Stay with my wife or divorce her and run

opendoors · 03-02-2022 9:49pm #1

I have been married for 17 years and in a relationship for 26. Me and my wife have seven kids all grown up and have children of their own. I'm slightly overweight and wouldn't be the most attractive but my wife has let her self go a bit too since we first got together. However I have no problem with this, it's my wife who says I don't do it for her anymore and I am not the man she onces loved. I haved worked for 32 years and never went a week without handing over most of my wages and doing things I didn't want to and spending it on renovations and furniture we didn't need. She has never seemed happy but still, I never complained. She recently told me she has found a new lover but she still wants to stay married. I was heartbroken but I went along with it. Now this week she tells me that he has become homeless and she now wants to move him into my home and for me to sleep in our children's old room. She doesn't want me to move out as she can't afford the house on her own and thinks I should be grown up enough to do it for the children however she is making me not tell the children because she doesn't want me to upset them or end our marriage. If you where in this situation what would you do? Should I leave the house to stop the trouble or what should I do. My children will be devastated and I don't want to do that to them? I would genuinely love some advice because I haven't a clue what to do.

dobman88 · 03-02-2022 9:55pm

Dont leave anyway. It's your home. Ler her make a decision. If she wants to be with lover man, she can move out and get a place with him. If she doesn't, then she needs to be grown up to accept you dont want her lover living with you. What a completely insane suggestion from her.

You need to stand your ground here. Tell her you dont want him in the house and you're not leaving. If she wants to leave, let her go because it sounds like your relationship is done anyway tbh

Best of luck with things

Atlantic Dawn · 03-02-2022 9:56pm

Don't whatever you do leave the house. I'd first have a meeting between you and your kids and explain to them what is happening, then initiate a divorce to have assets split between you and your wife. Are you sure it's not a phase she's going through, also your man she fell for might have 10 women on the go.

dalyboy · 03-02-2022 9:57pm

If this was me …… (1) I’d Hand her divorce papers tomorrow morning . (2) book a 1st class ticket to any country in SE Asia. (3) Find a lovely stunning wife and live happily ever after in a low cost paradise country that’s befits the good efforts I made on the other side of the world.

Your job is done and you’ve fulfilled your marriage contract and raised your children. Now it’s time to be rewarded .

BorneTobyWilde · 03-02-2022 10:04pm

Is it that easy to hand someone divorce papers,? Must take time and money Shirley ?

opendoors · 03-02-2022 10:07pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578281#Comment_118578281

I haven't a clue about that man only that he's even 30 yet I'm not aware of an exact age, I don't know if he has other lovers only that 30 odd euros comes from my account for his God damn x box live whatever that is. We haven't been intimate I'm 3 years and now she has partner I think it's more than a phase. So you honestly think I should stay here and demand she move out and that wouldn't be a scumbag thing to do? I loved this women with every part of my heart iv never even kissed another woman's neck never mind anything else. The thought of her not being in my life when I wake up is stomach turning and if I kicked her out I will never have that feeling of happiness again.

opendoors · 03-02-2022 10:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578335#Comment_118578335

I'm affraid to even look into it. I have contracts running untill 2026 so I can't even just get up and go.

lawred2 · 03-02-2022 10:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058231244/stay-with-my-wife-or-divorce-her-and-run

Tell her to gtfo and find a shack for herself and the other homeless loser. Moving him into your family home is the height of disrespect for you.

vegandinner · 03-02-2022 10:13pm

Get a solicitor and a good one.

03-02-2022 10:15pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578297#Comment_118578297

I am not a big fan of the stunning Asian girls going out with middle-aged white men. Seems a bit predatory and I say that as a middle-aged white man :D

opendoors · 03-02-2022 10:15pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578297#Comment_118578297

A part of me would love that but I have business contracts that won't be fulfilled for another 4 years and being away from the grandchildren that long wouldn't be something I could not do. I live for those kids. And I don't really want them thinking Ill of there grandmother if it comes out either. But I think divorce seems like the only option. I was genuinely thinking about letting this man live under my **** roof because I didn't want to hurt anybody.

lawred2 · 03-02-2022 10:15pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578356#Comment_118578356

Ah here. Are you serious?

You're being completely taken advantage of here. His Xbox live subscription? Jesus

Atlantic Dawn · 03-02-2022 10:15pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578356#Comment_118578356

She can ride him down the local hotel if she wants, it's her own business but not under the roof of your marital home. She is being the scumbag not you.

I'd also cancel the visa/debit card you have for his Xbox, it opens you up to potentially thousands in liability if he starts buying games online from Microsoft.

VelaSupernova · 03-02-2022 10:16pm

If you don't leave her, she is going to leave you. It's cooked man, sorry for your troubles but you have the rest of your life to lead and do on from now on your own terms.

opendoors · 03-02-2022 10:18pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578428#Comment_118578428

I get charges from Microsoft all the time but I thought this was because of the work accounts. But this makes sense because the work accounts are separate to my own personal cards so if he buys something is that what my charges are? I have never clicked because it's small amounts like 15 euro and 25 or 10 a couple of times a month the last four years.

