Baptising children

Most now seem to be just an excuse for a knees up drinking session, the same people who go to mass proud as punch on Christmas day dressed in their finest like it's the cup final and don't attend a single league game session of mass all year. 'Catholic schools' in Ireland are now forced to include anyone and everyone unlike other faiths who can restrict so that's not really an excuse any more to babtise, total shambles of a crooked decision if you ask me.

Not sure what I would do in the same situation, it could be perhaps difficult for your kids growing up if their cousins, classmates and friends are all making communions and confirmations and they are not. Your kids probably won't understand the committment until they are well in to their teens at which time they are already committed catholics so to speak.

Everybody has their own circumstances and experiences and it's very hard for strangers to comment on how you're raising your family.

However...

The reason the Catholic church still has its grubby hands on schools and hospitals in Ireland is that the statistics show a certain percentage of the population is baptised. They don't care if you're practicing, they don't care if you wipe your behind with photos of the pope every morning, as long as you're a number on their roll. (When people started leaving the church in significant numbers about 15 years ago they changed the rules so it's no longer possible to have yourself removed from the baptismal registry.)

People who baptise for the day out, and show up again in new outfits for communions, and again for confirmations, and maybe once more for a wedding are the problem.

Did you ever wonder why, in the name of all things rational, is the national broadcaster broadcasting the angelus? Why you have to walk past a crucifix to enter a Comprehensive or Vocational school? Why, until very recently, you couldn't get a drink on Good Friday? These might seem like harmless eccentricities until you consider that the mode of thought that allows these to continue is the same mode of thought that allows the wealthiest organisation in the country to duck its responsibilities to those to whom it owes payment as restitution for some pretty nasty stuff.

I have no problem with people who have a sincere faith. I have a bit of a problem with people who allow a rotten institution to keep doing what it's doing because they want a nice day out.

Have a lovely humanist naming ceremony. Much more individual, much more family focussed and it doesn't preclude the children from being baptised later in life if they decide that's what they want. Because obviously it should be their decision.

I'm a baptised Catholic. I don't resent my parents for that, but I do wish I could undo it. I had issues with the church from an early age too like you OP.

My parents didn't know better, we do.

Let your children make their own decisions when they're old enough, don't take this decision out of their hands. I wish I'd had that luxury. It's next to impossible to officially leave the Catholic church these days so while I've been non practising/believing all my life, I'm still officially a Catholic - though not on tonight's census 😉

There are plenty of secular celebrations, naming ceremonies, treat days instead of communions and confirmations if you're worried about your kids missing out. Educate together schools make it easier.

Tough one OP.

I'm in a vaguely similar situation to you. I'm not particularly religious. However, I would go to midnight mass at Christmas and to weddings, funerals, and christenings. My wife is significantly more religious than me and would go to mass weekly. She was/is absolutely insistent that our kids be baptized, receive the sacraments, and go to catholic schools. Personally, I'm fairly ambivalent about it all, but go along with it. I guess the major difference is that religion isn't the deal breaker for me that it is for you.

Personally, I feel like a happy, harmonious marriage trumps everything else. I'm sure you love your wife and see yourself in this for the long haul. I don't see religion as the cross on which you should nail your relationship, if you'll pardon the pun. I totally get that you are uncomfortable compromising your principles, but are you willing to risk your home life to win this battle?

You CAN undo it. Simply tick the 'no religion' box on the census form.

I was baptised, communioned and confirmed. I don't see myself as Catholic in any way shape or form.

In early centuries baptism did not take place until adulthood.

Only the church rules state that once baptised you are always in the church. But if you are not part of the church the rules simply don't apply.

Therefore if you identify as no religion you should have no hangups about your parents baptising you when you were a baby.

Well you've got that completely backwards

Homophobia is massively correlated with Conservative religious attitudes

And Irish society has only begun to open up as fewer and fewer people are left under the psychological and emotional grip of the church

Have you considered a naming ceremony style event?

It's possible as others have mentioned that she just wants a day of celebration for the child. There's nothing wrong with that, even if it is a bit selfish. My brother and his partner didn't bother with a baptism even though she grew up in a strongly religious environment. Instead they had a small party with family and friends, got a few nice pictures with all the generations and a page in the baby book. Was actually lovely.

Maybe instead of dismissing the idea outright find out why she wants the baptism. If it's because 'tradition' or something she feels the child would be missing out on then a naming ceremony might just fit the bill.

Well non atheists are unlikely to speak of how they dislike god, are they now?

I agree.

However the OP has to live with his choice, and his wife.

I don't think that participating in those ceremonies as a parent is a problem, as long as you contextualise the religious aspects for the children affected. The church are happy for non-adherents to participate.

My casual atheism allows me to pick and choose what things to do. It also happens to keep the most people I care about happy (i.e. my wife and kids), be simple to execute, and engages the kids more in their community. To me, a no-brainer. Are they indoctrinated? No. Do I think it's more damaging to include them rather than exclude them? No.

But I genuinely feel for the OP; there's no correct answer here.