Issues with my Manager

Being singled out is a form of bullying

HR is there to protect the company. Not you. And unless it is clear cut, the manager will be supported.

However, if you feel strongly enough that you might leave... a professional complaint recorded.. evidence based.. factual, no emotion... well if she really is out to get you, that might be a nice ace card to have up your sleeve in the event that she tries to manage you out.

If nothing else, should you find yourself in an unfair dismissal situation, if there are documented and recorded complaints the company will think twice and likely stay well away from it.. or settle up quickly if they proceed with it (most companies chicken out.. no one wants to be in that court).

You might even get your wish to move managers. But be under no illusion, unless you have tangible stuff to talk about, it will go nowhere. And even if you do it will almost certainly go nowhere. At best it MIGHT be a nice backup to have in case anyone tries to take you out later, but that depends on the company, it depends on the other side of the story too. Which none of us here can know.

I would suggest moving on aswell. Life is too short for dealing with things like this and unless you are public sector the HR will be worse than useless.

You know, I sort of agree with the moving on, but if that's what you decide to do, then you having nothing to lose by taking this issue further.

This short of rubbish behaviour is not acceptable. Isolating and treating people differently for no reason other than you don't like them very much is just wrong.

I have filed a grievance once, due to bullying and gender discrimination. Some people are so stupid they think that other person (me) won't document their behaviour. I ended up accepting a very large compensation payment from my former firm as well as the option of being promoted. I declined that offer. I had no interest in staying at that point. Shame on them (management/HR) for letting it go as far as it did.

The point is that if no one says anything, nothing changes. Could be (probably isn't) that other people aren't unaware of this behaviour by your manager? Perhaps she isn't aware of it? She may be horrified to feel her actions are making you feel as you do. If that is the case, then a clear, non confrontational 121 could sort this. Just say you would really appreciate a chat and have your points listed clearly so that you can go through them. Like I said, if that doesn't help, then you have the option of going to HR. Worse case, you leave. But at least by alerting HR, then both this person, and HR are aware of issues which could be affecting other people. You do however need documentary evidence of this behaviour (dates and times/notes of meetings/spreadsheet of times you have emailed/not got a response etc, other people that have done training without using annual leave to do it etc) Without that, then you currently have a "difference of opinion".

(My experience of exit interviews/feedback is that they generally end up in the bin. Opinions may differ...)

I hope you get sorted.

Hang on a second.

Absolutely you may end up moving on, but if so, do so knowing you tried to be professional and engage with conflict resolution in the correct manner.

If you don't you could well deal with an inferiority complex either because you were targeted in the first place or because you ultimately weren't able to resolve it in a satisfactory manner. And if you mention later you were pushed out of a job and are having difficulty in a new one, many telling you to move here will be back telling you that you are the common denominator and must be the source of the problem.

Kathleen37 is absolutely correct that this sort of behaviour is totally unacceptable. Aside from the fact that the manager themselves should know this, the company should be structured so that such an issue can be dealt with appropriately.

Does the company have an employee booklet or intranet page that deals how conflict resolution is managed? If not, it's a concern but you are still entitled to have a 3rd party get involved in this and so I would ask HR for a confidential meeting to discuss your situation.

It seems to me that your request is for to have a different line manager, and that your justification for this is your experience and discomfort of working under your current one. All your feelings around being undermined or treated unreasonably are valid but are mostly not going to impact the decision as, as you point out yourself, people don't always click. Being undermined in emails without being mentioned can be subjective also but again, it doesn't mean you are wrong to feel upset by this. But in cases where you were told you'd have to use personal holidays to attend training in order to perform your role, that's definitely unacceptable.

If meeting with Hr, maybe document your position before hand with a summary of your experience and direct references to days or times when you felt how you were treated was inappropriate. When doing this, be as objective as possible and know that anything that simply comes down to your personal dislike of what was said is unlikely to make a big difference as it is just a difference in communication.

You can expect that HR will tell you that they have to get the other side of the story and you probably already know your manager won't admit they were being unreasonable but if possible, try not to engage about this on any level outside of that directed by HR and I would definitely advise that you do not speak alone about the issue with your current manager if they come to you about it.

