Am I being irrational??

are you sayin this is a wind up?

A possibility, some posters declaring it an oversight don't seem to have read the thread, said daughter has never received a birthday card either

I would find it hard to believe that any brother would not give one based on their wife's instruction to their own niece, so personally i would have no issue having a quiet word with him and asking wtf?

Not remotely irrational to think as you are, and as you say, it has nothing to do with money. It’s all to do with thought!!

I don't overly agree with this.

When you notice one of your children being treated differently to the other it raises your hackles.

While I understand spoiling your godchild and buying the bigger present etc to totally leave out a sibling especially when the sibling is your niece/nephew is not very nice.

Also it could be argued that they are not really spending time with the child but with their godchild....and the other child just happens to be there.

Now if neither child got presents etc I would totally agree with you as people giving up their time and being "present" is far more valuable.

Well the OP says that they are really good to the other child, as the SIL is the godmother but they never give so much as a birthday card to the communion child....so that's fairly obviously treating them differently.

It would have been a nice gesture for the day that's in it to give a card.

They didn't and life moves on but I can understand the momma bear instinct surfacing and the OP being miffed over it.

To be fair communions and confirmations are all about the money.

It was the same when I made mine which is not yesterday.

The hot topic of conversation will be how much you made and what are you buying.

You will hear the expression when referring to anyone who is tight/stingy with money "they still have their communion money"

It is completely the norm to give money or a gift , so when a member of your immediate family who you are close to doesn't do that it will make you wonder.

I remember getting 50p off an elderly couple, back when 50p was enough to induce a diabetic coma, just because they saw me prancing about in the dress.

The whole thing is money centric.

Well, I was responding to the poster who said it wasn't about money, it was about the "thought". It's not about the "thought". Unless thought is measures in euros. In which case it is about the money.

It’s all about thought..

I am saying it as well. I couldn’t give a fook about the money. It’s not like parents need their children’s communion money. It’s the knowing that your family put in the thought to buy a card and put a little treat in the card to make a child’s day, your child’s day that little nicer.

you need to get away from seeing this as a simple monetary/transaction type thing. It’s in your head that it’s about the physical money.

no different than Christmas time. You spend a few Bob to make children happy. It’s money, but it’s the little enjoyment children get that is the key…

I don’t spend time with my nieces and nephews to then think it’s ok to then use that to not spend a few quid on them for whatever the special occasion.

it’s what the children are expecting that you are missing. The children live for the little gift in the card (the money). Parents know this, and hence, when no card/money, it is a let down…parents will rightly feel a little disappointed because their children are!!!

You’re the one hung up on the monetary aspect…money is simply the gift the children expect. You haven’t a fooking clue!

Who said money is the only way you can make a child’s day?

communions and birthdays for children are where young children thrive on and get such joy from gifts/money: How you cannot see this is odd..

so tell us how these young children on their birthdays and communions are made happier?

Children historically in Ireland making their communion : big part their day is making some money.

A close family member gives nothing. No card and no money on a child’s big day.

Any Irish parent saying that this wouldn’t bother them at all is talking gick.

same for child’s birthday. Close family member no card/gift. Same: parents will be naturally disappointed.

why? Because their children naturally expect that gift/acknowledgement on these special occasions. Parents will naturally be bothered because their children are.

it’s very easy to get this and understand this.

hence poster is being nothing but normal, and not at all irrational

Yes, it’s called nature. When your child is unhappy for whatever reason, sometimes parents will be as well.

and something like a close family member not giving the thought and kindness to mark a special occasion in a child’s life will naturally see a wee bit disappointment

Whatever it is, it happens. And society and experiences influence how we feel naturally.

I can only speak for myself: I see nothing irrational from a parent feeling disappointed here.

I wouldn't mention it to him at all. It will bring you into a world of awkwardness.

Are your parents alive? You could maybe work it into conversation with them or a sibling who has had a communion child.

Something along the lines of " I was putting Sarah's communion cards on display, she got a great collection people are so generous. Easy knowing Julie was sick no card from their gang, Brian is totally hopeless at life admin" say it in a joking manner.

Your answer might be a laugh with "Brian! Sure he still has his communion money, none of mine got anything either"

Or

" Yeah Julie looks after all that, otherwise no one would get anything, he's a total lost cause"

Or

"That's strange, Brian has always been generous to mine they all get cards for birthdays etc, he must have forgotten it, no doubt you'll get it the next time you see him, god love him he must have been mortified when he realized"

Or something like that, just keep the tone light.

so going by all that perhaps you should really not be surprised that they did not give your daughter a card for her communion.. ?

they sound v stingy... like you, I never go into a house with one arm as long as the other (as my Mum would say).. I always bring something.. even if its just a pack of bickies..

Q was your daughter upset by the fact that she did not get a card from them?

you could say it to him, or not.. up to you.. but if I wer you, I would.. (not in a confrontational way...).. just be honest... "listen kinda disappointed you didn't give my daughter a card.. just saying.."..

but please don't let it prevent you from giving their child a card for their communion etc.. that would not be cool..