Is your life over once you get married?

Sammy2012 · 26-10-2021 11:29pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077798#Comment_118077798

Nope. Why would I? He's gone to munich/cardiff/Barcelona for stags! What difference does it make to me I've gone to Madrid and Brussels on hens without him. I regularly go away with our kids without him. It's called trust.

Loafing Oaf · 26-10-2021 11:31pm

was on a date a couple of weeks ago, she had a 3 date rule, that didnt last long.

Wow go you

pgj2015 · 26-10-2021 11:32pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077811#Comment_118077811

I know, you are right. I would be the same, I said it earlier in the thread. A lot of partners wouldnt allow it though.

Hamachi · 26-10-2021 11:32pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077811#Comment_118077811

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077755#Comment_118077755

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077734#Comment_118077734

You sound just like my wife Sammy. 100% agree on the trust part.

Hope some of your friends rediscover their enthusiasm for a night out. It’s great to get out and cut loose every once in a while.

listermint · 26-10-2021 11:35pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077823#Comment_118077823

Some of who's friends? Why quote me.

My friends and I go out when we like we're all married. Might have to arrange it a week or so out for conflicts but that's pretty normal.

This thread is like the 'fig' reincarnated. I'm thinking it actually is him..

Sammy2012 · 26-10-2021 11:38pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077820#Comment_118077820

No a lot of partner don't. But to me my partner is not my parent. I don't have to ask him for permission to do something. We have a partnership and we are still individuals that had a life before we met each other. But I know what you're saying. Some partners do feel the need to control everything

Sammy2012 · 26-10-2021 11:40pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077823#Comment_118077823

I hope they do too. Its so nice to go out, have a laugh and a dance and blow off some steam. Now to be fair I was a bit wild in my late teens/early 20s and that part of me is screaming to get out at times so it would be fun to be able to do that again.

Hamachi · 26-10-2021 11:40pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077830#Comment_118077830

Calm down. I didn’t mean to quote you. Boards is a bit flakey on my phone.

I was interacting with Sammy, not you. Good luck!

listermint · 26-10-2021 11:45pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077850#Comment_118077850

I'm pretty calm. Was just asking why you quoted me and responded to your comment. Chill chill ...

Hamachi · 26-10-2021 11:49pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077867#Comment_118077867

And I explained that it was a transitory bug in Boards...Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to hit Coppers for a late drink 😉

26-10-2021 11:51pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076549#Comment_118076549

You think every one of them is lying?

26-10-2021 11:54pm

Can't believe that people actually think fellas wives 'won't let them out!'

I work with all men, they all throw this line out now and again, it's not true, I know their wives. The guys just don't want to go, wifey gets the blame. Same excuse for years 🙄

listermint · 26-10-2021 11:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077875#Comment_118077875

Make sure you book ! :D

pgj2015 · 26-10-2021 11:58pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077890#Comment_118077890

it definitely happens but someone was telling me he rang his married friend lately and asked him to play 5 a side, he said hold on a minute, went off the phone, then all the friend heard was your not fcuking playing football tonight. grim.

Jim2007 · 27-10-2021 12:00am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077586#Comment_118077586

It is a wake up call for the OP. There always seem to be a few in every generation the get caught in some kind of time warp and don’t evolve along with their peer group and by the time they realize it, it’s often late in the game and men in particular don’t do very well in that respect.

27-10-2021 12:01am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077901#Comment_118077901

Very rare. I've been working with mostly men for 23 years and it's always been the go to excuse. Rubbish of course. Most of the wives are only dying for a bit of time to themselves.

did your friends think you were boring over the weekend when you couldn't go out?

pgj2015 · 27-10-2021 12:02am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077907#Comment_118077907

will you just go and read the whole thread please. strange how you cant read what is written down in front of you. if you have the odd night out with friends, you are stuck in a time warp? come on.

Loafing Oaf · 27-10-2021 12:04am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077882#Comment_118077882

No of course not. But I'm convinced a high proportion of them are, given how many 'happily married' men walk out on their families...

pgj2015 · 27-10-2021 12:05am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077908#Comment_118077908

I dont go out every weekend at all as I have said. its the people who never go out im talking about.

Hamachi · 27-10-2021 12:08am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077907#Comment_118077907

Sorry Jim, but what qualifies you to deliver a wake up call to anybody? If the OP chooses to lead his life in a way that’s contrary to your life choices, why is that any of your concern?

He’s still a relatively young man in his mid-30s. I’m sensing that you’re approaching retirement age, correct? I’m a couple of years older than the OP and still love my nights out. It’s perfectly possible to combine a happy family life, a successful career, and a decent social life. Not everybody want to sit at home with a cup of Horlicks and spend their weekends hiking. Like I said, horses for courses.

