We are broken up, but I still love him.

Monkey09 · 18-10-2021 4:12pm #1

Hi everyone,

Some of you might remember me from my earlier thread back in August. I was visiting my boyfriend's home country for the summer and things started to take a turn for the worst between us when he said that he was 'unsure' of our future together after having an argument about cleaning the bath. I was in a horrible situation at that time and couldn't even talk to friends at home in Ireland as the phone line was so bad. The responses I got on that thread helped me cope with the situation and I got a lot of useful advice which I have re-read several times since. They have helped me a lot.

We had been having difficulties since he made that comment and I was unable to be the same with him as before. His comment just made me feel really insecure. Towards the end of the summer, we had a conversation and I told him that this had caused a huge difficulty in our relationship and I felt so sad and unloved. I said that we needed to resolve these issues and that the only other alternative was to break up. Without a thought, he said 'Yes, we should just break up.' I was absolutely shocked at this response. I never expected him to just throw our relationship away so easily. It was so traumatic to have to deal with a break up in another country where the only person I had for support was him.

Since returning home to Ireland, things have been really difficult for me with trying to live my life and cope with this break-up as well. I am not sleeping normally and doing my job takes up all of my energy. My appetite is not the same, and I can't talk about what happened without breaking down in tears. I have lost a relationship, but also my best friend.

I am going to counselling to try to come to terms with what has happened. I have come to a few realisations since starting counselling that this relationship was not perfect for a number of reasons:

1.) He was mean with money and I ended up paying for a lot of things that were not really up to me to pay for. For example, the drinks for his friend's barbeque which came to over 80 euro.

2.) He was dismissive of my feelings. When I would explain how I felt about something, he would shut me down. When I told him about all the chores I was doing around the apartment and how I felt that I also needed time to relax over the summer months, he asked 'do you expect me to host you over here?' That was really unfair.

3.) He was a little controlling. When we visited a friend of his who had had a baby a few months ago, he said that she had told us not to bring anything. When I was out for a walk, I picked up a few small things for the baby and when I returned home, he was angry to see the things I had bought. I didn't realise it at the time, but I can see now that his anger was due to the fact that I had gone against what he had said.

4.) When I was leaving, I had a lot of luggage. He placed all my bags into the lift and sent me on my way, even though I had three more doors to get through before getting outside onto the street. I feel this was very thoughtless.

5.) When he visited my family last Christmas and spent four days with us, he arrived with two gifts that had been given to him by a friend of his. He had simply recycled the gifts. This bothered me a little at the time, but I made excuses for him saying that he had so many expenses to cover.

Despite all these things, the bottom line is that I still love him. In my opinion, we had an excellent relationship. We got on so well together. Before going to his home country, we had only one small disagreement - I took a nap in the afternoon as I was feeling extremely tired for some reason. When I woke up he compared me to his Grandmother who lies in bed a lot. I was very upset at this. When we went to his home country, we had one small disagreement because he said I should be speaking more of his native language (even though I only knew a few basic words and phrases) and then a bigger disagreement about cleaning the bath. That makes this break-up so much harder to accept. I thought he loved me as he used to always tell me 'I really love you..' How could someone who really loves you just drop you so easily? It's heart-breaking and I just can't understand it. Before I left his home country, I asked him if this was just a heat of the moment thing and if he could feel differently when he returned to Ireland, but he was always very definite and said 'No, I don't want to keep you in limbo by keeping you waiting.'

I helped him a lot during our relationship, bought him an expensive present for Christmas, bought him things he needed, gave him half the money for expenses which arose in his home country. I also bought little gifts for his friends and family. They seemed to really like me. Of course, I don't expect him to stay with me because of that, but I just seem to have been worth so little to him in the end.

I feel so down about it. I can't seem to think about much else. I go to work everyday, but this trauma never really leaves my mind. It is the first thought that comes into my head when I wake up in the morning. I keep thinking that I'll never meet anyone else again and if I ever do, how could I trust them when they tell me 'I love you.'

