The media and male violence

I doubt it. Just as this barbarity will fade into the background and be used as a reference in the future. There's been a variety of attacks/murders over the last decade, and none have stayed relevant after a few weeks or months. The supporters of these influencers will be the only ones who will care, with the remainder forgetting as something else comes along to grab their attention. People's attention spans are short.

https://www.mensaid.ie/

When I was young, I was bullied relentlessly. I have a shaking disorder which is very obvious to most people, and 'children' can be cruel. On top of that, my parents were both teachers in the schools I attended, which added an extra dimension to being picked on. And lastly, I'm bisexual, and have been since my early teens. This being before homosexuality gained any acceptance in Irish society, and I'm sure you remember the way that young boys/men acted out towards homosexuality. The fear that they displayed, like it was a disease that could be passed on, and the violence (both verbal and physical) that they felt obliged to express. So.. I have a lot of experience with both male violence, but also the way society pushes people to the outside. And while males tended to focus on physical reactions, females turned to emotional abuse.

Oh.. and bullies are not all cowards. Many of them feed off their sense of superiority (or inferiority), and will seek out opponents who offer a challenge. I've known a lot of bullies over the years, and while I wasn't much of a challenge to them (physically), some of their other targets were. I've known many bullies who would have both tendencies of sadism and masochism, feeding on those emotions when they lashed out at others. They don't fit the narrow description you provided above.

As such, I have always been careful with my friends and those I spend my time with. It took me a long time to understand that we could choose who we spend our time with, and i made mistakes with people, having them stop being friends once they realised that I was bisexual, or dealing with their insulting behavior when they found my shakes 'funny'. But over time, I've found enough nice people to be my friends, and i've learned to manage how strangers behave around me.

The point is that I don't have any "lads" as friends. I don't have any patience with the guys who need to push their authority on to others. I don't have aggressive friends. We don't get drunk and butt heads, or go looking for trouble. I know these kinds of guys (and women too) are out there, as I've encountered many of them over the last 4 decades, but they're not part of my life. Although, simply living in society, means that I'm exposed to them, and I've learned to avoid particular bars/clubs, or whatever, because I know that I'm more likely to meet such guys there..

I'm aware of many of the problems that women face in society. There's no shortage of media reports, opinion pieces, movies, etc to inform us of those trouble. Besides, my own experiences dealing with society, have left me sensitive to seeing the problems that exist within society.. how we interact with each other. The idea that men are unaware of what women have to experience in society is ridiculous. Oh, I'm sure that many men don't think about it much, because they're dealing with their own problems, but the knowledge of what happens is there.

I have no control over how other men behave. If I had I would have stopped their assaults on me a long time ago. I have no control over Irish society either, otherwise I would have made people less likely to 'joke' about my shakes. I'm incredibly happy that society has started to drop its biases against homosexuals... but I'm also aware that very little of that happened due to my own influence. I attended the pride events, was active in LGB clubs while in college and afterwards, but I don't think that what I, personally, did had much of an impact on changing things.

Apparently, men need to do more about violence in Ireland. I've asked on other threads, what exactly we're supposed to do.. and I've only gotten vague suggestions, or suggestions that ignore the practicalities of the situation. We should intervene if we see a woman in danger. Grand. Except, that most men are physically stronger than me, and every fight has the potential for serious injury.. never mind, the high risk of being arrested by the police. And that's that's without the fair chance, that the victim protects her aggressor... turning on her would-be savior (which I have seen happen a few times previously). The risks to the person intervening are so high. We should encourage other men not to be violent, but how does that work? A man telling an aggressive man not to be violent, is likely to encourage actual violence. That's a simple reality. We need to stop domestic abuse? err... how?

And then there's all these demands for more legislation to protect women, but all the proposed ideas seem to apply to all men.. there's little expectation of dealing with the people who actually engage in violence. Rather, the idea is that by targeting all men, as a collective group, this is somehow going to change things? How does that work? And why should I, as someone who has never sought to be violent, and doesn't tolerate violence in my own friends, be treated as if I'm a violent person? How is that fair...? or even practical? Because TBH I worry that such measures will simply encourage frustration, and increase actual violence.

Now.. personally, I do think we need to consider the place of men in society, but we also need to consider the place of women in society. Most of people's initial development happens in their childhood and teenage period, where they develop the foundations for their morality, and sense of self. Mothers, typically, have a greater amount of time with their children than fathers... that's simply the way society is. There's decidedly more female teachers than male teachers, especially at primary levels, but it also extends somewhat into secondary. We should be considering what is being taught to boys, from all adults, not simply passing responsibility on to "male culture". We should be trying to establish when these boys learn to be bullies, and what influences them to be that way. I don't buy into the aspect that biology rules us, because we can manage our impulses, creating habits that curb those impulses, and introducing logical processes to help us manage our emotions. We should be teaching all young people how to manage their emotions, and provide the tools to do so.

I feel that we're not dealing with male violence properly. Its being passed off as "a male problem", without considering all the aspects that influence male development over the years. If we are serious about wanting to minimize male violence, then, we should be dealing with all those influences, which would likely require a shakeup of society for both men and women.

"Someone"? A poster who came on to the thread spouting bile and being abusive to other posters. And then, she posts a link on it's own without any comments attached?

Seemed an adequate response to me. You don't agree.. fine. Although consider that I simply posted the link in response, and you felt the need to pass judgment on my doing so (no judgment over that other poster). I'd say that you're the one being childish.

But I'll leave it at that, otherwise this would become truly pathetic.