Bridesmaid Snub

Lala858585 · 28-12-2021 7:07pm #1

Hi so I am feeling very down and emotional as my maid of honour, who is my sister, never asked me to be her bridesmaid and she didn’t even tell me that she wasn’t picking me. I’ve always felt like the black sheep of my family and the odd one out and now this is making me feel that even more so as her 3 bridesmaids are my sisters. I’m also upset because she’s been asking me loads of wedding qs and I’m the only one who knows what her wedding dress looks like. I’d a feeling she wasn’t asking me so I asked my sister and she confirmed who her bridesmaids are. I’m just feeling so down about it. I know it’s silly but I can’t help it.

Ash.J.Williams · 28-12-2021 7:37pm

I think this looks so bad on your sister you need to rise above it and let them on. Don’t let it get you down , the positive side of this is you are exempt from all the wedding stress , once you are certain of this remove yourself from helping the fuckers passively without appearing bitter

HalfAndHalf · 28-12-2021 7:41pm

Why not ask her why she’s asked the other siblings and not you?

Something along the lines of ‘you’re asking for all this help from me yet you’ve asked the others to be bridesmaids’ that’s literally their job.

ebbsy · 28-12-2021 7:49pm

I would stay away from the wedding.

Just say you have Covid.

You will not be happy at it. Do not beat yourself up over this.

Lala858585 · 28-12-2021 11:18pm

I just want to say thanks for the messages. they’ve definitely made me feel better as I am feeling quite alone right now and can’t really raise it with the family as they’ll just say I’m being petty. So thank so much. I really appreciate it.

Flinty997 · 28-12-2021 11:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118383186#Comment_118383186

This what I would do.

Minier81 · 28-12-2021 11:36pm

Really good advice from Ash above.

Also do not think you are being silly. It is completely understandable to be upset by this. But you need to move on from it. Wishing you the best.

Ash.J.Williams · 29-12-2021 12:53am

I tend to stand proud in such situations even it im seething 😂

29-12-2021 1:05am

Are your sisters married?

StupidLikeAFox · 29-12-2021 1:11am

I think you need to rise above it and go with the flow for the sake of one day. It's her day and she has her own reasons for picking the others as bridesmaids. You are not entitled to be a bridesmaid just because you picked her first, it doesn't work like that. Just be as helpful as you can (assuming it's not putting you out too much), support her and enjoy the day out. Don't create drama on what is supposed to be a landmark day in her and your family's lives.

Organising a wedding is stressful enough, especially with the added uncertainty that covid brings - don't compound that stress for your sister (and by extension the groom, the wedding party etc) by making a big deal of this. You won't get anything from it.

Faith · 29-12-2021 9:17am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118384774#Comment_118384774

The tradition historically was that bridesmaids were unmarried. Is it possible that’s why you weren’t asked, OP?

29-12-2021 9:20am

Has she specifically said that you are not bridesmaid? Is there any chance she is just assuming you know you are a bridesmaid too and forgot to formally ask?

Ash.J.Williams · 29-12-2021 10:36am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118384794#Comment_118384794

That’s a bit harsh , at the end of the day everything is meaningless and we’re all going to die , including weddings, so it’s a little bit mean excluding one person

Ash.J.Williams · 29-12-2021 10:41am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118385117#Comment_118385117

You sure know women dude

woodchuck · 30-12-2021 11:46am

I can see why this would be very hurtful OP. If it was me, I'd just ask my sister outright what's going on. But we have a very open relationship, so I can see why this might be difficult in your situation.

As somebody else suggested, if you're married (or will be by her wedding date) that may be why she didn't pick you. Traditionally bridesmaids are unmarried.

If she starts taking advantage of your good nature though, e.g. trying to delegate wedding tasks to you, I'd just tell her you're busy and to ask her bridesmaids to help out instead.

Neyite · 12-01-2022 5:30pm

It happened me. My mother was furious and wanted to intervene but I wouldn't let her, and I'm glad. I rose above it and actually was more of a help to the bride in the run up to the wedding than her actual maid of honour or bridesmaids were.

The thing is, everyone noticed. And quite a few people remarked on it on the day. I was sat at the furthest table, you know the one where you stick the workmate you have to invite etc. I didn't even get a +1. Not gonna lie, it hurt me a lot at the time but I hid it. What it did do was reinforce to me that she doesn't consider herself close to me and never did, and it kind of gave me permission to stop trying to forge a relationship with someone who always knocked me back. So it was ultimately liberating really.

A few years later the bride told me that she regretted not having me as her bridesmaid and apologised, which was nice. I never did find out what the reason was. But I don't think we'll ever be close.

Bridesmaid Snub

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