When he arrived back in Ireland, I asked him if I could collect my things. I said it would probably be best for both of us if we didn't see each other. He agreed with this. So he packed a bag and left it outside his apartment. I was really hoping that he might ask to talk to me rather than letting things end up the way they did.

There has been no contact between us since I collected my things. He never used to put a status up on Whatsapp, but he started to do it since he returned to Ireland. He was posting pictures of his favourite team which I didn't really care about, but then, he later posted a status with a picture of the seaside with the caption 'Life is beautiful.' That absolutely shattered me as my life is in turmoil after this experience and I had no choice but to block him on Whatsapp. I was so hurt by that picture and couldn't risk being set back any further. I feel this was also very insensitive on his part. Despite that, I still have hope that he might try to get in touch with me to fix things.

A close friend told me that I just have to accept that 'this is all for the best.' Maybe a life with him would have been very difficult. It's very hard to do that when everything was so good between us, but took a dramatic and sudden turn for the worst back in August. Another friend has said that 'he doesn't sound great' and so, I shouldn't be so upset and distressed about him.

Has anyone else been through something similar? I am desperate for some advice please. Thank you all again.

wildwillow · 18-10-2021 4:52pm

It's over. It really wasn't a great relationship to begin with. Fault and different expectations on both sides.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Give yourself a short period to grieve the "what might have been" and then face the world for a much better future.

Don't ever again become so dependant on any individual, even in an ideal loving relationship.

YellowLead · 18-10-2021 5:17pm

Above from wildwillow is key. You should be happy within yourself and then a relationship breakdown will be easier to cope with.

At the end of the day it was a natural split. You guys were together for only just over a year and the test of living together happened and incompatibility reared it’s head. At least it didn’t happen out of the blue, there seemed to be signs leading up to it. At least it didn’t happen 5 years in after becoming more attached, and at least there is no child in the picture.

I can understand you must be devastated and well done for taking the initiative to go to counselling over it. It’s not nice to hear of anyone so distraught so I hope you work things through and life gets easier. It will, and you will be ready to meet somebody again. Just don’t depend on a new relationship for happiness and don’t consider it long term too soon. Allow yourself to grieve, take time off work if you have to and remind yourself of your worth and what you have to offer.

HildaOgdenx · 18-10-2021 5:29pm

Nothing to add to what the previous posters have said.

I'm sorry that you are finding all of this so hard. From the outside, it reads as though you had a very lucky escape. I know that doesn't help right now to hear that.

In relation to your general health, perhaps make an appointment to see your GP. Lack of sleep is very debilitating. You also mention that doing your job takes up all of your energy. It would be no harm to get blood tests in case you are generally rundown.

When you feel better physically, it's my belief that helps on all fronts. Well done on going to counselling, and hopefully you will continue to find it helpful. Mind yourself.

seenitall · 18-10-2021 6:10pm

Look, OP, from what you write about this guy, it is seen easily enough from the outside that he didn’t love you or treat you as a person treats a valued partner. You allowed yourself to believe those three little words when he said them because of course, you wanted them to be true. But always remember, actions speak louder than words.

I think that objectively there is absolutely nothing to regret here on your part; from your post there is a strong visual I got of this guy packing up your stuff in two homes, and rushing them out the doors of both, in great haste and with no turning back, so eager is he to get you out of his life. Is this really something you are now going to spend loads of time agonising over and pining after??

You need to build up your self esteem, OP, because someone with a healthy self-worth in your situation would at the moment consider themselves well rid and would be looking forward to their next adventure or to meeting someone new in time, someone who would be better suited and would appreciate them much more. Love is all well and good, but we need to love ourselves the most. That way we are able to love another person in a healthy way, and also know when a relationship is bad for us. So much time and energy and tears is put into bad or aimless relationships, when a bit of self-care could easily show the way out and toward better horizons.

