Issue with child minder

LongfordMB · 21-05-2022 10:09am #1

Hello

We hired a childminder a couple months ago for our 1 year old girl. She comes to our home each morning.

So far we've observed the following

We wrote out a detailed daily plan which she has largely ignored (she does feed her obviously). She seems to just suit herself largely.
WE specified max 90 minutes walks, she is often gone out with her for 3 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon. No idea where she goes except she tells us sometimes she goes to the park. We're concerned she is straopped to a buggy for up to 5 hours a day and we don't know where she is gone. WE told her to limit walks to 90 minutes but she continues to do it.
WE notice when we collect her in the evening she often has a dirty nappy. Once she told us it happended in the last 10 minutes, but we now notice a pattern. She's clearly trying to avoid changing her near the end of day.
I work upstairs, i often hear the child hyperventilating and screaming downstairs. She has no ability to sooth her it seems.

WE're comign to the conlusion we need to let her go, do people agree based on the above? We pay her cash, what would be reasonable here, should we give her 1 weeks pay ?

THanks

MB

Stanford · 21-05-2022 10:21am

As parents you both know what's best for your child so either way talk to the childminder or let her go, I'm not sure what you expect to be told on here? Remember the fact that you pay her cash is irrelevant, she is your employee so give her a weeks notice in writing

21-05-2022 10:32am

I don't mean to be harsh but .... she disregards your instructions and you don't know where your child is, sometimes for up to 5 hours A DAY? You hear her being left to cry crying and she is left in dirty nappies...😲

What the HELL are you waiting for? The minder is unsuitable!!! Let her go. Immediately.

iwillhtfu · 21-05-2022 10:56am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119093168#Comment_119093168

By all means pay her the weeks notice but I wouldn't be leaving my child with her based on what op has mentioned already.

shesty · 21-05-2022 10:59am

I'll be honest, she doesn't sound suitable, and I would get rid of her.

Equally I'll be honest - specifying 90 minute walks and a detailed daily plan is a bit over the top.You might find somebody else who could be gone for 2 hours or so, but a chunk of that time could be spent sitting in a park while your child runs around, or maybe going on over to a playground and then on to pick up some bits in a shop or something.Once you know she isn't sitting in someone else's house or similar.

However everything else sounds very questionable.

XsApollo · 21-05-2022 11:00am

Doesn’t really matter what other people think is ok or not ok, you are obviously uncomfortable with the child minder so get rid.

saying that I agree with other posters.

get rid.

Loveinapril · 21-05-2022 11:23am

Trust your gut. It doesn't sound like she is a good match for your family, so it is time to find someone else. When I finally listened to my gut around a childminder I had, I immediately terminated her caring for my kids. If you can arrange alternative childcare immediately, you should terminate her employment immediately. It is probably unethical but if she has no contract and you are paying cash in hand, you don't have any obligation to give notice. She is failing in her duty of care.

Sleeper12 · 21-05-2022 11:28am

Do you employ a qualified child minder or a babysitter? How much per hour are you paying?

LongfordMB · 21-05-2022 11:37am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119093369#Comment_119093369

No qualification but got good reference. 13.50 cash.

Sleeper12 · 21-05-2022 11:53am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119093386#Comment_119093386

You employ a babysitter so. Quiet a lot of money for someone without any formal training

A qualified child minder obviously has trained in the field. They will have a daily routine themselves. This involves set times playing with the baby and what toys to use to stimulate all the senses. They will also be fully trained in first aid and lifesaving.

My daughter is a qualified child minder. At the moment she is nanny for 2 boys. Just like a school teacher she prepares each night for the next day. This will involve printing off things from the Internet. Colouring, animals, letters etc. She keeps them busy for the day with structured appropriate activities throughout the day. You would expect the exact same thing from a crèche. They have absolutely no screen time till parents get home in the evening.

For close to the money you are paying this babysitter to do a terrible job you could have someone trained in the field & actually knows what they are doing.

Id suggest looking at the many websites like https://www.munchkinminders.ie/

You can see who is qualified and what qualifications they have. You can definitely do better with the amount you are paying

Furze99 · 21-05-2022 12:13pm

Your child, your choice. Overall consider if your daughter is reasonably happy with your minder. I presume you know that child rearing is not a perfect science, it can be messy, children do cry for all sorts of reasons. If your minder can deal with that in her own way, that's good. The fact that she doesn't stick to your 'plan' should not be a deal breaker, she may be adapting to suit the day that's in it and the mood that your daughter is in. That's she's out for a few hours every day sounds great, far better than sitting in a room looking at screens. One that is, she is fed and kept warm etc., able to go for naps when needed.

Forget this early education stuff, she's only 1. Toddlers of that age learn through play and interacting with people and the world about them. Plenty of time down the road for 'education'. My two cents.

Stanford · 21-05-2022 4:20pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119093352#Comment_119093352

This is incorrect and bad advice, she is providing a service (not a good one!) and you are paying her so she is your employee, no written contract or payment in cash changes that, protect yourself by giving one weeks notice in writing and pay her for 1 week, you do not need to give reasons for termination

Sleeper12 · 22-05-2022 8:40am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119094108#Comment_119094108

Totally agree.

