Public speaking fear

phishcakes · 07-01-2020 10:41pm #1

So i have a massive fear of public speaking and its holding me back in my current job, can't progress into manager roles etc

I know i can physically do it and do it well with practise, as i have done on a few small ocassions, i just seem to struggle massively with the nerves and the fight or flight response and i always just want to bolt from the room. I have shied away from many opportunities because of it.

Lately even just sitting in team meetings I'm a bag of nerves incase im called on to answer a question and speak.

I was born with a cleft lip & palate and was heavily bullied as a kid so i think that has a lot to do it with it as well subconsciously

Anyone have any tips, books etc for managing nerves building confidence??

ParkRunner · 07-01-2020 11:46pm

Go for it and be strong. People will generally want to hear what you have to say and have experienced all sorts of different people in their lives so won’t care if you have the odd f&ck up. If you believe in yourself, be stubborn about it and be prepared to manage the odd setback, the only way is up

Ghetofarmulous · 07-01-2020 11:57pm

Listen mate I used to be a bit nervous nothing like you describe so I can’t understand. The only thing I can give you is to know that most people in the work place just want to get the day over with. They don’t want to see you fail and any input you give in team meetings isn’t judged or scrutinised to oblivion.

I have worked with so many different people in many different environments over my career and we all just want what’s best for each other.

Would you be able to confide in someone at work who might give you silent support or an encouraging nod when you are speaking? Just know that even if you can try a bit it does get easier. I’m no expert I’m just giving my take on my experience. I truly hope you can find your way friend.

And be yourself. Cliche I know but true

Ghetofarmulous · 08-01-2020 12:09am

I’m just reading your post again, I feel for you. It’s not nice to feel how you feel and the bullying has touched a nerve.

I have no magic words or wisdom only my experience and experience tells me adults are understanding and nobody is going to expect every word from you to be the groundbreaking.

P

Esse85 · 08-01-2020 12:12am

How do you get over any fear? You tackle it head on.

Join a public speaking group and learn how to speak in front of an audience.

RedXIV · 08-01-2020 12:13am

This crowd toastmasters are an international group aimed at helping people with public speaking. I haven't used them personally but I know people who have and have said they benefited from it?

I think it's €50 or something to join going off the website but might be an option?

Strumms · 08-01-2020 12:19am

Before I became a trainer the idea of getting up in front of a group of people to present, or deliver training would leave me cold with fear. I did an in house course called ‘presentation skills’ and that was brilliant..gave me confidence. You’d do a presentation, they’d film it, you’d watch it back together and give you feedback. You get armed with lots of tips and tricks like how and when to test for comprehension, how to evaluate if people are having difficulty but afraid to articulate and so on... there is definitely a skill to it but once you are armed with the skill and know how it’s a doodle....

An experienced trainer once gave me a good tip too, .. “ look around, EVERY single one of these people need YOU, you need none of them”. Just put me at ease a bit.

Wesser · 08-01-2020 12:21am

would you consider trying a beta blocker tablet?

foxatron · 08-01-2020 12:21am

The more you do it the easier it will become. I know thats easier said than done when its the last thing you want to do. You could try toastmasters? Its a great way to practice.

Most people will probably switch off after a few minutes and will have 100 other things going on in their head. Its nothing personal just human behaviour so no point stressing too much.

Its just about building up your confidence and getting used to hearing yourself talk.

If you're based in Dublin look up Fiona O'Meara of "beheard". She helps people with public speaking. Shes really really good.

Juanito13 · 08-01-2020 12:22am

phishcakes wrote: »

So i have a massive fear of public speaking and its holding me back in my current job, can't progress into manager roles etc

I know i can physically do it and do it well with practise, as i have done on a few small ocassions, i just seem to struggle massively with the nerves and the fight or flight response and i always just want to bolt from the room. I have shied away from many opportunities because of it.

Lately even just sitting in team meetings I'm a bag of nerves incase im called on to answer a question and speak.

I was born with a cleft lip & palate and was heavily bullied as a kid so i think that has a lot to do it with it as well subconsciously

Anyone have any tips, books etc for managing nerves building confidence??

