Help needed

You mention your solicitor advised not to move out of family house yet you can't understand why your husband won't! In these situations the husband is at a disadvantage with custody and property in a lot of cases so he's protecting what he has. If he moves out he'll pay for his other house, the family house and the kids yet have access to only one of them most of the time.

Mediation where the practicalities are laid out and an agreement in relation to finances, property and kids need to put in place need to happen. Until such time both parties will dig their heals in.

Just speak to a solicitor. By the souns of things they don't want you to leave the family home because it might be hard to get back in. Follow their advice and ask why if you do not understand the response. Everything here is well intentioned guesswork.

Also, stop posting with the username 'Goodbyelooser'. Looks tacky and god forbid it came out in any mediation/court setting, you would look bad.

He can do whatever he likes right now and you can do whatever you like right now.

wether what he is doing is in anyway moral or right depends on how ye got to the situation in the first place?

Family Law, divorce in Ireland doesn’t apportion blame to one party.

maybe you have cheated on him, messed his life up and now want him to get out of his house, so you can shack up with another fella.

then I would agree with his actions.

now it maybe he has done the same to you and is now making your life miserable so he can get everything and pressures you to leave, then I would say take him to court and file for divorce and take everything you can off him.

in the eye of Irish family law, he can’t just abandon his responsibility regardless of how ye got to where ye are.

it doesn’t matter how ye got where ye are

the fact that you are married with kids , I presume you weren’t working as to rear the children and he was working.

ye both contributed in your own way to maintaining a family.

he cannot leave you penniless and no court will let him if he has the means to.

you will not have to leave your house especially with kids. He will be leaving.

The shoe is very much on your foot in this situation.

the family law system in this country is great for protecting women and children that need it but is useless at protecting fathers on the receiving end of the same.

Basically if he is playing hardball and being a dick , then get a more aggressive solicitor that specialises in family law, wont be long softening his cough.

Hi Op, I have been following your thread and I can empathize on the tough time your going through, its a long hard road ahead, of which I have had personal experience. However I just want to offer an alternative point of view here in relation to your spousal maintenance, and correct me if Im wrong anywhere here. Prior to the break up your husband was bringing in the financial income and you were able to remain in the home and look after the kids and the household etc, now this is a very good position to be in as most couples have no choice only to pay childcare and have two incomes to cover costs. The situation has changed and the relationship has ended, financially this presents a problem, the joint overall costs go up as now there will be two households to pay for and to run, note costs will only vary marginally per number living in a household, ie its the same cost to have the heat on for 2 people as it is one person etc. So in order to facilitate this generally the obvious option is the person who was not in paid employment will need to get paid employment which will enable this change, which will unlikely be a part time position, therefore if necessary to facilitate this the kids may need to go to childcare after school etc. Sorry to give you the hard line here but the break-up has resulted in this situation and unfortunately both of you along with your kids will need to make pretty significant adjustments to make this work. Also remember if things are not amicable its important that neither side set a precedent which will negatively impact themselves in court, its terrible, its unfortunate but its the reality of the system we need to work within.

That's a very unfortunate situation particularly for the kids, however from a legal stand point I would imagine he is being advised not to leave the house. Believe me if there is anyway of trying to discuss it you will be better off rather than court, again unfortunately I have personal experience of this and know that discussions are not always possible depending on who your dealing with, I wish you the best OP. One word of advice thou, unfortunately my own ex is very venomous and has taken to trying to turn the kids by telling them loads of stories which are not true, and even if they were shouldn't be told to kids of their age, fortunately I have a very good relationship with them and im able to deal with it, don't bring the kids into it, they are innocent by standers and all they want is to be able to love and be loved by their mam and dad.

Depending how long the tenant has been there it could be a lot longer then 3 months. It can be over 6 and thats assuming the tenant leaves when asked and his sibling is willing to let him kick a tenant out to move in himself. I'm not agreeing with your OH actions but if you try pushing the rental propriety as an option he has a very easy come back in court as to why he can't move into it. If your parents is an option then I would move there. Wanting to stay in such an unpleasant environment 'for the kids' is utterly the wrong choice. All it does is drag everything out and make them more upset and damages their relationship with both parents in the long term.

Get a barring order against him. As a woman with children, you will more than likely be granted one. All you will have to say is that you are "in fear of him".

As a woman with children, all the cards are very heavily stacked in your favour. In practice, the court will take the side of the mother almost by default, unless there are some compelling reasons why they should not to take her side - ie, having a history of violence or substance abuse, etc, and even then it would have to be significant, repeated and not showing any improvement after repeated interventions of social services and the courts.

If you apply for a barring order with the correct reasons stated, they you will get it and he will have to move out or else he will be in contempt of court and he would be in big trouble. The Gardai could forcibly eject him from the house. He can always present to the local Council as homeless if he is stuck.

The OP states that is a toxic, hostile atmosphere, and that the marriage has been characterised by his controlling behaviour, financial and emotional control.

Wouldn't anyone be in fear in those circumstances? She can state that his presence is having a negative impact on her own and the childrens physical and mental wellbeing and that matters would improve for her and the children if he was removed from the family home as he is unwilling to do so voluntarily.

The court must do what is in the best interests of the children, and if the best interests of the children would involve a barring order to remove an uncooperative and unreasonable husband from the family home, then the court can give that order.

I would say apply for the barring order. I believe she is very likely to get it if she hits the right key words and phrases in the application. Anyway, the worst that can happen is that it'll be refused.

So the OP has not said she is in fear.

Different thing.

You are advising manipulation of a system.

Indeed, it could only "benefit" the woman to win a case. Applying for a barring order just to get the upper hand is a common strategy (and a despicable one), but it's no way in the interest of the children. I've been there myself and I can confirm that such an order will only escalate the situation and cause long term damage to all parties involved.

That is a morally disgraceful, nevermind illigal tactic. In years to come, when the kids have grown up, they'd hear the truth and I suspect struggle to forgive their mother.

To suggest it, especially on a public forum, undermines so much work which campaigners worldwide have done over the past few years to encourage people to Believe Women when they recount their experiences.

The OP however should follow that route if she has a genuine fear for her safety, but she has not mentioned that.