The only job this person would be able to secure in a creche is as a cleaner. Not a single creche in the country could employ her to mind children of any age.

Very rarely would parents give the real reason they are letting a babysitter go. Usually to protect their feelings an excuse is made about working from home or no longer working & no longer needing her.

Bluemamma · 30-05-2022 4:43pm

Hi OP, of course get rid asap! But may I ask how on earth is it possible that someone leaves your house with your baby for 4-5 hours and you don’t know where your baby is? I’m sorry I just can’t understand it, if it happened to me once this person would be long gone and it would not happen nicely …

cena · 30-05-2022 4:59pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119093386#Comment_119093386

Really as parents, you should hire someone with the qualifications and garda vetting is a must. Be very careful with the cash in hand. You don't want to tax man hiring about as she is classed as an employee.

Why don't you go downstairs to see why the child is crying? Maybe slip a tracking device into the changing bag and see where she goes. Apple air tags are around 40 euros.

Have you rang people you go references from and see if has done the same thing before

Bambinoonboard · 19-09-2022 7:22pm

Hi there, I came on this evening to post regarding an issue I am finding with our childminder - our baby is 10 months old and crawling. Like the OP we pay cash in hand - it works out at €5 per hour. There are other children there too. He is dropped at the same time daily and collected in the afternoon within a half hour - 45 minute window which can change depending and she is fine with this.

We both expressed we are enthusiastic for him to engage and interacting with other children as he isn't really exposed to that environment given our circumstances and also we are pro anti molly coddling to an extent (we didnt use these words exactly but you get my drift) for his benefit and independence only. (We fear the impact of him being dependent long term even though I admit it breaks my heart but trying to be selfless. I realise not everyone may agree with this style of our chosen parenting and I dont want to offend anyones style or choices.)

My partner has expressed I am overreacting about some of the below which leaves me feeling I have to be extra vigilant and feels our boy is happy so so be it...

My concerns:

When I first visited the house for a visit I felt happy and everything seemed and sounded hunky dory. When our baby started going for an hour here and there, there was a day I saw her pass the road - it transpires her children were watching our child. One is a child another is 18. She mentioned she had flown to do her shopping apparently. When I told my partner this, he passed it off and made a joke of it so then I thought well if it was our family or friend members who did this Id be okay with it... But then again I feel this is totally unacceptable. Bottom line, this is a position in which you are TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR A BABY, who at the time, she wasn't overly familiar with either. He had visited perhaps x2 times prior for a few hours.
On 4 out of the past 10 days he has been collected he has a had a dirty nappy. It was mentioned there and then 2 out of those 4 times.
Daily we pack lunch, bottles, beaker, toys (which I change every day), spare clothes, wipes and nappies. Sometimes the toys haven't even been taken out of the bag which really disappointed me. She did mention he loves playing with a ball she has in her house however.
Also, x3 times out of 10 his beaker wasnt touched. I know Im 100% sure for one of these times because I added the most subtle splash of MiWadi through it and tasted when home.
There was one day wet and partially dirty (poo) clothes were sent home in the bag just thrown in on top. Am I being petty in saying putting these into a separate bag to prevent spreading germs would be sensible and well, SAFE? By the way, we are all for rough and tumble and building up immune system/ rolling in the mud etc., but pooey clothes - no, too much!!! I haven since provided bags as I thought maybe I should have done this initially. Is it the norm that minders don't rinse out bottles either, yes? (this doesn't concern me but curious rather)
A common theme I notice is the negativity when I collect him. Don't get me wrong, we are all human, we all have our off days and life is full of positives and negatives... It does however feel that when I collect him there is no sandwiching or layering - positive, negative, positive... One day it was "Oh hes very clingy isnt he and wants to be lifted all the time", the following day was "he hates his nappy being changed and getting dressed doesnt he", the next was "So and so is after getting sick on the floor and it stinks", the next was "he is in the bugger now, he was sitting in the chair whinging for such and such amount of time", the next was "he had no meal with him" (he in fact had and if the bag had of being thoroughly checked it would have been found! :( )
Comments and eye rolling some of the other children have been made when I pick up either in relation to the disgusting smell of there sick or how they just want to chat and would do your head in.
We agreed we would send afternoon snacks for the week. For the past two weeks they havent been touched. It was mentioned that he'd had a bit of ice cream one day. I wondered, would it not be appropriate to text the parents / prior suss if we're feeding him whatever she wants to give him!? I thought it was a bit ballsy! AM I AN OVER REACTING MOTHER?! When we met to discuss prior, it was agreed we would send a meal and snack. Any meal we send is always home cooked. We genuinely dont buy any pouches or jarred food. It feels I am going to so much effort and it's not respected. The baby loves anything we cook for him.

That's all that's springing to mind this very moment. I hope there's not more I have forgotten about. Any thoughts on this, Id really appreciate. I know I am all for going on my gut and my gut is telling me that yes he's happy but I feel he isn't as vocal since starting (although he's not overly anyways). Thank you.

com7 · 19-09-2022 7:41pm

I think you need to consider how much your paying here and what do you expect for 5 euro s an hour ......on your point no 1 you use

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR A BABY in block capitals , maybe you should consider moving your baby to another minder or creche and paying what s a fair rate and then you can dictate the conditions that you want but for what your currently paying per hour now I think your over reacting ...

