who are you surprised by coming out?

Wibbs · 19-03-2017 09:51AM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

And how would you know more about people that post here other than what they post on the threads?

Exactly. Plus even if someone kicks off a thread in one direction, others take up the baton and take it in a different direction. IE discussion and often worthwhile discussion. This thread being a good example, where the opening post has been questioned from the get go. But no doubt it'll end up being closed just cos. And some wonder why the community has been haemorrhaging posters.

Erik Shin · 19-03-2017 10:09AM

I think Ronald Reagan is the only one that surprised me along with his first wife Jane Wyman.... Nothing ever concrete, but there were some very substantial rumours

osarusan · 19-03-2017 10:10AM

TBH whoops I think all that stuff should be kept to yourself.

whoopsadoodles · 19-03-2017 10:12AM

Have deleted my posts purely because wibbs had a good point about the thread having gone in a good direction despite the OP.

Apologies, I did what I hate when others do, I replied to a post from earlier on without actually reading past it.

Mea culpa.

whoopsadoodles · 19-03-2017 10:17AM

osarusan wrote: »

TBH whoops I think all that stuff should be kept to yourself.

Not sure why, not in this thread perhaps but aside from saying I know Andy isn't trolling I didn't say a thing about any other poster. Just outlined the reasons mods would know more than posters. Certainly not for this thread though and again I apologise.

I shall bow out un-gracefully now. Sorry for the rants

TerrorFirmer · 19-03-2017 10:32AM

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I fall in the category of people who couldn't give a toss what sexuality someone is. Just couldn't care.
That said, I was shocked to learn that one of the biggest womanizers in the history of Hollywood was accordingly video recorded giving another man a bj.....and that man's name is Charlie Sheen.

I know, I know. Technically he didn't come out by choice. But still.

Why would he 'come out'? That doesn't make him gay.

Wibbs · 19-03-2017 10:50AM

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Why would he 'come out'? That doesn't make him gay.

Being into oral sex with the same gender makes one straight? OK. Gay, straight, bi, whatever oils your axle, but C'mon.

Erik Shin · 19-03-2017 11:23AM

Wibbs wrote: »

Being into oral sex with the same gender makes one straight? OK. Gay, straight, bi, whatever oils your axle, but C'mon.

Hey, we've all done things were not proud of whilst off our tits on booze and coke....Right?!

TerrorFirmer · 19-03-2017 11:26AM

Wibbs wrote: »

Being into oral sex with the same gender makes one straight? OK. Gay, straight, bi, whatever oils your axle, but C'mon.

That's not what I said.

I asked what 'coming out' has to do with it - and that it doesn't make him gay.

Wibbs · 19-03-2017 11:30AM

Erik Shin wrote: »

Hey, we've all done things were not proud of whilst off our tits on booze and coke....Right?!

*avoids pub where Erik Shin drinks*

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

That's not what I said.

I asked what 'coming out' has to do with it - and that it doesn't make him gay.

No it makes him Bi, or bicurious or whatever label is attached to such things. Not straight though.

starfruit2510 · 19-03-2017 11:39AM

Will young

Samuel T. Cogley · 19-03-2017 11:40AM

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

What 'coming out' are we talking about here though? Is someone mentioning the fact that they're gay in a conversation "announcing" their homosexuality? Seems to me that a lot of people (not you) will tolerate gay people, but only to a certain degree. Kinda like they're ok that you're gay, just don't be shouting about it either and keep it to yourself. I've never seen a gay couple in Ireland be affectionate with each other in public outside of a big city.

No mentioning it in conversation is fine. Something along the lines of 'my husband Chris is going to pain the spare room' or 'I met a very nice man last night I think we're going on a date'. Normal conversation is normal as they say.

What I don't really get is 'Everyone! Hi Everyone! I'm gay!!!' As I say I don't care and I don't see why anyone else cares. I completely take you point that there is still prejudice out there. I'm not sure 'coming out' is a way to fight that prejudice in 2017, it may have been previously.

