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6 year old anxiety

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  • 20-08-2021 10:34am
    #1
    mmc2010
    Registered Users Posts: 145 ✭✭


    hello, I'm currently working full time from home during covid and my partner works outside the home. We have one 6 year old daughter who is very bright but but is sensitive and emotional. She used go to a childminder all the time after school, which was fine but I've had issues during the summer. She has now point blank refused to go - citing problems with one of the other kids being mean to her and the childminder ignoring her when she cries etc. I've been trying to mind her at home with about a month by having her go to camps and also taking a couple of weeks holidays. Even with the camps has been a struggle, she wants to go but she gets so upset leaving me. She acts up at home abit - not going to bed on time etc but I think that is more lack of routine during the summer. I'm dreading school starting next week - if I will have the same anxiety issues leaving her in the morning and I don't have a clue how to manage the childcare issue. I'm wondering really if anybody else has had similar experiences and how they managed them? Thanks



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    #2
    noplacehere
    Registered Users Posts: 510 ✭✭✭noplacehere


    We have a very sensitive six year old but thankfully thus far it hasn’t spilled over to school. He wasn’t a fan of the childminder but recognised it was a necessity as we both work.


    We’re moving to an au pair this year to see if being minded in his own home helps. Could you see if a childminder would come to you?


    I went looking for advice last April and there was none to be found private or public. I’m on a waiting list for one psychologist but most places aren’t even taking names so we are muddling through ourselves.


    For us there’s a lot of picking our battles. We avoid too many choices (this is a major problem for him). We watch him like a hawk for exhaustion as this causes meltdowns and those immediately spiral into Im an awful person and ‘I’m so mad at myself’ etc etc. Similarly with food. He will forget to eat but it causes problems so we monitor.


    We had difficulty day one of camp and to a lesser extent day two but after that it was ok. I’ve no advice except we've done a lot of 1:1 talk and time with him which has lessened the frequency. we also made sure that he is getting enough time with both of us. Since I was off for the summer and my husband wasn’t we’ve had to make time for him with my husband for balance.


    the very best of luck. It isn’t easy



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    #3
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,908 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    This is really interesting to read.Just turned 7 year old girl here, eldest of 3.She is very bright.However in recent months, anxiety has gone quite high and she clings a lot at goodbyes.She goes to a minder and has done a couple of camps - she is very outgoing and extroverted but is definitely having trouble with separation lately.Towards the end of the school year the teacher did say to me once or twice she had mentioned during the day that she missed me (mother).She has always had trouble with regulating her emotions, but hunger and tiredness are the number 1 triggers these days, moreso hunger.We do have to watch her too, although she IS getting better I have to admit.She understands she needs to eat and that helps hugely, but it can still spiral into a massive meltdown over the tiniest thing if she gets too hungry.


    I am genuinely not sure if it's an age thing, but I realised in June she needed more help from us in managing emotions.I invested in some books..."How are you Feeling Today", "Feelings", and one called "Me and my Feelings", which is a thicker book, more for slightly older kids but has excellent language in for me as an adult to use to discuss her feelings with her in a simple way.We also talk about traffic lights a lot "Stop, think, do" when she feels herself losing control.It is a HUGE work in progress and so hard but equally I can see tiny changes so something must be working!!!

    Re: the school, you could talk her through how it will work when you drop her off and what you will do.You could try the trick (I may do it myself) of drawing a little heart on her wrist and one on yours and tell her to press it during the day when she thinks of you.Try to avoid hanging around too long, and tell her it is normal to be nervous.The childcare is trickier.Are you happy with the minder and you sure she is happy there?I suppose if you are it's just put the foot down and say we are going here today because I have to work (I find myself saying this to at least 1 of mine almost every morning), but if you think there might be a problem, then obviously it isn't that straightforward.



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    #4
    rainemac
    Registered Users Posts: 170 ✭✭rainemac


    My daughter also had an increase in her anxiety which worsened in every lockdown. I found creative mindfulness, started using some techniques with my daughter and then trained in it myself to teach other children. It has been extremely effective. My daughter had been attending play therapy privately but I found it wasn't effective for the day to day negative self talk, negative mindset etc.

    I recommend you look up a local practitioner through Instagram, Facebook, or www.creative-mindfulness.com

    The method was developed by Louise Shanagher, a psychologist.



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    #5
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,908 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    Out of interest, those doing play therapy/wanting to see a psychologist, is this due to other reasons, or purely their axiety driven behaviour etc?I have wondered in recent months should my daughter see someone -or even just should I see someone for reassurance - my gut (and other people) tell me nothing is wrong with her, but I do feel a bit lost in how to deal with her sometimes and not sure if I am doing the right thing.She is just a lot MORE than my other 2 kids, always has been.



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    #6
    noplacehere
    Registered Users Posts: 510 ✭✭✭noplacehere


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117786366#Comment_117786366

    No other issues in our house Shesty. Like you I really just want reassurance we aren’t screwing things up more. There’s some fairly serious extended family issues with mental health so there’s history there



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    #7
    rainemac
    Registered Users Posts: 170 ✭✭rainemac


    My daughter was attending play therapy for other reasons.

    Im finding Creative Mindfulness classes for children are the bridge children need to understand their minds better and take control of the anxiety. I think it fills a gap, "not bad enough" for play therapy, gp may identify anxiety but not give ideas of where the parent goes next, how are ye expected to manage it from there, reassurance from parent not working etc.

    Please do look into it for your little ones.



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    #8
    mmc2010
    Registered Users Posts: 145 ✭✭mmc2010


    thank you all so much for you feedback and experiences - it is very helpful. I did take her for one therapy session which went well but the practitioner said that I should change to someone more specialized in dealing with children - which I may consider. I think there are a couple of things I would like worked on 1) anxiety but also 2) her resilience. I am slow to move her from her childminder, eventhough I do think the childminder could have managed a couple of situations better. My concern is I move her because she doesn't like one of the boys that goes there - what happens if she doesn't like someone in school, or her teacher. Does she demand to be moved again...

    @noplacehere I had a childminder coming to us last year, but lockdown then hit and she was seeing nobody - being an only child. She had very little interaction so I wanted to put her in a setting to help with her social skills and having to play with other kids. However, she loves being at home and is happier there so if I can't make my current set up work, it is something I need to look into.

    @rainemac thanks for the suggestion on the creative mindfulness - I will definitely look into this.

    Thanks again



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