Transition to the nursery and big cot

Bambinoonboard · 11-06-2022 9:29pm #1

Hi all,

Okay. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with the transition and the do's and donts..... Its like Ive hit the wall of Googling and the next steps are catching up with me...

My questions may be silly but I am very stressed over this and would appreciate support / tips. Thank you.

Question:

Our baby is 7 months. I have finished BF and now he instead has a night time bottle. Sometimes he falls asleep during / directly after and we pop him in then. Is this ok? I am struggling with putting him in drowsy / awake. He screams. No tears. Anyone else in the same situation? What to do? We have playtime daily in the nursery and in the cot with teddies, the room is dark and he is warm. We bath prior and everything is all very calm. What am I doing wrong? I feel I am constantly worrying... Googling etc. and trying to be consistent .
Im finding it hard that my partner is less disciplined than I in this routine. Ive asked nicely.. We've talked about it and mutually agreed on X Y and Z but I feel its not upheld! Do I just take over altogether, I appreciate his efforts but I dont appreciate his lack of respect to our baby nor I who is trying to implement good habits and make our baby feel more secure...
Self soothing. Our baby doesnt use a soother (I did try it but he refuses it). Should I be encouraging at this stage and also any tips?
Is it okay to let baby "cry" (NO tears) for a few minutes and then return reassure etc.? Im torn with this. The last thing I want to do is cause any emotional damage. But... is not crying... I reckon cranky / unhappy yes, but there are no tears at all.

SnowyMuckish · 11-06-2022 10:36pm

I think you just need to go easy on yourself, it is very stressful trying to feel your way through new experiences! You’re not doing anything wrong, there’s no right or way in my opinion, it’s really up to you about what you feel comfortable doing and what works best for your family routine. You’re providing him with a nice calm routine beforehand. It just takes time to adjust.

My decisions weren’t ideal textbook examples. My first used to only fall asleep in my arms for months before being transferred to the cot and then would scream the house down and we had to repeat the steps, took over an hour most nights. My second fell asleep with his bottle. Both were very late moving to their own rooms. I was happy with my decisions because it worked for them, I felt it gave them the comfort and security that they needed at that time, and w hen they were ready they moved on.

You know your LO best, just trust your gut, give it time. Make decisions that you feel comfortable with and feel you can manage routine wise.

The One Doctor · 12-06-2022 10:41pm

I'm guessing he's your first kid.

Just go with what works, there's no magic formula. Simple is best, our bedtime routine is bottle downstairs, night nights all round, nappy, smiles, sleepsuit, babygro on in the cot.

Then off with the soft light and on with the nightlight.

After that, creep out of the room and bang your head repeatedly against something to cover the screams. That's what I did when my daughter was six months old and it didn't work.

At eleven months she's fine.

Those baby sleep books were written by maniacs with no experience of the real world. Do not believe them.

Bottom line, do what works for you but keep it simple, quiet and dark. If you're feeding him to sleep that's fine.

It'll get better, just give it time.

Bambinoonboard · 14-06-2022 4:14pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119194028#Comment_119194028

This made me smile and feel I'm not going clinically insane, nor am I alone. Thank you.

@Snowmuckish, yep maybe going easy on myself will help.. The perfectionist side is coming out!!

fits · 14-06-2022 4:20pm

Stop being a perfectionist! The baby will sleep when they are ready to do so. Sleep training books/consultants/websites are an unbelievable load of rubbish preying on tired and exhausted and anxious parents. Support your baby to sleep and cuddle them all they want. They'll grow out of it soon enough.

witchgirl26 · 15-06-2022 10:19am

OP first off there's no complete right or wrong way to do things - it's all based around what works for you as a family & for your baby. I'm just going to go through your points with my experience (have a 3 year old)

