How to avoid sitting next to a particular person

paralysed · 14-09-2016 09:24PM #1

After an incident that happened recently, I've realised that I must learn the art of not ending up seated next to the person you don't like.

At a wedding last year, there was girl I clash with. The same person is incredibly rude and says nothing to me, but after a few drinks she'll all talk. It just seems so phony! Anyway, I was at another wedding this year, and after I sat down, she later sat in the seat next to me. I remember saying to myself "one in a hundred", as in 10 seats on both occasions, by 10 = 100

There are a few tricks alright. For example I remember once, me and three other fellas were getting a taxi, and none of us wanted to sit in the middle. One fella took the initiative to get in first and got shotgun. Me and another fella arrived next, while the 4th guy was still coming out of the house. He got in first and slid over to the far side (ah ha you're thinking), then I got in next and what da ya know!

Anyway, I've another bloody wedding in a few months, and I've a feeling that that girl will be there too. If she is, I'm telling ya, I will not sit until she does.

kfallon · 14-09-2016 09:26PM

Did it take you nearly 4 years to write your first post??

Surreptitious · 14-09-2016 09:28PM

kfallon wrote: »

Did it take you nearly 4 years to write your first post??

He was paralysed.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 14-09-2016 09:28PM

Just move somewhere else? Or swap with your plus one? Or just ignore her like she's not there?

maudgonner · 14-09-2016 09:28PM

Posted it twice to make up for lost time though.

johnayo · 14-09-2016 09:29PM

kfallon wrote: »

Did it take you nearly 4 years to write your first post??

Jaysus lad, I'd say that's a huge help to the op:D

endacl · 14-09-2016 09:30PM

Seriously?

Option 1. Sit somewhere else.
Option 2. The After Hours option. Lick her.*

* Option 2 may backfire. Endacl accepts no responsibility for option 2 backfiring.

Miss Demeanour · 14-09-2016 09:31PM

Just don't shower ......simps!?

Sprog 4 · 14-09-2016 09:32PM

paralysed wrote: »

There are a few tricks alright. For example I remember once, me and three other fellas were getting a taxi, and none of us wanted to sit in the middle. One fella took the initiative to get in first and got shotgun. Me and another fella arrived next, while the 4th guy was still coming out of the house. He got in first and slid over to the far side (ah ha you're thinking), then I got in next and what da ya know!

So you ended up in the middle?

McDermotX · 14-09-2016 09:32PM

As with most issues in life......the answer lies in licking your palms and sticking them alternately down your jocks*.

*Note - that's your jocks, not theirs.....that'd be stupid.

listermint · 14-09-2016 09:34PM

Sounds to me like someone's trying to get ye hitched.

Seating plans and all that

sammyjo90 · 14-09-2016 09:34PM

Tell the bride and groom she smells and could you please place me on a different table

Red Kev · 14-09-2016 09:34PM

Sit at the table and when she comes to sit beside you give her a wink, touch her cheek and tell her how much you've missed her the past few months.

Or do it AH style and sit there with your willy hanging out saying it was gasping for a bit of fresh air.

johnnyskeleton · 14-09-2016 09:36PM

paralysed wrote: »

After an incident that happened recently, I've realised that I must learn the art of not ending up seated next to the person I don't like.

At a wedding last year, there was girl I clash with. The same person is incredibly rude and says nothing to me, but after a few drinks she'll all talk. It just seems so phony! Anyway, I was at another wedding this year, and after I sat down, she later sat in the seat next to me. I remember saying to myself "one in a hundred", as in 10 seats on both occasions, by 10 = 100

Anyway, I've another bloody wedding in a few months, and I've a feeling that that girl will be there too. If she is, I'm telling ya, I will not sit until she does.

Dont most weddings put a name on each seat? Just sit where your name is, or if its beside her get there first and move your seat to the other side of the table.

That story about sliding around a taxi with a smart fella - what does that even mean? I'm not sure you put the order in the correct words.

14-09-2016 09:36PM

Jaysus OP. Two threads on the exact same weirdness.

johnayo · 14-09-2016 09:39PM

Leave her sit alongside you and at the earliest opportunity, Drop The Hand.
Job done.

Wibbs · 14-09-2016 09:43PM

Fart extremely loudly. Add wetly for the full impact.

Junkyard Tom · 14-09-2016 09:45PM

Fake your death and and go to live in the Amazon jungle.

paralysed · 14-09-2016 09:46PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Jaysus OP. Two threads on the exact same weirdness.

No, the edit option wouldn't load, and then when I clicked 'back' it went back to the page where you type the text in. And I thought that pg was for edit.

paralysed · 14-09-2016 09:49PM

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

That story about sliding around a taxi with a smart fella - what does that even mean? I'm not sure you put the order in the correct words.

