Help a dude out?

What did she get “shirty and smart” about exactly??

The way I see it is that you passed on a message from your family member and she's shooting the messenger with the silent treatment and now you're guessing which one of the 3 options you have listed is the reason why she has reacted like this.

How long have you been together and how have you both resolved conflicts in the past. Or has the relationship been sailing smoothly along up until now and this is the first time something 'contentious' (in her view) has arisen?

This is exactly what I was going to type. This is the reason op, you say you love her daughter but yet you were ready to cut her at the drop of a hat.

Maybe you both need a bit of space and need to read up on recent guidelines on Covid. No such thing as close contacts unless symptomatic or highly vulnerable. The daughter shouldn't have been told to stay home.

Childish silence or bickering is just time wasting. Give her space over the weekend, and if she's still carrying on with a sulk, then let it be.

Time is too short for childish sulking.

It's actually kind of worrying that you write a long post on here showing you have put a considerable amount of thought into this....where you then came up with 3 possible conclusions, all of which are placing all of the blame solely on her and can't see how you might have contributed to this at all.

She sounded upset and hurt that her daughter was uninvited even though you weren't. You picked up on that on the phone call and said you didn't react...you said "This is how my brothers feels, is that okay?"

She responded "Well I am hardly going to say its not now, am I?" .

You didn't react and then the call ended.

You also ignored her text after that.

I hate silent treatment so I can understand that you're upset but you really show a real lack of self awareness and so I would bet her side of the story is different than yours.

I'm wondering why you thought it was ok to tell your girlfriend her daughter was uninvited knowing full well that a) you were a closer contact and b) there's no requirement to isolate as a close contact unless you're symptomatic.

I agree with covidcustomer. You hurt her feelings and were tone deaf about it.

I'm going to go a little against the majority here.

Firstly if I had covid I would not be sending my child to a party (especially what appears to be a more adult party). There would be no need for a discussion.

Secondly it's the brothers party and he gets to decide who goes and who doesn't. He was obviously willing to accept the risk of his adult brother who knows how to keep a safe distance. Generally children don't do personal space and if there's other kids there they'll be mixing freely. The virus could easily be passed on to another child and the whole house is infected. So the brother made a decision on the saying no to the child.

Now there could be background issues at play that the child isn't "family blood" which might be the real reason the girlfriend is being so twitchy over the issue....whether that's the case or whether that's her perception of the case.

I'd be really annoyed if I went to someone's house to in this case bring their child to school to be told you're not needed. Then for it to happen a second time. I'd be very reluctant to put myself out for a third time.

To me it's a very over the top reaction to a child not going to a party.

.

The partner showed signs of extremely controlling behaviour. Far more then just a tiff tbh.

It's absolutely right for the OP to have serious question marks about this. Is this controlling behaviour going to keep appearing.

Look we all get our "knickers in a twist" and can sulk but I think once it goes past a 24/48 hr window it's turning into passive aggressive emotional abuse.

All that was asked was a child not to attend a party with vulnerable people....that to me is not a big ask. Certainly doesn't warrant being sent to Siberia over.

You've been together 2 years have you witnessed this before with yourself or others in her circle?

If this is a once off I'd give her the benefit of the doubt but if this is how she deals with not getting her way I wouldn't be sticking around.

I know it's tough but the fear is if you do have a child together the child might be used as a pawn for her to always get her way.

What's the relationship like between the child's father? Why did they split?

Obviously I'm not looking for actual answers just something to think about.

My advice is put the baby making on hold until you figure this all out and make it clear that silent treatments don't work.

For the here and now don't contact her again let her come to you ..it's all a power play.

Women are very sensitive when it comes to their children and will see absolutely no reason at all that makes sense. It is worse with single mothers unfortunately.

OP, I am fairly sure that her grievance is that she feels her child was alienated and will not understand that a 10year old has no boundaries at a party and cannot be expected to stay within the confines. All of her anger towards you is merely shooting the messenger who brought the news that her child is not invited.

Unfortunately, if you are going to stay with her, you will have to accept the fact that she will never see reason when it comes to her child and you must be prepared to accept that. In all, communication is important and if she is not willing to communicate, there is no reason why you should still be trying. Have some dignity, man!

I deleted my post above as I’m no longer sure who exactly is in the wrong here. As the saying goes 3 sides to every story, your side, my side and the truth. We aren’t hearing her side.

Seems like you're not taking a lot of the advice here on board.

My reading is the same as a lot of posters here. Your family applied one set of rules to her daughter and another to you. You were ok with this because you can be trusted to not spread covid, that implies this girl can't.

You started the silence and now that she has continued it you're "getting shirty".

You're partner may be acting like a child and prolonging this but it sounds like you've taken no responsibility for starting it and seem to think you're the bigger person by staying in contact.

Maybe put yourself in your partners shoes and then you'll realise you owe her an apology

Bet you any money she’s not Irish

............

Warning given for breach of charter - offering no advice

HS

get a bouquet of flowers, drop them to her house, and bring a take away with you. FFS, you mention that you're in your forties, and you're looking for advice on a troll account. yesterday being mothers day was probably the day to do it. And for christs sake dont have a child together until ye each have a bit of security i.e. fáinne

I agree with the thrust of what Loueze says here, she was hurt by the unthinking way he excluded her daughter, and possibly the lack of concern or sympathy for herself. She did have Covid after all. I also suspect OP is soft-soaping us a bit as to his side of it.

However that absolutely does not excuse a week of passive aggression, ignoring and cold-shouldering. That's not the way a grown adult behaves, it's not a good example for a child - it's emotional abuse. Whether you're in the right or wrong OP this is a major red flag. over the course of your future relationship you are going to have many occasions where she's unhappy with you, is this going to be how you are punished each time?

As Loueze says, your lack of consideration is probably, rightly, making her re-evaluate her relationship with you, I suggest her abusive reaction should make you do the same.

This "lickarse mode" is a silly interpretation, reading a whole lot into the situation that isn't anywhere in the OP. So much so that it almost seems like projection.

Also, of course one episode of abusive behaviour is abuse. Just as one punch is abuse. How many times need she be emotionally abusive before he pays attention? 3? 5? What if she's really sorry after, is that ok?

I think the bizarre vilification of the OP and excusal of the wife's distinctly childish behaviour is really telling about ingrained gender biases here. And makes me see how so much male domestic abuse could go unreported.

OP I firmly believe that the silent treatment is emotionally abusive, despite the tendency for people to minimise it. The act in itself, out of context might seem minor and easily excused, but still abusive and still a red flag. She's reminding you that she can emotionally dominate you, that she can punish you for acting in a way she doesn't like. It's ugly behaviour and I certainly think you should be questioning whether you wants that in you (and your child's) life.

Edited: edited after mod direction