Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

How to get my money back from a (wealthy) friend.

135

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,636 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    No harm in letting his parents know he might be in some financial difficulty, possibly gambling again. It might push him to get the help he needs. It's what any friend would do 😏

    I wouldn't be shy about advising mutual acquaintances against advancing him any money either. You wouldn't want him to sting any of your friends the way you've been stung.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,688 ✭✭✭✭mickdw


    Considering all of the above, he certainly won't pay you. I dont think you are the type to escalate this to heavies so best leave it for now but I'd absolutely report this again to gardai with a full outline of events and state that you are now afraid of him and afraid to approach him again about the outstanding debt.

    Also report the damage to your bike and again state that you are afraid to approach him about this.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,656 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    I don’t think he is a nut job. Certainly a narcissistic selfish opportunistic prick that knows a soft touch when he sees one. There are plenty like him out there if you let them.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,688 ✭✭✭✭mickdw


    Agree but the damage to the bike suggests slightly out if control. Don't know if this is a motor bike or bicycle.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,833 ✭✭✭StevenToast


    Id love to hear about this prìck getting his comeuppence...

    But thats not how reality works🤔

    "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining." - Fletcher



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,688 ✭✭✭✭mickdw


    Well I figure the OP will at least get to witness this dickheads downfall somewhere along the line.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,292 ✭✭✭Galadriel


    What an asshat, I would be furious too OP. I think the next step is to try to get the builder guys from Adverts.ie, they are witnesses to the fact he borrowed the money.

    I don't know what you could do then, maybe send him a letter saying you have said witnesses and will be going to a solicitor?



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,346 ✭✭✭TheW1zard


    Do not do any criminal damage to his property to the value of 500euro. This might make you feel better but it will likely get you in trouble





  • He’d feel better til Jamie comes round his gaff and breaks his up. That would be fcuking stupid, someone obviously has a problem with me, me house has been broke up, wouldn’t be long thinking who did it.

    Any and all credibility in this situation out the window and now OP looks like the thug.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 225 ✭✭Curious1002


    Thanks to all for the support and advice.

    I have just received a private message from a solicitor who read this thread and offered to help me write a legal letter. I am meeting with him on Friday. Thank you, DS. Lets see what this brings.

    I will go to the Guards tomorrow after work and file an official complaint about the interaction, will add my audio recording as proof and pics of my scratched bicycle. Thats a good idea to file it even if the Guards wont act on it.

    Someone asked if it was just bad luck that I was there when he needed to pay the builders or did he call me over specifically at that time. I was wondering about it too. I told him that the lamps came and that I can come over at the weekend but he said "what about tomorrow?" Its not very clear if it was a set up, but the timing is convenient and suspicious indeed.

    Someone else wrote to check if i can borrow some things of his and retun it after getting paid... i also considered that but there is nothing to borrow there. Everything is very glassy there, lots of cameras in the nearby houses, construction site mess in the backyard, with nothing in the frontyard. The only thing i could borrow are trash bins.



  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,077 ✭✭✭3DataModem


    Well, now you know. When some time passes you will consider yourself lucky it was only 500.

    Now here's the rub; I'll bet you dollars to donuts that within two years he has texted you to borrow money again.





  • Narcissistic people are seriously manipulative. The one I know has/had a massive alcohol problem (insists on being sober now but who cares now except their family) and what started with buckets of my empathy on foot of a litany of sob stories turned into anger after I was recently approached to return all the money they had repaid me. I know others in their exact job who are earning €80k+ so it is really taking the piss. The spiel for running totally out of money was “I am left to pay a lot of my elderly parents’ bills.” I know full well there is a reasonable income there and family finances could easily be negotiated, but they instead approached me. So OP, I don’t think there are any coincidences when it comes to dealing with a small number of certain types of people.

