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Top vs Bottom Debate

  • 11-02-2022 12:06am
    #1
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭


    Guys seem to have this as a deal breaker. Getting older I am not as fussed on the whole debate. Its grown rather tiresome. Appears to be a whole raison d'etre for certain parts of the gay community. Cant see see past it ? What about being a side? Or other elements of foreplay? Thoughts



Comments

  • #2
    Gael23
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,127 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Very much agree. I have two friends who are really into each other but broke up because they are both bottoms.

    Anal isn’t a huge thing for me personally anyway, I don’t always enjoy it



  • #3
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    Its become a bug bearer of mine. Why let it be a deciding factor



  • #4
    Locker10a
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 4,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Locker10a


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118706089#Comment_118706089

    Maybe I’m missing something but would sexual compatibility not be pretty major factor in the success of any relationship



  • #5
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    Sexual compatibility stretches beyond mere bedroom roles. Men outside the apps tend to not focus on it. It's become culturally popular due to apps to be pre defined. In pre app days most people didn't focus on such trivialities



  • #6
    ohnonotgmail
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,641 ✭✭✭✭ohnonotgmail


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118708802#Comment_118708802

    not sure what age you are but 30 years the same issue existed. Some people are tops, some are bottoms, some can switch. But two exclusive tops or two exclusive bottoms just dont work in my experience. Two tops together probably more so.



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  • #7
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    All about attitude and context.



  • #8
    ohnonotgmail
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,641 ✭✭✭✭ohnonotgmail


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118709055#Comment_118709055

    no amount of attitude and context will fix somebody not being able to do what they really enjoy.



  • #9
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    I've had relationships where we compromised. Same goes for friends. If we are too rigid in thinking then we deny ourselves a varied existence



  • #10
    ohnonotgmail
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,641 ✭✭✭✭ohnonotgmail


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118709773#Comment_118709773

    good for you. not everybody is like you. People sticking to what they like is not "rigid thinking". It is just people doing what they like.



  • #11
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    But unfortunately it leads to a stratification of the gay scene and reinforces all this nonsense that we are just tops and bottoms. Its reductive.



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  • #12
    ongarboy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    Cut vs uncut is another new one that seems to be asked on apps straight after the top/bottom question.

    It's like there has become this globalised homogeneous way of hooking up driven by American influenced Grindr etiquette. You wouldn't be able to guess the country of the person asking the questions as the chat up lines are all so generic globally. I fear this is how most people who've only grown up in the hook up apps era believe is the only way to score a partner....



  • #13
    Gant21
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,261 ✭✭✭Gant21


    Any port in a storm we are in a world war after all.



  • #14
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118716820#Comment_118716820

    Thankfully its not too bad lol!



  • #15
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118716806#Comment_118716806

    This has like top/bottom, "what you into", snapchat filters, etc. ecome a trope for my fellow gays who lack imagination at times. I tend to ditch them, wash rinse repeat...there are plenty unlike that thankfully.



  • #16
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,158 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118708802#Comment_118708802

    I think you see it is a triviality but others might place a lot more importance on it

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #17
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,158 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118716614#Comment_118716614

    I hear you. I dont like putting people into strict labels or boxes. But some people have strong preferences and dont like going outside their comfort zone.

    Its also a bit of a consent issue. Ive had conversations like

    "oh you should try x"

    "No thanks I dont like it and dont find it comfortable"

    "Oh but you'll be ok"

    "No. I dont like it. Im not comfortable with it"

    "Oh but...."

    "Eh seriously hello NO MEANS NO"

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #18
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058232430/top-vs-bottom-debate

    All you seem to be saying is that you have your own set of sexual interests. But then you're complaining why other people don't share your interests.

    We could easily have some poster start a thread on "Sides and Foreplay", with the poster complaining that he doesn't understand why these people are not interested in topping or bottoming.

    Presumably you or your equivalent would come along, and say, "Well, we all have our own sexual interests. It's not for you to complain about what other people are interested in".

    And that would be the end of the matter. As it is for me.

    It's a bit like an avid gamer complaining about why fit beachgoers aren't interested in their own sedentary lifestyle.



  • #19
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119156957#Comment_119156957

    Im a bottom where it matters but it appears to be the main raison d'etre for a lot of us gay men. When you drill down to types - we can have a preference for skinny/chubby/average, gingers/blondes etc. Physical attributes we see and we know. Then you go further into it and decide that on sexual preferences without realising that the sum total of a relationship is not just sex. I accommodate where I can, I make it clear I would go out with other bottoms....



  • #20
    Gant21
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,261 ✭✭✭Gant21


    You’re mad for pegging.



  • #21
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167522#Comment_119167522

    Ive the brush pole glued to the washing machine on a full cycle..



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  • #22
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,158 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119156957#Comment_119156957

    I think its more about saying people can fit neatly into boxes but the boxes themselves dont have to be rigid, inflexible etc. It makes sense - the idea of a person saying they are incompatible with another person based on only one aspect shows a very rigid fixed deterministic view of relationships. Theres lots of other aspects to a person.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #23
    Liberty_Bear
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119170092#Comment_119170092

    Its good for weeding out folk to be honest who have it as a sole criteria



  • #24
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119167507#Comment_119167507

    I think that's just the nature of man, irrespective of whether that man is straight or gay.

    So I wouldn't isolate gay men, if I were you, but accept that this is how men typically behave - or at least think - irrespective of their sexuality (there are always exceptions to the rule, of course).



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