Can anyone advise on Tusla - Update: now with the Gardai

nikkibikki · 15-11-2018 08:28AM

erica74 wrote:

Why?

I suppose the poster is concerned that it might identify you.

erica74 · 15-11-2018 09:40AM

nikkibikki wrote: »

I suppose the poster is concerned that it might identify you.

Nah, I'm not concerned about that. We don't even have a relationship so there's no link between me and some woman who works in a large retailer. Also, we all live in different parts of Ireland.

sexmag · 15-11-2018 10:34AM

erica74 wrote: »

Nah, I'm not concerned about that. We don't even have a relationship so there's no link between me and some woman who works in a large retailer. Also, we all live in different parts of Ireland.

Unfortunately you have now just provided more information regarding you two which now makes it easier to possibly identify her and/or you.

This comments come from a place of concern and advice and we always advise to not provide info which can identify you

The_Conductor · 15-11-2018 10:36AM

Keep strong Erica- there are loads of people out there who don't have the strength that you have- your story, despite how tragic it is- is one of hope for lots of other people. You are amazing.

....... · 15-11-2018 11:19AM

<SNIP>

See mod note below: the name of the retailer has been removed from the thread

sexmag · 15-11-2018 11:28AM

....... wrote: »

<SNIP>

See mod note below: the name of the retailer has been removed from the thread

It's fully acceptable to tell the OP this,it is an advice forum and all advice is welcome.

Ops detailed lots of information regarding this situation,not just her mother works in <snip> and they live apart and someone who is familier with the family could put 2 and 2 together.

There nothing wrong with advising them to be cautious with details,particularly as the father mention scandals and papers it would have me believe that people are happy to discuss their private information and they don't want that too happen

Good luck op

dublingirlx · 15-11-2018 11:45AM

You are 100% doing the right thing, believe me, even though people close to you will make you feel like you are doing the worst thing in the world. I am talking from personal experience here. Myself, husband and even my beautiful children have been ostracized from and blocked from certain family members, for reporting an abuser within the family and they remain in regular contact with the abuser. The rest of the family have just hidden away and we haven't seen them in almost a year. We live in a small town. There have been days where I have been walking along even with my kids and the so-called family members will just stroll by and totally blank us. It is madness and completely unforgivable! It makes me so angry! I was devastated for a long time, but I now feel stronger and more determined to keep going with our case despite the lack of support. It has been a real eye opener for me. In my situation, family would rather cut us out of their lives to try and save face. We have been treated like we are the ones that have done something wrong. I guess I am just telling you this because, despite what you may expect, your dad could still turn around and support your brother. You need to prepare for this to happen. I hope for your sake it doesn't because god knows with something as monstrous as this, you need all the support you can get. Regarding Tusla, we were contacted once almost a year ago by a social worker after the abuse was reported. We got a letter mid-way through the year to say this was under investigation but due to a backlog blah blah blah........and then nothing. That was it!! I couldn't understand how Tusla seemed so lax in all of this and this added to my upset and frustration and I had mentioned this to the guard dealing with our case. He did explain that once a report of abuse has been made to the guards, Tusla will take a back seat in case anything they do might upset a potential court case. Obviously once they know a child is not in immediate danger, if so, then they will step in straight away. Court cases have fallen through in the past on very minor technicalities so this gave me a bit of understanding and made me feel a bit better. I just felt no-one was taking me seriously and I was getting ignored. It has been a horrendous year for my family. It is still ongoing but I am more determined than ever to get some sort of justice for what happened. I applaud you for your strength and perseverance. I have to agree, the comments and support on here when I posted my situation at the beginning really gave me strength and courage when I needed it the most. I think only for here I would've fallen apart. Best of luck with it all. Keep going!!! Things need to change! Voices need to be heard and believed and abusers need to be punished.

erica74 · 15-11-2018 12:22PM

Thanks for the replies everyone.

The information I have posted may seem identifiable but I can assure it's not, and that's all I'm going to say on it. Although I do appreciate the advice from people concerned about it.

I feel quite strong willed today, like I can do this. I can see this stretching before me and right now, today, I feel like, even if the DPP decides not to prosecute or even if the court case doesn't end in what I want, which is a conviction, I can still do this. I have a good support system around me with my husband, my sister and the friends that my husband and I have.
My husband has been great. He is now starting counselling himself, which I'm actually very happy about because I think he needs his own outlet for this.

I have counselling this afternoon so that'll be very helpful. I am also planning on telling my Dad that I don't want to hear anything else about what my brother has to say about the matter because that's just messing with my head too much.