I’m the same as yourself, **** myself when i have to do presentations in front of groups.
Go to your doctor, they can prescribe low dose of beta-blocker to counteract the fight or flight/ adrenaline release. You’ll still be nervous but you won’t have the palpitations or shakes to worry about.
You’d be surprised how many people take them.

The_Honeybadger · 08-01-2020 12:35am

OP I was just like you at one stage, I hated team meetings and any setting where I might have to speak in front of people. As I gained seniority at work I had no choice but to speak in front of people, do presentations, run team meetings etc. Over time the fear has lessened to the point where I now take no notice. I even agreed without hesitation to do a guest lecture in the local institute of technology next week on a topic I have experience in. It’s all about getting experience.

Some great suggestions above in relation to toastmasters etc. They will all help. The only way to shake the fear is to practice imo.

IITYWYBMAD · 08-01-2020 10:49am

phishcakes wrote: »

So i have a massive fear of public speaking and its holding me back in my current job, can't progress into manager roles etc

I know i can physically do it and do it well with practise, as i have done on a few small ocassions, i just seem to struggle massively with the nerves and the fight or flight response and i always just want to bolt from the room. I have shied away from many opportunities because of it.

Lately even just sitting in team meetings I'm a bag of nerves incase im called on to answer a question and speak.

I was born with a cleft lip & palate and was heavily bullied as a kid so i think that has a lot to do it with it as well subconsciously

Anyone have any tips, books etc for managing nerves building confidence??

Read this OP https://www.amazon.co.uk/Feel-Fear-Anyway-Indecision-Confidence/dp/0091907071

Caveat is my daughter had the same issue with lack of confidence in certain public situations, as she's very shy by nature. This has transformed her outlook.

vixdname · 08-01-2020 1:23pm

I have to speak every now and then publicly and if I can share a few tips with you.

1. Know your subject, theres nothing worse then getting up in front of a group of people and not being 100% sure of the subject youre going to speak about.
Make sure if youre speaking at a work related meeting that you have all of the relevant information so as if youre asked a question, you know youll be able to answer it without himming and hawwing.

2. The chances are that if youre asked to speak, you are most likely considered the "expert" in that field or perhaps have your hand on the pulse a bit more then the rest. Chances are that most of the people you are speaking to will not know as much about the subject matter as you do, so youre owning that meeting and have every right to feel confident in yourself.

3. As someone eluded to earlier, most people youre speaking to DONT want to see you fail, they most likely know what those nerves feel like and will admire you for getting up and giving it a go anyway. Youll almost always find that there will be at least one person in the group that will help you along with a agreeing nod or perhaps giving you an acknowledgement in front of the rest that what you are saying is correct. Its amazing how a small little positivity from one person can give you a little lift.

4. Beta blockers can definitely help take the edge off you when the occasion arises.

hope these little bits help. !!!

PreCocious · 08-01-2020 2:17pm

I'd echo what others have said.

Generally nobody wants to watch you fail and will give you encouragement.

Always answer questions truthfully - if you don't know the answer don't fib - respond that you'll check it out and get back to the person.

You'll often find one person there who'll ask questions not to find out but to make himself seem bigger and better. Once again, answer what you know and if you don't know don't fib. The audience will generally see this person as being a bit of a gob****e.

Where possible stand up and always try and look around the room and make (even fleeting) eye contact with people.

If you can work in some bit of humour it can break the ice - it shouldn't be a comedy sketch or a long drawn out affair but getting even a few people to smile can be a great support.

Strumms · 08-01-2020 5:12pm

PreCocious wrote: »

I'd echo what others have said.

Generally nobody wants to watch you fail and will give you encouragement.

Always answer questions truthfully - if you don't know the answer don't fib - respond that you'll check it out and get back to the person.

You'll often find one person there who'll ask questions not to find out but to make himself seem bigger and better. Once again, answer what you know and if you don't know don't fib. The audience will generally see this person as being a bit of a gob****e.

