she might be a keeper :pac:


  • #20
    Grab All Association
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,934 ✭✭✭Grab All Association


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    Is it unforgivable ? Bird I was with the last night wasn't too pleased when I let one rip. :o

    Hi Brian

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=97241674&postcount=1


  • #21
    Barry Badrinath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭Barry Badrinath


    LightsStillOn wrote: »
    Then you've underestimated her and she might be a keeper :pac:

    Unless a malteaser popped out!


    Eeewww


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  • #22
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    And that's enough internet for the night, sound McG!


  • #23
    Barry Badrinath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭Barry Badrinath


    KERSPLAT! wrote: »
    And that's enough internet for the night, sound McG!

    Sorry :(

    It's ok, I'll go.

    Night folks

    Xxx


  • #24
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    /blows kiss

    Xxx


  • #25
    voz es
    Closed Accounts Posts: 572 ✭✭✭voz es


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    Is it unforgivable ? Bird I was with the last night wasn't too pleased when I let one rip. :o

    The thing about it is its all about timing. The potentially anti social things you do normally should be toned back for the first few dates. Most people hold a lot back of themselves initially, so basically with any possible irritants just half it, people expect that. Now there is no such thing as half a fart as we all know.....

    Possibly in a few months she will be calling her own LITTLE releases 'lady puffs' and your being an twat''pretending'' there is a smell........


  • #26
    Esel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,713 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    'Burglar fart' for maximum effect.

    Not your ornery onager



  • #27
    Stigura
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,609 ✭✭✭Stigura


    Makes me giggle when I peel off such a stinking rip that it creates the 'Explosion In A Dog Factory' effect. Dogs bolting from the bed. Dashing round the room. Yelping and snapping at the air.

    Only trouble is? Then, as I lay there sniggering, the toxic cloud seeps up from under the quilt. And I'm like; " Jayyyyysuss Fcuking Chryyystt!!! ". Thrashing around. Trying to draw breath myself!

    Another own goal.


  • #28
    Billy86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,495 ✭✭✭✭Billy86


    Always be sure to get in the big spoon first, then pin her wrists and ankles down before letting out. If you can lift the sheet just a tiny bit under her chin, you're golden.

    And single.

    Still worth it, though.


  • #29
    McChubbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,080 ✭✭✭McChubbin


    McGruber wrote: »
    Unless a malteaser popped out!


    Eeewww
    Oh, jaysus! Ye durt burd, ye! I laughed so hard at this I got tears in my eyes!:D


  • #30
    Esel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,713 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    Stigura wrote: »
    Makes me giggle when I peel off such a stinking rip that it creates the 'Explosion In A Dog Factory' effect. Dogs bolting from the bed. Dashing round the room. Yelping and snapping at the air.

    Only trouble is? Then, as I lay there sniggering, the toxic cloud seeps up from under the quilt. And I'm like; " Jayyyyysuss Fcuking Chryyystt!!! ". Thrashing around. Trying to draw breath myself!

    Another own goal.
    I have always thought that one's own posterior gaseous emanations were never disgusting to oneself.

    Not your ornery onager



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  • #31
    Stigura
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,609 ✭✭✭Stigura


    Esel wrote: »
    I have always thought that one's own posterior gaseous emanations were never disgusting to oneself.

    You've never drunk my home made stout and eaten one of my chilli's!!! :D


  • #32
    Ruu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,622 ✭✭✭Ruu


    Must be that bean I had. :o


  • #33
    rawn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,093 ✭✭✭rawn


    I'm a woman and i fart like a tugboat in bed. It's my sexiest move.


  • #34
    Stigura
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,609 ✭✭✭Stigura




  • #35
    topmanamillion
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,459 ✭✭✭topmanamillion


    Best thread ever!

    I'd be careful about the Dutch ovens, I was going out with a lass years ago and I could feel a fire breathing fart coming on so I threw the covers over her and let rip.

    She hadn't told me she was genuinely claustrophobic.

    She panicked under the covers and flung her elbow into my mouth and split my lip.

    The result was her close to tears, my lip pumping blood and the smell of the previous nights Indian fueled noxious gas filling the room.


  • #36
    Esel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,713 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    Ruu wrote: »
    Must be that bean I had. :o
    Never try to flick a Malteser. Trust me on this.

    Not your ornery onager



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  • #37
    CruelCoin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,465 ✭✭✭CruelCoin


    I think this is rather fitting

    Fine to do it in the sack is there is some artistry to it



  • #38
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    A related question. Anyone ever have the pleasure of hearing someone giving out stink about the smell you left in the toilet cubicle?


  • #39
    Esel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,713 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    ToddyDoody wrote: »
    A related question. Anyone ever have the pleasure of hearing someone giving out stink about the smell you left in the toilet cubicle?
    Never heard of a courtesy flush?

    Not your ornery onager



  • #40
    petes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,382 ✭✭✭petes


    'the last night', when in time is this exactly??


  • #41
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    Esel wrote: »
    Never heard of a courtesy flush?

    Post flush of course. (I wouldn't even have thought of not flushing)


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  • #42
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    petes wrote: »
    'the last night', when in time is this exactly??

    The night before the last night.


  • #43
    Esel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,713 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    ToddyDoody wrote: »
    Post flush of course. (I wouldn't even have thought of not flushing)
    That is not a courtesy flush.

    Not your ornery onager



  • #44
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    Esel wrote: »
    That is not a courtesy flush.

    Who has time for that?


  • #45
    Esel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,713 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    ToddyDoody wrote: »
    Who has time for that?
    Yeah, it takes ages. :rolleyes:

    Not your ornery onager



  • #46
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    Esel wrote: »
    Yeah, it takes ages. :rolleyes:

    Oh well, spilt milk.


  • #47
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,734 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    Amateurs go for a Dutch Oven, pros can manoeuvre from a Dutch Oven to The Matador for the grand finale in a single fluid movement.


  • #48
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    rawn wrote: »
    I'm a woman and i fart like a tugboat in bed. It's my sexiest move.
    James Joyce would love you.


  • #49
    Estrellita
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 638 ✭✭✭Estrellita


    Several years with my OH, and he farts (if he really has to), then apologizes for it. I don't really mind to be honest. Although I never have farted around him, nor will I ever. I would die ten deaths if I ever let one slip out. He says he would pay good money to hear one :o


  • #50
    Esel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,713 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    Sayings about farting:

    My dad: "Better out than the doctor."

    Friend: "Get out and walk!"

    Not your ornery onager



  • #51
    exaisle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,676 ✭✭✭exaisle


    Esel wrote: »
    Sayings about farting:

    My dad: "Better out than the doctor."

    Friend: "Get out and walk!"

    "Smell that and die for Ireland..."

    "Good arse"


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