Child struggling with Junior infants, says he scared.

PMC83 · 27-09-2021 9:35am #1

My little man is really struggling getting used to school. Hes always been pretty sensitive and took a long time to get used to creche but has made great strides the last 18 months. Generally hes pretty out going and confident in the playground and has no problem mixing, but for whatever reason hes really struggling letting go of me at the school door every morning, tears every time and its pretty heart breaking. Constantly saying hes scared of school and hes misses mommmy and daddy. Hes waking up at night after having nightmares about it and I think hes built up soem serious anxiety over it.

Creche pick him up and walk him to after school which hes not a massive fan of but he kind of gets on with it. My wife picks him up every Friday from school (so no after school) and because of this hes generally happy to go into school that one morning.

We're trying every trick in the book but for whatever reason hes just not loving school, I think he'd be fine if he was back in creche full time!

I guess hes not the first kid to have trouble adjusting but right now out of his class of 20, it does seem like hes on the only one consonantly upset about it.

Anyone with any similar experiences?

Coopaloop · 27-09-2021 1:22pm

Have you had a chat with his teacher? Seen if he is mixing/playing with the other children? If hes not perhaps the teacher could encourage more group play?! Or it could be something with the after school club, have a talk with the people who run it and see what they say, maybe it's that he really doesnt like, as you said he goes in better on a fri knowing your wife is collecting him..

It's still early days and children are still settling in, I'm sure it will pass soon enough.

shesty · 27-09-2021 3:25pm

How is he once he gets into school after leaving you also?Does he settle quickly?Definitely speak to the teacher.

Big Bag of Chips · 27-09-2021 5:29pm

How old is he? Would it be worth taking him out and starting him again next year. Sometimes children need that extra year.

PMC83 · 27-09-2021 6:39pm

Thanks for replies all. He's 5 in December. Academically I think hes up to it, and in general his social skills are good, I'd hate to send him back for another year of Creche.

His teacher says he calms down after 15-20 minutes usually, but on other occasions its taken up to two hours to settle. He just seems really reluctant to mix, particularly at break time. Then when he often starts crying again. Its a serious head scratcher as if we meet any of his class mates in the playground hes more then happy to chase around with them. Maybe its because he knows we are near by.

We'll have to keep going I guess, in general milestones have never been too with him.

fits · 27-09-2021 8:55pm

My boy is 5 in December too. He was absolutely the centre of things at playschool but has also been very clingy in the mornings since starting primary. I phoned teacher last week and she said he was absolutely fine once in though so slightly different situation. This week he seems a bit more relaxed in the morning. Its a huge adjustment for them. Hopefully it will settle down for your fellow soon.

HildaOgdenx · 27-09-2021 9:54pm

Sometimes even though they are ready in many ways, well able to learn and so forth, they are just not mature enough for the step up to 'big school'. Two hours is a long time, in a short school day, for him to remain unsettled.

I would give it another while and ask the teacher her opinion, as to whether things are getting easier for him. Hopefully he will settle but don't rule out options, including taking him out and restarting next year, if needs be.

I remember with a friend of mine, her little fellow's teacher, when he was a bit shaky starting out, suggested that he bring something belonging to her to school with him. She gave him a fancy pencil that was 'hers' - so nothing to distract him in class, just something he associates with either parent. It might be worth a try.

mohawk · 28-09-2021 10:51am

Some kids take longer to settle in then others. It is very stressful for you and your wife. Because he isn’t settling in this can cause anxiety for you as parents. Maybe have a look at how you guys are talking to him about school. Just in case he is picking up on anxiety from you guys. Don’t be overly positive about it or negative about it. I know when my son first started he wouldn’t want to go and I would empathise and tell him I wish I didn’t have to go to work either and I could stay home with him. This approach worked for us as he felt like his feelings weren’t being dismissed. All kids are different though and maybe he isn’t quite ready yet emotionally.

PMC83 · 29-09-2021 10:02am

Thanks for the replies and suggestions folks we will try anything out at this stage! Hopefully things mellow out over the next while..

mmc2010 · 29-09-2021 12:18pm

Hi PMC83, I feel your pain! I had the same with my daughter this year and she was going into senior infants. Every morning was torture with crying at the school gates and all round upset. i did a couple of thing and I'm not sure if its coincidence but things are much better now. I did David Coleman's online course for scared kids and thought that was really good. I also got a book called 'the little squirrel who was worried' and it was really good too. We now go through a checklist when she is feeling scared and discuss all the things that worry her. For instance she may say 'I'm afraid the teacher will give out to me' and we then discuss that the teacher has never given out to her yet and even if she does, it doesn't matter. Once she's content with that we move onto the next worry. This takes time and patience but it has worked for her. Best of luck in getting it resolved because it is very upsetting for everyone.

PMC83 · 03-10-2021 6:04pm

Thanks so much for the suggestions mmc2010, I will deffo look at that online course!

DavyD_83 · 03-10-2021 8:01pm

Can somebody else drop him to school? That might sound mean, but it may break the negative association he had with leaving you each morning.

In 2nd year of Ecce (in a new Montessori, because 1st yr one closed), my youngest found ot very hard to leave mum when being dropped in first couple of weeks. Teacher suggested I dropped her instead. She was still a little upset at for, but after few days she was fine. And after another week either of us could drop her off without trouble.

I think it's just about breaking the routine, which currently includes then getting upset, and trying again

PMC83 · 04-10-2021 7:24pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117971977#Comment_117971977

This is a great suggestion, my wife may take over drop offs just to see! Thanks!

PMC83 · 08-10-2021 1:04pm

Well last week was his 5th week and the worst yet. This weekend past was a really anxious one in the house and we were at our wits end.

Driving to school on Monday morning he says 'I'm not going to cry anymore!' Bizarrely enough he didnt. He let go of me in the school yard when we arrived and ran off to play with the other boys for the first time, then went in the door no problem when the bell rang. Like night and day.

Every day this week he sailed in and mixed way more then I've seen him do all month. Total transformation.

I've no idea what caused the massive change inside his head, but its almost as if he decided hismelf that he was going to start enjoying it. A massive relief for myself and my wife, he seems really happy now.

Thanks all for the advice, chin up to those still in the wars, seems like things can really change at the drop of a hat!

Child struggling with Junior infants, says he scared.

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