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I'm nearly 27 and I can't shake off the feeling that I've failed at life.

  • 17-08-2017 10:06AM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    As per the title, I cant shake off the feeling that I've failed at life. I'm 27 years of age in three weeks.

    Everyone else seems to be having serious craic during their 20s makin lots of friends, getting lots of sex, going to concerts every year, etc. The only thing I've found is that my 20s has been a period of instability, anxiety, and loneliness mixed with some fun along the way.

    Wost of all, my 20s are nearly over. The most fun decade of my life where people are meant to come out of their shells and make lots of friends, gone just like that. without much changing for me.

    I've always been a quiet withdrawn person with few friends. I have a good personality but it takes me a while to “let people in”. I almost never approach someone I don't know and just talk to them for the sake of it. I almost never push my social boundaries by attending classes or meetups or anything of the sort. The only time I feel like I can talk to people is when I have a few drinks on me.

    I have done a lot of traveling in my 20s, influenced by feeling out of place at home and also by growing a huge fondness for another country's food, causing me to live there on and off for the last 2 years. But most of my world traveling has been done alone. Which causes me to think “I might aswell have not traveled if I've not made friends along the way.”

    I've quit drinking as much as I used to because of the next day anxiety it brings, so I guess my loneliness comes to the fore more. I just feel like a failure at life because of how introverted I act. I read religiously, work from my computer, and only really put myself in social environments when there's football on the telly.

    I still feel like I'm figuring things out that everyone else sorted out during college: coming out of my shell, how to talk more to people, how to build a social circle. But I'm 27, meaning I don't have long left to enjoy my youth.

    Sorry if this comes across as a pity post, but maybe someone can give me advice on dealing with such an unhealthy self-image.


Comments

  • #2
    Resist ZOG
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 118 ✭✭Resist ZOG


    lifefailure wrote: »
    As per the title, I cant shake off the feeling that I've failed at life. I'm 27 years of age in three weeks.

    Everyone else seems to be having serious craic during their 20s makin lots of friends, getting lots of sex, going to concerts every year, etc. The only thing I've found is that my 20s has been a period of instability, anxiety, and loneliness mixed with some fun along the way.

    Wost of all, my 20s are nearly over. The most fun decade of my life where people are meant to come out of their shells and make lots of friends, gone just like that. without much changing for me.

    I've always been a quiet withdrawn person with few friends. I have a good personality but it takes me a while to “let people in”. I almost never approach someone I don't know and just talk to them for the sake of it. I almost never push my social boundaries by attending classes or meetups or anything of the sort. The only time I feel like I can talk to people is when I have a few drinks on me.

    I have done a lot of traveling in my 20s, influenced by feeling out of place at home and also by growing a huge fondness for another country's food, causing me to live there on and off for the last 2 years. But most of my world traveling has been done alone. Which causes me to think “I might aswell have not traveled if I've not made friends along the way.”

    I've quit drinking as much as I used to because of the next day anxiety it brings, so I guess my loneliness comes to the fore more. I just feel like a failure at life because of how introverted I act. I read religiously, work from my computer, and only really put myself in social environments when there's football on the telly.

    I still feel like I'm figuring things out that everyone else sorted out during college: coming out of my shell, how to talk more to people, how to build a social circle. But I'm 27, meaning I don't have long left to enjoy my youth.

    Sorry if this comes across as a pity post, but maybe someone can give me advice on dealing with such an unhealthy self-image.

    Common problem. Not everyone is having serious craic. Most people have some fun mixed in with bouts of loneliness, depression, trudging into a job they hate, pretending to be friends with people they don't really like etc. You're depressed because of all the propaganda you see on Facebook. That picture of the group of friends having a mad time in a nightclub? How do you know they're not bored as hell, wishing they could be home in bed?

    "I almost never push my social boundaries by attending classes or meetups or anything of the sort. The only time I feel like I can talk to people is when I have a few drinks on me. "

    You've identified the problem and now it's time to deal with it.


  • #3
    jimgoose
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,196 ✭✭✭✭jimgoose


    lifefailure wrote: »
    ...having serious craic during their 20s makin lots of friends, getting lots of sex, going to concerts every year, etc...

    Sounds like me, except I'm 45. Don't panic, most people go through periods feeling like that. Craic-and-Sex among youngsters is usually a bit like Big Data - everyone talks about it, nobody really knows how to do it, everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone claims they are doing it.


  • #4
    Tigger99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,247 ✭✭✭Tigger99


    Your main problem is that you equate social media with reality. I'm a firm believer that the happier someone is, the less likely they are to post about their great life, they are too busy living it. A bit like yourself. Some people will never build up the courage to travel by themselves. And you've already done this.

    I've seen friends post about how epic their night out was, with amazing looking photos and I know they actually were upset for most of that night.


  • #5
    Tigger99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,247 ✭✭✭Tigger99


    Also I enjoyed my 30s way more than my 20s so I wouldn't be worrying about your nearly gone youth just yet :)


  • #6
    Wesser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,813 ✭✭✭Wesser


    You haven't wasted your twenties. You have done loads if travelling . That is not a waste.


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  • #7
    Your Face
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,275 ✭✭✭Your Face


    You're still young OP.


  • #8
    DellyBelly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,399 ✭✭✭DellyBelly


    Your Face wrote: »
    You're still young OP.

    Youngish not young. Still time to have fun. Think by 30 you start think of settling down so enjoy the next couple of years.


  • #9
    Your Face
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,275 ✭✭✭Your Face


    DellyBelly wrote: »
    Youngish not young. Still time to have fun. Think by 30 you start think of settling down so enjoy the next couple of years.

    Everyone is different.
    Its an unhealthy attitude to put constraints on every aspect of life.


  • #10
    team_actimel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 785 ✭✭✭team_actimel


    Your Face wrote: »
    Everyone is different.
    Its an unhealthy attitude to put constraints on every aspect of life.

    This.

    I can't stand when people comment when someone is nearing 30 and suggest they start 'settling down'.
    Everyone's lives move at different paces.

    To the OP, I'd highly recommend joining meetups.
    You need to get out of that rut and push yourself to join, you will not regret it.
    What you will regret is not doing something about it.


  • #11
    mr.anonymous
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 481 ✭✭mr.anonymous


    lifefailure wrote: »
    I've always been a quiet withdrawn person with few friends. I have a good personality but it takes me a while to “let people in”. I almost never approach someone I don't know and just talk to them for the sake of it. I almost never push my social boundaries by attending classes or meetups or anything of the sort. The only time I feel like I can talk to people is when I have a few drinks on me.

    I have done a lot of traveling in my 20s, influenced by feeling out of place at home and also by growing a huge fondness for another country's food, causing me to live there on and off for the last 2 years. But most of my world traveling has been done alone. Which causes me to think “I might aswell have not traveled if I've not made friends...

    A lot of what you wrote resonates with me and I've definitely had the same thoughts when comparing my life to that of others. In particular, feeling out of place at home and taking time to "let people in" - I've always had that problem, but I try to take a more positive outlook on it and see it as a feature rather than a bug.

    From your writing I feel that you recognise that it's quality over quantity that counts with relationships. Using social media as a yardstick will only ever disappoint. I recently deactivated Facebook and I haven't missed it at all (and you can keep Messenger and reactivate it anytime).

    Having travelled, working and reading as you mention shows a real investment in yourself that will make for a much more well-rounded, accomplished individual than those who need constant validation from social media.


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