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Bullies aren't cowards, They're brave because they're strong

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,680 ✭✭✭✭Flinty997


    Bullying often goes on in secret. I don't think size comes into it. Lots of famous bullies and tyrants have been physically small. How often a big person stays quiet because they'll be blamed if they strike back.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,391 ✭✭✭olestoepoke


    The trick is to make yourself too much hassle for the bully. Strike back and hard and most of them tend not to bother with you, that was my experience with them in school anyway.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,559 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    I'd agree thst relentless bulling is almost always going to leave a scar. But I'd also agree that a bit of slagging is pretty normal. I wonder what a world with absolutely no bullying would look like. Would it be better?

    I think the problem is that you probably don't know if bullying was at the level to build resistance or at the level to cause trauma until long after the fact.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,680 ✭✭✭✭Flinty997


    Sometimes. Often they are looking for a reaction to feed their behavior. Stand up for sure. But don't feed the behavior.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,503 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    The " bullies are cowards " memo is a bit like " suicide is the cowards way out " line

    Something said to discourage others but no reason it's in anyway objectively true on analysis.

    Which is not to say a bully can't be a coward, some are but lots aren't, all are cruel and nasty however



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,938 ✭✭✭✭Kermit.de.frog


    You can't really quantify it as some will be more delicate than others in relation to what they can emotionally take.

    But bullying has always and will always happen unfortunately. It's not something that can be completely stopped.

    It happens across the natural world. In animals it's ruthless, if the young are not strong enough they don't eat. They have no choice but to fight either stronger siblings or other peers.

    It's just part of the natural cycle.

    We can, of course, as advanced intelligent human beings control and limit the damage, however.

    I just don't think it can ever be eliminated. Nor do I think it's a desirable ideal anyway.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,663 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Was thinking more along the lines of school bullying.

    While the bully may have been physically small, the heavies standing behind him weren't and that make them big. Think they'd still be the same way without the backup...?

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I abhor bullying.

    I think sometimes it can be that someone is unaware and not doing it intentionally...in those cases I make exceptions but other than that no..in other scenarios I think it's innate.

    If I see someone being bullied and there's a social hierarchy thing going on...I always try to make it known to the person being bullied that I saw it and that it wasn't their fault and that I support them. Happened in work in a while ago..where I was friends with the bully...honestly he was a nice guy just took his anger out on others and was very stressed at the time..but i did say to the other guy..'dont mind him...he's out of order..he's just being a dick'!



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,630 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    Bullying isn't one thing and there may be several types.

    Some people are just not nice people or have something wrong with them.

    Power over people is very alluring to a lot of people and there are various degrees of it possible the shadow side, The 'shadow' is the side of your personality that contains all the parts of yourself that you don't want to admit to having

    Some are very triggered by various people be it class, weakness, loudness, confidence, and often take an instant dislike to them.

    Then some have complex self-esteem issues or shame about their own background and lash out to make themselves feel better or it could be of all of the above.



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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Thats the thing for me. Imo power to me is not over someones class or weakness...thats just someone taking advantage.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    No, it's the size of the dog in the fight usually.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,454 ✭✭✭BrianD3


    The bullies I've have had most dealings with have been intelligent and successful or went on to be successful. They wouldn't initiate physical bullying but having said that, several were big, tough, fcukers. If the person they were bullying had reacted in a physical way, the bully would likely have been able to win a physical fight. Then the bully would successfully play the victim.

    These psychological bullies do well with women and do well in their careers. They love virtue signalling e.g. Darkness Into Light walks. Do voluntary work, are on GAA boards and golf club committees etc.

    The more primitive bullies i.e. those who bully using physical violence don't tend to be very succesful in their career unless their career is criminality. Such bullies do well with women though and produce lots of thuglets - who also do well with women and so the cycle continues

    In spite of being small and skinny with no fighting skills I was never really bullied physically. Some dope tried to intimidate me in school once and I responded with ridicule in front of a group of people. I reckon I passed the strength test there. I was also involved in another incident where I struck someone in the head with an improvised weapon, both he and I were lucky to not suffer long term consequences from that. I might have gotten a rep for myself after that.

    If you push back against a bully (especially a psychological one in a workplace) you might not get any support from others even if they have been bullied by the same person. The herd abhors weakness and values power. Bullies have power and the herd may be wary of anyone who doesn't respect the power hierarchy.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,000 ✭✭✭Stone Deaf 4evr


    Was bullied in secondary school by one particular chap, took it for years until one day we fought, I got a lucky punch on him that resulted in his nose erupting in blood, so much so that he went home immediately. He never came near me again. About 6 years on from that, he came up to me in a pub and apologised for it. He had also gone on to qualify in a trade and was doing ok for himself.