Motivator · 27-10-2021 12:10am

I’m married 7 years and I certainly think life has gotten an awful lot better since then. I don’t like spending the day in the pub on a Saturday and then dying on the couch Sunday. It’s fine every once and a while but spending my week working to then waste my weekend feeling sick and depressed on a Sunday just isn’t fun to me anymore.

Every Saturday we used to go for meals and a few drinks afterwards and then Sunday morning I play golf and she has a lie in. Life has become an awful lot simpler since we got married. I don’t feel I’ve missed out or am missing out on anything.

27-10-2021 12:13am

My dad does the whole "I'd better ask the wife heheh" thing - 1. If he wants to go out, he'll go out. 2. If he actually did ask my mother's permission, she'd just be baffled.

There are nagging women though, and I wish men wouldn't take it. Telling your husband/partner whether he has permission or not to go out or go away with his friends... is beyond absurd. Even if you secretly feel uncomfortable about it (which would mean you're either paranoid or have reason not to trust him) you can't just "not let" a grown man go! Plus, it's a way to drive him into the arms of another woman - self fulfilling.

But on topic: I have no children and never had any interest in being a parent, but I don't think the lives of my friends who have children are over. It's a new chapter. Plus I am definitely not able for mad partying either. I know some people my age and older who are - good for them if they still have the energy, but I couldn't. A few drinks in my place or a friend's place or one of the quieter pubs nearby, or a meal/the cinema, is an ideal night out for me!

27-10-2021 1:04am

I think most would agree the ideal situation is to meet someone you are really happy with and settle down, hopefully staying happy throughout. Unfortunately it doesn't always work out like that. Some will never meet the right person, others will marry and fall out resulting in a divorce which can often leave men in particular in a bad financial situation if they have to leave the family home. Others as i often see will end up in unhappy marriages, fighting, arguing, giving out about each other to their friends. Its certainly not an either or.

I have seen the guys who stay in the party scene too long and it gets pretty grim, particularly if they end up trying to hang around with younger people as they get older and older. What age does it just look ridiculous to be at nightclubs full of people in their early 20's. 40, certainly approaching 50.

I don't know the stats out there but if you end up in a genuinely happy marriage count yourself lucky. If you are in an unhappy marriage or broke after a divorce you are no better off than a single person still hitting the tiles at 50.

Larbre34 · 27-10-2021 1:04am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077908#Comment_118077908

He ain't jokin.

And the reason I know he isn't, is because the wife of one fella I know, keeps a note of all the days away he has, playing golf, or at a match, stag parties etc, to ensure she doesn't get a single day less with her friends or at a concert. She does likewise for time spent with his family/ her family.

I'd never heard the like of it in my life, but its gospel.

Your life doesn't end when you get married, IFFFF, you married a good person. If you didn't, well you're f......

Fiery mutant · 27-10-2021 1:07am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077920#Comment_118077920

Probably the same as the 'happily married women' who walk out on their husbands.

27-10-2021 1:12am

My cousin is going through a divorce at the moment - she's still in the family home with the three children. Absolutely devastated. And a single mother a lot of the time, holding down a full-time job.

He's having the craic with his pal in a house share.

Better off that the marriage is ending rather than continuing unhappily. He's a sound guy too and great with the kids, but there's a tendency here on Boards, and across social media, to depict divorce as like something out of a soap opera - always a cruel, scheming bitch of a wife, and a downtrodden husband. Now that can happen - I'm not denying it, but nobody knows each individual story. Sometimes the husband is the one who initiates it.

BuboBubo · 27-10-2021 1:33am

Your life is definitely over once you get married OP. Everyone's marriage is as follows...

Waking up every morning, grunting at each other, exchanging evil glances over breakfast. A quick utterance of "fook you" before leaving for work.

Return home in the evening, growl over dinner, snarl on the sofa then shuffle up to bed. Sleeping arße cheek to arße cheek trying to out-fart one another in the hope of gassing the bakstard/biatch to death.

Repeat for at least 45 years. 🤪

cj maxx · 27-10-2021 1:38am

^^^^^^^^^^^^

1 tip , don't marry a fellow boardsie! 😠😡

twowheelsonly · 27-10-2021 1:51am

I've been married for over 30 years. I do things I want to do on my own and likewise she does things she wants to do. I still enjoy a good session every now and then but I'm just not really a going out drinking regularly kind of fella and never really was.

She has a lot more nights out on her own / with friends than I do and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. By the same token I've been on football trips to Iceland, Norway, Sweden, Estonia, Poland, Malta, Luxembourg and a few more over the last number of years and have never had to 'ask for permission'. She makes her plans, I make my plans and we make plans together as well. No grief, no hassle on either side and it's always been that way.

