No friends

Over the last two years of the pandemic I've completely drifted away from any friends to the point that I'm now dreading the easing of restrictions.

Yeah it is hard to make new friends in your 30s. We have moved to a new area during Covid too so in a similar situation. I've joined a few groups on Meet Up but still trying to get the courage up to go to an event. I don't know what I'm so scared of because I have nothing to lose but I think the fear of rejection is just awful for me and gets worse the older I get.

OP, I feel for you I really do.

It can be very hard when you feel so isolated, but as previously mentioned, you have to be proactive in putting yourself out there if you want to meet new people - they wont be coming to you. There are absolutely loads of clubs, groups and associations you could join. Get busy on Google, local newspapers, etc, and find out where they are.

Also, you've made a big step by making your first post on here. Maybe become a lot more active and participate in more threads. You never know. After a little time you may strike up a friendship with someone nearby to yourself.

You don't say if you work or not. If you do, is there no-one you could relate to at your workplace? If you don't work, have you considered volunteering... charitable shop, rescue centre, etc. I'll repeat again, you must be proactive - as in any aspect of life - to get results.

Do keep in touch on here and I'll keep an eye out on this thread to see how you're getting along. Good luck.

Added later: You know, in hindsight, you do at least have your boyfriend. Surely he could be of some help in this. There are countless lonely people out there, and most are not as fortunate as you in that they are not in a relationship and have absolutely no-one. Really, at your young age, you should be doing more to help yourself.

Im in a similar both op. With the handful of friends I do have, they have partners and do most things with them. I can't give them a ring when I'd like to chat up. There's no spontaneity anymore. I'm on my own most evening's it's really really hard, esp when I feel everyone else has people they can rely on and do fun things with.

I'm really conscious I don't have people to hang around with, I'm ashamed and embarrassed. I'd love to meet someone and meet new friends but I really feel that once they realize my situation they will be turned off, in fact I feel a few already were so in the past.

I eco what others are saying getting out there and joining things u have a interest is the first step. Ur not alone, it's so lonely, hope u meet new people v soon.

As well as taking the good advice already given, is there any reason why you can't try to reconnect with some of your old friends? They're not living near you any more but you could still visit them or ring them up for a chat. You might be pleasantly surprised. Just be careful you don't make them think you're making contact because you've got nobody else to talk to.

Nobody has 'loads of friends'. Some people might know 'loads of people' but that's different.

Anyway, friends don't just arrive on your doorstep. You just need to put yourself in social situations and I don't mean the pub necessarily.

Rather than trying to 'find friends' try to find social situations you might enjoy, whether it be a sporting or game activity or whatever interest's you have. And if you don't have any I'd say go and find one. Try something new, for the fun of it.

And don't think your problem is some unique problem you have. Feeling alone and isolated is a well know social problem. Do something about it, as i have suggested, as nothing will happen by magic if you don't.

I can relate. When I was 25 I ended a few "friendships" I had. They weren't really friends. Just people I knew through a sport I did and we all liked going to the same bar the same day of the week. Realised they weren't friends after a few bad examples.

@Purple Mountain I get what you are saying. But that happens every day of the week. Not the op's fault. Its the age old thing - when someone gets a partner they're no where to be seen. But broken up or single they're always around.

You just have to get out and about.

Join clubs. Do common activities. Like someone said trying to overcome something as a group creates a bond. This is really good advice, and I only realised that when I read it above.

I did an MBA. Lots of tough group projects and individual projects but we were all trying to get through. Still friendly with a lot of people from there.

Lately joined a triathlon club. A few new members like me are training for our first big event. And we are starting to form a bond. Whilst not going for coffee yet, we are planning things together, booking accomodation together, doing small extra training ourselves. That puts you in a position to chat and create bonds.

So really OP, join a club or a group that has aligned goals. And go for it. To be honest I couldn't believe how friendly and supportive the triathlon club was and most new members to triathlon are in your age bracket I'd say.

I'm often struck by the number of people in couples who have absolutely no friends outside of their partner, and never had. If you can meet someone and be interesting and engaging enough for them to want to be your romantic partner then you can 100% make friends!

I'm in the same boat as the OP but my main problem is I only really ever had a handful of friends and as time went on we just dropped out of contact. I'm going to read this thread and keep an eye on it so I can get some ideas on what to do to try get out of this hole I'm in!

I was a bit like u OP. I lived abroad pretty much straight from school and came back in my late 30's and was quite lonely. I then met the most wonderful person nearly 2 years ago and we are the the best of friends today. It was pure coincidence we met just bumped into each other by the local bus stop and got chatting. These things can happen. There's people out there for u to meet.

Would it be a good thing to have a forum or a thread where people could connect (not sure if there already is), and people consent to PM etc. Maybe even if somebody likes your post you know they're interested in getting to know you more?

I am in the same boat. I have two close friends, one which I would go out with for birthdays or celebrations and other I would call for visit rather than go out. As she doesn't go out. Both are married with children while I am a single mum to one child. I feel I lost myself the last few years. I have joined mmeetup.combut the closest meet ups are over hour drive each way. That doesn't help for nights out as its too far away.

That totally put a smile on my face :)

Meh, sort of in the same boat myself.

I've 1 good friend, lots of "friends" who I interact with occasionally (mostly at their convenience when I'm needed) and some acquaintances. I've some friends through business than I know will help at the drop of a hat for business but it most certainly doesn't go beyond that.

I'm probably blessed with the fact I've a good relationship with immediate family, if not for them I'd imagine I could feel quite isolated at times.

I think people like me (and many others in this thread) are their own worst enemy in the fact there there is no proactivity in looking, I've never ever been proactive in looking for friends anyway. I felt very alone in my late teens/twenty's but it's all but worn off, I am kept busy with business, life, hobbies etc so don't really feel it now other than maybe the odd Saturday night/weekend when you've nobody.

I'm single too which I'd imagine being in a relationship might relieve the occasional bout of loneliness but in my opinion being in a relationship just to stave off loneliness is an awful decision and will probably introduce more problems than anything. I'd also link the the lack of relationship and my lack of good friends - I.E I'm not very proactive in looking!!

There is some good idea's on here though on where to start!

If you never feel a part of the world, then carve your own niche buddy. Wishing I could give you a massive hug and get you out for a coffee.

Incels have a different view of soceity than a lot of people, just be careful you dont fall into thinking that the world is against you, you sound like you have a lot to offer the world . You are being open here, honest and extremely articulate...great qualities to have