18-10-2021 6:17pm

Hi OP

I am sorry you are so heartbroken after your relationship has ended. Please don't confuse loneliness, sadness and looking back through rose tinted glasses as "love". Because its not. Its just grief at the ending of a relationship and missing that person. Maybe its better the relationships ended. There is time to live your life again, and the world is full of other people.

I hope you don't mind but I've just read through some other threads you started. I suspect you have real issues around relationships, I don't just mean romantic ones but even those with family members. You seem to feel very insecure about people you love and whether your feelings are being reciprocated. You get hurt easily even when hurt is not intended.

I can see this because I spent far too many years myself over analyzing relationships and breakups and basically driving my family and friends nuts! It was like ground hog day every time I got my heart broken. I had a difficult childhood and also lost a child (in early years of my marriage) which made me crave love. Looking back now I almost giggle as I probably drove most men away from me with my insecurity and neediness!!

You may never find someone who is perfect, you may never find the perfect relationship but so what? You are alive, you are healthy, there is a big world out there full of lovely people. Discover it, do things, travel and most of all get some perspective! I am much older than you and for the last 10 years have gone full circle and now am happier on my own. I recently ended a 5 month relationship as it was suffocating me ..... maybe because I am far too independent now and don't really need anyone , I am also very happy as I travel a lot and am very active.

I have a daughter a few years younger than you. Her 4 year relationship broke up last year in the UK, they were living together for 3 years and she had nursed him through cancer and the death of his father Yet they still broke up. Before that she had a 5 year relationship that ended. Her answer to all this?? She left her job and took herself off to Norway in June , driving across Europe in her car by herself to Norway. She now has a job in the Arctic Circle for a year and is meeting amazing people, does fantastic things and has a far better perspective on life. She said recently she is having such a good time she doesn't want a relationship despite dating lots of people. She is popular and fun to be around because she is happy and her entire focus is not about "meeting a man". She is just enjoying her life.

I am happy for her, she had a tough childhood when her sister died, but she hasn't let this sadness define her, nor the breakup of long term relationships. You need to mind yourself, get some counselling around your insecurities about love and relationships. And you also need to start laughing and enjoying life and doing things for yourself. Don't waste these years and your youth chasing the dream of the perfect man and the perfect life. Just live in the moment, and things will happen. Some people never get the chance to grow up or grow old. Bringing babies in the world we live in with the uncertainty of what the world will be like to live in due to climate change is something to consider too. There are other ways to live your life.

Wishing you all the best, no matter what you do.

Tork · 18-10-2021 7:17pm

I remember your other thread and I'm sorry to see you're feeling so low. You've been given some great advice already so I'm not going to repeat it. What I will say is that there is no set time limit for getting over a break-up. It's not surprising that you are still so cut up about this break-up, despite what you've told us. You've outlined all those reasons why your relationship wasn't as great as you thought it was, but I get the impression you're rattling them off with as much feeling as a kid reciting the seven times tables. You'd get back with your ex in a heartbeat, wouldn't you? I'm not saying that as a criticism, by the way. The heart and the head operate on very different levels.

Like Seeinitall above me, I got those strong visuals of him whooshing you out of his life ASAP. You might as well have been in one of those bags that he was dumping outside his apartment door. You might think that the way he ended things is very cold (and it is, to be fair) but you can't fault him for being very clear and unambiguous about it. I've seen people on these forums whose heads have been melted because they tried to stay friends with their ex. It looks like he had checked out of the relationship in his head long before you pulled the trigger. That being the case, it's only natural that he's further along the road than you are.

It's good to hear you're going to counselling and I hope it's helping. While I said at the start that there is no set time limit for getting over a break-up, you'd need to be careful you don't start to wallow in this. I don't think you fully see yet that this relationship had bigger problems than you're admitting to. It didn't just turn sour in August. You'll find that the seeds for this were sown a long time ago but you had rose-tinted love glasses superglued to your nose and you ignored other warning signs.

