Can a man and a woman stay mates if they dated once?

fishersham · 02-01-2022 4:52pm #1

Edited this as I feel I've said too much (just in case, this is a tiny country!).

Basically dated someone for 6ish weeks, we continue to talk daily 2 months after I called it off. It isn't flirtatious but a few of my mates are worried I'm leading him on, even if we only slipped up ONCE (while drunk and only a week or so after the split) and are both openly discussing who we fancy/ are chatting to. I've given him girl advice and vice versa. We're basically best friends.

To clarify, this is NOT about either lads I've mentioned in my 2 other posts. My love life (or lack thereof) had been interesting these last few months to put it mildly.

YellowLead · 02-01-2022 8:58pm

There’s no black and white answers for this.

It usually only works where there was no feelings involved and nobody got hurt when it ended.

I think him saying he would t trust himself if you cuddled proved he does fancy you and it’s not platonic. I think it was a little leading on of you to say that to him, but he sounds wise enough to say no so maybe you can be friends. I’d suspect he’s hoping for more though.

Freddie Mcinerney · 02-01-2022 9:07pm

Man and man without dating or knowing their name.

Loafing Oaf · 02-01-2022 9:07pm

OU812 · 02-01-2022 9:12pm

Generally as a rule, if one person has been inside the other person, it would be very difficult to maintain a platonic relationship after that fact.

Jequ0n · 02-01-2022 10:44pm

Of course it’s possible if both people are in the same place.But you aren’t, even after multiple threads on the same topic.

So what magic solution or answer are you looking for?

Mad_maxx · 02-01-2022 10:46pm

Not if he was doing it right

completedit · 02-01-2022 11:05pm

I don't think so, in an ideal world you would but in a way it betrays the relationships and the memories that were.

YellowLead · 02-01-2022 11:06pm

Is this the same guy who you caught feelings for very quickly and who ignored you when you got Covid?

fishersham · 02-01-2022 11:07pm

No, that was another fella. I've been ignoring that one since then. We only hung out like 5/6 times. My friend is an actual sweetheart and was always checking up on me while I had it.

Jequ0n · 02-01-2022 11:20pm

Sounds like you are both in pre-school, so best of luck.

Loafing Oaf · 03-01-2022 1:45am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118407417#Comment_118407417

I’d suspect he’s hoping for more though.

Yeah I reckon he's positioining her for FWB services, should he require them.

Ubbquittious · 03-01-2022 1:22pm

I am managing to stay friends with a few girlies I was with before. It helps if the relationship didn't end in a terrible manner

04-01-2022 12:27am

Only if they are adults.

Pawwed Rig · 04-01-2022 12:30am

I would say yes but why would you want to? It cannot go anywhere good and will just cause hassle in future relationships

Ubbquittious · 04-01-2022 12:32am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118413906#Comment_118413906

I think the future relationships are the hassle. I won't go out with some insecure wan again who tries to end my pre-existing friendships. I never gave any girl grief over who she was friends with and expect the same in return

MTU · 04-01-2022 12:33am

All depends if they ejaculated.

Emma2019 · 04-01-2022 12:39am

Absolutely, I'm friends with all of my exes, some of whom I was with for many years. You just need to be respectful and obviously helps if you didn't have dramatic break up.

In terms of someone you were seeing a short time, I almost think it's harder because the friendship side of it wasnt fully developed.

Once you dont slip up again and you've both been very clear you dont want anything romantic its easily enough done. If one side is still harbouring feelings it's very difficult.

Edit: Also my current partners have always gotten on well with previous ones too.

SamStonesArm · 04-01-2022 12:46am

6 weeks is only a bit of an ould fling so yeah of course you can still be friends with the person .

As long as both of ye know it's friendzone then all should be good.

standardg60 · 04-01-2022 12:51am

If you broke up because one didn't fancy the other you're screwed.

If you broke up because you both fancied each other but just didn't get on you're screwed.

If neither of the above then maybe, but i doubt that's ever the case.

fishersham · 04-01-2022 1:13am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118413947#Comment_118413947

That's honestly class. I'm not sure I know anyone capable of that.

I'm not mates with my other 2 exes but in fairness the first one broke my heart (it only lasted 3/4 months but I was 17 and hormonal). Nice fella and we'd stop for a chat in the pub or on the supermarket but otherwise...

Second fella I was with for nearly 3 years and I avoid him at all costs. I was the one who wanted out. Very toxic together.

This one on the other hand, is a sweetheart and we honestly felt more like mates than a couple from the get go. He has said the same of me. The spark just isn't there on either side. Maybe the fact it was barely a relationship helps?

04-01-2022 9:17pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118407489#Comment_118407489

This is, my view and experience.

I think the only way it can work is if you were friends first, then got together, then mutually realised there's no chemistry, laugh it off and go back to being friends. That's rare though.

Burt Renaults · 04-01-2022 9:29pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118407489#Comment_118407489

I'm good friends with, and have even been invited to the weddings of people whom I had previously been... erm... inside. Mature adults are generally capable of platonic relationships.

Can a man and a woman stay mates if they dated once?

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