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What would you do?

24

Comments

  • #32
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,444 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Vincent Icy Doughnut wrote: »

    My feet have never suffered from the lack of passionate sex.
    Depends on what you're into, I suppose.


  • #33
    pleas advice
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,492 ✭✭✭pleas advice


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    What would you do?

    Usually Drink, Usually Dance


  • #34
    m5ex9oqjawdg2i
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,220 ✭✭✭✭m5ex9oqjawdg2i


    Life would be so much nicer if people just looked after their own business.


  • #35
    xi5yvm0owc1s2b
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,325 ✭✭✭xi5yvm0owc1s2b


    erica74 wrote: »
    "just for sex"? :confused:
    In my opinion sex is extremely important in any longterm relationship, particularly between people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. Sex isn't just about having an orgasm, it maintains the bond between a couple, it's intimacy that only you and your partner share.
    I find it hard to put into words how important it is and how it should be a priority between couples.
    I suppose "je ne sais quoi" is the only way to describe it.

    That is all true, although as couples get into their 30s and 40s, advance in their careers, and have children, sex can't always be the top priority. The demands of a stressful job, taking care of children, keeping home and affairs in order, etc., can be exhausting, and I'd say there are many such people who just don't have the energy for sex at the end of a long day.


  • #36
    erica74
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,618 ✭✭✭erica74


    Vincent Icy Doughnut wrote: »
    That is all true, although as couples get into their 30s and 40s, advance in their careers, and have children, sex can't always be the top priority. The demands of a stressful job, taking care of children, keeping home and affairs in order, etc., can be exhausting, and I'd say there are many such people who just don't have the energy for sex at the end of a long day.

    I completely agree. As couples have built a life together, there's also a sort of unwritten understanding that sometimes sex isn't the priority because you had a shit day or you're wrecked or you have to go to the gym or whatever.


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  • #37
    Pauliedragon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,444 ✭✭✭Pauliedragon


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

    Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?
    Sounds very similar to my marriage which ended a couple of years ago. It wasn't just that the sex was boring per say we just grew apart as cliched as that sounds and we both knew it was best to move on. We're still on good terms and chat now and again. No kids though so that made it less messy.


  • #38
    Cletoreyes50
    Site Banned Posts: 20 ✭Cletoreyes50


    optogirl wrote: »
    Well I don't think ending your marriage and leaving the home that your 3 kids live in because you're not getting your rocks off is ballsy. It's cowardly. 'I'm not having as much fun here as I anticipated so I'll just give up'. Did he make any attempts to remedy the sex situation with his wife?

    Yes, for years but when the spark is gone sometimes it just isn't coming back.


  • #39
    Cletoreyes50
    Site Banned Posts: 20 ✭Cletoreyes50


    grahambo wrote: »
    He actually just sounds Thick.
    Ballsy moves are moves made by people that are trying to wriggle out of a problem or situation rather than dealing it directly.

    If their relationship was good, Sex should have been easy to sort out (It's one of the easiest things to sort out, given it was obviously good before hand).
    Why didn't they?

    Edit:
    She could easily say:
    I want a divorce,
    I want the kids (Max €600 per month per kid maintenance)
    I want the house.
    I want the car.

    Now he set back financially until the youngest kid is 21.
    All for the sake of ride.... probably with some yoke that won't even want a sniff of him when she sees how financially labored he's going to be for the next X years.

    What an Idiot!

    He's not financially laboured, he makes over 100k and and his new girlfriend makes around 80k, so not an issue.


  • #40
    optogirl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,037 ✭✭✭optogirl


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    Yes, for years but when the spark is gone sometimes it just isn't coming back.

    Well that paints a different picture - if they spent years trying to fix things to no avail then perhaps a split was for the best


  • #41
    Pyr0
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,967 ✭✭✭Pyr0


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

    Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

    So he just up'd and left his family behind because the spark was no longer there? Why didn't they at least try marriage counselling first?


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  • #42
    Cletoreyes50
    Site Banned Posts: 20 ✭Cletoreyes50


    Turnipman wrote: »
    When you can ruin the lives of countless of women and kids in your unending quest to ensure that your dick remains at the centre of your universe.

    Repressing your sexuality can impact every aspect of one's being.


  • #43
    lawred2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,713 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    He's not like everyone, he makes fairly ballsy moves, I actually admire his courage.

    If how you've put it is the case then he left his three kids to get laid more.

    Ballsy and admirable don't come to my mind.


  • #44
    Cletoreyes50
    Site Banned Posts: 20 ✭Cletoreyes50


    Pyr0 wrote: »
    So he just up'd and left his family behind because the spark was no longer there? Why didn't they at least try marriage counselling first?

    Has there ever been a case where marriage counselling created sexual desire which was lost? Maybe but I would say very unlikely.


  • #45
    Cletoreyes50
    Site Banned Posts: 20 ✭Cletoreyes50


    lawred2 wrote: »
    If how you've put it is the case then he left his three kids to get laid more.

    Ballsy and admirable don't come to my mind.

    It wasn't to get laid more, it was for better quality authentic sex, rather than as task.


  • #46
    lawred2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,713 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    bear1 wrote: »
    As someone who is loosely going through something like this I can say the guy is a dumbass.
    My wife and I are in the middle of a separation with 2 kids.
    It's a huge shock for us both but one we have to accept.
    The sex was always good but we stopped connecting after the death of our son.
    Everyday became a fight day.
    We forced ourselves to be happy after a certain amout of time.
    When our 2nd child was born in April the marriage was already starting to crumble.
    We both said things we shouldn't have and some things we both won't ever forget.
    The knock on effect is huge..
    So yeah you're friend a ****ing moron.

