Why don't Irish people befriend foreigners?

ardatr · 17-04-2022 3:22pm #1

First of all, Happy Easter everyone!

I'm asking because I'm really curious about a subject: Why are the Irish not willing to make friends with foreigners? You are really kind in casual conversations. You are also very helpful and caring. I am really lucky in this regard, I feel at home. However, in long-term friendships, I observe that Irish people prefer their own and local environment. As a foreigner, I don't have a single close Irish friend when I look around me. I have been living and working in this country for three years. I know many Irish people, but none of them are close friends. Most of my close friends are foreigners like me.

My theory on this is that the Irish may not yet feel comfortable and safe with immigrants. However, I am sure that your views will enlighten me further.

Thanks in advance!

phonypony · 17-04-2022 3:26pm

Personally (Irish), the majority of my closest friends are/have been from outside of Ireland. Go figure!

sam t smith · 17-04-2022 3:29pm

Many Irish people form their friendships in school and college. For people in their 30s and above this would mean other Irish people.

Jim_Hodge · 17-04-2022 3:29pm

I'm not going in to detail but I have two close friends who are not from Ireland. My children have many close friends who you'd call foreigners; to us they're just friends and neighbours.

Allinall · 17-04-2022 3:31pm

One could just as easily ask - “why don’t foreigners befriend Irish people?”

17-04-2022 3:55pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939097#Comment_118939097

Well going by the OP, because Irish people won't be their friend.

In general OP, Irish people tend to pick their good friends while they are young, and then stick with them.

Two friends of mine said they wouldn't go out with a guy that wasn't Irish because 'sure you wouldn't know anything about him' 🙄

Duckworth_Luas · 17-04-2022 4:00pm

This is the same all over the world.

I'm sure many Irish people would say the same thing about the OP's country of origin if they moved there.

When people move to a new society they leave their old friends behind and many find it difficult to make new ones among people who have long standing social networks.

rolling boh · 17-04-2022 4:00pm

It seems to me people come over and stick together near where they live there are so many i suppose they can talk in their own language have their own shops and watch their local tv stations that can easy live like at home . Also i think a lot come for economic reasons so no real need to mix much with locals so just get on with them and that is enough .Maybe people in higher up jobs live a bit different .

17-04-2022 4:07pm

You must remember also OP, that the Irish are at home here.

When people live overseas, they have to make more of an effort, socially, or else they become isolated. So you, and your other foreign friends need to make that effort, whereas, Irish people here are just living their lives, with their friends and families here and no real need to make that effort.

It's not that they are unfriendly, if you think about your home country, it's probably the same.

Wanderer2010 · 17-04-2022 4:09pm

In the most part, people who make friends in primary school keep those same circle of people, particularly men who want to stay living in their hometown forever, so they drink with the same lads whom they played hurling with or sat next to in class. Thus they have their group and they might not be consciously rejecting you OP, its just they are happy in their nappy.

Not everyone enjoyed school or liked their schoolmates though so you have a chance of befriending these significant numbers of people who hated school but picked up friends in college, work or by travelling. I know its hard OP but not impossible, we are out there and willing to be friends with all kinds of people, good luck!

17-04-2022 4:15pm

If you really want to make good friends with Irish people, I would advise meeting them through a hobby. Not everyone wants to be friends with people from work. You have a much better chance of making friends if you share a pastime, whether it's hiking, some sports, quizzing, whatever!

Notmything · 17-04-2022 4:21pm

Welcome back. Hope this account last longer than the previous ones

Jim2007 · 17-04-2022 4:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058242087/why-dont-irish-people-befriend-foreigners

You have a lot to learn about human nature....

Most people have about 5 to 7 close friends and regardless of which European country you choose you will find this to be the case. Most of these friendships are developed during people's formative years and they very rarely add new close friends to their circle unless a few drop out for some reason. So my question to you is why would you think Irish people should be any different to the rest of Europe???

And the reason your close friends are foreigners is because they don't have any close friends. And as you will find out over time, they really are not close friends either, they will disappear over time.

maestroamado · 17-04-2022 4:31pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939097#Comment_118939097

I think that we as locals need to make people feel more welcome as we in the comfort zone... i do think we are a little bit guarded...

frosty123 · 17-04-2022 4:42pm

'This is a local shop for local people, we have nothing for the likes of you' OP

Mad_maxx · 17-04-2022 4:47pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058242087/why-dont-irish-people-befriend-foreigners

Irish people don't even wish to make friends with people from two towns over ,nevermind foreigners

We are an extremely clannish and cliquey folk

Ubbquittious · 17-04-2022 4:49pm

Why bother befriending them when you can shove them into an AirBnB cottage you inherited, charge them 200 a night and give them some "authentic" Oirish experience in the hope they come back next year with their friends?

