Workplace rumour

Is she not the inappropriate one for randomly going to message your wife? She must be a grade A1 sh1tstirrer who just wants the thrill of destabilising someone elses marriage from afar

On this, you and I agree.

However I would say to the OP, brief a personal Solicitor first, if you have one, or engage one recommended to you by someone you trust, not connected to your company. Then let your Solicitor do the knocking on the door of HR.

I'd be settling for nothing less than an independent investigation by an outside HR consultant or dispute resolution specialist, to be paid for by the company.

What this woman has done is, on the face of it, an egregious abuse of her position, an abdication of her responsibilities as an executive of this organisation and an act of slander against the OP.

If you have already served notice and completed leaving the company, then that just change the nature of the engagement somewhat, but the Solicitor will have an approach regardless. If you have not left the company yet, or it is in process, halt it and do not leave until your complaint has been dealt with.

This.

You've said yourself: she's senior, you're expendible.

The jacket message was ok, the rest was pure foolish on your part.

I wouldn't go near HR: it will just draw attention to the mistakes you made. HRs job is damage control for the company, and you will lose.

I'd be job hunting.

Many women think every man wants to ride them, therefore even the most trivial interaction is regarded as a chat up line. The message about the coat may have been somehow interpreted as a variation of "get your coat, you've pulled".

The acceptability of being chatted up then depends on who is doing it. She is considerably more senior than you and women are hypergamous - if you were more senior than her she may have reacted very differently.

Not even that, some people have a really f*cked up view of interpersonal relationships and think that a married man interacting with any woman outside of the 9-5 is completely inappropriate and bordering on cheating. This idiot may have thought that she was doing the right thing by contacting the wife, because in her mind "I'd want to know if my husband was trying to contact another woman".

I'm not even joking, I've seen people with serious trust issues lose their mind because their partner smiled at a cashier or had an interaction that was more than "Thanks".

For the OP, I'd echo what others have said above. Talk to a solicitor before you talk to HR. HR work for the company, their job is to protect the company, not to defend your dignity. What they may consider to be the "best" outcome is one where you and this woman both apologise for the "misunderstanding" and try to put it behind you. But the reputational damage is done, you have been defamed. So you want a solicitor to tell you how to best approach it.

You may end up having to move on either way, and if that's the case then once a new job is locked in, I wouldn't be shy about telling colleagues that you're leaving because psycho bitch in London was spreading lies about you and HR refused to do anything about it.

MOD: Moved to Personal Issues, so please respect the forum rules & charter.

Charter here: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2057233816/personal-issues-charter-read-before-posting-17-oct-2021#latest

Edit, it wasn't op that edited post,apologies.

Don’t go to HR, they work for the company and only the company. They will take the path of least resistance which could be to throw you under a bus. I would go to solicitor and take their advice. Also write down everything that happened to date.

The way I see it, your solicitor goes to HR, or goes to her directly or suggests to do nothing and let it blow over but build a case to protect yourself it ever comes back.

To me it sounds like she has issues and is taking them out on you. I would not engage with her without a solicitor. 

I dunno about that sonic.

Hugely over stepped the mark contacting the wife with the information we've been given.

That's a no-no, especially as a senior. Other routes to go for her if she felt uncomfortable.

OP, I echo what others say here, get independent legal advice from a solicitor versed in employment or defamation law.

Keep your head down in work this week, keep sthum.

If anyone brings up the subject, just brush it off.

Don't engage with HR until an independent solicitor has advised you.

They will lay out your options.

2 points I would make..

Are you sure she inferred to the colleagues that the text in the middle of the night might have been something more than about a coat? Ie..could work people have concocted their own interpretation of that?

Also..you never know what someone is like in real life. So instead of thinking she might be a sh1t stirrer or genuinely thinking you were hitting on her, she might have some sort of diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness..that's why it's best to get independent advice because you don't know what you are up against.

The solicitor may even advise to take no action, who knows, but at least you will be advised.

Best of luck.

Agreed. Marriage first, job second. As above dust off the cv.

I don't know you, but from your messages you seem an honest type of chap. Weather it and look after yourself.

I'm not a revenge type of person, but you got plenty of ammo. The world is a small place.

Id arrange a meeting with HR with a solicitor and a union rep if unionized specifically on the sole issue of her contacting your wife.

The fact you texted her is largely irrelevant, you said nothing inappropriate and can prove that. He spreading rumors is also largely irrelevant.

Her contacting your wife is massively inappropriate and inexcusable. This is the focus of the complaint.

Been with loads of MN companies, Every night out every man and woman were banging, married or not. Jacket??? hahaha the only reason you started adding her was to bang her and you know it. Nobody adds you on facebook then starts on the insta. Don't believe the jacket story for a second.

Caught rapid.

Like I said, OP you don't know what you're dealing with.

An over anxious woman? A sh1t stirrer? Someone who mental health issues? A man hater?

You'll never know her motives.