Dial Hard · 18-10-2021 8:00pm

OP, I too remember your previous thread and it really strikes me that you say you feel this relationship was "excellent" as it really, genuinely, objectively wasn't. You spent your entire time with this man like a starving dog desperate for scraps from the table and then so grateful to receive them when they came that you completely forgot that you were being completely neglected the rest of the time. I'm sorry of that analogy stings but I chose a deliberately harsh one because something needs to shatter those beyond rose-tinted specs you have on.

I'm literally begging you to do some *serious* work on yourself. It's clear from many of your threads over the years that your self-esteem is inextricably linked to your relationships (both familial and romantic) and that's not a good way for anyone to be. You're in counselling, which is great, but that's really just the start, and I fear that counselling alone may just be yet another way for you to wallow in this. Maybe look into CBT or another form of therapy along with counselling.

Jequ0n · 18-10-2021 8:23pm

I’ll probably be shot down for this but it’s in your interest.

You list a number of reasons you feel, or rather think you should feel, wronged by. I don’t think this approach will help you, as you will just try to see a lot of things in a negative way.

Don’t go down that rabbit hole because it will poison you. I have been there and it’s not a place you want to be at. The sooner you accept that this just wasn’t what you had thought it was the better.

Just because you feel rough doesn’t mean it is or was love. It usually isn’t.

Best of luck OP.

hawley · 18-10-2021 8:38pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058213669/we-are-broken-up-but-i-still-love-him

It sounds like his behavior changed completely when you went to his home country. I wonder did someone else influence him. It almost seems like he felt embarrassed by you in his country and at the end he just wanted to get you away as quickly as possible. It sounds like it was a cultural difference between you and his people, but he was too much of a coward to stand up for you and your relationship.

Monkey09 · 18-10-2021 8:44pm

Hi everyone, OP here again. Thanks so much for all your replies. I really appreciate it.

I accept that this relationship is over, sadly. I just felt like I was on such solid ground with him. We got on so well together. I thought when he'd say 'I really love you', that I could believe him, without questioning if this was really the truth.

I know I have difficulty interpreting relationships. I thought that was normal - if you like someone, to wonder if the feelings are reciprocated.

I just don't know how I could broach this with my counsellor as I genuinely don't understand what the problem is.

It's true that I love being in a relationship. I enjoy having someone close in my life, to share things with and to spend time together. However, I don't think I'm obsessed with being in a relationship at all. I have quite a busy life, a job, interests and some friends.

A few people mentioned that my ex had checked out of this relationship a long time ago. I just can't see how I could have missed something like that. I know he wasn't Irish and this posed some complications, but I figured there are plenty of couples who come from different countries, and they still make it work.

I just keep beating myself up asking myself if I am stupid for thinking that the relationship had long-term potential.

hawley · 18-10-2021 8:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118038930#Comment_118038930

I would doubt he had checked out a long time before you split up; he wouldn't have invited you over to meet all his family and friends if that was true. I've seen it happen numerous times where a friend or parents make negative comments about someone's partner and it ends up destroying the relationship. The person blames their partner for embarrassing them.

Monkey09 · 18-10-2021 9:16pm

Many people here, including my counsellor, have said that this relationship obviously wasn't what I thought it was.

Obviously, there is something wrong with me because I saw no sign of this myself. We were together for over a year, spent our weekends together, he invited me to his home country, told me many times that he 'really loved me.' I just don't know which flags I missed..

I accept this relationship is over, but I want to learn as much as I can from the experience so that I don't make the same mistakes in future.

Also, does anyone have any suggestions on how I can work on my self-esteem please?

TheadoreT · 18-10-2021 9:34pm

Sounds like the first half an out you gave him he was gone for the hills OP. He mainly used you as a financial aid and threw out a few hallow words to keep you attached but they were never matched by his actions.

