When is it appropriate to physically attack someone?

Christine Neville · 10-07-2022 8:18pm #1

Yes it is very unfortunate that most of the time this act happens is when some drunk in a group targets some randomer. Leaving that aside, is it ever appropriate to do this? Do you believe that one should stand up for themselves, but not get violent? What's the point if you know the person is going to just laugh or turn their back on you?

Do you think that the men who Chris Pinchers groped regretted not punching him for it? Having to carry the memory of it as they watched him over the past couple of years must have been hard. So why didn't they? Well because we're so unused to not acting that way, that when the time comes that we need to it, we don't know how to go about it. Why is it hard to do it? Firstly you know everyone is going turn around and think that you've gone psycho. Secondly, because there's that voice in the back of your head saying "oh you'll need this person for your career"; which stays in your head until eventually you realise that you don't need your career so badly that you're willing to sacrifice the principles of who you are. Then you begin to wonder what was the more prominent reason for not punching the person; "was it because I thought I couldn't? or was it because I didn't have the courage in me?".

What if at the exact moment when Pincher's groped those men, that some magical voice whispered in their ear "hey, you know that very rare moment when need to just give a guy a punch? well that's now!". What would have happened? He would - most likely - have got the crap kicked out of him. Those men may have even got sacked for it, or pretended they regretted their actions, but I doubt there would be any regrets! But the message society gives us is that we should never get violent. Just as like in that movie 'Green Book' your man says; "you don't win with violence as you lose your dignity". It must be confusing for men to hear things like this... especially when it's such a good movie.

Last time I'd to punch someone was at a college ball many years ago when someone in my year acted out of line. He was the son of one of the professors so he was a massive c*nt. We were passing opposite ways and as he got closer I went to say hello as you do. He of course had to express contempt for me so he sarcastically shouted my name and put his hands up to my face to grab my cheeks. I blocked him thinking that was all I'd have to do, but he kept trying to get in. I went for it! He was drunk so I thought it would be easy but he fought back a lot harder than what I expected. It didn't really matter as nothing beats a sucker punch, and we were both pulled off each other.

For those of you who remember the seen in 'Crash' (2005) where the cop gropes a man's wife is another very relevant seen to this topic, but I digressed. Anyway, have you ever regretted not punching someone?

Vestiapx · 10-07-2022 8:21pm

Your a psycho

Donald Trump · 10-07-2022 8:26pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058253912/when-is-it-appropriate-to-physically-attack-someone

and we ~~were~~ both pulled off each other.

Fixed your fantasy story to a much more plausible description

Christine Neville · 10-07-2022 8:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119319119#Comment_119319119

A psycho would be someone who lacks empathy. I believe what you're trying to say is that I'm bitter, that I have anger issues, or that I over-analyse or something like that. That's fine, we'll leave it there.

Jequ0n · 10-07-2022 9:44pm

What a load of waffle.

You are always justified to attack someone if you feel it’s the right thing to do. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences.

Christine Neville · 10-07-2022 10:48pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119319497#Comment_119319497

That's quite a dangerous thing to say JequOn! What one person might 'feel' is justified might be very different to another. What if the wrong person heard you say that?

If you want to act as the guy leaving a helpful comment why not share your opinion on whether you think the MPs being groped is actually an example of such a matter being justified? Or on my experience being justified.

Vestiapx · 10-07-2022 11:04pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119319151#Comment_119319151

Hurting a person for being drunk shows a lack of empathy. If you feel in danger run away and if you feel someone had broken the law call the cops.

If someone tried to get drunk and pinch my cheeks I'd headbut them but my whole demeanor suggests that so that wouldn't happen. When it comes to dealing with people like that I'm a psycho.

You seem to wish you were but lack either the fortitude or the physical attributes.

10-07-2022 11:07pm

Reported.

Don't reply lads.

kirk. · 10-07-2022 11:24pm

Ya you

Christine Neville · 11-07-2022 12:15am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119319747#Comment_119319747

I seem to wish I was a psycho, or wish I was groped?

I think I might look about as intimidating as young Chris Martin, so if that means I don't have the physical attributes then fair enough. I didn't intend to attack him as such; it was meant to be no more than a punch which he asked for, and which you said you'd do too. I didn't do it to him because he was drunk, as you say.

And if I really don't have the physical attributes, then doesn't that mean I've all the more fortitude within me in order to still go for the fella?

Konny Rool · 11-07-2022 7:26am

Sounds like you had right on your side OP ☺️ Fair play 🤣

Violence is rarely the answer, unless it's also the question imo

Bobblehats · 11-07-2022 7:43am

When they're least expecting, probably 🤷‍♂️ who knows.

BrianD3 · 11-07-2022 11:20am

If you have assets or are in a certain career, hitting somone may cost you dearly.

I heard from a usually reliable source that among the South Dublin professional set, a punch in the face will result in the puncher making a minimum 10 grand payout in return for brushing the incident under the carpet. I don't know if there is a similar payout for groping someone's arse.

11-07-2022 12:27pm

Only in self-defence. Laws should be respected. But I love how people talk tough about defending their wives honour in these kinds of conversations. Fact is, if Dwayne the Rock Johnson made that joke at the Oscars, it's safe to say Mr. Smith would not have been so bold.