As I said, ultimately, you may end up leaving as you might be told you cannot transfer but if so, you'll leave knowing you stood up for yourself.

I would try move laterally to the other manager.

This is closer to a plot from Cornation street than an accurate example of office dynamics.

In the real world, more and more companies are aware of the risk of constructive dismissal cases being brought against them and even without that threat, few companies will back a junior/mid-level manager without question.

If a manager is going on with stuff like this, they would be happy to become aware of it. Think I'm lying, have a conversation with people in such positions and ask how secure do they feel that the company will back them without question.

Remember, it's not a court of law. You don't need to prove things beyond reasonable doubt. What you have outlined in the opening post comes across as credible to me and some things would be verifiable (where there is an email chain for example). Your manager's behaviour does amount to bullying in my opinion and should be considered completely unacceptable in any well run company.

Are you on good terms with the other manager that you work with 80% of the time? Why not suggest to them the next time you are on a call that you think it might be best if you report into them? Explain why you think it makes sense (e.g. I already spend more time on work with you than current manager, feel like we get on well etc.). Mention that you've suggested it to your existing manager and they said they were open to discussing the idea at year end.

If you can move to the new manager, then problem solved really from the sounds of it. Probably no need to go nuclear in that case and burn any bridges. If you do end up leaving, that's when you can leave a few spicy comments in the exit interview!

Whatever you do, don't go down the route of leaving spicy comments in exit interviews.

Pointing out bullying or malpractice by a manager should in now way have any bearing on a future reference which from HR tend to be completely generic these days (person A worked here from xxxx to xxxx).

It could come back to bite you down the road in other ways depending on how small the industry you work in is and how influential your manager is. If you do have another job lined up, then maybe better to say nothing. Depends on how unreasonable you feel your manager's behaviour has been. In this case, it seems very bad so worth at least alluding to it I think.

You're deliberately misconstruing what is being said I reckon.

The OP isn't looking for an announcement on the intranet every time they did something but the case they outlined and the lack of any sort of recognition from their Line Manager is telling.

I've worked in mid-level management roles for years and it is a frequent line of communication between people at that level to ensure people are recognized by their line manager (and others as appropriate) when they have excelled in a particular way. It costs nothing for the company to do it, but can have a very positive effect on employee moral.

The company I work in at the moment has a monthly newsletter from the CEO and frequently after successful projects have been delivered someone may be identified by name in for the efforts they put in. The company has offices in 7 locations in the US and 4 other countries and not everyone knows everyone else but when someone is recognized in this way, it generally leads to positive vibes within their team/office and that can only be a good thing. The CEO doesn't know the minutae of who did what on a project but the fact that the information got as far as him for the article shows the PM, the Group Manager and Office Director recognized the efforts and that is where the benefit is.

No in both cases, but it indicates a pattern and is worthy of being noted.

You know that is not what is being implied here. But, carry on.

Personally, I wouldn't go near HR to state you're being bullied as I don't think it would warrant any more than a quiet word from HR to the manager at best. Despite being confidential, these things travel around and as your line manager will be responsible for assessing your performance and development potential within the organization, it might hold you back down the road. Also, if your desired manager was aware he/she may think that you could be problematic to them also and not endorse a change.

Perhaps it might be better to approach it a bit softer to HR indicating that you love working for the company and see your future there but that you don't really click with your current manager.... just one of those things and there is no hard feelings etc. etc. Then you could propose a the other manager.

Good luck!

Of course its bullying.

She's being singled out unfairly, treated differently and blanked. It also unprofessional and unproductive.

If I was the OP I would just make lateral move to another team. I would ask around see who is looking for staff. I wouldn't go through HR, I just go where I was needed more.

Just because you say it isn't, doesn't make it not bullying either...but it ticks a lot of the boxes.

The problem for this manager is they are most likely creating a history of treating the OP differently in their communications without realising it.

The OPs best option is just move to different manager. Avoid the drama queen and get back to work.