So you're moping over someone who didn't give a toss about you basically and happily getting on with his life. Don't look back when you're older and regret the endless time you spent mourning this non entity of a relationship and instead focus on building more healthy relationships based on mutual respect.

Tork · 18-10-2021 10:07pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118039132#Comment_118039132

Your counsellor would be the best person to ask about building your self-esteem. On that, are you happy with him/her? Do they do more than just sit there and nod? Do they challenge you? Are they picking up on behaviour patterns you're exhibiting? I ask because there will inevitably be some that are better than others. Have they suggested CBT or any other therapies?

CrookedJack · 18-10-2021 10:18pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118039132#Comment_118039132

Firstly i would say that there is not "something wrong" with you - you fell in love and believed he was in love with you. That's OK, that's not wrong. He probably did feel love, or at least his version of it for the most part. Maybe at some point he stopped loving you, maybe his version of love is selfish and easily discarded. That's not your fault. it's his deficiency.

That said you can learn from this, you can change how you measure a relationship - Perhaps by how they demonstrate love for you rather than how much you need them. Emotional maturity is important and a few phrases in your story make me think you need to work on being more clear about your emotional needs and being more responsible for your emotional well-being. For instance when you were picking up your bag and said you didn't want to see him, but were disappointed that he didn't insist on meeting. That is purposefully asking for someone to hurt you, because no matter what the outcome is, you would be hurt.

Around the self esteem issues, there's no quick fix as far as i know but one passage from your OP stood out to me:

I feel so down about it. I can't seem to think about much else. I go to work everyday, but this trauma never really leaves my mind. It is the first thought that comes into my head when I wake up in the morning. I keep thinking that I'll never meet anyone else again and if I ever do, how could I trust them when they tell me 'I love you.'

I understand you're still grieving but this is the opposite of what you need should be doing to repair your self-esteem. Stop talking to yourself this way, I know there's a sort of perverse gratification in picking the scab like this but it's counter productive. You need to change your internal narrative. Every time you hear your self thinking 'I'll never meet some one again" interrupt your self and say "No, I will. I'm not broken, I know how to love, lot's of people would love me". It sounds silly but really do it. Every time you think about him and how betrayed you fell say "He's the broken one, I know how to love" because that is a truth you can live with. Break the ever downward spiral of thoughts. List to yourself all the reasons someone would be lucky to have you and put at the top of that list "I know how to love", because you ex obviously does not.

It is your mind, you control how you talk to yourself. You're obviously a loving person, practice some self-love.

SunnySundays · 18-10-2021 11:06pm

Is this your first serious break up? The reason I ask is that I remember mine in terms of feeling like you do now,over analysing everything, wondering what I missed, wondering what I could have done differently etc.

You need to realise that there is nothing wrong with you. You simply fell in love and love is blind, you get the rose tinted glasses and you don't see things the way others looking in on your relationship do, because you don't want to. You ignore red flags, justify poor behaviour etc. because when it's good, it's really good and you become addicted to that good feeling.

You can't see it clearly and won't....until you are fully over it. This is the exact same as most people.

You need time to heal, keep up the counselling and occupy your time by doing activities that make you feel good. Give yourself as little time to sit thinking, dwelling on it but meeting friends, doing hobbies, reading, watching films, whatever it is. Over time, you'll start to think about him less.

Sometimes things just don't work. The why's and how's don't really matter & are often unclear . Searching for them will drive you insane and won't change the result. Go easy on yourself & stop thinking you did something wrong.

Wompa1 · 18-10-2021 11:27pm

Breakups can be really tough. I went through something similar. I stopped eating. I lost 5.5kg. My life was a mess. I went to counselling but in the moment, it didn't really help. I think some of what I did while going to counselling stood to me years later but I was too f*cked up at the time. That Script song is right on, when a heart breaks, it doesn't break even. One person in the break up will get hurt worse. In this case, it is you. It is going to hurt for a long time but you'll eventually feel nothing when you see him or if the thought of him crosses your mind.