893bet · 19-09-2022 8:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639212#Comment_119639212

5 euro an hour cash is not cheap. I pay less for my toddler in a proper crèche full time hours 8- 5.30.

Do ye only drop them for a few hours or are they there full time all day?

dtothebtotheh · 19-09-2022 8:27pm

Personally, I think having someone (non-familial) mind a 1 year old child is not the right thing to do. Not slating anyone who goes down this path, as cost of living is high and both parents need to work.

I think it really isn’t good for the child, as a mother needs to bond with their child. A child needs to be loved and nurtured, and you won’t get that with someone who doesn’t have a connection.

I think this is creating big problems with family structures. I say this as someone who was minded by others as a kid.

edit: I meant to add, if your career is more important than raising your family, maybe it’s best not to bring a child into the world, just my thoughts.

xhomelezz · 19-09-2022 8:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058246772/issue-with-child-minder

.......

Lgt · 19-09-2022 8:58pm

a childminder working in a parents’ home is considered as an employee and parents must registered as employer and paid PRSI and minimum wage. One of my friend were paying cash in hand her nanny and when they got rid of her after they got into problem with the revenue as she contacted them.

19-09-2022 9:19pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639138#Comment_119639138

I don't think you're overreacting.

Me personally, she would have been sacked the day she left your child with her teenager while she went shopping. If she wanted to go shopping, fine - but she should have brought the child with her.

Everything about your post and her attitude shows that there is no real care for your child there, this arrangement is all about making some under the table extra money.

There are great minders out there, so I would start looking for an alternative minder asap. One who actually cares about children.

(Also, please ignore unhelpful and unsolicited remarks about your decision to work outside the home. Not everyone has the luxury of a choice).

glenfieldman · 19-09-2022 9:45pm

OP, by your post I wouldn’t let you own pet never mind a child

Grow the fcuking up and fire that POS that not caring for your child

If someone is neglecting my child I wouldn’t be asking a forum advice

Bambinoonboard · 20-09-2022 4:51pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639684#Comment_119639684

Thank you all for your helpful comments and advice.

Thanks for that. I best not get a pet so! It is difficult place I'm coming from @glenfieldman - my partner hasn't been in agreement of my opinions on this and so I cannot plug the plug without his support and agreement hence I suppose coming on here for validation and to seek if I am overreacting as believed by my partner or not. So yes, therefore forum advice is my resort at this present moment @glenfieldman . Is that okay?

@dtothebtotheh I totally agree with you that being a stay at home mother is ideal and I've been more than fortunate in taking extra time until last month and I feel privileged to have spent it with my son every day until then. It breaks my heart having to leave him and walk out the door each morning. My career is definetely less important than having a child however - bills unfortunately don't pay themselves and we don't avail nor qualify for council support / HAP or any other social welfare payments! Therefore, we both need to work. Every day I come home and spend a few hours on the floor with him playing and chatting. I don't feel I am neglecting his needs whatsoever or preventing a bond build. When he's in bed I'm either putting away his clothes or Googling something sleep/ milestone / activity based. Trying my utmost best. If we had a family option I'd jump at the chance. Unfortunately between old age and deceased our family aren't an option.

@893bet he is there for 7 hours per day! Im shocked créche can be cheaper. Ive not come acorss this in our area!!

@[Deleted User] exactly! This is how I feel. I am all for anyone making a few bob. Let's face facts - money outs bread on the table and I like to think I am fair and all about "Once a mistake, two times a coincidence etc.". I have already started looking at other childminders. The sacking re shopping thing - yes I mean I thought WOW that is inappropriate!!! If an aunt and a cousin - fine! Totally acceptable. Not in this situation!

Dial Hard · 20-09-2022 5:02pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639366#Comment_119639366

Why is it only the mother who needs to bond with the child???

shesty · 20-09-2022 5:53pm

I am a working mother.All 3 of my kids have been with our minder since 11 months.

She brought them everywhere with her as babies.I have to be honest, I would have been furious if she nipped to the shops and left my baby with her child to mind.The odd day she has nipped out while they napped and her husband was in the house - but that was very seldom (they are all older now).

My minder washes dirty clothes herself.(she goes above and beyond).

I would be worried about the comment re: sitting in a chair whinging, then being moved to a buggy.Not necessary when at home, he should be able to be on the floor and moving about.

Bottom line here for me is that over the years I have discovered that my gut is the strongest indicator.My gut is basically never wrong.A mother's instinct is incredibly strong.If you feel there is something off, then likelihood is that there is.And don't get me wrong, it mightn't be a "something" that is bad enough to go report this person to Tusla or anything, but it is something that you are quite uncomfortable with.And with the age your baby is, I would suggest you act on it, and take him out of there, before it gets any worse.He cannot talk, you are his advocate, so listen to your gut.

Issue with child minder

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