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How to avoid sitting next to a particular person

  • 14-09-2016 09:24PM
    #1
    Site Banned Posts: 391 ✭✭


    After an incident that happened recently, I've realised that I must learn the art of not ending up seated next to the person you don't like.

    At a wedding last year, there was girl I clash with. The same person is incredibly rude and says nothing to me, but after a few drinks she'll all talk. It just seems so phony! Anyway, I was at another wedding this year, and after I sat down, she later sat in the seat next to me. I remember saying to myself "one in a hundred", as in 10 seats on both occasions, by 10 = 100

    There are a few tricks alright. For example I remember once, me and three other fellas were getting a taxi, and none of us wanted to sit in the middle. One fella took the initiative to get in first and got shotgun. Me and another fella arrived next, while the 4th guy was still coming out of the house. He got in first and slid over to the far side (ah ha you're thinking), then I got in next and what da ya know!

    Anyway, I've another bloody wedding in a few months, and I've a feeling that that girl will be there too. If she is, I'm telling ya, I will not sit until she does.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Did it take you nearly 4 years to write your first post??


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    kfallon wrote: »
    Did it take you nearly 4 years to write your first post??

    He was paralysed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Just move somewhere else? Or swap with your plus one? Or just ignore her like she's not there?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,455 ✭✭✭maudgonner


    Posted it twice to make up for lost time though.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,718 ✭✭✭johnayo


    kfallon wrote: »
    Did it take you nearly 4 years to write your first post??
    Jaysus lad, I'd say that's a huge help to the op:D


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,438 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Seriously?

    Option 1. Sit somewhere else.
    Option 2. The After Hours option. Lick her.*











    * Option 2 may backfire. Endacl accepts no responsibility for option 2 backfiring.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,383 ✭✭✭Miss Demeanour


    Just don't shower ......simps!?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 434 ✭✭Sprog 4


    paralysed wrote: »

    There are a few tricks alright. For example I remember once, me and three other fellas were getting a taxi, and none of us wanted to sit in the middle. One fella took the initiative to get in first and got shotgun. Me and another fella arrived next, while the 4th guy was still coming out of the house. He got in first and slid over to the far side (ah ha you're thinking), then I got in next and what da ya know!

    So you ended up in the middle?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,449 ✭✭✭✭McDermotX


    As with most issues in life......the answer lies in licking your palms and sticking them alternately down your jocks*.




    *Note - that's your jocks, not theirs.....that'd be stupid.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,212 ✭✭✭✭listermint


    Sounds to me like someone's trying to get ye hitched.

    Seating plans and all that


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,216 ✭✭✭✭sammyjo90


    Tell the bride and groom she smells and could you please place me on a different table :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,793 ✭✭✭Red Kev


    Sit at the table and when she comes to sit beside you give her a wink, touch her cheek and tell her how much you've missed her the past few months.

    Or do it AH style and sit there with your willy hanging out saying it was gasping for a bit of fresh air.


  • Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Politics Moderators Posts: 14,561 Mod ✭✭✭✭johnnyskeleton


    paralysed wrote: »
    After an incident that happened recently, I've realised that I must learn the art of not ending up seated next to the person I don't like.

    At a wedding last year, there was girl I clash with. The same person is incredibly rude and says nothing to me, but after a few drinks she'll all talk. It just seems so phony! Anyway, I was at another wedding this year, and after I sat down, she later sat in the seat next to me. I remember saying to myself "one in a hundred", as in 10 seats on both occasions, by 10 = 100

    Anyway, I've another bloody wedding in a few months, and I've a feeling that that girl will be there too. If she is, I'm telling ya, I will not sit until she does.

    Dont most weddings put a name on each seat? Just sit where your name is, or if its beside her get there first and move your seat to the other side of the table.

    That story about sliding around a taxi with a smart fella - what does that even mean? I'm not sure you put the order in the correct words.


  • Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Jaysus OP. Two threads on the exact same weirdness.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,718 ✭✭✭johnayo


    Leave her sit alongside you and at the earliest opportunity, Drop The Hand.
    Job done.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,307 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Fart extremely loudly. Add wetly for the full impact.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,117 ✭✭✭✭Junkyard Tom


    Fake your death and and go to live in the Amazon jungle.


  • Site Banned Posts: 391 ✭✭paralysed


    Jaysus OP. Two threads on the exact same weirdness.
    No, the edit option wouldn't load, and then when I clicked 'back' it went back to the page where you type the text in. And I thought that pg was for edit.


