Is it weird to be single at 30?

grassmoon · 10-10-2021 9:28am #1

I'm a 30 year old guy.

Everyone I know around my age is in either in a serious relationship, engaged or married.

I'm the only single person at work. Sometimes I feel like people pity me for that.

Is it that odd?

The J Stands for Jay · 10-10-2021 9:31am

It's only odd if you're weird about it.

spakman · 10-10-2021 9:32am

Not yet, but you'd want to get moving!

I see sheep · 10-10-2021 9:41am

10-10-2021 9:47am

scottygee · 10-10-2021 9:49am

Def no. Maybe at 40+++ that's when you worry.

10-10-2021 9:57am

Not sure why it would be odd being single at any age?

EmmetSpiceland · 10-10-2021 10:05am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117999960#Comment_117999960

Worry about what?

Panthro · 10-10-2021 10:08am

I'd say it's normal enough... if your a leper... Wacka Wacka!

Ara just start attending bingo nights and you'll be grand.

Mad_maxx · 10-10-2021 10:39am

No , its not

objectively speaking , some people will struggle to find someone for a longer period of time than others , luck comes around and someone will appear so be alert

StevenToast · 10-10-2021 10:41am

I think its weird to be married at 30

The J Stands for Jay · 10-10-2021 11:18am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118000083#Comment_118000083

Really weird to be married under 25.

Dial Hard · 10-10-2021 11:52am

It's way weirder to think it's weird.

AllForIt · 10-10-2021 11:54am

It is not weird to be single at 30. What is weird is to think it's weird to be single at 30. Or any age for that matter.

Hamachi · 10-10-2021 12:02pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118000227#Comment_118000227

No; it’s not and I say this as somebody who didn’t marry until I was 33.

The only really weird thing on this thread is those who feel the need to critique the life choices of strangers.

mistress_gi · 10-10-2021 12:04pm

Married at 34 back to single for a while now. It's only weird if you make it weird.

At the end of the day, better alone than in bad company 😁

10-10-2021 12:15pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058212428/is-it-weird-to-be-single-at-30

Your workspace is odd if it doesn’t have any single people aged 30. If they are older what do you care.

Even at the height of the 19C when Christianity pushed marriage up to 20% of people never married.

Anyway, probably nobody is actually thinking about your life at all.

EmmetSpiceland · 10-10-2021 12:16pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118000368#Comment_118000368

As the saying goes, a bitter ending is better than an endless bitterness.

10-10-2021 12:21pm

Better than being in a bad marriage or relationship.

I’m guessing you are in a rural area, everyone desperate to get married and settle down the more rural the location.

Montage of Feck · 10-10-2021 12:44pm

I'm single and a complete weirdo! But the real question is am I weird due to being single or am I single due to being weird?

grassmoon · 10-10-2021 12:49pm

Ireland has the highest average age at first marriage in the world at 35.8 years according to wiki.

I wonder why this is?

10-10-2021 12:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118000485#Comment_118000485

Compared to England we grow up slower. I don’t mean that the Irish mature slower, but we stay living at home with parents etc. longer than they do.

Mister Vain · 10-10-2021 2:40pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118000485#Comment_118000485

According to Worldatlas we're 7th in Europe.

nj27 · 10-10-2021 2:44pm

I got married at 22, didn’t work out because we were both nuts but that’s surely part of the deal if you’re getting married at 22. 28 now and I’d rather be single than in a ferocious mental bullfight of a relationship. Also it’s not a zero sum game where you’re in some absurd abyss or you’re in a content state of mutual love and support. Relationships have a price too, so if you ain’t done found somebody who makes that price worth it then you really shouldn’t get into one for the sake of it.

JPup · 10-10-2021 3:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118000986#Comment_118000986

What is Worldatlas? Grassmoon’s figure of 35.8 comes from the Central Statistics Office.

Peter Flynt · 10-10-2021 3:11pm

I was single at 30 and had been for years before that and understand entirely the situation with everyone around you at work in a relationship or married or whatever.

One thing you do feel is loneliness and I tended to work a lot harder/later than others.