Each to their own but one of the lads that I grew up with never married and now, approaching 60, sits in the same place in the same bar that we did when we were 18 / 19 / 20. He doesn't go on holidays, doesn't go out 'in town' and his entire life is centered around going to work and having a few pints every night. He says he's happy, and I presume he is, but trudging home alone to an empty house every night just wouldn't do it for me.

27-10-2021 2:04am

Some people prefer their own company in that regard though. It's unusual, but it exists.

irelandrover · 27-10-2021 7:59am

when i was younger i could go out friday and saturday and still play football on a sunday morning. now that im mid thirties that just isnt possible. i really enjoy both but to be honest i prefer the football. So i go for a few pints on a friday and stay in saturday. Marriage has nothing to do with that change. i also actually like my wife so would rather spend the day on saturday with her rather than be dying on the couch of a hangover.

Pussyhands · 27-10-2021 8:31am

Good question OP.

I have the same experience. I was in a 2 seperate kind of circle of friends, one with 3 others and another with about 5 others.

4 of them got into serious relationships and ended up getting married. Once they moved in with their woman they were basically lost as friends. Don't see them as often and whenever you ask them if they wanna go do something they always have plans (so they say) with their missus.

Whenever we do meet up it feels so different, like we're half strangers again.

No wonder people in long term relationships are so desperate to stay in them when they'd have 0 friends if they broke up.

27-10-2021 8:46am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078216#Comment_118078216

Nah he just couldn't be arsed.

pgj2015 · 27-10-2021 9:15am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078342#Comment_118078342

Why do you think it is that you feel like strangers when you meet up?

ec18 · 27-10-2021 9:18am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078342#Comment_118078342

If you want to make a relationship work you have to make room for your partner and they have to be the priority, that usually means cutting back on the time available either for hobbies or groups of friends. No one answer is right for everybody, if the OP's lifestyle suits them and they enjoy it great. I wouldn't judge or try and apply the life is over when you get married tag.

Marriage and Kids and all that stuff is a change, good/bad that's a debate that will never end. Kids have the biggest effect especially when they are younger they take up a lot of time and energy so your friends at that stage of life will have less energy available for other hobbies/social activities. When they do get a break from kids they do often choose to go out as a couple.

So OP your life changes once you get married purely just as you're choosing to make another person your priority and share everything with them. That'll look different to each couple. Personally I can go out if I want but more often choose not to as right now with young kids time at home ( not worse for wear ) is more important.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater · 27-10-2021 9:20am

Most of my mates are married and starting to have kids at this stage. About half of them seem to be out for a pint at least once a week. Others wouldn't get out as much, but most of them still seem to love a get together with the lads every so often. The pipe and slippers brigade consists of the 10% who are under the thumb, and another 10% who could not be arsed with the nightlife scene anymore.

Pussyhands · 27-10-2021 9:32am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078521#Comment_118078521

I dunno, guess when you rarely see them anymore they basically become strangers.

SupplyandDemandZone · 27-10-2021 9:34am

I've seen so many friends lives fall apart after getting married it's incredible. A real part of the problem is couples don't seem to really think it through before committing to a life together. Often the woman just wants the day out and to be the centre of attention for a few hours and the man just goes along to keep her happy. I know one guy who just wanted a very small wedding with family and close friends but it ended up costing him the guts of 50k when the wife to be got her way. They split 2 years later thankfully he got out without kids.

And it's not just women at fault either don't get me wrong a lot of lads just can't handle one piece of ass for the rest of their lives and in fairness who could blame them it's not natural spending the rest of eternity with one woman and not playing the field.

JimmyVik · 27-10-2021 9:40am

You have 3 lives (from a male pov). Im sure women will say the same.

The first where you are chasing women all the time.

The second is when you are settled down and married.

The third is after you have children.

All totally different lives, but each more satisfying than the previous one, though you would never have believed it before it happened.

If you never moved from one of those stages to the next you will still be happy in the one you are currently in. For example, some people never get married and some people never have children, and are quite happy as they are.

Pussyhands · 27-10-2021 9:41am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078532#Comment_118078532

Familiarity breeds contempt. I'm a firm believer in this. Look at the amount of people who broke up during covid because they were around each other all day. Go to the relationship issues and you'll see posts such as one lad saying he realised he doesn't actually like his wife because he now spends all day working from home and she's there.

Every man makes his own decisions and if he wants to become a completely different man after he's moved in with his bird that's his choice. One of the lads was into his metal music and after a few months of moving in with his bird he just lost interest in it and became vegan too with her.

Lads could be there in 10 years happy as larry or they could be on route to divorce and left with 0 friends.

JimmyVik · 27-10-2021 10:14am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078730#Comment_118078730

And these days theres when the kids wont move out too :)

27-10-2021 10:21am

I think we all know that the OPs friends DO go out, just not with him 🙁

27-10-2021 10:23am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076250#Comment_118076250

this... I actually liked getting out of the 20's FOMO, out every weekend routine... I've grown more as a person getting away from it....