In a few years, you'll be in a loving committed relationship thinking back to this ex and thanking God you didn't end up married to him.

Someone brought up different counselling like CBT. I found it useful to think about myself and what goals I wanted to set for myself in life and focus on those instead. Good luck

Big Bag of Chips · 19-10-2021 7:08am

monkey, I think maybe you did see signs of it, you just accepted certain things as the way he was. I think we all do it to some extent. Nobody is perfect. Nobody. We all have faults and failings. And for the most part our partners accept that of us and the relationship carries on. In your case you accepted faults and a failings on his part, but in the end the relationship didn’t work out. That’s ok. That is how every single relationship you have will go until you find the person you settle down with and spend your life with.

That’s no reflection on you. I was in 2 or 3 pretty serious relationships before meeting my husband. He was in a few too and even had a baby with one ex. But all these relationships although nothing majorly wrong with them, didn’t work out. That’s what happens.

I think you need to stop thinking there’s fundamentally something very wrong with you, because you are simply living life, having relationships, having relationships end just like every other person out there. I think you are being incredibly hard on yourself and looking for reasons, and clarity and answers, and sometimes there isn’t any. You thought this fella was great. You overlooked some issues. The relationship eventually ended for whatever reason. In the long term it’s for the best because it was never going to be happy and secure and easy going.

Give yourself a break. Value yourself a bit more. Accept that you’re human, and absolutely nothing that you have done or have accepted is out of the ordinary for anyone else navigating through life and relationships. You’ll be ok. You just don’t believe that yet.

HildaOgdenx · 19-10-2021 12:25pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118039132#Comment_118039132

Honestly, you need to turn your thinking around. There is nothing wrong with you!

Not many of us posting here found the ideal, perfect relationship, from day one, (if ever) I would bet. If there is even such a thing. We all make mistakes, believe me.

A piece of advice I was given once, and I possibly posted it on your recent thread was to 'find your anger'. It was a different scenario, but it helped me. I'm not talking about attacking him physically, obviously. I mean saying to yourself, 'how dare he treat me like that..' Next time you find him in your thoughts, get him out. He shouldn't be living rent free in your head.

Maybe try a new challenge within an existing interest/ hobby or try something completely new to you. Many people find running, for example, great for relieving stress.

As i said in my earlier post, try to get your sleep sorted. Everything is much more manageable when you feel better physically.

Take care.

Wombatman · 19-10-2021 1:16pm

Hi Op,

Sorry you are feeling down about the breakup.

I'm concerned that there is a fair bit of self delusion going on. You shouldn't need to be told you are loved. You should feel it. You paint picture A but describe it as picture B. You badly want to be in a loving relationship and are prepared to paper over the cracks to convince yourself that you are in one. Papering over the cracks will always come back to haunt you though.

You need to get to a place where you love yourself. To love your single self and know you can be happy without being in a romantic relationship. Then romance can be optional rather than a necessity you are prepared to sacrifice for.

You said the relationship is over but I suspect if he indicated he made a mistake, and wanted to reconcile, you would be all for it. Please don't until you are at one with yourself.

All the best. There are brighter days ahead.

RojaStar · 21-10-2021 10:14pm

Sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time OP. I experienced a similar break up in my 20s and with the benefit of hindsight I can see that a lot of it really does came down to low self esteem. I wish I'd had enough of it at the time to realise that I deserved better. There's no quick fix on that one but a few things that I found really helped me:

putting a massive amount of emphasis on the other relationships in my life. It's amazing what the feeling of being a good friend/daughter/aunty can do for your self esteem. That you are actually bringing joy to someone else's life, or are someone they seek out when they need support. Plus it has the added bonus of strengthening your core network. You can start with small acts/gestures.
prioritising your career, fitness, travel dreams, whatever it may be. Do all of the things. Do them for yourself. Added bonus of figuring out what you're passionate about, what makes you happy independently of a relationship etc.

