Wife and her male colleague

I stayed in the Prince of Wales hotel in Athlone for €50 last month.

It was an agreed rate for an event

I stayed in Westport for €75 in May

Op is reading too much into it and due to his manner last time, she's not communicating anything now.

Smoke... fire....

Ask very blunt questions...

I've been there....

Skirting around it will.simply make you nuts

What I usually recommend in these situations is to gain the confidence of your mother in law or even one of your wives sisters and share your suspicions with them.

Let them suss out your wife and then they can get back too you.

That way you stay out of the loop and in the good books of the wife, her sister and her mother.

Let the wimmin sort it out among themselves

actually if we look at this rationally - it should be no concern to you whatsoever.

i think you should mind your own business

This is a tough question. But what do you want to be the outcome of this? Do you want to find out she did have an affair and then there is now an excuse to end this? Or do you want to save the marriage? Not for you to answer to us but perhaps to answer yourself.

For the record my sense is that you are right to have suspicions and you are trying to informally test these suspicions. But what is the around the corner?

This really doesn't look good. A five second call isn't innocent. I can't think of why a call would be that short unless it was telling someone a room number.

Initiating sex the day after a hen party, after a work do, (massive red flags), the guilty look you describe, - a hotel for €50, there are none. A 6 second call after being out with the colleagues all night, (which could be "**** off and stop calling me" in fairness) but more likely "I'm up in the room" or "OK, come up for a 5 minute chat then" - which is how these things go.

Remember, they'd be trying to keep it from the rest of work as well as you so opportunities would be tricky and limited for them.

Look, I could be wrong which is why I say hire someone who does this for a living. Thing is, - it could be an intermittent, occasional thing so they might have to wait a while for hard evidence unless you can find it yourself or they can get into her historical phone/messages record, which would probably be highly illegal.

That’s a positive its a sign she might have been horny but hadn’t got any

maybe she was inspired elsewhere, but she came back to you. Maybe your sex life needs ti be evaluated

Just on another note, I think ye're sex life seems far from ideal. But maybe this is what happens when people get married🤷‍♀️ I just hope you're happy and content regardless of it. Anyway, best of luck with the current situation.

OP, you write that you want to keep your relationship. So why did you check her phone? Twice. It is a huge breach of trust and works against any relationship.

I am of opinion that you can only check the phone, if you are positive, you want to end the relationship and are only looking for a hard evidence to support it. You will never find a proof of the innocence there. You can only find a proof of guilt or bits and pieces, which will make you worry even more. And you can't placate them because you can't talk about it without revealing your own wrongdoing.

This 50 euro hotel can be explained. She might have wanted to do something separate from you, but not against you. Even for a higher cost. Expectation that our partner fulfils all our needs is unsustainable. But you can call hotel and ask about prices for bigger event midweek, if it gives you peace of mind. Girls on the hen party in their own company might get very naughty. Strippers or anything like this are on the table. Even naughty talks could have made her excited. Guys often go to such clubs. Wouldn't it make you horny after that?

We really don't know what happened. She got angry 5 years ago, when you confronted her. Anger is caused by fears. But what she was afraid of? Was she afraid that her affair would be revealed or was she afraid of losing your trust? We don't know.

From this phone calls, it looked like he was chasing her. She might have given in eventually. But you can't exclude that he is a predator praying on intoxicated women. So in that case she would be a victim. Her lost of mood next day could indicate it, could indicate that she made something out of her character. Or if innocent, she could slightly regret missed opportunity. Everything really can be explained in anyway we want.

You need also to trust your gut feelings. But you might just sense that this guy is a threat for you both. Not necessarily that your wife is a cheater. Your wife can simply have a soft spot for him but not necessarily follow it. You could help your wife. If you accepted this drink invitation you might know him more. You might notice things about him, which your wife can't. We have our blind spots in different places. Also you might influence, how she will see him later. The bigger weight you attach to him, the more attractive he will look in her eyes, so be cautious. It is all dynamic.

The most important thing is what you want next. If you want to save your marriage, you can woo your wife again and become a more attractive option, than her affair, if it is true. You can't exclude that you might have contributed in her looking somewhere else. Marriage is two way street and needs effort from both sides. So it would be good to explore. And you need a peace of mind as well to succeed. So you need to talk with her but only about things you can discuss, like about her mood, about her sexual and other needs. For sure don't talk about phone calls. Such breach of trust is difficult to repair. That's why it is a silly thing to do. You can't discuss it later, so you are doing this damage to yourself really and your relationship.

One tip for questioning. People rarely can repeat a lie. So while talking just ask for confirmation of her previous answer, like repeat the question and observe if she struggles to answer or not.

Maybe you should read a forum charter?

You are the lad with the inferiority complex.

You are more than likely punching above your weight.

It has been acknowledged to you that you are indeed a very lucky man to have a wonderful wife.

why do the think the bringer of this positive news is intent on breaking the 7th commandment?

this gentleman workmate sounds like a really nice guy and he went to a lot of effort to meet you but you are not interested in meeting him.

why are you closing the door on meeting and also having a nice evening with this gentleman?

i honestly think you have a massive chip on your shoulder and have serious trust issues.

maybe you are the lad that is hiding something - as in a liar does not believe anyone else

i pity your suffering wife having to put up with you.

cop on to yourself and enjoy life with your wife