McGinniesta · 12-07-2022 7:14pm

In self defence would be my go to.

If anyone attacks me then I'll hit them back. If they hit me first there's a very good choice I'll be retaliating with a left jab followed by a solid right hand.

McGinniesta · 12-07-2022 7:15pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119321024#Comment_119321024

That is true in certain circumstances.

However, sometimes you have to thik about the consequences of being hit.

13-07-2022 11:50am

The more I learn how to defend myself - and the more confident I get in the % of fights I would likely win if I were to get in one - the more I proportionately know that my response to a "self defense" situation would be to first try to retreat and get the hell out of there, and failing that second would be to appease or otherwise dispel the situation. If I have to get physical to resolve the situation I see it as a failure.

The exception of "defending my partners honor" is not one that has ever made sense to me. Firstly because I do not see my partners' honor as being something so fragile they require me to protect it on their behalf. Secondly because quite often a guy acting under the rubric of protecting the honor of his wife is actually protecting his own bruised ego - vicariously taking personal offense by proxy at something directed at someone else. I struggle to think of anything anyone would or could say to my partners that would lead me to wanting to get physical with them - or why I should be expected to.

So yes I am capable and willing of using violence if I have to - but it will always be the absolute last option on the list after I have explored every other viable option in the context itself. But context is everything.

Comer1 · 13-07-2022 12:04pm

When you are on a GAA football field, or so it would seem🙄

13-07-2022 12:16pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331148#Comment_119331148

I see you're a grammar Nazi as well as being a regular one. 🙄

Mad_maxx · 13-07-2022 10:08pm

If they physically threaten you , I remember years ago being physically threatened and I dared him to put his money where his mouth was ,he turned away but I still should have taught him some manners and sort of feel shame for tolerating such disrespect, being involved in combat is good for males, society conditions us into believing the opposite of course but that's just because a pacified population are so much easier to govern

Feisar · 13-07-2022 10:50pm

When you cannot run away, go to the mattresses.

Edit - however, understand that there will be consequences.

Christine Neville · 14-07-2022 11:20am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331071#Comment_119331071

What's the point in learning self defence at all if all you have to do is back down in order to avoid a fight? That's all most tugs want anyway, is to make you feel like they might potentially attack you in order to up their own confidence. Any time I've needed to fight it was always for my ego's sake.

Also, apart from being in physical danger, would you get violent for other reasons... like if someone groped you?

Apiarist · 14-07-2022 11:41am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119336146#Comment_119336146

There are many points to self-defence.

If someone grabs you, self-defence techniques can help you to free yourself. If someone tries to punch you, you will be more aware and may avoid it if you know how to fight. And if you are truly in a position where you cannot escape, then you can fight.

If someone groped me, and I didn't want it, I would report it to Gardaí. They may not do anything that time, but the offender will be recorded.

CreadanLady · 14-07-2022 11:50am

If someone disrespects yer oul wan.

Galwayguy35 · 14-07-2022 12:01pm

I never raised my hand to anyone in my life but I did get nutted by some guy in a nightclub years ago.

He must have thought I was someone else because I just literally walked into the place minutes before and as for getting back at him it just wasn't going to happen with my nose pumping blood and eyes full of water.

14-07-2022 12:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058253912/when-is-it-appropriate-to-physically-attack-someone

"Last time I'd to punch someone was at a college ball many years ago when someone in my year acted out of line. He was the son of one of the professors so he was a massive c*nt. We were passing opposite ways and as he got closer I went to say hello as you do. He of course had to express contempt for me so he sarcastically shouted my name and put his hands up to my face to grab my cheeks. I blocked him thinking that was all I'd have to do, but he kept trying to get in. I went for it! He was drunk so I thought it would be easy but he fought back a lot harder than what I expected. It didn't really matter as nothing beats a sucker punch, and we were both pulled off each other."

That would be a perfect example of when its not appropriate to physically attack someone.

B.A._Baracus · 14-07-2022 12:12pm

Usual Boards response: Only if you're being attacked!

Reality: Of course self-defense is a given. But there is behavior that deserves a punch. Many level headed people naturally won't because they think of the consequences and you have to be smart. But your mouth and actions can get you in to trouble. Especially your mouth - only so much a person can take. People can break.

14-07-2022 12:26pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119328570#Comment_119328570

Oooooh, you're hard!

14-07-2022 12:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119336385#Comment_119336385

The question was, when is it appropriate? You didn't really answer that.

14-07-2022 12:30pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119336341#Comment_119336341

Nice to have a bit of honesty. Most men always round their stories upwards to appear tougher. You just gave an unvarnished account. I like it.

j2 · 14-07-2022 1:31pm

Too many stories of people dying/getting seriously injured/ending up in court to make it worth fighting if you can avoid it. If it's to protect yourself do enough to get away or stay safe, but clobbering people doesn't really have a positive outcome. Unless you're in the gym with a pair of gloves on.

14-07-2022 1:51pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119336146#Comment_119336146

Many points really.