Ficheall · 17-04-2022 4:55pm

Are you a Brit, OP?

donegal_man · 17-04-2022 5:07pm

Do you have school going children OP? One of the quickest ways to make a network of friends is through involvement in parents groups.

17-04-2022 5:12pm

Who were your friends before you moved here for reference OP?

A general observation is that people tend to settle down somewhat and aren't as likely to make new friends after their twenties.

People make friends from school, college, early work and then stick with them.

If they do make new friends it tends to through a common factor such as interests or kids.

17-04-2022 5:17pm

I've too many friends already. Can't keep up with them all. Definitely don't want to making new friends, irregardless of where they are from

If you could take some of my friends from me, that would be great

maestroamado · 17-04-2022 5:22pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939451#Comment_118939451

Why would you ask... they are a person...

ardatr · 17-04-2022 5:34pm

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I know very well that friendships are formed at school or college and progress by sticking to the same people. The main thing I'm talking about here is that mostly locals don't look for new friendships. I am from Turkey. We have many German and Irish neighbors in the city where I live. Of course, every country has its own culture, please do not take what I say as criticism. It is very important for us to visit our neighbors, offer them a cup of tea in our garden or invite them to social activities. Because no matter where we are, being away from home is a little bit difficult for everyone.

Don't get me wrong, many Irish people I know here are very helpful and caring, as I mentioned in my first message. It's just that our communication doesn't last very long for some reason. Therefore, as a theory, perhaps especially for Dublin, local people may not see the need / priority of establishing long-term friendships with people of different nationalities due to the increased immigration in recent years. Even when I came here in 2019, there was not that much immigration, even for me it is sometimes surprising!

If there is something I need to know specifically in terms of communication, I would be very happy if you could teach me. Other than that, I love this amazing country very much. Fortunately, when I was 14, I started researching Ireland with the Tin Whistle my father gave me. This is where my dreams come true.

SuperBowserWorld · 17-04-2022 5:43pm

Don't take it personally.

Many people are shy or introverted.

Or burned out with jobs, family, commuting , ...

Also, there has been covid since you arrived, and people are just pulling out from that.

You could easily join a local traditional music group, if you can play the tin whistle.

rolling boh · 17-04-2022 5:52pm

I would also think people here are not overly keen on having people round to their homes as much as some other countries its not meant in a bad way just a lot like to keep a little distance from neighbours etc stay friendly but not too close .

Whatdoesitmatter · 17-04-2022 5:57pm

You just know the OP is spoiling for an argument

maestroamado · 17-04-2022 5:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939680#Comment_118939680

we are a bit insincere... we are great talking about what should be done... now doing that is not our way... leave very well alone... then after a tragety we at our best...

put_the_kettle_on · 17-04-2022 5:59pm

I've been reading this thread with interest since we are moving from the UK to the rural west coast of Mayo in the next few weeks, and I was really hoping to make friends in the locality.

( slightly worried now ☺️ )

17-04-2022 6:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939700#Comment_118939700

OP seems very genuine to me.

Beatty69 · 17-04-2022 6:00pm

I have some "foreign" friends as you call them OP, but wouldn't call them very close friends because sometimes it's difficult to form a close bond with someone who doesn't share your upbringing/history.

I find that they can be very hospitable and kind and I'm the same in return but when it comes to discussing current affairs some of them don't even read Irish news so it can get awkward. Irish people love discussing the news!

A way to really connect with Irish people I think is to be up to date on Irish current affairs and also the history of the area you live in. Listen to Irish talk radio, watch Irish television etc.

completedit · 17-04-2022 6:01pm

It's a cultural thing. We don't tend to just casually socialise the way people do in Eastern Europe for example where friends and stuff might just come over for dinner. This happens when you're 14 but once you become an adult it is very unusual to be invited into a family for dinner.

Fitness culture; people tend to be ON during the week, the weekend is when they socialise. People are going to the gym during the week which means their evenings are accounted for.

Suburban Living - We live much more detached from others than other countries in Europe. Because of suburbanisation when you're at home you're at home. The boundaries between the inside and outside seem much more rigid in Ireland.

I also think Irish people do this thing where they don't like to seem like they're too keen.

An anglo bias - Irish people are more likely to befriend people from other Anglo countries.

Irish people don't tend to live elsewhere in Ireland so any Irish person you meet is probably close to home and if they aren't(moved to Dublin for example) they probably are living near 10 other people that they know from back home. They're not looking to meet new people.

17-04-2022 6:24pm

Fairly unique in a global context, we are very lucky in Ireland and in the urban centres that we have the opportunity to study, live and work in places we are from or relatively close to it.

Friendships groups tend to be lifelong from childhood. Many groups are formed in primary school or through local clubs and stay.

