What's the etiquette here??

Pissing like a racehorse as it where!

Using a urinal whilst wearing shorts reveals how much spray actually ricochets. Very disconcerting.

I've had a morning of two halves. Dropped a major anchor in midden bay earlier. It had been brewing for a couple of days but breaking ground was surprisingly easy and all went well after with minimum wipe. Felt lighter and younger after.

Couple of hours later however, I felt another round in the chamber so off I went. This one was what could well be described as a spiteful sh1te - not a great consistency and took it's sweet time about exiting, the bang from it would knock a vulture of a dung cart and clean up was challenging. The badge is raw from the half roll of twin ply that was required.

Have fallen victim to Covid.

Mixture of pain medication and lack of movement is making defaecatiing rather uncomfortable

Did anybody slip on it?

Hmmmm I guess so Cap’ n. …..however not all offices might be as civilised as yours, there’s some bad places around.

A friend of mine worked in a solicitors practice …fairly big and was getting serious grief from the head honcho.

This lad had the manners of a neanderthal and eventually my man cracked.

Gave in his notice and before he left backed out a large cargo of rank arse gruel into one of the big box files the head man used.

Apparently opened it up in front of a valued client who calmly said, it’s reported “Oooh someone not too fond of you George”

Poor George retired about six weeks after that.

Would the offender have managed to withhold any piss while dropping off his ire on the bosses chair.

Can only opine that the presence of a puddle of piss on the floor would detract from the statement of dissatisfaction they had intended.

That's all well and good if the greaseproof is thrown in the bin afterwards. Kernts like that would be spiteful enough to bunt it brown-side down back onto the bottom tray of the canteen oven.

Always checking the underside of the innocent looking greaseproof paper before turning on the oven would be reasonable advice I'd opine,be some dank pungent nutty aromas floating around rapido as she'd get up to operating temperature.

In fairness you would have to give kudos for the planning and execution involved in that kind of operation.

Thankfully I've never seen an incident like that but I was in a workplace before where someone regularly stretched cling film over the bowl. When a stream of p.155 hit the near invisible film it splashed back over the unsuspecting victim with a sound like a drum roll.

It was an act done out of mischief rather than malice and stopped when people got used to doing a walk-around first , as Brendan described. Indeed some people have admitted the still do a pre-check to this very day!

Good feed of Kiwi fruit will shift the load Doc.

Don’t be blaming the lack of fags for being a miserable cantankerous sod. That’s your midlife crisis rearing it’s head.

id suggest getting on to the psyllium husk rapido. Men of your years are in prime arse grape production era. Extra pressure on the meat cheerio will have them popping up like worms in a freshly dug veggie patch

That chorizo is a dangerous dish, can leave the tea towel holder very tarnished.

Had one of the upmost infractions on the etiquette scale this morning. Was on the throne in the work jacks, there’s two stalls there and someone came in and occupied the second one.

All spluttering like a Rover Maestro with a badly tuned carburettor.

I had completed my drop off (a rather pleasant two pot drop, very minimal wipeage) and no sooner had I opened my door than old pal opened his, waltzing out while doing up the poppers on his boilersuit. Then as there is only one sink the cheeky arse started making small talk with me as I washed my hands.

Some folk must have been dragged up not raised

Bad form there. Common courtesy alone should tell you to delay your departure until the person in front at least is just finishing drying their hands.