I also go to better gigs and raves as I'm selective about what I go to now, instead of going for the sake of going cos the lads will be there and it'll be a right oul sesh (usually sitting in someones kitchen talking about stuff that happened 10 years ago for the 5th time)

anyone who is still on the beers every weekend routine, thinks that anyone who doesn't do it just sits at home doing nothing all the time... I have never been busier, not with work, but doing things, going on adventures, looking after myself. Being honest, the last thing I want to do is to take away any spare time I have being hung over to death on a weekend....

One of my biggest time takers is having a kid, I don't regret it at all, but it definitely refocuses your priorities... not married, but with a long term partner, who is quite cool about me doing things with the lads, once it doesn't mean she's lumped with the kid for days at a time, and if she is, it's reciprocated so she can do similar with the girls sometime....

Also, having a toddler, definitely makes you double check whether you want to have those beers or not... many a time I've gone to the pub when it's my night to look after them, get back at 1 or 2, and they either start teething, or are up like the duracell bunny at 5 am

As mentioned, I still go to gigs and raves, mainly on trips to London or the continent and meet up with friends usually, so sort of hits numerous things at once... not as much as I'd like to sometimes, as logistics don't work out, but definitely not just sitting around doing nothing

edit: meant to add, the above isn't a dig at anyone who decides to not to do any of the above, each to their own... I was just happy to break out of the cycle, and because I'm not out every weekend chasing women, doesn't mean I'm just an old fart sitting at home doing nothing

Brid Hegarty · 27-10-2021 10:43am

Listen to Bill Burr much?

What turns me off marriage is the wedding. It's all about the woman.

xzanti · 27-10-2021 10:59am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058214894/is-your-life-over-once-you-get-married

I would have thought the same when I was in my teens and 20s. That people who were married with kids looked like they had clipped their own wings.

I'm now in my 30s. I have 2 kids and am married. I think I just grew out of all that stuff when I hit my 30's.

I don't feel I'm missing out on anything. I had many a mad holiday, raves, festivals etc in my teens and 20s. I couldn't imagine anything more boring now than sitting in a sweaty nightclub or pub.

I am very happy at home with my kids in the comfort of my own home.

Each to their own I suppose.

Lillyfae · 27-10-2021 11:12am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078053#Comment_118078053

I laughed so hard at this

witchgirl26 · 27-10-2021 12:16pm

As the OH (not wife but long term partner), I have to say that I wouldn't really tell my other half what he could or couldn't do but we would maybe talk about nights out or weekends away as we have a small child so it needs to work for the other partner too. And that goes for me as well as him. I just expect to get a heads up a bit in advance so that I can organise myself. That said, I know for a fact he's used me as an excuse for not going out when he didn't want to and was being pestered about it!

Prior to our child being born, I think it's just common curtsey in a relationship to let the other one know you're going out etc. Again wouldn't have had an issue with it unless there was already something planned for that night. Both of us have had holidays away without the other and with friends during our relationship and never a problem with it.

I would have been out most weekends during my 20's without fail but towards the end of my 20's I began to enjoy home time a bit more. I had an event in my early 20's which probably changed my outlook on life a lot and meant I was more interested in some other things that just going out and going mad. Other half would have been similar as he was focusing on his career and just wanted to chill a bit more come the weekend.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118077901#Comment_118077901

To be fair - you don't know what had been going on there before that. That guy could have been out other nights that week & if they have kids, she might just have been at the end of the rope with it all. Like I said - give and take is needed and he could have been taking the p. Or she could be a raving nutter controlling him but realistically you don't know what goes on behind closed doors so I wouldn't take it from that one interaction.

Mister Vain · 27-10-2021 1:01pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118078822#Comment_118078822

I don't go to raves anymore but I agree its a bonus when you can be more selective about what you do. I started doing more interesting hobbies when I got into my 30's. Plus the hangover's get worse as you get older so I wouldn't be able to those things if I was out say on a Friday night.

Attitudes have kind of changed a bit in recent years too. More people are into health and fitness now. Back in the Celtic tiger days it wouldn't have been uncommon for people to binge drink 3 or 4 nights a week. There's not much of a nightclub culture here now anyway.

ancapailldorcha · 27-10-2021 1:34pm

Think I've just outgrown the whole getting smashed and hitting the nightclub thing. I prefer to live a quiet life with my evenings spent with a good book or game. I go to the cinema a fair bit as well. The circle I struggle to square is not being able to make decisions about so many things without consulting someone else. Think I've been single too long and I might be better off just staying that way.

pgj2015 · 27-10-2021 2:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118079942#Comment_118079942

For me the key is to both live in separate homes, and have no kids and not be married. Then you can just walk away if things dont work out. No fighting over the house, money, land, kids etc

Is your life over once you get married?

Comments