    With the benefit of Hindsight, I realize that he came from a home where his father was an Alcoholic, and his mother had left. He was essentially the parent to his own younger brother. He wasnt a physically imposing guy, and while this obviously doesn't make my experience any less unpleasant, I can now look back and see that him picking on me, was likely some sort of attempt to have control over something in his life.

    I wish him no ill will, and hope hes doing ok now.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,503 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    female bullies often do extremely well in the workplace for the simple reason if they are called out for it , they can very conveniently play the sexism card , as such female bullies in management roles are able to get near immunity as a male boss is very reluctant to make bullying accusations for fear of being accused of sexism and misogyny



  • Registered Users Posts: 1 RagingBull123


    Bullies are evil. They will destroy you so my advice is get the hell out of there no matter what. You won’t win. Your card has been marked and you will not succeed. You will spend countless days, hours and weeks fretting. Believe me when I say there’s usually more than one involved. Oftentimes it’s someone higher than the bully that just wants you “gone” - your face doesn’t fit! - I know first hand HR people have their grubby hands all over these situations and they will back whomever is highest up there chain of command so forget about going to HR…they will ultimately get you on something, typically performance and you will be “constructively dismissed”. I recall seeing a colleague taken down in front of everyone in a meeting. The individual was “too out there” with some of their views on how we should approach specific challenges. He was lambasted but it didn’t stop there. The individual was reappointed and when he tried to question the logic the company closed down his unit and issued him with his notice. Get this!!! He was asked to reapply through an internal interview process for his job….yes the f€&kers can pull this one out of the bag!!! The guy who was the biggest bully of the lot is still in situ. He’s a real piece of work and has blood on his hands from several people he forced out of the business. I would strongly suggest to anyone who has been or thinks they are a victim of workplace bullying to LEAVE the organisation as a matter of urgency. Believe me, you are only going to regret staying on. You may convince yourself you will work through it but the sad truth of the matter is you won’t. The bully is “empowered”. They are handed the baton by someone you probably don’t interact with regularly. You may have only met this person briefly but in that short time your card was “marked” - I left this company and I would highly recommend “counselling” ( NEVER EVER ACCEPT CORPORATE COUNSELLING SERVICES FOR FREE) - go to a private practitioner who will help you to deconstruct the bullying mess and how you got entangled in it and to notice the warning signs should they ever represent themselves again. Good luck!!



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,503 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    Agree with much of this , management are often content to circle the wagons and freeze out the one complaining rather than the perpetrator, it's easier



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭thefallingman


    In the hse we have to do all this anti bully crap online yet our female manager is the biggest bully you have ever met, multiple complaints all brushed under the carpet by you guessed it her female acting manager friend, the hse is riddled with bullies who promote each other and cover each other’s shocking behaviour



  • Posts: 4,727 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I think most of us have bullied someone at some point whether we realise it or not.



  • Registered Users Posts: 313 ✭✭NedsNotDead


    Coming from someone who advocated during Covid locking people in their homes and having the Army deliver supplies. Why I am not surprised that you think a little bullying is a good thing



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,938 ✭✭✭✭Kermit.de.frog


    You'll go on now to provide timestamped quotes where I advocated any such thing.

    Of course you won't because they don't exist.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 313 ✭✭NedsNotDead


    I won't derail this thread any further but we both know you were banned from a number of Covid threads for your more extreme views



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,938 ✭✭✭✭Kermit.de.frog


    Complete rubbish. Done with this one. Good day to you sir.



  • Registered Users Posts: 313 ✭✭NedsNotDead


    The thread bans are still there for all to see.

    I will also leave it there. Good day to you too



  • Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    No one knows why a bully bullies to be fair.

    In some cases the person may lack serious self awareness and not know they bully. This type can be low level enough stuff but can still, over time cause issues. A lot of the time it has never been brought to the attention of the person and so they dont know.

    Others can be bullies due to how they were brought up, and not know any different without serious work. My own school bully was a guy from a very poor family who's dad drank and rode anything he could, family life for this chap was hell and his dad was a prick. needless to say the son was a ball of anger who happened to be a head taller than most and so naturally was a bully. He was stood up to a few times and to be fair he copped on. we are actually friends now and he regularly will be the first person to stick up for someone if needed.

    Who have your bully who uses size to advantage over smaller people, to mask a little willy.

    You have your relationship bully, male or female who think its how to act.

    Your work or social bully. Again, can be something they didn't realise, or not confident.


    You have your out and out scum of a human bully.



    generally the only time a bully can be strong is when they admit to needing to fix something and do.


    And yes, a bully can be someone who is coercive in a business sense, some might see them as a great change agent, others a bully who brow beat staff to doing what they want. That can be subjective.



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