Where possible stand up and always try and look around the room and make (even fleeting) eye contact with people.

If you can work in some bit of humour it can break the ice - it shouldn't be a comedy sketch or a long drawn out affair but getting even a few people to smile can be a great support.

Of the advice offered above... KNOWING the subject is definitely of premium importance...but everything precocious says is 100%...

Also if there is a mouthy fùck asking too many questions as can happen... a disruptive person/attention seeker.... give them free reign... then say it's time for some questions... focus on asking them... if they have been mouthy the likelihood is they wont have been listening all that well. The NOT knowing should have focused their mind ... to be quiet.

tomwaits48 · 09-01-2020 1:31pm

I couldn't recommend toastmasters highly enough. Sorted out my fear for good.

Swampy · 10-01-2020 6:06pm

Wesser wrote: »

would you consider trying a beta blocker tablet?

These are amazing. You can get a prescription from your GP. Totally blocked my fight or flight.

Edit: i've started Toastmaster to hopefully deal with it properly.

phishcakes · 11-01-2020 7:11pm

Thanks a million for all the responses, definitely a lot of great advice there!

I had thought of toastmasters before but felt it might be a bit intimidating as a novice speaker in front of mostly experts, is there any more info on how they work?

tomwaits48 wrote: »

I couldn't recommend toastmasters highly enough. Sorted out my fear for good.

0lordy · 27-02-2020 6:35pm

phishcakes wrote: »

Thanks a million for all the responses, definitely a lot of great advice there!

I had thought of toastmasters before but felt it might be a bit intimidating as a novice speaker in front of mostly experts, is there any more info on how they work?

Bit late to the party here, but Toastmasters is not full of experts, just people that want to improve their communication and leadership skills, so I wouldn't let that put you off. There is a lot of information online about Toastmasters, but the best way to find out about it is to go to a meeting and check it out, or call a member of your local club, they'll be happy to talk to you. PM me if you have any questions.

witchgirl26 · 03-03-2020 12:02pm

phishcakes wrote: »

So i have a massive fear of public speaking and its holding me back in my current job, can't progress into manager roles etc

I know i can physically do it and do it well with practise, as i have done on a few small ocassions, i just seem to struggle massively with the nerves and the fight or flight response and i always just want to bolt from the room. I have shied away from many opportunities because of it.

Lately even just sitting in team meetings I'm a bag of nerves incase im called on to answer a question and speak.

I was born with a cleft lip & palate and was heavily bullied as a kid so i think that has a lot to do it with it as well subconsciously

Anyone have any tips, books etc for managing nerves building confidence??

OP I can relate a lot as I've had to given presentations and honestly they make me break out in a cold sweat.

I'd echo that being completely comfortable with what you're talking about does make a massive difference. Also work out (with help from friends to practise on) whether you're the type who is better having a script you can learn off for a presentation or if you're better knowing the subject inside-out and being able to just talk. I much prefer the latter and it's actually helped me as the learning the script one (which I had been doing) was making me more stressed.

Consider also getting a few sessions with a professional coach. I've been doing that and it's been brilliant. Really helped with my overall confidence.

zoobizoo · 03-03-2020 12:07pm

Part of my coping strategy was to always have copies of my presentation for everyone attending with my own copy of my presentation with a bullet pointed script.

It meant that people would be looking down at their copy of my slides rather than directly at me at the very start of my presentation which eased me into it.

phishcakes · 19-05-2022 11:47am

Can this be deleted

** MOD PLEASE DELETE **

Cluedo Monopoly · 19-05-2022 11:14pm

Toastmasters.

Mantis Toboggan · 21-05-2022 5:42pm

Did a bit of research on this over the last year or so, a good udemy course which I found very good is the complete guide to conquering the fear of public speaking by Jason Teteak. Got it for free but not sure if there's a charge. It's a bastard of a fear that can hold you back but you just have to face it head on.

HildaOgdenx · 21-05-2022 5:49pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119084596#Comment_119084596

If you tag the mods for the Work&Jobs forum, or else PM them, they will probably be able to delete it for you.

Public speaking fear

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