    It can be very hurtful, but a narcissist/sociopath doesn’t care about anybody but themselves. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this matter.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 350 ✭✭backwards_man


    Reading this thread has made me very angry. OP you are obviously quite young and have been scammed by a person who saw you as soft touch. I am guessing you are a quiet sort of individual and not one to be agressive or to fight back, so have become a target for this thug. Its a tough lesson but an important one and it only cost you €500 which may seem a lot now but on the scale of things, it is not, considering the lesson learnt. I hope you can put this behind you. This guy will get whats coming. He will scam the wrong person and end up in hospital or worse. Follow through with the complaint to the guards, have it on record, you may be the first person, and having it there might lend credance to the next person who complains about him. Block his number and get on with your life.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 516 ✭✭✭BattleCorp1


    This sounds very made up. And for that reason I'm out.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 506 ✭✭✭Pistachio19


    How much will a solicitor cost? You have zero proof that you lent him the money, so your ex friend can just say you gave it to him as a gift, or deny getting it from you at all. You could well be throwing good money after bad by paying solicitors fees for writing a letter which will most likely be ignored.





  • It’s a boards user who’s a solicitor, I assume they’re not charging and doing the OP a favour. They’ve expressed already no interest in paying for one, for exactly the reasons you say.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I am not advising you do this op but this is what i would do

    I would stand outside his house with a placard saying what he did . I would not argue with him it he came out. If he abused me i would call the gardai.if the gardai told me leave i would do so and would speak to them calmly and explain . maybe they actually do their job.

    The gardai may direct me to leave under public order act. I would go peacefully if they did.

    If i was prosecuted i would tell the judge the story. I think it's the judge who would decide if it was a gift or not. Why would I go to all that trouble if it was a gift?

    I would talk to him though if he wanted, in the road not go inside his gate. I would record the conversation and tell him i was doing so

    IANAL but i do not see harassment in the above as I'd have reasonable cause or whatever the term is.i could be wrong.i have read of people doing it outside car dealers if ripped off 

    That's what I'd do. Not legal advice or any kind of advice. Let us know how it goes with the solicitor



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,045 ✭✭✭silver2020


    Has any of the sucker posters read any of the previous threads started by the op?


    Walter Mitty comes to mind.


    Don't feed trolls



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,733 ✭✭✭maebee


    I chanced upon this thread and being the type of person that I am, I never doubted the OP's story. As a courtesy to us "sucker posters", you might quote the OP's previous starter threads. TIA.



  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,045 ✭✭✭silver2020


    Not difficult to search, just click on his name.


    Very very very unlucky sod or a troll


    And he had tens of thousands in deposit accounts just over a year ago.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    In October 2020 op says "I was advised by my bank to open 3 separate saving accounts with €15K each and earn 1.35% interest per year. I happily agreed"



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Don't know any bank paying 1.35% on lump sums like that. Pretty sure that was a fib.


    Covid is messing with a lot of people, the OP looking to have a conversation.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]




  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,833 ✭✭✭StevenToast


    Ya....the OP is a troll.....mr feg style.....the mods should be keeping tabs....

    "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining." - Fletcher



  • Advertisement
  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Only if reported.


    I don't see Walter Mitty types the same as trolls. I have no time for trolls. Walter Mitty's get sympathy at least.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,833 ✭✭✭StevenToast


    Ok fair enough....but people need to take a good pinch of salt reading this thread....

    "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining." - Fletcher





  • Not sure what a the OPs savings has to do with any of this anyway?

    he was robbed of €500, how much money he otherwise has is irrelevant.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 665 ✭✭✭goldenmick




  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    He said to the ' friend' I said that Christmas at home in my home country exhausted my budget

    He also said he is on €32.000pa.

    45 K plus 32,000 pa and his budget is exhaused by spending 500.

    Of course he should not have been robbed if he was but i don't see how 45k and a 32,000pa could leave him broke after 500. He should be able to afford a soilicitor

    All i am saying now is his story doesn't add up. I may be wrong hopefully we get update



  • Advertisement


  • Okay but he said Christmas in his home country, so he at least had flights to pay for, perhaps a hotel, gifts and living expenses while away from home.

    he’s on €32k a year, presumably after tax, not a week or month in fairness. like it seems all these transactions with the “friend” were all at one time more or less, so out of his €615 a week wages, €500 is gone.