Thanks again for all the advice and support, I really appreciate it.

woodchuck · 15-11-2018 01:04PM

Mod note:

Hi OP. I'm updating the posts to refer to a large retailer instead of naming the specific retailer. I appreciate you're not concerned yourself, however this decision has been made for privacy reasons as the information pertains to a third party.

erica74 · 15-11-2018 02:44PM

I really don't agree with that decision but you do whatever you have to do.

Anyway, I just spoke to the garda and she said that if he goes into the garda station and denies the accusations, the file will go straight to the DPP for them to decide on whether he will be charged. However, if he goes in and admits to the accusations, because he was a minor, the file will be sent to the Juvenile Liaison Officer and he/she will make a decision about whether or not he'll be treated as a minor and/or the file will be sent to the DPP. So, we'll see what happens.

....... · 15-11-2018 03:00PM

erica74 wrote: »

I really don't agree with that decision but you do whatever you have to do. .

Someone didnt like being told they were talking rubbish and complained to boards.ie Inc - who in terror of GDPR just go with the blanket deletes rather than make a sensible call.

I sincerely hope that this nonsense does not discourage you from posting on this thread. Some people can only think of themselves.

Neyite · 15-11-2018 03:13PM

....... wrote: »

Someone didnt like being told they were talking rubbish and complained to boards.ie Inc - who in terror of GDPR just go with the blanket deletes rather than make a sensible call.

I sincerely hope that this nonsense does not discourage you from posting on this thread. Some people can only think of themselves.

The mod asked opinion from fellow mods and I advised that while posters are as free as they like to share whatever information they want about themselves on an anonymous forum, they do NOT have the right to share potentially identifying information about other people however small that information may seem.

So I made the call to edit the posts, and instructed the mod to do that and I will stand by that. I hope that the OP continues to get support and advice from this thread, but this IS a thread discussing a criminal investigation so caution is required.

....... · 15-11-2018 03:18PM

Neyite wrote: »

The mod asked opinion from fellow mods and I advised that while posters are as free as they like to share whatever information they want about themselves on an anonymous forum, they do NOT have the right to share potentially identifying information about other people however small that information may seem.

So I made the call to edit the posts, and instructed the mod to do that and I will stand by that. I hope that the OP continues to get support and advice from this thread, but this IS a thread discussing a criminal investigation so caution is required.

Potentially identifying information was not shared though.

And the OPs mother is not the subject of the criminal investigation either.

I just think that this kind of nonsense is extremely off putting to someone who is posting here. Not only is the thread being pointlessly derailed but the OP is possibly being caused even more distress by accusations that she is posting identifying information - when she really isnt!

Big Bag of Chips · 15-11-2018 03:22PM

The problem with posting half identifying information is people can put two and two together and come up with 5, and suddenly there are rumours going around about someone reading something on boards and it sounds like Mary who works in such-a-place. Sure hasn't she a son, and 2 daughters etc.

This is not just to protect, erica74 or her family. It is to protect people who have nothing to do with the situation.

End of discussion.

erica74 · 15-11-2018 03:30PM

Now I'm thinking will I just waive my right up anonymity so he can be named? If I stay anonymous and he gets to stay anonymous that just protects him and allows him to stay hidden. Anyway, just some thoughts I'm having.

The_Conductor · 15-11-2018 03:58PM

erica74 wrote: »

Now I'm thinking will I just waive my right up anonymity so he can be named? If I stay anonymous and he gets to stay anonymous that just protects him and allows him to stay hidden. Anyway, just some thoughts I'm having.

Before you do anything- get good advice.

Remember- if his identity is known- and it does eventually go to court, he may get off purely because its not possible for him to get a fair trial. Stranger crap has happened.

Get good advice- ideally not on the internet- and consider what you're doing and its implications- and how it may effect the eventual outcome that you would like. Unfortunately- sometimes you need to look at the bigger picture- and the longer term- its very easy to get caught up in the right here, right now- just because things are eventually moving. Be careful- make sure that whatever you want to do- is for you.

Talk to your counselor in the RCS- get their advice and guidance- given all that has happened recently (mentioning this this thread and giving them a copy- possibly might be useful too).

Take care.

Big Bag of Chips · 15-11-2018 04:04PM

erica74, please read the advice posted above and do not do anything before speaking to a solicitor. Anything you do before this goes to trial could affect whether or not it even gets that far.

Speak to a solicitor and take their advice. Not the advice of well meaning posters who may offer bad advice here. Now that this is being investigated by the Gardaí you are straying into legal queries, which nobody here can help you with.

Speak to the relevant agencies. Speak to a solicitor. Speak to the Gardaí. They know how these things work.