I must admit I'm not into big displays of affection from gay OR straight people in public, but really that's just one of my own peccadillos.

Samuel T. Cogley · 19-03-2017 11:43AM

Wibbs wrote: »

*avoids pub where Erik Shin drinks*

No it makes him Bi, or bicurious or whatever label is attached to such things. Not straight though.

It's pointless attaching labels to it tbh especially trying to limit that number to three or four.

Achasanai · 19-03-2017 11:45AM

Wibbs wrote: »

*avoids pub where Erik Shin drinks*

No it makes him Bi, or bicurious or whatever label is attached to such things. Not straight though.

Ah come on, one bj caught on a video, no context, and you're 'not straight' anymore?

y0ssar1an22 · 19-03-2017 11:46AM

not coming out, but the new rugby power couple are very inspiring. thoman owens and nigel gareth?

mosstin · 19-03-2017 11:48AM

Andy, a cursory glance at your posting history - not least some of the threads you've started - suggests that you should get out more.

AndyBoBandy · 19-03-2017 11:55AM

Al Porter - Couldn't believe it.

I thought is was all just a shtick to progress his comedy career.

Annasopra · 19-03-2017 12:01PM

AndyBoBandy wrote: »

Al Porter - Couldn't believe it.

I thought is was all just a shtick to progress his comedy career.

You're disproving the OPs theory that all Irish gay men are all macho and ultramasculine :pac:

19-03-2017 12:01PM

I know it's hard to measure these things, but that OP is just ....low quality

wakka12 · 19-03-2017 12:05PM

Nobody coming out surprises me anymore since I got to know a lot of gay people and have a lot of gay friends now. Theres just such a huge mix of guys with only a few fitting the stereotypically gay image. So I can just never tell now tbh.

19-03-2017 12:06PM

I will be really surprised if the sun comes out!

Wibbs · 19-03-2017 12:25PM

Achasanai wrote: »

Ah come on, one bj caught on a video, no context, and you're 'not straight' anymore?

No context? Maybe he slipped and fell open mouthed onto the male member in question.

I'm not criticising the act or the actor(no pun), it is what it is. As for labels? IMHO we've gone down the rabbit hole on that one of late. Individualistic labels for everything and everyone, often to the point of farce. Heterosexual, Homosexual, Bisexual, Asexual* pretty much covers it with some shifts over time in some individuals. Maybe throw in offmytitsondrinkanddrugsasexual to cover all bases.

*I wouldn't include Transexual in that mix myself. IMHO that's more a gender label and can fit into any of the above sexualities.

Samuel T. Cogley · 19-03-2017 12:29PM

To be honest Charlie Sheen is a label we can safely apply to Charlie Sheen! :pac:

BlinkingLights · 19-03-2017 12:52PM

Nobody surprises me. You've exactly the same personality types that are gay/bi as are straight. Same interests, same sports, same hobbies, same jobs, same everything.

You just tended in the past to see gay people in more liberal contexts like arts, media, theatre, academia etc because those social groups were decades ahead of the rest of society in terms of not giving a damn what your orientation was.

There were plenty of gay builders and gaa players, they just weren't ever visible.

The sooner people get over it and stop being surprised at who's gay the better For everyone.

Homophobia actually just acts as a load of unnecessary stress, a bullying tool and it's been a cause of misery and even suicide for a lot of people.

The stereotyping and homophobia is even bad for hetrosexual people. How many guys were bullied for not being "straight" enough or mocked for having an interest in arty stuff or for being in touch with their emotions. I've even seen two straight male best buds getting literally physically attacked for being "queer" when I was growing up here in the late 90s. Then they winner why lad are bad at discussing their emotions and have a high suicide rate...

Straight women often got pushed out of interests, sports, hobbies and even career choices, as they were basically gay-bullied for being "Tom boys" if they showed interests in non feminine areas of life.