    His savings are irrelevant to me, those are savings and not a factor of a monthly or weekly budget.

    I think to say that because the OP makes €32k a year and has a few bob in savings (again assuming he even has anything left that was redundancy pay) means his story is fabricated is nonsense.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,656 ✭✭✭✭road_high



    Its more for me that from his previous posts and discussions the op comes across as being fairly financially astute. So to land himself in this idiotic position seems a bit implausible is all



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    OK true but I cannot see 45 k vanish like that. it was only last night i realised he was the person who posted about the friend /flat taking a picture. Seems to get into unusual situations. seems suspect to me anyway



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 592 ✭✭✭CrookedJack


    I've looked back and nothing in previous threads contradicts what the poster says here, and I don't find your reasoning very compelling. I would go so far as to say the voice is consistent and the character that got up to the earlier escapades seems like one who would have the current problems.

    Either way I'm not sure why it would matter - in every thread for all intents and purposes it could be a complete fabrication and the practical effect would be the same. Whether this is an elaborate fantasy or completely true there's no indication the the OP is trying to scam anyone, or somehow trying to sneer at us with his clever ruse. He's presenting a situation and allowing us to distract ourselves by reading and discussing it, it make no difference if its real, so why would it bother you? You don't know anyone involved, and will never meet any of them so invented or actual they'd be just as real to you.





  • Yesterday I posted a registered letter to the elderly father of a person who owes me a fair bit of money and who recently pressurised me to top it up with screenshot of debt seeking by landlord ( yeah, absolutely mea culpa culpa that I conceded!). I did this as very last resort as the explanation for recurrence of debt l, but it just didn’t add up in any way. The sort-of explanation was that the household bills/care necessities were beyond earnings. By my own calculations this simply did not ring true.

    Response was some immediate repayment. More fundamentally it commenced a much-needed discussion within the household as to how such a debt might have arisen and how it could be solved. An issue that not only inflicted personal pain into myself, but obviously consequences onto others.

    it seems the individual did not reckon on my taking such action, but if they knew me long enough, or taken heed of my character, they would have known that I would never have met such a thing lie unattended in the long run.

    Post edited by [Deleted User] on


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    It makes a big difference to me if its real.i have tried to help him and do not have time to waste on made up situations. I don't know why you say it is about distraction.if it was hypothetical he could have said. And you don't know if i will ever meet them or not. Anyone can meet anyone .



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    As for real world impact. We had at least one poster admit they were feeling very angry emotions because of the OPs predicament. We had another poster affected to the point he was urging people to pay money to the OP and offered €50 himself.

    So, it would not be an entirely victimless escapade. The OP themselves doesn't seem to have contradicted the view it might be made up.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Correct. Most people who responded gave their time and energy trying to help or make suggestions

    If it is not true it might make people less likely to respond to a similar situation which may ne true denying the genuine poster assistance.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,548 ✭✭✭Claw Hammer


    The story about a solicitor contacting him by pm and helping him write a letter is obviously rubbish as well. Solicitors are not allowed tout for business and if they gave him any help they would have to process him for anti-money laundering which is a couple of hours of paperwork. the fees a solicitor would want to take on a matter like this would be more than the debt. There is little doubt that the whole story is makey-up.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,656 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    Yea even in the very unlikely event a real solicitor made contact here they still wouldn’t be doing for free and any representations made would be multiples of €500 debt. And still wouldn’t get any where as the “borrower” has a whole load of ways out



  • Advertisement


  • Well I don’t think there’s anything against offering advice a solicitor in private? I know you absolutely cannot post anything on threads in the way of actual legal advice, but all he was offering to do as I understand is send a letter on headed paper for the most part?