He was smart because he somehow anticipated what was going to happen. Maybe he read a book on such techniques.

paralysed · 14-09-2016 09:50PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Fart extremely loudly. Add wetly for the full impact.

That's an abuse of power for a mod.

Could you delete the duplicate thread. This is the correct one.

Thanks

derb12 · 14-09-2016 09:52PM

Just on your maths .. If there are 10 seats at the table and you sit in one, that leaves 9 seats for her to choose, 2 of which are next to yours. So there is a 2/9 chance of her being beside you each time which is 4/81 chances of ending up beside her twice.

Why not just let her sit down first?

paralysed · 14-09-2016 09:55PM

derb12 wrote: »

Just on your maths .. If there are 10 seats at the table and you sit in one, that leaves 9 seats for her to choose, 2 of which are next to yours. So there is a 2/9 chance of her being beside you each time which is 4/81 chances of ending up beside her twice.

Silly me

twowheelsonly · 14-09-2016 09:57PM

paralysed wrote: »

After an incident that happened recently, I've realised that I must learn the art of not ending up seated next to the person I don't like.

At a wedding last year, there was girl I clash with. The same person is incredibly rude and says nothing to me, but after a few drinks she'll all talk. It just seems so phony! Anyway, I was at another wedding this year, and after I sat down, she later sat in the seat next to me. I remember saying to myself "one in a hundred", as in 10 seats on both occasions, by 10 = 100

Anyway, I've another bloody wedding in a few months, and I've a feeling that that girl will be there too. If she is, I'm telling ya, I will not sit until she does.

Tell the truth....it's your wife isn't it....

looksee · 14-09-2016 10:04PM

I didn't understand the thing about the taxi? Well tbh I didn't entirely understand the maths at the wedding either, but I don't want to look too thick.

paralysed · 14-09-2016 10:08PM

looksee wrote: »

I didn't understand the thing about the taxi? Well tbh I didn't entirely understand the maths at the wedding either, but I don't want to look too thick.

Well I GOT The maths wrong. But the taxi should make sense. I didn't complete the end of the taxi story because I thought it was obvious what happened next.

groucho marx · 14-09-2016 10:08PM

Ask her if she would like to dance.
Out of politeness she will reply yes.
Upon her reply you should answer great can I have your chair so.
Problem solved.

endacl · 14-09-2016 10:17PM

paralysed wrote: »

That's an abuse of power for a mod.

Could you delete the duplicate thread. This is the correct one.

Thanks

Mods aren't allowed to fart?

That's new...

Boom_Bap · 15-09-2016 08:32AM

Duplicate threads have been merged.

Sprog 4 · 15-09-2016 02:56PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Fart extremely loudly. Add wetly for the full impact.

All the while staring at her with a facial expression of extreme melancholy.

Stigura · 15-09-2016 03:16PM

Crack open a bottle of " Carmans Canine Lure ". Clear a room more effectively than Paddy Mayne! Trust me on this :cool:

corner of hells · 15-09-2016 03:23PM

Stay in the taxi and do some maths. . I'm doing this right , aren't I ?

Rhyme · 15-09-2016 03:27PM

endacl wrote: »

Seriously?

Option 1. Sit somewhere else.
Option 2. The After Hours option. Lick her.*

* Option 2 may backfire. Endacl accepts no responsibility for option 2 backfiring.

I thought the After Hours option would be to blast her with piss.

endacl · 16-09-2016 09:55AM

Rhyme wrote: »

I thought the After Hours option would be to blast her with piss.

It would be, but we're not allowed any more.

cml387 · 16-09-2016 09:59AM

Rock back and forth in your chair and moan "The Voices...The Voices made me do it"

Or turn to her and say "Have you found room for Jesus in your heart yet?"

Everlong1 · 16-09-2016 10:02AM

In my place of employment I once went to morning break in the canteen with a group of around 5 - 6 people. One of them would always wear a short sleeved shirt and had the most repulsive bang of BO off him. I was forever trying to delay arriving or arrive early depending on which option was best for avoiding sitting beside this mutt. Eventually I just got fed up and stopped joining them for tea altogether.

Your Face · 16-09-2016 10:10AM

Grow up.

The Backwards Man · 16-09-2016 10:13AM

If the biggest dose in the room isn't sitting beside you, then the biggest dose is you.

Son Of A Vidic · 16-09-2016 12:43PM

paralysed wrote: »

How to avoid sitting next to a particular person

I find that noxious flatulence works without fail.

How to avoid sitting next to a particular person

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