Issues with my Manager

Being singled out is a form of bullying

HR is there to protect the company. Not you. And unless it is clear cut, the manager will be supported.

However, if you feel strongly enough that you might leave... a professional complaint recorded.. evidence based.. factual, no emotion... well if she really is out to get you, that might be a nice ace card to have up your sleeve in the event that she tries to manage you out.

If nothing else, should you find yourself in an unfair dismissal situation, if there are documented and recorded complaints the company will think twice and likely stay well away from it.. or settle up quickly if they proceed with it (most companies chicken out.. no one wants to be in that court).

You might even get your wish to move managers. But be under no illusion, unless you have tangible stuff to talk about, it will go nowhere. And even if you do it will almost certainly go nowhere. At best it MIGHT be a nice backup to have in case anyone tries to take you out later, but that depends on the company, it depends on the other side of the story too. Which none of us here can know.

You know, I sort of agree with the moving on, but if that's what you decide to do, then you having nothing to lose by taking this issue further.

This short of rubbish behaviour is not acceptable. Isolating and treating people differently for no reason other than you don't like them very much is just wrong.

I have filed a grievance once, due to bullying and gender discrimination. Some people are so stupid they think that other person (me) won't document their behaviour. I ended up accepting a very large compensation payment from my former firm as well as the option of being promoted. I declined that offer. I had no interest in staying at that point. Shame on them (management/HR) for letting it go as far as it did.

The point is that if no one says anything, nothing changes. Could be (probably isn't) that other people aren't unaware of this behaviour by your manager? Perhaps she isn't aware of it? She may be horrified to feel her actions are making you feel as you do. If that is the case, then a clear, non confrontational 121 could sort this. Just say you would really appreciate a chat and have your points listed clearly so that you can go through them. Like I said, if that doesn't help, then you have the option of going to HR. Worse case, you leave. But at least by alerting HR, then both this person, and HR are aware of issues which could be affecting other people. You do however need documentary evidence of this behaviour (dates and times/notes of meetings/spreadsheet of times you have emailed/not got a response etc, other people that have done training without using annual leave to do it etc) Without that, then you currently have a "difference of opinion".

(My experience of exit interviews/feedback is that they generally end up in the bin. Opinions may differ...)

I hope you get sorted.

Hang on a second.

Absolutely you may end up moving on, but if so, do so knowing you tried to be professional and engage with conflict resolution in the correct manner.

If you don't you could well deal with an inferiority complex either because you were targeted in the first place or because you ultimately weren't able to resolve it in a satisfactory manner. And if you mention later you were pushed out of a job and are having difficulty in a new one, many telling you to move here will be back telling you that you are the common denominator and must be the source of the problem.

Kathleen37 is absolutely correct that this sort of behaviour is totally unacceptable. Aside from the fact that the manager themselves should know this, the company should be structured so that such an issue can be dealt with appropriately.

Does the company have an employee booklet or intranet page that deals how conflict resolution is managed? If not, it's a concern but you are still entitled to have a 3rd party get involved in this and so I would ask HR for a confidential meeting to discuss your situation.

It seems to me that your request is for to have a different line manager, and that your justification for this is your experience and discomfort of working under your current one. All your feelings around being undermined or treated unreasonably are valid but are mostly not going to impact the decision as, as you point out yourself, people don't always click. Being undermined in emails without being mentioned can be subjective also but again, it doesn't mean you are wrong to feel upset by this. But in cases where you were told you'd have to use personal holidays to attend training in order to perform your role, that's definitely unacceptable.

If meeting with Hr, maybe document your position before hand with a summary of your experience and direct references to days or times when you felt how you were treated was inappropriate. When doing this, be as objective as possible and know that anything that simply comes down to your personal dislike of what was said is unlikely to make a big difference as it is just a difference in communication.

You can expect that HR will tell you that they have to get the other side of the story and you probably already know your manager won't admit they were being unreasonable but if possible, try not to engage about this on any level outside of that directed by HR and I would definitely advise that you do not speak alone about the issue with your current manager if they come to you about it.

As I said, ultimately, you may end up leaving as you might be told you cannot transfer but if so, you'll leave knowing you stood up for yourself.

I would try move laterally to the other manager.

This is closer to a plot from Cornation street than an accurate example of office dynamics.

In the real world, more and more companies are aware of the risk of constructive dismissal cases being brought against them and even without that threat, few companies will back a junior/mid-level manager without question.

If a manager is going on with stuff like this, they would be happy to become aware of it. Think I'm lying, have a conversation with people in such positions and ask how secure do they feel that the company will back them without question.

Remember, it's not a court of law. You don't need to prove things beyond reasonable doubt. What you have outlined in the opening post comes across as credible to me and some things would be verifiable (where there is an email chain for example). Your manager's behaviour does amount to bullying in my opinion and should be considered completely unacceptable in any well run company.

Are you on good terms with the other manager that you work with 80% of the time? Why not suggest to them the next time you are on a call that you think it might be best if you report into them? Explain why you think it makes sense (e.g. I already spend more time on work with you than current manager, feel like we get on well etc.). Mention that you've suggested it to your existing manager and they said they were open to discussing the idea at year end.

If you can move to the new manager, then problem solved really from the sounds of it. Probably no need to go nuclear in that case and burn any bridges. If you do end up leaving, that's when you can leave a few spicy comments in the exit interview!

Whatever you do, don't go down the route of leaving spicy comments in exit interviews.