Advice on what a godparent should do?

Justsmile1 · 10-09-2021 4:23pm #1

Hi,

I was recently asked to be a godparent and I'm already starting to feel pressure that I don't meet the parents expectations. I have been shown what the other godparent bought X, as if I'm not being thoughtful enough. Also they say X knows her godparent, look at this video of your godchild. I just find it a bit odd, what do you think?

The parent of X is my little one's godparent, and I don't see how they do anything more for my child.

Godparents weren't a big thing in my family, I think it was just for the christening day.

Any thoughts on what a godparent is supposed to do? How can I improve ;-)

Thanks

El Gato De Negocios · 10-09-2021 4:27pm

Is it their first child? Alot of first time parents ime have a bit of an attitude as if they are the first people to ever have a child. We have zero expectations for the godparents for either of our two, me even less than my wife. They get Christmas and birthday cards and gifts (they'd get them anyway tbh) but other than that, nothing and I've no expectations on them.

At the end of the day, they are our kids and godparents are largely ceremonial imo.

covidcustomer · 10-09-2021 4:39pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058208235/advice-on-what-a-godparent-should-do

Not being smart here, why don't you ask them why they asked you to be Godparent?

What do they expect from you?

I have several godchildren, love them all dearly, couldn't tell you who the other godparent's are and what they're doing/giving because I don't care, I send cards small gifts for the usual occasions and that's it. If the parent's want something else, maybe they need someone else.

looksee · 10-09-2021 4:41pm

If you and the parents are of a religious inclination then the godparents undertake to make sure that the child is raised as a Christian, give it moral example and support. That's about it. Any gifts or other interaction are entirely personal and not relevant to the obligation.

If you all are not religious then there is no purpose to the role at all, unless it is as offering the moral support and guidance, but then, where does god come into it?

The only complication that could arise, if you want to split hairs about it is if the parents are just doing the Christening as a 'day out' and have no intention of raising the child as a Christian - though likely doing the whole First Communion and Conformation bit, because 'that's what you do'. Strictly speaking you should be intervening to make sure the child attends to their religious obligations, which if the parents are not bothered could lead to confusion.

Don't feel obliged to do any more than accept the role (if you want it) and follow through with the promises you will make. It sounds as though the fond mammy is trying to create a situation that you don't have to engage with.

Deeec · 10-09-2021 4:49pm

The role of the godparents is to be at the christening. I expect nothing more from my kids godparents. I dont get offended if they forget a birthday etc. I got nothing really from my own godparents over the years - again this doesnt offend me.

I know parents like you have mentioned and they are pains on the arses - always mentioning the godparent/godchild relationship which is pressurising for godparents. If you want to be a good godparent buy them a birthday and christmas present - thats about all you can do - this isnt essential though. Your overthinking this.

Tork · 10-09-2021 9:54pm

Justsmile1: The parent of X is my little one's godparent, and I don't see how they do anything more for my child.

^^There's your answer. Some people make a big deal out of being a godparent, others don't. It's very much an individual thing and it's up to you what you want to do. If your friend doesn't do anything extra for your child, then it makes sense that you'll follow suit. In the case of your friend, I wouldn't bother worrying about what the other godparent is doing either. They'll have that all gone out of their system in no time at all anyway.

11-09-2021 8:40am

I think my experience in Ireland (I know nothing about how it works anywhere else) just tells me that the position of Godparent is much like the event of Communion and Confirmation - has simply been monetized. All my god parents ever did - just like all the godparents of all the friends and family I know of - was send money on birthdays. And the OP feeling guilty that you did not buy this gift or that does not serve to dissuade me of that anecdotal impression.

When actually being asked to be a Godparent myself the people asking me explained that they viewed it as a moral and ethical role in which I would step in to offer guidance and protection and development for the child if they are parents were ever to die or become incapable of parenting. To them it was a position of trust in which they were saying "If we ever fail to be able to parent our child - you are the first person we would like to see step in and take up the role".

What the actual church think the role is, means, or requires is something you'd have to ask a priest. I can rarely make sense of anything those people believe. Even less why they believe it. So I won't even try to go there :) But as another user said above the best thing you can do is ask the people who allocated you the role what they feel they expect of you in the role and why.

Actually one thing I have always wondered and never got around to researching - can a person abdicate the role or can it be reassigned at a later time?

Del2005 · 11-09-2021 9:06am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117875548#Comment_117875548

No one can force you to raise a child and I doubt that child protection would let it happen based on a religious ceremony that most people don't understand or believe.

My God parents where my Grandparents and my Brothers where the other 2. Nobody remembers who got who. I'm a god father to one of my Nephews and the only difference is he gets a slightly better present than my other nephews and nieces. I'll offer the same advice and guidance to them all, if they listen

11-09-2021 12:27pm

I wasnt talking about anyone being forced to raise a child? I think you might have misread my post.

Justsmile1 · 11-09-2021 5:43pm

Thanks all, that's exactly what I thought. The mammy is just being a pain in the arse ;-)

Big Bag of Chips · 12-09-2021 6:23pm

If we ever fail to be able to parent our child - you are the first person we would like to see step in and take up the role".

That is not the role of a Godparent. There is no legal standing in being a Godparent. If the parents of the child are unable to parent the role passes to either their next-of-kin (generally their parents) or someone they have nominated in their will to take over guardianship of their children.

A god parent is a ceremonial title. During the ceremony you agree to be a spiritual guide and to support the parents raise the child in the Catholic faith.

Outside of that what extra you do is up to you. You can try have a closer relationship with the child, more than other children in the family. Or you can send a tenner in a card for Christmas and birthdays!

looksee · 12-09-2021 6:37pm

A god parent is a ceremonial title. During the ceremony you agree to be a spiritual guide and to support the parents raise the child in the Catholic faith.

Just pointing out that you can be a godparent in other Christian denominations as well as Catholic.

12-09-2021 7:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058208235/advice-on-what-a-godparent-should-do

If you're that disinterested in the child, why did you agree to be a godparent in the first place?

I would expect a godparent to take an extra interest in their godchild. I would expect them to remember birthday's, christmas, or first day of school, basically any big event's in the child's life and to at least show an interest.

I had a wonderful godmother who did all of the above, without fail. She made me feel like I was very special to her. She died when I was 25, and I still remember her fondly, even though she was not a blood relative.

If you're bothered by being sent a video of your godchild, then you shouldn't have agreed to do it.

Big Bag of Chips · 12-09-2021 7:33pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117881668#Comment_117881668

Of course. I made the assumption OP was asked to be a Godparent in a Catholic baptism. I was just highlighting the wording used (in a Catholic ceremony)

covidcustomer · 14-09-2021 9:54am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117881829#Comment_117881829

That's a bit harsh, the OP did say "Any thoughts on what a godparent is supposed to do? How can I improve ;-)", as in they're looking for advice, nowhere did they say that they were "disinterested".

Ash.J.Williams · 14-09-2021 9:55am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058208235/advice-on-what-a-godparent-should-do

if you remember the kids birthday you would be better than 85% of god parents

Advice on what a godparent should do?

Comments

Justsmile1: The parent of X is my little one's godparent, and I don't see how they do anything more for my child.