Hannibal_Smith · 15-11-2018 06:03PM

Speak to a solicitor before you do anything. I'm not sure you can waive anonymity in Ireland, unless there has been a conviction. Also, who would you be waiving anonymity to? There is little point in going through all this if you prejudice it all at this early stage. Keep calm. And follow the advice of your professionals, whether legal or psychological.

eviltwin · 15-11-2018 06:38PM

Oh Erica I'm in tears reading your update. I'm so proud of you. I deeply regret not going down the legal route with my abuser but I just wasn't brave enough. I'm so glad you have done this, you are amazing xx

Dalomanakora · 15-11-2018 06:56PM

erica74 wrote: »

Now I'm thinking will I just waive my right up anonymity so he can be named? If I stay anonymous and he gets to stay anonymous that just protects him and allows him to stay hidden. Anyway, just some thoughts I'm having.

Waive your right if you like - but not yet.

If you name him now, any potential trial could completely collapse. This story being made public with prejudice a jury.

Please, go public AFTER the legal side has been dealt with. I really really don't want a technicality preventing you from getting justice

Big Bag of Chips · 15-11-2018 07:17PM

The whole anonymity thing is there to protect the victims. In order to protect the victim the perpetrator isn't named. Especially in cases of familial abuse. Naming the perpetrator would then obviously identify the victim. After a conviction the victim can choose to waive their anonymity, therefore making it possible for the case to be reported naming the perpetrator.

It's different in the North, as was evident in the Belfast rape trial.

erica74, you absolutely need to protect yourself here. For now you're not protecting anyone but yourself. You need to let the process take it's course. You need to keep the head down and do things by the book. If it goes to trial his defence WILL look for anything they can to show you up as unreliable, or lying, or vindictive. Don't make it easy for them.

erica74 · 15-11-2018 07:27PM

Sorry, I think you've all picked me up wrong, I don't mean fucking things up and making some public announcement now or anything, I'm talking about the trial, if there is a trial, that I might waive my right to anonymity afterwards or whatever the procedure is. I'm not going to make any sort of decision without getting actual legal advice, don't worry. This is just me spitballing. Thanks for the advice though.

erica74 · 15-11-2018 07:44PM

eviltwin wrote: »

Oh Erica I'm in tears reading your update. I'm so proud of you. I deeply regret not going down the legal route with my abuser but I just wasn't brave enough. I'm so glad you have done this, you are amazing xx

Ah thanks very much. I've read your posts across the website and I "know" you've been through your own terrible time but we're both still here. Some days are hard and some days are easier, you know this, but we're both strong enough to face it all down.
I'll be honest, I'm not blowing my own trumpet but it really does take bravery. When I think of all the different cases down through the years, I would have always empathised with the victims but now I actually know how brave they've all been. It's like a rollercoaster going through a big mouth that tries to consume you. Even to think of all the victims through the years and all the emotions they've gone through makes my chest feel so heavy.
The day I went to the Vulnerable Persons Unit to give my statement keeps coming back to me. They have a room for very young children with toys and a TV and a nice space for young children to feel comfortable in. When I think of all those young children giving their statements, that's bravery and it makes me sad.

neonsofa · 15-11-2018 10:34PM

Well done Erica. All the best x

Jeff2 · 15-11-2018 11:20PM

Erica I'm sorry I derailed this topic with my post but as others have said to get any form of justice you need to be careful about what you post. And also some people might think they know and name an innocent man who is not your brother.

Keep a cool head and listen to advice you have been given.

16-11-2018 12:21AM

Erica, I wish you and your sister nothing but happiness for the future. I received justice earlier this year having begun the process back in 2015. It takes time and it's hard going but it's worth it. Stay strong xx

RhubarbCrumble · 16-11-2018 12:26AM

Erica, can I just say I think you're absolutely amazing for having the courage to take that first brave step and deal with all of this.
You're doing amazingly well and you should be very very proud of yourself.
I'm glad too that you have a supportive husband to help you through all this.

Mookie Blaylock · 16-11-2018 12:44AM

Erica posted in threads I would frequent, so I've kept an eye on this particular thread...
I'd just like to say I think you're an amazing woman, strong & single minded in what you want & I hope you get justice in the courts for the horrific things that you endured..stay strong.

Jeff2 · 16-11-2018 01:10AM

So OP is posting in other threads and if tracked down by the defence it could cause case to be a no go by the DPP I think it is.

erica74 · 16-11-2018 07:27AM

Jesus christ just close the bloody thread and forget about me at this stage:rolleyes:

Can anyone advise on Tusla - Update: now with the Gardai

Comments