Course it's ok. To be honest we cuddled our little boy to sleep until he was about 2 years old. Only at night (naps he was fine with not being). A load of people told us it was creating a terrible habit etc etc but it worked for us, got him down happy & we got extra cuddles. He's 3 now & sometimes wants one of us to just sit in the room while he drifts off but mostly is happy to go to sleep himself. So no bad habit created & all worked out. You are not doing anything wrong at all. Put it like this - do you like having a bit of a cuddle before falling asleep? Or while you're falling asleep? Why wouldn't a baby be any different.
So in terms of this one - it might be that there's a different routine that works for your partner than does for you. I know that's how it is with us. There's some standard things we both did at that age but otherwise it looked quite a bit different when my partner would be putting our son to bed than me. There is no need for an absolute strict routine. And I don't think it's a lack of respect for you or your baby. Let your partner figure out what works for them as it could be that trying to blindly follow the same routine as you for bed just isn't working for either.
I didn't push the self soothing at all until my baby was a fair bit older. I mean if I'm upset, I like a cuddle & reassurance so I figured by child would to. Now I didn't always pick him up straight away, sometimes I'd just put a hand on his belly & gently rub or do things like that first but its a reassurance thing.
This was one I still struggle with. I'm not ok with the whole cry it out (tears or no tears) as I don't think it is really giving a reassuring message to the child. I wouldn't let them really cry (tears or no tears) at that age. They don't understand at that age - just don't have the cognitive ability to connect things the same as us so I was big on the just comfort them. What's the harm in letting them be comforted. It probably reduces the time spent later reassuring them. I only started the leave & return part when my little boy was closer to 18 months.

I hope this helps.

Nardeant · 15-06-2022 4:11pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119202073#Comment_119202073

Completely agree with you

MissElle · 15-06-2022 8:53pm

Your baby is only 7 months? That’s very little still! I don’t believe “drowsy but awake” really works until they’re older. I also don’t think you’re doing anything wrong at all, it’s just that babies want and love to be cuddled, I’d guess the majority of parents need to do this so their baby sleeps at night.

My baby is 14 months and has only started going into his cot awake and going to sleep happily himself. He definitely wouldn’t have done this at 7 months! We rocked to sleep most nights for months and still do if he’s not feeling well. I do think they’ll sleep when they’re ready, often it’s a developmental thing. So I would feed, cuddle or do whatever you need so he’ll sleep.

When I was trying to get him to go asleep in his cot, I would never let him cry but would go in and try to soothe him by patting him etc before picking up if he was only giving out. I also introduced a bunny comforter (that I’d take away) once he was asleep. Now he loves his ‘baba’ and uses it to go asleep in crèche and at home so I feel it was worth introducing early on.

My and husband and I used to take turns doing the bedtime routine every alternate night - we still don’t always do the same thing if we need to help him to I asleep so I wouldn’t get too hung up about that. Before you know it your baby will be bigger so enjoy all the cuddles and try not to worry too much about baby sleeping independently - it will come in time

shesty · 15-06-2022 9:49pm

7 months is still teeny.

Biggest thing is to have the same routine every night.I would go for popping him in bed after the bottle. Have a special teddy.Do or say the same thing each night when he is in the cot.

Trying to remember with my 3, but they did all have soothers.So they went in with the soother, and generally had a chat with the soother before falling asleep themselves.The thing with putting them in once they fall asleep is that they find it hard to put themselves back to sleep when they wake at night, and they need to fall asleep on you and then be put back in again -you may end up repeating this several times a night!

That being said -you are doing nothing wrong, and regardless of what you do, the baby will still wake at night for another couple of years yet.And he is very young still.I wouldn't leave him there screaming, I would try staying on the landing and going every minute or so (and literally time that), or maybe leaving the door partially open and you do a bit of tidying and that where the baby can see you.Either that, or sit beside the cot and let him hold your hand or finger til he drops off - we also did that with ours for a good few months.

There are a million ways for it to work, but I would not set any store by baby books or similar.No child works the way those books suggest and you can put so much pressure on yourself trying to make it happen that way.

Bambinoonboard · 23-06-2022 11:44pm

Thank you. I will inhale the above x

Transition to the nursery and big cot

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