What's the etiquette here??

lapua20grain · 27-01-2022 5:40pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118541081#Comment_118541081

LL cool J sang that one didn't he https://youtu.be/vimZj8HW0Kg

AckwelFoley · 27-01-2022 5:48pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118541480#Comment_118541480

Yea. You're absolutely right

"LL" stands for "ladies love" apparently

27-01-2022 5:58pm

Drop It Like It's Hot

EmmetSpiceland · 27-01-2022 6:15pm

Wait, isn’t ‘knock one out’ slang for having a wánk?

StevenToast · 27-01-2022 6:44pm

I normally have that Billy Ocean classic song

"Get out of my dreams, get in to my car" playing in my head when I'm squeezing one out...

Except my lyrics are:

" Get out of my hole, get into the Bowl"......

AckwelFoley · 27-01-2022 6:55pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118541635#Comment_118541635

Fire out some knuckle children is my favourite

AckwelFoley · 27-01-2022 6:59pm

I've often sang the intro to KirsKross "Da Bomb"

"It's da boooommb I know ye hear me coming, I drop bombs like hiroshima"

EmmetSpiceland · 27-01-2022 7:29pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118541871#Comment_118541871

Kris Kross’ll make ya, Dump! Dump!

Brendan Bendar · 27-01-2022 7:34pm

This fcuking thread has taken a bad lurch………just sayin’

Mods must be on a reach around at the coffee machine.

30-01-2022 6:39pm

Might have mentioned it here recently, but I've been on a bit of a "health buzz" for the past few weeks after a rather sobering assessment on my health from some long string of piss GP. One of those nerdy cúnts looking out over their glasses at you.

Soup, salads, brown bread, lentils, all that sort of thing. I even tried porridge once. Anyways, for the past 5 days I was extraordinarily constipated. Now I know what is feels like to be bound up like a SF supporter on the current affairs forum.

Headed to the chemist this morning for some Senokot, then into Supervalu for a litre of prune juice and a punnet of pears as things were starting to feel quite bad down there. So "bound up" I couldn't even fart, which was a bit of relief for the wife in fairness.

Too about 3 hours for the senna plant, pears and prunes to work their wonders. Was watching Galway hammer Meath on the TV when I got an urgent "Signals Report" from the bunker. Straight into the shítter under the stairs, and passed what felt like a fúcking rolling pin. Had to go for a lie down afterwards, and still feel extremely empty. Got a little bit emotional tbh.

EmmetSpiceland · 30-01-2022 7:14pm

Glad you got there in the end, ADP, but next time try the tried and trusted ‘Bendar Method’ and down a number of kiwi fruit.

Augment that with pears, if you think of it. And make sure they are fresh, never tinned.

Brendan Bendar · 31-01-2022 4:01pm

Hmm…… yes……. Word of warning though, came back to Bendar Mansions over the weekend after a long walk.

Felt warnings that the ‘pot roast’ was nearly done but foolishly tried to ‘hold her on the clutch’ so one push would blow the lot out.

Eventually decided it was time to open the oven door, after nearly burning out the clutch.

Bad decision, soon as I got near the ‘big shïtter’ the flood gates opened and I failed to clear ground zero with the breeks.

Good Egyptian leather belt, good set of Sloggies, and a fawn pair of Guineys comfort slacks ‘removed from service.

All into the clothes recycling bank at the centre.

Thats the problem with the Kiwi, can explode unexpectedly

cannonballTaffyOjones · 01-02-2022 12:33pm

Was on the way to go skiing a few weeks back and had to stop the car on some forest road ... straight into the forest and dropped the kacks.

Bunted out a massive pile of rotten sludge, lucky it was so cold out couldn't really smell the phucker, and no flies alighting on it like any other time of the year.

Was a very isolated place, I bet she is still there ... frozen, should have put a flag on top.

cannonballTaffyOjones · 02-02-2022 10:54am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118384204#Comment_118384204

Ah yes, the sprouts, I love sprouts and spend christmas time eating them by the bowl-load.

This year the absolute stink of the farts .... really thick ones, that you can feel the density ... any denser and they'd be sharts.

Rotten, I had to have the jacks window open 100% of the time...

CGI_Livia_Soprano · 02-02-2022 2:23pm

I just deposited several gallons of sour midden after a coffee-rich morning. On the one hand the change is nice, usually my output is very marbled, however I am very thirsty afterwards. One of those movements where you have to take your shirt off during a particularly arduous process, like mowing the lawn on a sunny day. 10/10

bogmanfan · 02-02-2022 3:37pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgbbKefd0wk

Nevin Parsnipp · 03-02-2022 4:34pm

Good to hear there is plenty of "movement" amongst the many excellent contributors to this premier thread.

