Being left out of birthday parties

May well be covid.

We had one back in November for our 8 year old boy.

His last party pre covid had his whole class, over 20 kids. This time it was just 5 kids and his cousins to keep it below 10

Did the mother not say only 4 were going? That means that its not only your child who wasn't invited. Or has she lied to your wife? I appreciate that the covid rules have changed but people are still wary of gatherings so maybe they don't want anymore than 4 kids in the house. It is crap when its just one who is left out and if that is the case then it might be worth asking if there is an issue between the girls that you and your wife are unaware of.

The problem here is that this child's mother is a complete c**t ( and I never use that word). Excluding a 8yr old from a birthday party is cruel and unnecessary. Nice people would invite all the girls at that age. There are no excuses to explain this woman's behaviour.

Playdates and birthday parties are a headwreck. Try not to read too much into it - I know it's hard not to.

OP.. don't jump the gun just yet. You say the other child told your daughter the other girls were all invited but don't take an 8 year old child's word as gospel. Wait and see tomorrow.

If it transpires your daughter was in fact the only girl excluded then that's sh1t alright especially if it's a small class.

I always made sure invite all the boys in my son's small class even though some friendships were stronger than others.

Yes if there were 15 girls in my daughter's class I would invite the 15 girls. Excluding 1 girl is disgusting behaviour - they're 8 year old kids remember.

I agree with you that it is the parents decision who is invited and this is what makes the exclusion of 1 child unacceptable. Most 8 year olds are not malice - disagreements are very short lived at that age - I have kids of a similar age. I find it hard to believe that this woman's child didn't want the ops child at her party - it's her mother that didn't want the child there for whatever stupid reason. As someone mentioned earlier this is bullying. Situations like this arise due to the parents view of the child/childs family ( usually a very selfish view)and usually the children concerned get along well.

Op I would mention to this woman ( quietly and calmly) that your child was very upset to be excluded. Yes I would make her feel guilty because making a child question themselves is very wrong.

So 4 out of 7 went to a party last month which mean almost half the girls in the class didn't go, including your daughter. The latest party sees 4 girls going, are they the same as last months, i.e. a "payback" invitation? Is your daughter close friends with either of the birthday girls? What age are we talking about here?

I wouldn't sweat it, in fact a humbug like me would be grateful that I don't have to pay for 6 extra birthday presents during the year and that I don't have to have 6 extra screaming kids in the house at least once a year.

Wha?

My granddaughter (just turned 5, in school and after school childcare) and grandson (just turned 4, in childcare) both recently had separate parties, they were both asked who they wanted to bring to their party. We made a list of kids names for each. We don’t know who is in every class. The creche pick up from school and bring to childcare and parents are still not allowed into rooms. So if it’s bullying to exclude some, who is doing the bullying, the parents or the kids choosing who they want at the party?

If any child was left out, we would not be aware. Are you suggesting we go to school and creche and ask the names of everyone in their classes?

I know girls interact with boys - in this case maybe invite half the girls and half the boys. Excluding 1 girl or girl is wrong wrong wrong.

But this child does appear to be a friend of the birthday girl - the mothers are also friendly and they are next door neighbours. So you think this mother was correct in excluding 1 girl who her daughter is friendly with. You think it is right that an 8 year old is left wondering why she wasnt invited and why she was treated differently. You think it is right that an 8 year old will go to school tomorrow and have to listen to the other girls talk about the great time they had at the party. I think its invite all or have no party at that age - its as simple as that.

This is bullying and can cause issues - I know of children that develop a hate for school because of exclusion.

I am flabbergasted that you think it is ok to exclude an 8 year child - completely shocked that an adult thinks that this is ok.

No I'm not a drama queen. I'm just a mother who doesn't like to see a young child suffering from being excluded.

Covid is no fu**ing excuse.

Same yokes will be front and centre signalling about mental health and every other social media social justice campaign when there's virtue points on offer but they've no issue whatsoever excluding little children when it suits..

See it all the time. Hypocrites.

There's no way that seven girls couldn't all be catered for.

Yes it is a rural school although there are 24 kids in one of my daughter's classes. Frequently there are parties with all the kids invited but I guess in towns/cities with smaller houses and gardens this would be a problem. Alot of families use play centres for parties nowadays aswell. Most people wouldn't invite cousins or neighbours to a party with the class. I would always have a separate party for family.

For my daughters birthday party a few weeks ago I asked who she wanted to invite, and invited those people. If she left somebody out and they're annoyed by that, they can leave her out for their party. That's life, and I want her to learn that you can't please everybody and sometimes somebody won't be pleased with her. Life is about hard decisions, and you won't always be included in everything because society has a sense of fairness.

What happens if I make her invite somebody her and friends don't get along with, for whatever reason? When they come to her party do I make her play with the person who they don't get along with, I can't make her friends do it because they're not my kids, so I exclude my daughter from her own party effectively?

There's birthday parties my daughter isn't invited to, maybe those kids don't along with her, maybe they have different interests, maybe they just don't like her, maybe its Covid. But who is invited to a private party is really none of my business, and if my daughter is sad not to go, obviously I'd be sad for her, but asking anybody else to justify who they invite to a private party in their own home seems outrageous to me, and if somebody did it to me they'd have to carefully choose how to broach the subject to avoid me getting very defensive and telling them where to go.