Feeling bad about not helping older lady.

december2019 · 06-09-2021 4:41am #1

Yesterday I was visiting a town that I wouldn't be very familiar with.

I was entering a supermarket and there was two woman blocking the door having a chat.

When I got around them.

There was an older lady carrying a basket within a basket of shopping and she was carrying it like she was carrying a box

She said something to me about carrying her shopping to her car.

It might seem strange but the alarm was sounding because she was leaving the shop with the baskets, there wasn't much shopping in them, the area and situation made me feel a little uncomfortable and I had other things on my mind. Part of me felt like it was some sort of scam for some reason.

I just said Sorry and walked on one of the women who were blocking the door just yelled something at me about unkind.

I'd normally help people out but there was part of me felt there was something off about the situation.

Should I feel bad about this?

kowloonkev · 06-09-2021 4:59am

They have trolleys and accessible car parking. They have plenty of young people working in supermarkets who could have helped and presumably at the checkout they would have noticed or she could have asked if she couldn't think to use a trolley.

I probably would have just helped anyway but I don't think you should feel bad about it.

06-09-2021 5:02am

What was to stop the loud mouth carrying her shopping instead of standing talking blocking the door? Trust your gut, sounds like a scam to me and it’s got to the stage where nearly everything is one.

mikemac2 · 06-09-2021 5:12am

There are young people in every store who will help if needed. Could be a big shop or maybe something like a Calor gas canister or briquettes. If the shopper asked someone would have helped. Even the manager in the office would come down and do it.

The two yappers seem like the sort who know everybody's business and sneer and look down on others. They could have done it but instead they wanted to judge. They probably had a right rant about you OP (young people these days pah! )but never bothered to help either.

Forget about it OP, I am sure the shopper has already

06-09-2021 5:28am

Gonna be awkward if ye cross paths again.

06-09-2021 5:38am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117851946#Comment_117851946

With the woman herself or the loudmouths? Either way, just walk on and nothing gets awkward at all.

I think you’re deliberately trying to panic the OP.

december2019 · 06-09-2021 12:09pm

Thanks for the replies.

I probably came across as a total git but what done is done but that's that.

It was just one of these situations that felt a little off to me and I had to make a call on it.

The supermarket is in a strange town that I'd probably only visit once or twice a year. So, I probably won't run into them again.

06-09-2021 12:24pm

I tend to listen "something is off here" feeling. Remember people who are scamming you or setting you up in some way will play on natural human reactions - such as your gut feeling you should be kind and helpful to everyone - or feeling called out for not being helpful.

It doesn't serve to dwell on single incidents where you could have helped and did not help either. That way madness lies. If you feel you make an overall net positive effect on the world and the people in it - then focus on that rather than single incidents - negative or even positive - within that set.

Danzy · 06-09-2021 12:25pm

You feel bad because you are a good person.

Edit: Oh wait the actual shop alarm was sounding.

Bullet dodged there.

Tork · 06-09-2021 12:35pm

OP, I've helped strangers in the past but I think I'd have kept on walking in this situation. Something about it doesn't quite add up and maybe your gut was ahead of your mind here. In general, alarms don't go off in shops for nothing. There is a possibility these women chatting by the door were in on the scam and deliberately shouted at you to create a distraction and momentary confusion. If not, why didn't they rush to help her?

Even if this wasn't a scam, don't beat yourself up about what you did or didn't do here. We make decisions all the time and we wouldn't be human if we didn't get some of them wrong. You did what you thought was the right thing at that moment in time

Ave Sodalis · 06-09-2021 12:41pm

Bare in mind OP, that not every disability is visible. The two nosey bodies could have very easily been making comments at someone who couldn't actually help, and who would feel much worse being shamed for something they are struggling with themselves. Whilst it's nice to be nice, I'm sure they could have helped if need be.

mrslancaster · 06-09-2021 3:25pm

Don't think you have anything to beat yourself up for. If some strangers asked me to carry bags/boxes that they could easily manage themselves and the shop alarms were sounding, I'd be ignoring them too. There could have been anything in the bags and you could have been helpfully walking to their car, and found yourself getting a tap on the shoulder from the security guard...

HBC08 · 06-09-2021 3:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117851936#Comment_117851936

Christ,that's a terrible way to look at the world.

Tork · 06-09-2021 3:33pm

Have you never seen the old exit through the entrance door manoeuvre executed in your local Lidl or Aldi?

Strumms · 06-09-2021 3:41pm

With covid still a thing, no i wouldn’t be, she had a cheek passing comment I would have told her where to go, the cheeky <Snip>Not Personal Issues standard .

she is medically fit to drive, walk around a supermarket then stand for ages gassing and flapping her chops blocking up the place, then she can carry a basket of shopping or push a trolley to her car...

might have been scam city too, either way, walking away was the correct course of action.

wildwillow · 08-09-2021 10:39am

It was a wise decision on your part. Think no more of it.

december2019 · 08-09-2021 1:30pm

Thanks for the replies.

I'd normally help people out if they were in need but this time it just felt a bit off for whatever reason.

There's no point on dwelling on it now.

Ger Roe · 08-09-2021 1:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117854421#Comment_117854421

I have used that exit approach a few times recently. Nothing sinister, just that there have been times in both Aldi and Lidl where I went in for something specific and didn't then buy anything, only to find all the unused checkout aisles locked up. Rather then shimmy past the queue at the open checkout (too close for covid), I have left through the entrance door. You have to time it correctly or you will get trapped in the 'airlock' area.

I half expect to be challenged on it, but I don't see why they could not have at least one checkout aisle left open for ease of exit, if you have bought nothing.

Tork · 08-09-2021 2:34pm

The people I've seen do this were definitely shoplifting. They walked into the shop, grabbed some stuff from the nearby aisles and went straight back out the entrance doors. They were bold as brass about it too.

ohnonotgmail · 08-09-2021 2:40pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117853430#Comment_117853430

The basket probably had a tag on it that was setting off the alarm. They do in my local supermarket.

Feeling bad about not helping older lady.

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