    I just can’t see the OP being bothered to make it up, it’s also generally fairly apparent when BS is BS. But could be wrong all the same.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,548 ✭✭✭Claw Hammer


    Solicitors are not allowed tout for business. If a solicitor uses his letterhead it has to be on behalf of a client even if it is for free, which is what contacting a poster on an internet site is. That means passport photos, utility bills etc have to be on file. It would take quite some time for a solicitor to take a proper attendance before a letter could be written. It is utterly ridiculous to think any solicitor would get involved in a situation like this and offer any kind of help for free, even if it was genuine. If the solicitor doesn't provide details of theirn name and office address with phone and email, how would anyone know the pm came from a solicitor at all and not another walter Mitty? What solicitor would want to undergo the hassle of getting involved in a piffling mess whyich could result in a complaint to the Law Society or the LSRA?

    Saying something must be true because a person doesn't seem to have a reason to lie is nuts.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,446 ✭✭✭dublin49


    dont know if this is a wind up but for me it doesnt ring through.The vagueness around the friendship and how he felt obliged to hand over the 400 just doesnt ring true.If his friend has that kinda power over him he got off lucky with 500,



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,565 ✭✭✭jaffa20


    Whether this is a wind up for not, it's best thread i've seen on boards in a long time 😁



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,934 ✭✭✭mrslancaster


    So how does FLAC work? Their centres give free advice to members of the public, even on the phone, and without going through all the AML stuff.

    What I took from the OP's post was that another boards poster was offering a bit of advice about writing a letter, it didn't sound like he was touting for business. But as others said, the whole thread could be a wind-up so who knows 😚



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,926 ✭✭✭Grab All Association


    The only time to ever hand over money to another person is if you’re purchasing something off them or they have a gun to your head. I always tell people I don’t carry cash, I have just paid a lot of bills etc.

    if someone asks you to order stuff online, be sure to get the money in hand before purchasing or when the goods are received, do not hand them over until the monies are paid to you.

    TRUST NO ONE, Especially family members. I’ve only ever lost €15 before on loan to a family member when I was 14. Lesson learned





  • I’ve had some more time to ponder the scenario described & my opinion is shifting.

    I just think about the lamps for example, why did the OP need to order them for “Jamie”? Even if we were to assume Jamie can’t order stuff online I couldn’t imagine myself spending €100 for “a friend”. That’s one thing, but the €400 for builders makes no sense at all.

    the builders would just invoice you.. there’s no way they’d stand in your house and wait for a friend to pop to an ATM for cash & I find it very hard to believe you would say; “oh I have no cash either, I’ll pop to the ATM!” even if the tradesmen were refusing to leave without being paid, why would you volunteer to go yourself? 😵‍💫

    on the surface it seems feasible, but the deeper thought it’s given the more ridiculous it seems.





  • I suppose it depends on the type of builders and whether VAT is involved 😉 For those who don’t deal with Revenue instant payment might be demanded.

    I am essentially a compassionate person, one who enjoys most of all being helpful, but I lose the rag altogether if I’m tried and tested once too often. As such can be seen as and initially respond as a soft target by individuals desperate for funding. Personally I cannot understand how some people get into serious debt, and I’m not talking about folks in genuinely impoverished circumstances & bad fortune. Some folk are extraordinarily bad at managing money, in that they spend before they see what they actually have got left to spend and with certain online shopping habits this can eat away at the bank account. Some have addictions to fuel, drugs payments, or gambling debts. The latter especially would take an awful lot of money and be behind the most major debts.



  • Advertisement


  • yeah I’m sure there’s the few who’d be uh.. particularly anxious to be paid urgently.

    All the same I just couldn’t envision pulling €400 out of my own account to pay someone else’s builder ya know? It’s different if he had cash on him I guess but I guess that detail alone kind of has me thinking he’s being honest!

    i don’t know.



Advertisement