Lastly, you haven't mentioned what country he's from, which doesn't matter. But I have lived in other countries and over time learned that in some cultures saying "I really love you" is a lot less loaded than it is in ours. And as a result it can be thrown around a lot more casually. Which can obviously be confusing and misleading.

Monkey09 · 25-10-2021 10:35am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118041746#Comment_118041746

Hi HildaOgdenx, thank you so much for the advice about finding my anger. I've started to focus more on the things he did that weren't very considerate of me - breaking up the relationship while in a foreign country with no support. That makes me feel very angry indeed.

I have taken up a new hobby to try to have a new focus and that's helping a lot as well.

Thanks again for all your help! Xx

Monkey09 · 25-10-2021 10:48am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118037691#Comment_118037691

Thank you so much for your advice, wildwillow. I have given myself time to grieve and I am feeling a lot better now.

You mentioned that this wasn't a great relationship from the beginning. Could I ask why you think so. It's just that I never saw it like that. I thought the relationship had so much potential and didn't see any issues at all. I'm just trying to figure out what I missed so I don't make the same mistakes again.

Monkey09 · 25-10-2021 10:54am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118055624#Comment_118055624

Thanks for this advice, RojaStar. I will definitely try to put a focus on the other relationships in my life. I have also learned to take my focus off finding a relationship and just be happy within myself for now.

He was from Italy. I know Italian men don't have the best reputation when it comes to relationships, but at the same time, I know plenty of irish women who are married to italian men and they seem to be pretty happy. I thought the same would be the case with my ex.

Monkey09 · 25-10-2021 11:11am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118037691#Comment_118037691

I realise now that it was a mistake to become so dependent on him. But I'm confused about how people avoid this happening in relationships. How can you remain indifferent to someone who you talk to every day, spend weekends together and go on holidays together?

I'm sorry for all the questions. I'm just so confused about relationships in general and don't know how I can change my approach to them.

Dial Hard · 25-10-2021 1:42pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118070263#Comment_118070263

Independence =/= indifference. I once saw someone on here say "A partner should be complementary, not supplementary" and it always stuck with me because it's SO true. Until and unless you can be a complete, happy person in your own right, you'll never be fully content in a relationship because you'll always be looking to the other person to provide something for you that should be coming from within, and as long as that's the case, you'll be willing to overlook questionable behaviour and poor treatment.

You need to figure out why you were willing to let so much slide for the sake of being in a relationship, and once you've identified those issues, work on fixing them.

veil · 12-11-2021 4:04pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058213669/we-are-broken-up-but-i-still-love-him

My dear, you just dodge a lifetime bomb of total misery, you should be happy, the guy is a user, the signs were obvious but am sure love blinded you, ( love is truly blind). All those post on WhatsApp is a signal telling you am here with the intention of making you initiate a conversation, which of course you shouldn't do, you have to train yourself to ignore. Try going off totally from WhatsApp and have fun in real-time, you know! Life outside WhatsApp, you will heal faster; You are a jewel my dear, so pride yourself as one. Someone is out there who will value you.

Track9 · 12-11-2021 4:32pm

Am sorry to read of your pain & mental Anguish.I have been thru the break up thing & can somewhat understand your point of view.as others have said,best way to ease the mental worry is. Focus on building yourself up,mentally & physically.Focus on achieving tasks ,projects where you can control the outcome.Tasks cud be as simple as doing the shopping,doing an exercise routine etc.Main objective is you need to nurture the internal beliefs that you are a worthy person.Excuse my insensitivity ,but you seem a wonderful lady that any man wud be delighted to meet.That man has shown his selfishness & coldness.

I wouldn't leave a total stranger to lug tbags thru three doors ,not to mention the lady who shared her life. You deserve better & will find better Wishing you Peace Joy & Happiness.In summary ,focus on yourself & fill your life with self love activities & positive thinking. The clouds will lift.

We are broken up, but I still love him.

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