Jequ0n · 03-02-2022 10:21pm

Did you try pepper yet?

opendoors · 03-02-2022 10:26pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578426#Comment_118578426

Look I don't even know how I let myself get to the point in life where I allowed my wife to have sex with another man and still give her money every week . I would of have slagged someone in the boat as myself 20 years ago. I asked her why I was getting x box charges I assumed it was it was the grandchildren and she told me not to ask her about that part of her life as it's private. I have gotten to the point in life where I just felt I deserved all this because I want enough of a man for her. Its been drilled into my head day in day out.

opendoors · 03-02-2022 10:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578469#Comment_118578469

Is this a joke or are you being serious. If it's a joke please don't. I can't listen to people making a punchline out if my life

0ph0rce0 · 03-02-2022 10:30pm

Move a lad into your house and you sleep in the kids room and pay for everything hahahaha, Why would anyone even entertain this idea, kids or not. Madness.

What a gee bag.

If the kids are grown up, sell that house and move on.

opendoors · 03-02-2022 10:30pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578433#Comment_118578433

I suppose having someone who smiles when I walk in the door wouldn't be a bad thing to see everyday. Maybe I have just been holding onto what we had instead of what we have. It's a horrible position to be out in I never in my wildest dreams imagine this would happen to me

Jequ0n · 03-02-2022 10:31pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578521#Comment_118578521

Sorry, I had posted on the wrong thread. I think.

JoChervil · 03-02-2022 10:32pm

So you honestly think I should stay here and demand she move out and that wouldn't be a scumbag thing to do?

She is a scumbag doing it to you. You did nothing wrong. I would make a family meeting and discuss it all with your kids. You seem to be a very soft person, so you need a support in it. You still will have your family.

opendoors · 03-02-2022 10:35pm

UPDATE

I have just sent a text message to my eldest son. I just told him I have something to tell him and I don't want him to hate me for it. he is coming over after the cinema with his wife. I will let you know how this goes.

Thank you for the honest advice. I don't have any friends I could talk to and needed to somewhere anonymous to vent. It's helped a lot and made me feel like a weight has been lifted and I can breath again.

Spanish Eyes · 03-02-2022 10:36pm

A good counselling session on your own to iron out your thoughts and feelings might be very good for you. An appointment with GP might not go amiss as you are possibly feeling anxiety and depression also. GP can recommend a counsellor.

Do you love your wife AND her lover? I doubt it, sounds like you are under a lot of stress because of work, and guilt feelings if you move on. Your children and grandchildren will still adore you as long as you love them back and are there for them as always, and I am sure you will be.

It takes a while to unravel a lifetime of partnership, however this one has run its course and you appear to be used and manipulated big time.

Time to put the big boy jocks on and get some professional advice from counselling and a solicitor and try to move on and reclaim control of your life. Not easy, but the future looks bleak if you allow her to arrange your life according to her needs. The absolute cheek of her, I am speechless.

Wishing you all the best.

03-02-2022 10:39pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578507#Comment_118578507

WTF??? Your paying for toyboys Xbox and she tells you not to ask because her life is private????

Mate, you deserve a whole lot better than this. You need to stand up for yourself, go and see a solicitor and find out exactly where you stand and what your rights are.

Under absolutely no circumstances let him move in. If your marriage is over and she's with someone else, ok. It happens. No judgement here, but at least have a clean break. Give her an ultimatum and take the power back while you can.

She's got some neck, I'll give her that.

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000 · 03-02-2022 10:42pm

She wants to move a homeless guy into YOUR home and make YOU sleep on the couch.

Tell HER to go. You can't be supporting two deadbeats.

Caranica · 03-02-2022 10:43pm

You need to be living separately for two years to apply for a divorce. That can be under the same roof. It's not something you can just decide to do and serve papers.

Green Finers · 03-02-2022 10:44pm

She is a whore and slut.

Old Magdalene laundrie bring it back.

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Warning given for breach of forum charter

SouthWesterly · 03-02-2022 10:55pm

Someone I know let his wife bring her boyfriend Into the house with him and his young kids.

It broke him. He's got a new home and the other fella is still with the ex in the home he paid for.

Hannibal_Smith · 03-02-2022 10:57pm

Posters are reminded that this is Relationship Issues - if you cannot give advice without name calling or meet the standard of posting expected here, please do not post

FGR · 03-02-2022 10:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118578590#Comment_118578590

Best of luck OP - I think you're doing the right thing telling the children. She's trying to shift the blame onto you and hold your conscience hostage for hurting them. In reality she's the one causing all of the hurt and the kids will understand that when you tell them. It may even take showing them the proof as it sounds so unbelievable.

Stay with my wife or divorce her and run

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