Bumped into ex, unsure next step

standardg60 · 29-06-2022 10:15pm

For me it's a total drop the mic moment. This guy has left you in no doubt about how he feels OP, the ultimate the ball is in your court.

He handed you his dream, if he doesn't hear from you he can start to let it go, but he's still hoping.

Only you know how you feel about it, though the fact you think it's nice is a positive. If you'd completely moved on you'd feel sad for him, and also a bit alarmed.

Take your time and you'll figure out whether you want to contact him, if it's meant to be he'll be there.

Ninjafan12 · 30-06-2022 10:44am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119268244#Comment_119268244

Hi :)

Usually however in my case I pushed people away, even some my best friends and family. Its only recently I am in a much better place and have let people back in.

I had plenty of opportunities, correct and I didn't act because it wasn't in my train of thought.

However I get what you are saying :)

Ninjafan12 · 30-06-2022 10:53am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119268945#Comment_119268945

Challenging questions :)

I did love him, I wouldn't say it without meaning it. Am I flattered, Yes and no, in that moment it felt nice to see that when we were together that apart from his actions, he had another layer of kindness that although I saw it, I didnt appreciate it at the time.

We walked out, he said I was looking good and before I could answer back, he gave me the envelope, said it was for me , there was a small pause and off he went and that was it.

Ninjafan12 · 30-06-2022 10:54am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119269118#Comment_119269118

Hi :)

It made me smile cause it was a reminder thats all and its nice to get an unexpected smile sometimes :)

Ninjafan12 · 30-06-2022 10:56am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119269206#Comment_119269206

Hi :)

I think you are right and Yes I will take my time on this :)

Ninjafan12 · 30-06-2022 10:58am

Thanks to everyone who has replied on this, it is really appreciated :)

I am going take some time on it, who knows I might be back :)

gameoverdude · 30-06-2022 12:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119269206#Comment_119269206

I'm not so sure.

I'd be more inclined to go with the opposite.

Off my chest, done. Strange way to do it, but whatever.

Katgurl · 03-07-2022 10:44am

If you want to give if another go OP, send him a text and say it was lovely to see him and to let you know if he wants to go for a drink sometime.

If you don't hear back (I suspect you won't) then that is that.

Is the receipt thing weird? Yes a bit. So what? Perhaps it was the equivalent of writing a letter to an old friend that you never intend to send. He might have had it in his work bag, undecided whether to bin it or not and it stayed there. It was sealed after all. Maybe he was going to bury it.

Or yes maybe he was trying / hoping to bump into you. Is that crime of the century? I assume he wasn't staking out your place of work or home. I know years ago when an ex and I broke up, I was pretty sure I had caused it and wanted him back - a number of people rolled their eyes and said all you need to do is bump into him looking great, specifically wear that leather dress that he went absolutely wild for.

What's the big deal?

yourdeadwright · 06-07-2022 4:05pm

Sorry to be blunt but sounds like you've changed the story here to suit a certain narrative & you've been rumbled,

If i was the guess you arranged the meeting & didn't want to say that because it looks bad on you after ghosting him .

There no way in hell you ghosted a guy at Christmas & didn't find it odd & weird that he had a envelope full of things to do with you in his pocket,

Also there is no way he is a stalker either, if a guy did randomly have an envelope full of receipts with nice things written on them , then you can bet your house he would 100% have made contact or tired to make contact at least once within the 6 months since you broke up, But you claim this is the first time you came across each other,

Tell us the truth and maybe we can give you an honest help on this

Sleepy · 06-07-2022 4:51pm

Honestly, it sounds like he dodged a bullet. Leave him be OP, he clearly deserves better.

ElizaBennett · 08-07-2022 6:06pm

He does still like you as he wouldn't have gone for coffee and chatted with you when you met otherwise. If he had fully moved on and wanted nothing more it would have been a quick hello in passing on the street and he'd have wanted to get out of there asap. Why hang about unless interested?

Ninjafan12 · 12-07-2022 10:36am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119299222#Comment_119299222

Hi there,

What I have said in original post and subsequent replies is correct. I ended it, he tried to make contact with me but I told him I wanted nothing to do with anyone and blocked him on phone and social media etc so the only way he could contact me really was to turn up at my work place, which he hadn't.

I was in a tough place and pushed him and friends out so I could deal with my issues and am now much better for it, but I am not exactly proud of what I did in a way.

So yes this was the first time we met since all of that.

I haven't decided on contacting him again, have I thought about it, yes of course, maybe its guilt / shame that is stopping me.

Anyway thats my story, believe it or not, I just posted here for some help.

Ninjafan12 · 12-07-2022 10:38am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119310219#Comment_119310219

Hi :)

Unless it was politeness. It was nice to see him all the same.

Thanks for reply

swiwi_ · 12-07-2022 10:38am

Apologise for your clumsiness and promise to look where you're going next time.

Furze99 · 12-07-2022 11:53am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119325533#Comment_119325533

I wouldn't pay too much attention to what people say here, including myself.

Life is short enough. If you still like the guy and you think he still has a bit of a grá for you, then take up your courage and see if you can give it a whirl again. What's to lose? He's due a bit of an explanation/ apology but you wouldn't want or need to dwell on that, once done.

Ninjafan12 · 12-07-2022 3:03pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119325954#Comment_119325954

Thanks :)

Floppybits · 18-07-2022 4:05pm

I just don't understand the sealed envelope of receipts. I can understand finding random receipts in a wallet or something but carrying them around on the off chance that maybe somewhere, someday, somehow you'd bump into the ex to give them the envelope seems a bit quirky. I do wonder did the lad get some therapy or something after the break up and this was a suggestion?

BTW OP your sister sounds like a smart lady. 😀

Ninjafan12 · 23-08-2022 12:26pm

Hi All :)

Thought I should share update. I took some time to think about what to do, I unblocked him first and did nothing for few days. The date that we first met was coming up so I texted him saying it was lovely to see him and that I was surprised and touched by the small gift (the envelope). There was no reply for a few days, guess he wasn't ready / wanting to reply so I left it.

roughly a week later he replies, saying that it was nice to see me too. Not straight away but some time later I asked him if we could meet up for another coffee and talk. he replied later next day saying ok and suggested a place and time.

so we met for the coffee, first few minutes were slightly awkward, he was very guarded and I didn't want to get right into it straight away but once I said I was sorry for hurting him and ghosting him, he did relax and it was almost like a normal date.

I wont go into much detail, I apologised and again reiterated that I was really taken aback in a nice way that he showed me that our dating mattered to him. He laughed and I saw that smile that first attracted me to him. We did talk about things, again not going into much detail. did we talk it all out? No but it wasnt going to be a deep deep talk. I wanted to look at him and see something there.

We left, he walked me to my bus stop and waited with me till the bus arrived.

We have texted and met up again since.

Thats all for now :)

tmh106 · 23-08-2022 1:04pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119510051#Comment_119510051

Good luck to both of you, hope it works out for you both but even if it doesn't at least you have apologised for the way you handled the breakup. I'm sure that brings some relief for you both.

standardg60 · 23-08-2022 1:13pm

Ah you've brightened up my Tuesday OP, keep us posted!

HildaOgdenx · 31-08-2022 5:06pm

Mod Note - As the OP is no longer seeking advice we will close the thread at this point. Posters are reminded that asking for updates, even if well intentioned is against the PI Charter.

All the best OP.

Hilda

Bumped into ex, unsure next step

Comments