Being gay can't be something to be ashamed of or to be shocked at or surprised by. It's that attitude that's feeds toxic homophobia and a whole load of other associated issues around imposing rigid stereotypes on human interaction in general. It's basically just a conservative (largely puritanical religious origin) oppression that we lived under for far, far too long.

This thread really needs to be sent back to the 1980s where it belongs.

Andy From Sligo · 19-03-2017 01:52PM

Deleted User wrote: »

When people say Andy is this and Mint Aero is that, I think I'm missing out...was there some big fight?

Only in some people's imagination!

I often think if some people on here have a problem with me or what I post then the problem is with them! Speaks loads. , seems in this life some people can get awful offended very easily. So much about the rules of attack the post, not the poster on here.

begbysback · 19-03-2017 02:50PM

Tell me how · 19-03-2017 02:56PM

Andy From Sligo wrote:

So much about the rules of attack the post, not the poster on here.

Fair enough.

Andy From Sligo wrote:

Also I note that a lot of Gay people in other countries tend to have 'give-away signs' where you have no doubt of their sexuality in the way they speak, look and their mannerisms , their body language but I have noticed greatly in Ireland that an awful lot of Irish people that have come out (or maybe even some that havent come out publicly yet) dont seem to share those same mannerisms and quality, and I wonder why that is?

Because mannerisms and "give away signs" are subjective and are entirely down to the observer as to what they perceive such visual clues to mean.

It is likely that those who feel that they are synonymous with a particular sexuality have formed their opinions on all people of that sexuality from a very very small sample size.

JupiterKid · 19-03-2017 02:58PM

I've had sex with women but that doesn't make me straight. I was just in my own closet at the time.

I came out in 1997. It was sorta gradual. Close friends first, then eventually family. I was lucky in that I was accepted with the exception of one aunt and two "friends." I cut these people out of my life pronto.

There have been huge advances in the past 25 or so years, topped off by marriage equality in 2015 but many LGBT people still find it very difficult to come out. We live in a heteronormative society that that's the way it will always be so being gay is and will always be "different." And it was widely condemned until recently. So for those who say "who cares?" just imagine putting yourself into the shoes of a gay person. All gay people have to come out - straight people don't and many don't understand how difficult it can be. Add to that a huge cohort of older gay and lesbian people who are deep in the closet and often in straight marriages who never had the confidence to come out. I've met many of them over the years.

You may not be that surprised at who comes out but for those people it is still a big deal. A very big deal.

Wibbs · 19-03-2017 03:03PM

JupiterKid wrote: »

I've had sex with women but that doesn't make me straight. I was just in my own closet at the time.

Oh I agree. I'd make a distinction between that societal and peer pressure that had you hiding that part of you and someone in no need of that like in the Charlie sheen example.

You may not be that surprised at who comes out but for those people it is still a big deal. A very big deal.

+1. It's less these days, entirely depending on your family and peers of course and it's an even bigger deal in some western communities(and highly risky with it). That's why I can fully understand some taking to youtube to say it to the "world" as was referenced before.

JupiterKid · 19-03-2017 03:20PM

y0ssar1an22 wrote: »

not coming out, but the new rugby power couple are very inspiring. thoman owens and nigel gareth?

Gareth Thomas and Nigel Owen are in long term relationships with other men. Owen is very private about his private life but Gareth has been snapped cuddling up to his boyfriend Ian Baum in a bubble bath. Not for the faint hearted!:D

Coming out may be easier now than 25 years ago but it's still a big deal to most LGBT people. I know I struggled in my late teens/early 20s in coming to terms with my sexuality, coming out at 22. I have no regrets whatsoever. But as a kid I well remember the poisonous homophobic society I grew up in and I'm sure that affected me. For people 15 or 20 years older than I, I can well understand why many if not most of them never came out.

I know people a good bit younger than me who were thrown out of their homes for coming out.

who are you surprised by coming out?

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