Blew out a thick "Glistener" mesell this morn....savage shine orf the beast as she bobbed around the S Bend.

As an old professor used to say to me "A good sh1te is a great tonic" and I have to agree fully on that one.

The hole seemed very "Light" after the evac and I positively bounded into work.....took one look at the glum faces there and was tempted to order a communal sh1te session.

Anyways....bottled out but did see big Ethel from goods inwards coming back from the direction of the ladies swamp with a noticeable spring in her step.

Lass must have left a big one in there was my uncharitable thought.....

Slideways · 04-02-2022 2:07am

Someone wasn’t happy with the beef or salmon option for the dinner

04-02-2022 12:32pm

Grouptherapy · 04-02-2022 2:24pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118576529#Comment_118576529

Only the second time I've ever heard reference to the shine factor. A previous workmate used to rate his satisfaction with certain food stuffs by their ability to 'Put a shine on your shite'. There's truth in the fact that the patina factor of a log is directly related to how easy it is to discharge. Wouldn't be surprised if there's an actual formula for it somewhere.

I've been taking advantage of the recently extended opening hours and on a couple of mornings, like a good war movie, there's been fire in the hole.

Have a good weekend friends.

Brendan Bendar · 04-02-2022 5:32pm

An old professor always acknowledged this formula

SF =LOL/GRxWOH/DSS /TC/IN

SF is Shine factor

LOL is Length of log

GR is Girth

WOH is width of hole

DSS is Drawstring Stretch

TC is time cooking

and IN is Intake content.

Fcuker was never bound!!!

Fireball81 · 04-02-2022 9:18pm

New office opens later this month.

There will be brand spanking new jacks and I'm looking forward to hopefully having the first dump (and maybe even a cheeky tug) in one of the facilities....thats assuming of course the construction lads havnt beaten me to it.

Ha Long Bay · 04-02-2022 9:39pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118583169#Comment_118583169

You can be almost 100% sure they will have left a builders bonus in each one of them before the water was connected that will require a chisel to remove the payload.

You the man · 04-02-2022 11:42pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118583309#Comment_118583309

A builders finish?

Nothing worse than opening the door of your new abode be it business or home and catching a glimpse of a sh1tter that itself is constipated..

Hard forgotten memories...

StevenToast · 05-02-2022 12:17am

So with the 6 nations kicking off tmw....

An old tale from the dressing rooms.....

A very well known former Irish rugby International would regularly take a 10 minute dump after training while everyone else was showering.. ...he was famous for never wiping his arse....he always banked on having a 'winner'........

So back in the dressing room the rest of the lads would be drying themselves off.......On more than one occasion, old brown arse would stroll up balls naked to the unsuspecting victim (usually foreign, new to the province).......plant himself on their lap and grind away like a stripper while shouting;

"SHìT KNEE, SHìT KNEE"

The hairier the victims leg was, the harder it was to get the brown off.....you could get the odd bit of crust lodging long term!

You couldnt get away with that carry on anymore....

You the man · 05-02-2022 12:28am

Filthy Kernt...

Nevin Parsnipp · 05-02-2022 7:34pm

Jerst pulled into Chateau Parsnipp arter a nice mornins golf and on to the bar for the six nations.

Arter a quick hello to Mrs P bounded up the stairs to the "Upper" and exploded a 12 bore "Catridge" of runny dark coloured midden.

Achieved "Full Pan Spread!" and the noxious bang was thick enough to stitch a button on it.

Hopefully the sour dark coloured evac was connected to a Guinness promotion in the club which I had heavily invested in ....

Fingers crossed....

Brendan Bendar · 07-02-2022 9:57am

‘Bucketgate’ see post 7916 still rumbling on at the club.

Council held ‘inquiries’ with no conclusive results….word on the fairways seems to suggest that a four ball all known as‘The Mens Shed’ group the most likely.

Apparently they all ‘hit the traps’ at the same time ,indeed one lad using the toilet said they sounded like ‘ belt fed mortars’ in the stalls, and one of tnem Was heard complaining in the Pro-shop that he’d ‘fill the bunker on the second’ if

the bogs were closed.

Council promised changes to cleaning regime but unlikely to solve the mystery of ‘The Dropped Log’ as its called.

Slideways · 07-02-2022 2:13pm

…

CGI_Livia_Soprano · 07-02-2022 3:08pm

After a very busy weekend of travelling up and down the country, on important company business, while subsiding on extremely salty calorific fast food meals I am sad to say that I am absolutely shítting píss today. I’m glad that I have the luxury of taking today off to reflect.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this evening.

What's the etiquette here??

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