    I don't know you and I don't know anything about you but those few words were enough to stop me in my tracks

    I wish you, your wife and your child all the best. For whatever that's worth..


  • #47
    optogirl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,037 ✭✭✭optogirl


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    Has there ever been a case where marriage counselling created sexual desire which was lost? Maybe but I would say very unlikely.

    Yes. Counselling can help get to the root of why the sex has become mundane or lost spark or whatever and provides a dedicated time, place & moderator to air those feelings, thoughts & worries that you may never discuss outside of that dedicated space. Moderator also ensures that you stay on point & each person gets time to speak & discuss.


  • #48
    Huexotzingo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 140 ✭✭Huexotzingo


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

    Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

    The marriage became quite a chore ;) eh OP.


  • #49
    lawred2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,713 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    It wasn't to get laid more, it was for better quality authentic sex, rather than as task.

    cool

    his kids will appreciate that when they get older

    they might even high five him because.. you know... he's such a top shagger and all..


  • #50
    lawred2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,713 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    He's not financially laboured, he makes over 100k and and his new girlfriend makes around 80k, so not an issue.

    he might make it but he won't see it

    he'll have two taxmen now


  • #51
    Graces7
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    Repressing your sexuality can impact every aspect of one's being.

    balderdash...choosing to stay faithful to your commitments is a mature choice an worth far more than sex


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  • #52
    manonboard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,106 ✭✭✭manonboard


    So with partner who he loves very much, and who loves him. Who they have massive amounts in common..

    He was still unable to keep the spark alive in their love life.. but thinks with a new person.. It will be different?
    Dude lacks the skills of a relationship. It will be rinse and repeat until he learns them. It's just the way life is.

    Unless his wife was some way not into any of the same stuff, or was reluctant to try, then it's just problem avoidance using pleasure with another to cover it up. It's what unskilled/inexperienced people do.


  • #53
    Noveight
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,813 ✭✭✭Noveight


    Would consider a bloke putting his sex life over the needs of his three kids quite selfish and immature tbh.


  • #54
    neonsofa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,476 ✭✭✭neonsofa


    Vincent Icy Doughnut wrote: »
    That is all true, although as couples get into their 30s and 40s, advance in their careers, and have children, sex can't always be the top priority. The demands of a stressful job, taking care of children, keeping home and affairs in order, etc., can be exhausting, and I'd say there are many such people who just don't have the energy for sex at the end of a long day.

    Sex doesn't have to be at the end of a long day though. Morning sex when they are full of energy, sorted.


  • #55
    manonboard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,106 ✭✭✭manonboard


    Graces7 wrote: »
    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    Repressing your sexuality can impact every aspect of one's being.

    balderdash...choosing to stay faithful to your commitments is a mature choice an worth far more than sex
    hmm..I don't think it makes sense to think of it in those terms. The commitments in most marriages include a good love life and pleasure. It's also a mature choice to understand your own needs and happiness in life, and not just doing it to be some notion of honorable/'mature'. That can have the dreadful effect of passing the same mentality to the children, and also likely to be pressuring to others in his life.. because if they fail to be 'mature' (unhappy)..then his views would deem their behavior less acceptable.
    Happiness and pleasure are hugely important. I think sex is usually something that can be fixed, because by and large, its a consequence of other things. Physical attraction, flirtation, teasing, fear, safety, respect, fun, adventure, ease, attachment. When these things are manage, sex is successful as its a physical expression of these qualities.


  • #56
    El Weirdo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,647 ✭✭✭✭El Weirdo


    "Friend" me hole.


  • #57
    Cletoreyes50
    Site Banned Posts: 20 ✭Cletoreyes50


    optogirl wrote: »
    Yes. Counselling can help get to the root of why the sex has become mundane or lost spark or whatever and provides a dedicated time, place & moderator to air those feelings, thoughts & worries that you may never discuss outside of that dedicated space. Moderator also ensures that you stay on point & each person gets time to speak & discuss.

    In reality you can't negotiate desire, it's either there or it isn't.


  • #58
    Cletoreyes50
    Site Banned Posts: 20 ✭Cletoreyes50


    Graces7 wrote: »
    balderdash...choosing to stay faithful to your commitments is a mature choice an worth far more than sex

    Even if that makes you miserable?


  • #59
    NOVA MCMXCIV
    Closed Accounts Posts: 111 ✭✭NOVA MCMXCIV


    I've got a friend too – he's writing "I've got a friend too" on the internet, right now.


  • #60
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    It wasn't to get laid more, it was for better quality authentic sex, rather than as task.

    Must be terrible when sex becomes a whatyamacallit. A chore, that's the word.

    Your friend is immature, self-centred and selfish. He's concerned about the impact of 'unauthentic' sex - whatever that is - on his life, but is willing to leave three young children and the mother he apparently loves with no regard for the impact on those kids lives. Go him, sounds like a stand-up guy.


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  • #61
    buried
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,962 ✭✭✭buried


    Cletoreyes50 wrote: »
    Even if that makes you miserable?

    Welcome to the real world- Life is miserable. Nobody has the right or the capability to be continuously happy or happily get what they want like a baby infant all of their lives

    Bullet The Blue Shirts



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