  • Site Banned Posts: 391 ✭✭paralysed


    That story about sliding around a taxi with a smart fella - what does that even mean? I'm not sure you put the order in the correct words.
    He was smart because he somehow anticipated what was going to happen. Maybe he read a book on such techniques.


  • Site Banned Posts: 391 ✭✭paralysed


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Fart extremely loudly. Add wetly for the full impact.
    That's an abuse of power for a mod.

    Could you delete the duplicate thread. This is the correct one.

    Thanks


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 523 ✭✭✭derb12


    Just on your maths .. If there are 10 seats at the table and you sit in one, that leaves 9 seats for her to choose, 2 of which are next to yours. So there is a 2/9 chance of her being beside you each time which is 4/81 chances of ending up beside her twice.

    Why not just let her sit down first?


  • Site Banned Posts: 391 ✭✭paralysed


    derb12 wrote: »
    Just on your maths .. If there are 10 seats at the table and you sit in one, that leaves 9 seats for her to choose, 2 of which are next to yours. So there is a 2/9 chance of her being beside you each time which is 4/81 chances of ending up beside her twice.
    Silly me


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,273 ✭✭✭twowheelsonly


    paralysed wrote: »
    After an incident that happened recently, I've realised that I must learn the art of not ending up seated next to the person I don't like.

    At a wedding last year, there was girl I clash with. The same person is incredibly rude and says nothing to me, but after a few drinks she'll all talk. It just seems so phony! Anyway, I was at another wedding this year, and after I sat down, she later sat in the seat next to me. I remember saying to myself "one in a hundred", as in 10 seats on both occasions, by 10 = 100


    Anyway, I've another bloody wedding in a few months, and I've a feeling that that girl will be there too. If she is, I'm telling ya, I will not sit until she does.

    Tell the truth....it's your wife isn't it.... :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,486 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    I didn't understand the thing about the taxi? Well tbh I didn't entirely understand the maths at the wedding either, but I don't want to look too thick.


  • Site Banned Posts: 391 ✭✭paralysed


    looksee wrote: »
    I didn't understand the thing about the taxi? Well tbh I didn't entirely understand the maths at the wedding either, but I don't want to look too thick.
    Well I GOT The maths wrong. But the taxi should make sense. I didn't complete the end of the taxi story because I thought it was obvious what happened next.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭groucho marx


    Ask her if she would like to dance.
    Out of politeness she will reply yes.
    Upon her reply you should answer great can I have your chair so.
    Problem solved.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,438 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    paralysed wrote: »
    That's an abuse of power for a mod.

    Could you delete the duplicate thread. This is the correct one.

    Thanks

    Mods aren't allowed to fart?

    That's new...


  • Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,734 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    Duplicate threads have been merged.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 434 ✭✭Sprog 4


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Fart extremely loudly. Add wetly for the full impact.

    All the while staring at her with a facial expression of extreme melancholy.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,609 ✭✭✭Stigura


    Crack open a bottle of " Carmans Canine Lure ". Clear a room more effectively than Paddy Mayne! Trust me on this :cool:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    Stay in the taxi and do some maths. . I'm doing this right , aren't I ?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,561 ✭✭✭Rhyme


    endacl wrote: »
    Seriously?

    Option 1. Sit somewhere else.
    Option 2. The After Hours option. Lick her.*


    * Option 2 may backfire. Endacl accepts no responsibility for option 2 backfiring.

    I thought the After Hours option would be to blast her with piss.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,438 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Rhyme wrote: »
    I thought the After Hours option would be to blast her with piss.
    It would be, but we're not allowed any more.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,802 ✭✭✭cml387


    Rock back and forth in your chair and moan "The Voices...The Voices made me do it"

    Or turn to her and say "Have you found room for Jesus in your heart yet?"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,009 ✭✭✭Everlong1


    In my place of employment I once went to morning break in the canteen with a group of around 5 - 6 people. One of them would always wear a short sleeved shirt and had the most repulsive bang of BO off him. I was forever trying to delay arriving or arrive early depending on which option was best for avoiding sitting beside this mutt. Eventually I just got fed up and stopped joining them for tea altogether.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,275 ✭✭✭Your Face


    Grow up.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    If the biggest dose in the room isn't sitting beside you, then the biggest dose is you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,370 ✭✭✭✭Son Of A Vidic


    paralysed wrote: »
    How to avoid sitting next to a particular person

    I find that noxious flatulence works without fail.


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