How can I spice it up?

As above, conversation is key. Have you two ever talked about sex??? How is the rest of the relationship? It’s hard Rob believe everything is hunky dory if you don’t feel wanted or desired. Very little you can do if there is no engagement from his side.

You will just have to be brave and discuss it, it’s not the 1950s anymore.

Best of luck!

This is the sex equivalent of asking how they can let someone know they have a body odour problem. Dropping hints and saying saying "I really like X shower gel and how I smell afterwards" or "Have you tried the latest X deodorant" is not going to make one bit of difference. It's no different with this guy. Apart from your difficulties in communicating with him about sex, it looks like the pair of you have very different needs and sex drives. Sex may not be particularly important to him, or perhaps there are other issues at play. You mentioned in your first post that he doesn't stay hard for very long. This might be bothering him and it's something he fears will open the door to embarrassing trips to a doctor or a therapist of some sort.

Is he physically affectionate in general outside of sex? Eg does he hold hands, put his arm around you on the couch, kiss you etc?

How does he treat you in general outside of sex, does he think of your needs, is he kind, does he listen?

I dated somebody before with getting hard/staying hard issues naturally and he just took viagra. Had a very high sex drive though and was always wanting it and talking about it etc. so I think staying hard and sex drive are two different things.

It could be the case as Tork said he’s too embarrassed about his issue to talk to you or a doctor / chemist and therefore shuts down conversations. Or it could be that he’s not attracted to you (probably less likely but a small possibility nonetheless) or he could be depressed. Either way I’d be questioning the health of the relationship and if it’s worth sticking with if he won’t talk.

If I could go back to year 1 where you are now, I would and end it. Now 10 years later and having done what you are doing, all the communication, spicing and fighting has ended in a weekly Sunday morning 10 minute quicky, usually.

Daily cialis equals erections on demand, if the desire isn’t there then the erection is useless.

Now, luckily and thankfully I suppose, I’ve just lost my sex drive. But knowing that I shouldn’t have.

his sex drive is what it is, if he doesn’t want to change it there isn’t anything you can do IMO.

agree with this (did it myself) thankfully out the other side now and free.

, if it is like this now then if you go on to get very serious like marriage kids , then the frustration will only grow and turn into resentment eventually.

you won’t change his sex drive and it seems he doesn’t want to try either.

That's why you need to tell him that there is something wrong. Not hint, sit him down and explain to him in clear terms your needs and opinion about sex. And ask him about his. Maybe sex is not important to him, maybe he's addicted to porn, maybe he thinks everything is grand, maybe his ED has made sex very fraught for him. None of those are things you can solve on your own, and some of them might mean you're just incompatible.

One point also to make -

This is completely the wrong reaction. When you react that way it makes sustaining an erection even more stressful. Now when he fails to stay hard he also knows you'll see it as a criticism of you and as him saying you're not attractive. Women, generally speaking, underestimate how much the inner mental processes affects an erection.

A better approach is to completely de-emphasise it. The less of an issue losing an erection is in the bedroom, the less stress around it, and the more likely he is to find it all a positive experience.

It's a perfectly natural reaction, very understandable.

If it helps you it's very unlikely to be because he doesn't find you attractive. I mean you're attractive enough form him to get hard but not enough to stay hard? It doesn't really work like that. It's overwhelmingly likely that this is to do with him internally, rather than how you look, act or are as a person. Which is why nothing you do alone can change things.

I would also point out that you shouldn't let his his reaction change how you feel about your own sexuality, it's great that you know your physical relationship needs and that is generally a very attractive quality in a person.

IMO passion and lust are organic. They are emotions that can not be created artificially, or with any amount of communication etc.

If you place value in sex in a relationship, you need to decide if you need to reconsider the future of the relationship as I highly doubt anything will change much.

Life's too short

In the (unlikely) event that he doesn't thing there's anything wrong, there's still hope.

It's when he knows you're not happy, but still isn't inclined to change things to make it better for you, that there's no hope.

The only way to go about resolving this is to sit him down and have that serious conversation about you not feeling wanted and not feeling satisfied.

It won't be comfortable for either of you, but you need to do it to try and save a relationship that seems worth saving apart from this.

From his point of view, you are trying to create emotions artificially. We don't know what's going on with your boyfriend but if he's a vanilla, 2-minutes-in-missionary sort of person, what you're attempting won't be his bag at all. You seem to think that if you can "get him started" that you'll be at it like rabbits. I doubt this plan will work, unless there are other issues at play here.

TBH it seem like that's exactly what you are trying to do.

You are trying to figure out out to get your other half to be more intimate and interested in sex, other than once a week.

Unfortunately, there is no greater passion killer than the realities of life itself

Some would consider once a week frequent.

Ill stick to my original point, passion is organic, I don't think it can be artificially created

Do you know if this guy had previous girlfriends? If he's sexually inexperienced and has hang-ups about sex, someone adventurous would be scary.

Of course you can. By that logic, you wouldn't be able to talk about *any* issue after a set amount of time. There's no statute of limitations on these things.

If it's been more than a year, you're well within your right to make a few kinky suggestions. Encourage him to make some of is own. You might even out find that he doesn't know either, but that's where the fun starts :)

Start out with the more "traditional ones" like tying up or even new locations - it's almost summer, you're on an island with a lot of isolated countrsides open beaches....

I think the people falling over themselves to share how kinky they are are rather putting the cart before the horse here. Based on what the OP has old us, springing any of that on her partner is just going to cause him to withdraw even more, imo.