Feeling like a disappointment, a let down and just downright broken

Break up with him this is not a healthy relationship.

Cut out the drink it's not good for your mental health even more dangerous when you have an alcoholic parent.

Concentrate on you and getting back on track. Don't worry about other people's opinions.

Easier said than done but if you can move out do, or else set yourself the goal to be gone in the next 12-24 months.

You have taken the most important step in pinpointing your problems. Keep that clarity as you face the future.

Take the remedy a step at a time. Break off the relationship and regain your self esteem. This is a toxic relationship and you are better off alone.

Try to cut out the drinking. It doesn't help you mentally or physically and there may be a genetic tendency towards alcoholism.

Do not feel ashamed. Most people are too busy living their own lives to bother with you. Everyone has some history of making bad decisions. If you are close to someone, try to confide in them and get help to move on. They probably know your mother is not helping.

Get out of your mother's house if at all possible. If you are stuck there in the short term, try to stay out of her way and try to ignore her nastiness.

You have a long life ahead of you and now is the time to hold the reins in your own hands. You should be proud of yourself for wanting to change the circumstances.

You need someone who can support you to rationalise everything is going on and to make decisions with somewhat a clear head.

Could you access therapy? A good therapist could be very useful in helping you to sift through everything in a controlled manner.

A lot of the other posters have made valid points in ultimately what would likely be better for you, but you are very deep in this at the moment and having someone who could be both a support and guide you through the process would be a massive benefit.

Therapy can be a challenge to access, and can be a concern cost wise, but good therapy is most definitely worth it.

You have your life ahead of you and you need to take charge of it maybe in a couple of steps but getting rid of the fella and the drink should be a start . If possible then get out of the house ASAP.i now it all sounds straight forward but you know what you need to do agree some sort of counselling could do a lot for you .The very best of luck you can make the necessary changes to give you the life you deserve.

Everybody deserves to be happy in your situation you have everything to gain by changing things you have been given some good pointers what to do by the other responses to your post .I know like a lot of things the first step is often the most difficult but you have identified the problems so it is up to you to take that first step good luck and do change things for your own good .

A lot of the time when people advice you to "get away from" a person it can sound like you're being told to cut them off completely. This can sound like an impossibly drastic step. Really the advice you're getting is to re-write the rules of the your relationship with your mother so that it's a normal functioning relationship. In this case that means establishing a little distance. Hard as it may seem you need to do what so many other people have had to do in similar situations. Get your own place, however humble it may be. This will demonstrate to yourself and your mother that you are capable of living independently.

Living independently will possibly give you the self-respect you need to ditch this fellow you're seeing. You know he's not right for you. You feel ashamed of you association with him and the shame eats away at your self-esteem which makes you continue to cling to him.

The idea of conceiving a child, from the outside, looks like a disaster. You are not an equal party in the other important relationships in your life, the desire to have a person who loves and depends on you is understandable. You would be special, important. Look at your circumstances and decide if you want to subject a baby to that sort of environment. You will be more helpless and dependent than ever in late pregnancy and for the first few years of the baby's life. You don't have any real support and the people you associate with will take advantage of your vulnerability.

It looks like your own upbringing has left you trapped in an eternal early teens phase; acting out, seeing unsuitable fellas, afraid of what your extended family with think, unable to healthily detach from your own mother. It would be like a thirteen year old having a baby, thinking it will magically turn them into a grow-up.

The first step will be to act independently. Sort out finances, if you're not working contact social welfare. Get a place, even a house share, that will allow you to have a functioning relationship with your mother at a healthy distance, like two adults. You're not going to change your whole life in one move but it's a start. You have been letting other people make the rules of your relationships for too long.

Maybe you have been independent in the past but you're not now, financially or emotionally. You're unable to extricate yourself as an individual from your family. In fact, in the context of everything else you have described, your mention of sorting your brother out in NZ just looks like another example of being enmeshed in family business.

All the advice here is to get some distance, find a place to live away from these people. Then you can get some help to take control of your drinking and deal with the issues that brought you to this point. This is solid advice, the sort of advice you would give somebody who told you the story you have told us.

It's easy enough to spend upwards of €30,000 on having eggs frozen. It might start off loking like a lot less than that but once people begin the process the fallacy of sunk costs kicks in: annual fees, medication costs and multiple attempts really start to add up. If you're doing this to give yourself a concrete goal to work towards then it make sense. You might be telling yourself you have a motivation to focus on setting yourself up independently, removing this chap from your life and rewriting the rules of your relationship with your mother by the time you're 40.

Still, you can probably see that it looks like very confused thinking from the outside. An adult who can't afford to leave a home dominated by a baseball bat-wielding mother prioritising an expensive elective medical process. This sounds dismissive, but it looks like you have an excuse not to strike out on your own.

Hi OP, you say she won’t change just because you leave, but so what? Leave her to it. And clearly not living there you’ll have much less exposure to her and all those triggers which upset you.

Why don’t you have a chat with one of those family members you like but are worried are disappointed - if you’ve always had a good relationship with them there’s no reason for that not to continue, everybody makes mistakes.

As for your relationship - you can’t save him and yourself - choose you and take some steps to build the life you want.