Then one day a young pretty 27YO joined where I worked and began making an effort to talk to me and was really friendly. Soon afterwards we initially kissed and days after I asked her out. . . and she turned me down. Later we ended up on a date and started a relationship but it only lasted 6 weeks. Loved her with all my heart but she was coming from a bad place as she had left a relationship of 6 years just before she met me. I was a rebound.

Shortly after I fell into a sea of depression and sadness. . . . and I'd have given anything to have been just lonely at 30 again.

Mister Vain · 10-10-2021 3:59pm

I used to work with a lot of Polish people who thought it was weird that I was single and would often ask why, but then most of them were married by 25. They tend to settle down younger. The Irish lads were more like, ahh you're probably better off." I think women generally judge you a bit more harshly for it, at least in my experience anyway. Then again there was more women than men in my last job.

Larbre34 · 10-10-2021 4:26pm

Marry by 35, be craving single life again by 45.

Who cares? Most people think the grass is always greener for the other guy. Live your own life in a way that makes you happy first, every day, and the rest will follow. If the rest includes singledom for the next 70 years, eff it, you'll still be the happy one.

pgj2015 · 10-10-2021 4:40pm

I cant really see why people want to be in a relationship. I was in a horrible relationship for a few years. I am mid 30's and love the freedom of being single but the main positive of it for me is I can go on a date tonight with someone and then go on another one next week with someone else. The job I am in means I meet loads of woman every day, I am my own boss and live a very care free life, no money worries, no kids, women see this and want to hang out go on dates etc I let them know from the start I am not looking for anything serious. Doesn't seem to put them off, then if they get too clingy I move on.

Never have been lonely for being single, am very happy in my own company.

I think most people settle down because it is seen as the thing to do. pity more people cant just do their own thing.

Oranage2 · 10-10-2021 4:49pm

Not really since I feel the average 30 year old in Ireland has the maturity of someone in their early 20s.

I think most people are just into doing their 9-5 and going home and they actually don't care about the lives of their coworkers.

It only gets weird if the person keeps going on about how lonely they are or how they're such a nice guy etc.

dotsman · 10-10-2021 4:59pm

So far, 30's have proven to be the best decade of my life for being single (other than Covid)!

I find it very strange that you would even ask this question. It has never even entered my head if being single in your 30's is "weird" or not. Why would it be??? I have lots of friends who are married, but I also have lots of friends who are single. I can honestly say that I don't in any way envy any of my friends who are married with kids. I know it sounds cruel, but I often feel sorry for them. But it seems to be what they wanted and say are happy, so I'm happy for them in that regard.

10-10-2021 6:06pm

34 and single, kind of annoying as most of buddies are now busy on the weekends/big days out like paddys day etc and being tough to get something going...and covid has killed tinder/dating apps....,

SharpshooterTom · 10-10-2021 6:07pm

35 never been hugged or kissed, still a virgin (not by choice).

Very likely will be living the rest of my life like this.

Wanderer78 · 10-10-2021 6:16pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058212428/is-it-weird-to-be-single-at-30

...wait till you get to your 40's, it gets weirder!

Thelonious Monk · 10-10-2021 7:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118001604#Comment_118001604

Not really, only if you let it get weird. Keep a social life, go on dates if you feel like it, look after yourself and you'll be grand. I have met someone a few months ago at 41, and I'm glad I met her now and not when I was younger as I feel I'm more equipped to have a good relationship and I know myself better.

Nothing wrong OP, don't sweat it and always work on self development.

Potential-Monke · 10-10-2021 10:04pm

38 and single. You'd miss the companionship, but the freedom is just about worth it!

Geuze · 10-10-2021 10:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118000485#Comment_118000485

2019 average ages

Groom = 36.8

Bride = 34.8

https://www.cso.ie/en/releasesandpublications/ep/p-mar/marriages2020/

chrissb8 · 10-10-2021 10:37pm

We have a skewed perception here in Ireland when it comes to age and certain milestones. Take being 35 here vs the UK. You could be 35 and go to a festival, out clubbing every weekend in somewhere like London and no one bats an eyelid. Here, at least I found, is there is this weird cut off point of "time to get serious". The great winding down if you will.