The downside of this is that people feel they have all the friends they need and it can be very hard for outsiders to break into these groups. Most of this is unbeknownst to the group itself who fail to recognize that someone wants to be a part of the group.

olestoepoke · 17-04-2022 6:26pm

My wife is from Belfast and I have a few really close friends from there. Does that count?

irelandrover · 17-04-2022 6:32pm

To be fair OP, you moved herein 2019 and in early 2020 the country went into a 2 year lockdown. During the free periods people had to catch up with old friends and family rather than make new friends.

Saying that, I live abroad and have very few local friends. It's generally the expat way, your friends will be other expats as they are open to building new networks as they have to.

maestroamado · 17-04-2022 6:34pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939700#Comment_118939700

I expect no-one will stop you if you want to try... they made a point... you said nothin...

I forgot to say i have couple foreign friends... Spain... Poland...

dxhound2005 · 17-04-2022 6:39pm

Turkey is a very big country, with a population of 85 million. Of course it is going to be easier to find friends there.

NSAman · 17-04-2022 6:39pm

It’s not just Ireland. I have lived all across the globe. I currently live in the US. My friends from Ireland are still my friends. I have friends from most of the countries that I have lived in. The US, slightly different. Here I have many acquaintances, close friends only a handful. In Africa I had many more friends than acquaintances,. Yes my friends are still in contact and we still visit with each other.

as a foreigner coming to any country you have to put the work in. It’s much more difficult coming to a new culture/society where people have family and friendship ties going back years. At my age now, I couldn’t be arsed… I have my friends, I have acquaintances and am happy at that.

17-04-2022 6:56pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058242087/why-dont-irish-people-befriend-foreigners

Nice generalising there.

ardatr · 17-04-2022 7:00pm

Yes, you are correct in what you say.

Especially following the daily news is very important to me. Every day, I regularly review the summary of Irish, Turkish and world news while having breakfast. Also, as far as I have observed, sports activities are really important in Ireland.Unfortunately this is an area that I have no interest in...

Generally easier to communicate with older people in Ireland. Especially when they hear that I'm from Turkey, they show me incredible love. Historically, we have a fraternal bond with Ireland. However, when it comes to my peers, unfortunately, I have very formal conversations and communication that does not continue afterwards. As I understand it, everything starts with a little self-confidence and willingness.

If there are meet-up groups or events you can suggest, I would be grateful. Thanks again for your answers!

rolling boh · 17-04-2022 7:06pm

what age group are you in that might help people to suggest something .

ardatr · 17-04-2022 7:07pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939937#Comment_118939937

Oh, sorry forgot to mention... I am twenty seven years old.

rolling boh · 17-04-2022 7:19pm

The question you have asked about making friends has been asked on this forum by plenty of Irish people so its not because you are foreign . I know it is always suggested but getting involved in something that you are interested in could help .If you work are there people in your age group that you could try and build something with . It is true it is difficult to break into a social group that is well established over years but Ithink the hobby thing would give you a better chance .Also did you say where in the country you are .

ardatr · 17-04-2022 7:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939972#Comment_118939972

You are right, hobby and common related areas will benefit me. I live in Dublin which I think is another unfortunate part. Because, as in the capitals of every country, life is very fast here, people work intensively and it is much more difficult to reach local people than in other cities.

When I visited Galway and Cork, I had the opportunity to sit and chat with more local people. Anyway, I'm in love with this country. I'm sure I'll find a place where I feel like I belong.

Thanks!

Xidu · 17-04-2022 7:33pm

some Irish don’t have Irish friends either. Don’t worry. Not a big deal. No need to feel like you have to have Irish friend just becoz u live here.

I moved to Ireland since 2011, I have a lot of work colleagues but I am not v close to any of them and I don’t really feel like we can be v close friends coz we don’t share the same culture n background.

titan18 · 17-04-2022 8:09pm

It's not a foreign thing, I think most Irish tend to not make new friends when they're adults. It's people you work with and your pre existing circle of friends from school and college. We're very insular in that regard.

jackboy · 17-04-2022 8:13pm

It’s very hard to find time for friends in the modern world. Once you move beyond your early twenties when you are out the whole time trying to pull there is little need or time for friends. Once people get a steady job and relationship that is more or less it for friends.

17-04-2022 8:29pm

I think long term loyalty also plays a part. I've worked in multinationals for years now and made lots of friends.

None of them are still in Ireland though. For that reason I'd never see a foreigner as a long term friend.

YFlyer · 17-04-2022 9:20pm

What a load of cack.

AllForIt · 17-04-2022 9:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939182#Comment_118939182

Two friends of mine said they wouldn't go out with a guy that wasn't Irish because 'sure you wouldn't know anything about him'

Two friends of yours said that to YOU? Gawd they defiantly don't follow your boards account.

17-04-2022 9:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118940602#Comment_118940602

😂😂

my ex wasn't Irish too!

Real life isn't the same......I'm very easy going 😁

...Ghost... · 17-04-2022 9:59pm

OP, I'll be your friend....but, you've gotta buy the first round 😃

Why don't Irish people befriend foreigners?

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