The first is the self confidence that comes with knowing you can and likely will win most fights. I am not sure if you ever watched The Avengers but a character speaking to Bruce Banner put it well when she said "Here we are in a room full of people dying to get in the fight - and then there is you who knows he will win just about all of them and he wants only to avoid them". Many of the people I see getting into fights do not know how to fight let alone win. Their ego demands that they fight therefore. Like Bruce Banner however knowing with deep certainty that I likely will - means I do not need to. I have nothing to prove to myself - to them - or my partners.

The second is fear and safety though. As I said my first move in any such situation is to get out, back down, retreat. Get myself and anyone I care about to safety. But is that always possible? I need to know that should I ever get into a situation I can not get out of - that I am ready to deal with it. Much like the americans when they talk about defending their gun ownership. Often they use the line "better to have it and never need it - then once need it and not have it".

The third though is the sheer level of physical, mental, and emotional health studying martial arts has brought to my life. As well as discipline and humility. I remember my first days at Brazilian Jujitsu for example and trust me there is a lot of humility to be found in being put sparring against a teen age girl as a grown man and for that little girl to proceed to essentially turn you into a rag doll that she can do anything to and you can pretty much do nothing to stop it.

You say most of the fights you got into were for your ego's sake? That would be the point I was making in the post you replied to. My ego has no such need any more. And the more I become capable of fighting (I don't think I will ever stop learning or reach a point I feel I am done) the less my ego has any power over me or my decisions.

So no. Violence will always be the last approach for me in any context. I can use it if it is needed. But it will always be the last resort. In defending myself. In defending my ego. In parenting. In anything really. Violence comes last. But if it comes - I can bring it.

Strumms · 14-07-2022 6:25pm

If I’m being attacked or harmed

if a family member is being attacked / harmed

if any loved one is being attacked / harmed

if someone is attempting to steal money or possessions , or damage property…

violence proportionate to the said acts you encounter…is ok by me.

if somebody comes at me with a knife in a quiet street I’m under no hesitation that I’d happily end that persons life in order to preserve and defend mine…

Esel · 14-07-2022 6:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119336385#Comment_119336385

But your mouth and actions can get you in to trouble. Especially your mouth - only so much a person can take.

Old saw:

There are no bones in the tongue, but it often broke a man's head.

guyfo · 14-07-2022 6:49pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058253912/when-is-it-appropriate-to-physically-attack-someone

Wtf is wrong with you....

The only time to throw a punch is in self defense, you can restrain someone without acting like a complete twat, if they turn around and hit you, hit you back, but the cops are the first people to call.

B.A._Baracus · 14-07-2022 8:25pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119336457#Comment_119336457

ehhh..... i did say there's behavior that calls for a punch.

14-07-2022 9:19pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119338745#Comment_119338745

The question is WHAT behaviour calls for a punch?

B.A._Baracus · 15-07-2022 8:41am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119339008#Comment_119339008

Why you so interested in what I have to say anyways?

There's literally a thousand things some one could do to warrant a punch. Crossing the line, calling your misses a whore, putting it up to you, I could go on. There's nearly 8 billion people on this planet. Alot like to cross lines.

15-07-2022 8:49am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119340134#Comment_119340134

I'm not that interested in what you have to say. I just thought your post sounded clever at first but didn't actually answer the question and it bothered me a little bit. Sorry I maybe need to back off a little bit.

B.A._Baracus · 15-07-2022 9:06am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119340163#Comment_119340163

Riiiiiiiiight.

Maybe that's a punchable offense? Lol.

15-07-2022 9:20am

Back in the day one used to see loads of fights in pubs. It was very common. Why infact, mass brawls were common. I believe if you feel threatened go and attack first, first mover and all that. However one must be aware of levels of violence. A slap in the jaw is different to repeat kicks to the head.

15-07-2022 10:25am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119340134#Comment_119340134

I can't see anything in that list moving me to turn to violence. I can't even think why it might. Though at the same time phrases like "crossing the line" and "putting it up to you" are quite vague. So I guess context really is everything on the specifics of what any of those actually mean.

But the middle one - simple name calling directed towards me or anyone around me - certainly would not move me personally to violence.

CreadanLady · 15-07-2022 10:31am

if someone disrespects your aul wan, you should pin him to the wall and piss on his legs and then admonish him by saying, "fuckin' disrespect my aul wan!"

Christine Neville · 22-07-2022 8:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119334312#Comment_119334312

What if you're at work? Let's say your a security guard in Dunnes. Don't you then just have to take it when they threaten you?

Wanderer2010 · 23-07-2022 7:26am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331125#Comment_119331125

This. I think its crazy that you can assault somebody by punching, stamping or otherwise injuring and you get immunity because it happened on a patch of grass whilst wearing your jersey.

I have seen physical altercations that would definitely have led to arrests and charges just dismissed because its a GAA game. Its the last taboo. Imagine a lad ringing the guards and saying he got a black eye and sprained ankle and it was all on camera. When the guards ask where it happened and if he replied the pitch, he would be laughed out of it, shunned by the team and likely mocked by the community. Unreal double standards.

When is it appropriate to physically attack someone?

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