I've seen people who only 2 years ago were out most weekends, holidays, etc. Then got into a relationship approaching 30 and were married a year after that. My suspicion is that people approach 30 as if it's a time to get married and get settled. These are people I know who would have been in longer previous relationships and all collectively have magically found "the one" approaching 30.

I find that alarming within itself. It shouldn't be some societal pressure that makes you make what is one of the biggest, if not biggest decisions in your life.

If and when I get married. I want it to be with someone who I am very very certain about and have worked out all the kinks (yes even those ones, you dirty bstrds). I want it to more importantly be built on something truly deep and meaningful because hey were going on the rest of this journey called life together. Then put kids into that equation and it's a whole new level of pressure on the relationship.

Time, understanding and true depth to any relationship. Friend or otherwise comes with experience and time. Not some fictionalised milestone we must hit.

Plus 30 is no age, at least I am saying this from a man's perspective, without speaking for everyone.

Please also read the subtext of your post OP. It screams everyone else is doing it shouldn't I be doing it? Not to sound insulting but are you 16 and following a fashion trend. No. You're a fully grown adult capable of living life on their own terms without having to justify it to anyone. Pressuring parents who are imposing their idea of what they think would make you happy (and also wanting grandkids). Your friends or anyone else settling down.

Committing to someone for life and building that life is the biggest decision you can make. It's not picking something off the shelf and thinking "that'll do".

Apologies for the looooong post. But I had similar thoughts when I was 30.

PTH2009 · 10-10-2021 10:42pm

If this new way of life stays (covid world early pub closes no nightclubs etc) than life will be weird for the 30+ age group if not in a good job

nj27 · 10-10-2021 10:53pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118001579#Comment_118001579

How big a boy are ya? Just thinking I could add to your woes by knocking you out? For to every one who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away. Just thinking I could be a Biblical agent of sorts and smash you down into the dust a bit. Anyway, just a thought.

FintanMcluskey · 10-10-2021 10:58pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058212428/is-it-weird-to-be-single-at-30

Who would pity you?

There is a misconception that a relationship is a benchmark/achievement/route to happiness

Total bolix

A relationship is no more a path to happiness or success than being independent is

pgj2015 · 10-10-2021 11:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118001579#Comment_118001579

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsnXQdkqChg

p.

10-10-2021 11:02pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118000411#Comment_118000411

Yeah it doesn't seem like that at all here in Cork city, which is still only a little village in the wider scheme of things.

10-10-2021 11:04pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118002656#Comment_118002656

Hardly. If someone is 35 and hasn't had sex, they're bound to feel like they're missing out, without putting anything on a pedestal.

10-10-2021 11:06pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118001225#Comment_118001225

I only see it online and it's right-wing men who are the worst in my opinion, going on about "the wall" and sexual market value and such.

kittyc2018 · 11-10-2021 5:48pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118001575#Comment_118001575

38 and single, having had my kids young ( late teens & mid 20's) and then got married at 30. I'd agree with the above. Covid and the curtailing of all social activities has made it very hard to get something started with someone and the dating apps are just dire.

All that being said I'd rather be single and happy than stuck in a bad marriage being miserable

PmMeUrDogs · 11-10-2021 5:55pm

32, female, single for a couple of years after a long term relationship. I love being single. In a good relationship, I love that too, but being single is absolutely fine. Half of my friends are single, most of whom are older than me, from 35-45.

I don't think anyone really thinks that deeply about other peoples' relationship status tbh.

If I meet someone I like, great, but I'm not on dating apps or anything like that.

billyhead · 11-10-2021 6:56pm

It's not weird. You should be happy in your own skin. I would rather be single than in an unhappy draining relationship just for the sake of it.

11-10-2021 8:07pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118005784#Comment_118005784

Some people do get bizarrely bothered by others being single, but they don't tend to be very bright. Or they're into the current right-wing trend of berating people for not starting families (while not having families themselves).

Mister Vain · 11-10-2021 8:37pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118006323#Comment_118006323

They're the same bellends that berate people for still living at home when they're living at home themselves.

cena · 11-10-2021 9:02pm

36 and single. I don't really think about it.

Is it weird to be single at 30?

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