Keeping marriage name after divorce

My mother married at 18 and moved to Dublin.

When she got divorced some 40 years later, why would she change to a name nobody here knows her by?

Well, the reason some women change their name is to have the same surname as their children. That reason remains whether you are divorced or not.

Your OP assumes the name has to do with the man, rather than her own children.

Name changing is a lot harder to do these days, when women have fuller identities. Email addresses, bills and bank accounts in their own names.

Couldn't agree more especially as there is no legal requirement, women seen as a possession given by one man to another in marriage, grrrr. Women have fought for equality in all areas for decades yet still do this, baffling.

As far as children are concerned, I know many families where wife kept her own surname, kids have dads, never caused any problems. It doesnt seem to cause problems for co-habiting families either.

As for people like colleagues and neighbours knowing the woman by a particular surname so its too awkward to change, shur that's exactly what happens when taking a husbands name in the first place, everyone has to get used to the change and bank accounts, passports etc need to be changed.

Keeping a former husbands family name after divorce makes absolutely no sense to me. IMO, women should be proud to use their own surname, family and friends know they're divorced and their surname doesn't make any difference to strangers.

Not bleak at all, just practical, because the reality is that many couples divorce so taking on someone elses name should not be done lightly.

As for everyone in a family unit having the same surname, well its a nice idea but in modern life its not always possible. People with kids who are in second or subsequent relationships are blended families who already have different surnames, its very common. For everyone to have the same surname, one partners kids would have to change, so Deed Poll or maybe adoption?? Good luck with that if you had teens or young adults and asked them to change their name because you'd met a new partner...

I’m afraid you’ve definitely picked that up incorrectly. Here is the citizens information.

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/problems_in_marriages_and_other_relationships/changing_your_name_by_deed_poll.html

Names in Ireland are by common usage, nothing to do with marriage certificates, name changes are not in law at all, your solicitor friend needs to go back to college. You can call yourself Mr MonkeyPants from tomorrow on, absolutely no legal impediment to it.

Women who don’t change their name are definitely NOT commuting fraud.

And if you’ve seen a marriage certificate, you will see that it is the unmarried names on there.

Matchy matchy surnames is an English colonial hangover. It was from the property transfer rules the British culture had. Women were part of the property transferred from parents to husband with a marriage contract. Former British colonies are the countries it’s popular in. (Ireland, India, US, Canada, Australia) Traditional Irish names didn’t do it, Spanish names have never done it, Greeks don’t do it, etc. some in the anglophone world attach sentimentality to it now. Much of the rest of the world sees it as confusing or odd to be named as a sister / child / property of your husband.

Getting a bit off topic, but I hate this idea that you all need the same last name to be a "family unit". My husband and I are no less of a family unit, even though we have different last names.

An ex of mine was adamant that I should take his last name if we married. I was very open about the fact that I didn't want to change my name. He used the "family unit" argument. I told him that if it was that important to him that we have the same last name, I'd be perfectly happy for him to change his last name. He didn't even entertain that suggestion. I think it's funny how there are men that want the family to all have the same last name, but are aghast at the mere suggestion of changing their own name!!

thankfully we have moved away from the previously held, narrow definition of what constitutes a family unit, ie husband, wife and kids.

We have all sorts of family units here, traditional, blended families, cohabiting couples, same-sex couples, individuals parenting alone, whether they are separated, divorced, widowed, unmarried. We dont need to look to the US or anywhere else for evidence. The big difference between Ireland and other countries is that it took so long for our legislators to finally catch up with the reality of peoples lives and change the law to give them legal recognition.

IMO, an example of why its a bad idea to mess around with names. Ok the man in this relationship choose to start using the wife's name and that's his personal preference, but it's not a legal change and he can stop using it if he decides or if they divorced at some future time. Adoption on the other hand is a very legal process with far reaching consequences, and changing any child's name in that way would need to be for a very good reason and not just that they wanted to have the same surname. What happens if this marriage ended up in divorce? Her male kids now have a surname they have no biological connection to and their future offspring/grandkids bear the family name of a man their mother was married to for a few years. Not a great scenario..

I guess we just view things differently so.

I really feel that whatever name a child is given at birth becomes their name, regardless of where the name originated. I hate the narrative of people (women) not owning their own name, just borrowing it from a husband, father, mother or whoever.

My children have the same name as me, their mother, the same name I've had since birth. But it's their name now every bit as much it it's mine.

So give the kids their mother's name instead of the father's. Problem solved, no?

I know a man who separated while the child was very young (pre-school) etc. And his ex wife just began using her own surname as the child's surname. This was made possible due to the old style of birth cert. Nothing to be done about it. The now-adult child was very upset that this decision was taken for her throughout her school years.

You could but you haven't solved the issue you've just transferred the issue to the Father ,

Because the way it was conceived in the past was that the woman was going from her using her father's surname - not "her" name - to her husband's surname. The surnames are patrilineal.

In Judaism your status as a Jew is matrilineal: if your mother was Jewish, you are considered Jewish