So lonely and feel so frustrated and stuck in life

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 7:25pm #1

I feel like I am about to lose my mind after another day of researching options. My current situation is making me extremely unhappy to the point where I am considering anti depressants as nothing is making me feel any better.

I am back living at home in rural Ireland because I couldn’t afford to rent anymore so moved back to save up a deposit, I have been saving hard but still a long way away from what I need yet. I am lucky to be able to live here but I am completely alone here, no friends or other family in the area or nearby, no transport in the area etc. it is so so hard and lonely and no matter how I get explain it I don’t feel like anyone gets it.

I spent a long time applying for a job that is a “good stable job” and I managed to get a position, which is brilliant but unfortunately the pay is very low which means I am literally scraping by (especially with diesel/cost of living prices). I have been thinking so hard as to how to get myself out of this situation so thought going back to college to level up in salary would be the answer but unfortunately I don’t qualify for any grants, I have looked up each one but as I work full time & live with parents they are all unavailable to me. I cannot afford to fund my way through college as I just don’t have the money to take out another loan and repay it weekly, I really want to do this but I can’t see any way of this working without some sort of help with funding.

I realise I am very lucky for being able to live at home and also for a stable job but I am absolutely miserable, I feel like I am stuck in every aspect of my life and I can’t get out of any of it, I don’t see myself being able to do this for 5 years plus until I have my deposit. I have worked since I was 16 and I just feel so frustrated that I can’t afford to rent or to buy or to go back to educate myself further.

Apologies for the essay, I just needed to get this off my chest and see if maybe anyone else is in a similar position? (I’m sure many are)

yagan · 11-07-2022 7:32pm

If you're open to it you do have third level options taught via English in many EU countries. Check eunicas.ie for courses, some are free and some countries provide bursaries.

standardg60 · 11-07-2022 7:40pm

There's nothing wrong with taking anti-depressants OP, especially if you've always felt a bit overwhelmed with what life is throwing at you.

Have a chat with your GP.

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 7:45pm

Thank you for that, I’ve never actually heard of this site so I’ll have a look into it now

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 7:46pm

This is the first time I’ve felt I might actually need them, I cry most days and that is so not normal for me.

I’m just really scared of the side affects they may cause.

Furze99 · 11-07-2022 7:48pm

Have you considered distance learning, online course etc? That may be practical and if so, also discuss with employer.

You likely get a certain amount of social interaction from work, unless working from home full time?

What would make life that bit better? Likely some opportunities to socialise with others outside the house, unless you're living in a very remote spot. Volunteering is often a good way in.

lostinsuperfunk · 11-07-2022 7:49pm

Have a look at Springboard+ free or heavily subsidised courses in Irish colleges

https://springboardcourses.ie/eligibility

Some are available online or remotely so no need to travel, and some are part time so no hit to your pay packet. You don't need to be unemployed to apply, although those unemployed get priority for most courses.

Also the courses are targeted towards fields with high demand so you're likely to get a job afterwards. The colleges also support Springboard students in searching for jobs .

WJL · 11-07-2022 7:50pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058254036/so-lonely-and-feel-so-frustrated-and-stuck-in-life

Have you seen your GP? It might be clinical depression, when nothing seems right. I don't know you of course so it may be the external factors you mention.

I've been there with the stable, pensionable job and it didn't fulfil me.

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 7:52pm

Good to know I’m not the only one about the job, it’s amazing and I’m treated so well but I feel like I’m using 10% of my brain power which is why I want to study.

I have had more so anxiety in the past and felt down but right now I think my external factors are creating the major issues for me

893bet · 11-07-2022 7:53pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119323241#Comment_119323241

This. You can requalify for peanuts. But it’s hard work and you need to be motivated to get through it.

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 7:54pm

Thanks very much for taking the time and the info. I had a look at springboard today and there is one course I might apply for the only thing is it’s a level 6, so would require alot of dither study. I don’t think I would be able for any of the level 8 courses they have (more tech/business)

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 7:55pm

Have you done one before? I haven’t chatted to anyone who has completed one before.

Bigus · 11-07-2022 8:06pm

With all due respect ,you seem to be letting the bad news in the media get to you.

I say this because you’re using a lot of media sound bites .

”Level up,” by going to college

“no public transport”but yet you refer to Diesel prices ? So if you have your own transport why worry about public transport? Although perhaps this is affecting your potential social life ?

“i couldn’t afford rent” on a positive note you’ve beaten this one .

Also 5 years to gather a deposit to purchase a house would not seem unreasonable? Both now and historically.

I wouldn’t see college as a fix , but you could certainly accelerate things by finding or making a second income stream particularly when all that spare time is available to you as your not distracted by friends or extended family, so you could work 70-80 hrs a week short term.(a bit like working abroad with no,distractions)

Any side income is great , even if it only paid your diesel bill at the start.

Sorry for been harsh , but when myself and my wife were saving for a house we had 5 jobs between us , and a baby , but a very helpful granny babysitter.

So don’t mind the bad news media , because the only one who will boost you up, is yourself,through hard work , been a bit different to the herd , and hopefully getting a bit of luck or a chance encounter, but the harder people work, generally the luckier they get .

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 8:13pm

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply. What you’re saying definitely does make sense and fair play to ye for working so hard to achieve the deposit.

I have been looking around for second jobs but am finding them a little hard to come by around here, I have no problem doing any job so I might widen my search location wise.

I was thinking college would be a way to boost my salary long term, to engage my brain again and possible meet some like minded people along the way.

Bigus · 11-07-2022 8:20pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119323334#Comment_119323334

You need a more instant solution than college, go, out and chase some extra money …. Now , it might become very empowering, even if you get knocked back at the start.

Chop firewood if you have to or turn discarded clean pallets into kindling , to take advantage of the bad news on oil prices.

standardg60 · 11-07-2022 8:32pm

Just stick around here OP, plenty of lonely and frustrated people who post sh1te on anything and everything just to engage their brain, me included.

Anti-depressants are notorious for ruining your sex drive, which back living at home with the parents might be no bad thing!

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 8:36pm

I would love something instant, but also aware my salary will take a long time to increase so need to find something sustainable to do, thanks 🙂

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 8:38pm

Is it sad that this post is the most human interaction I have had all day and it’s not even in person 🙈

No definitely not a bad thing living here! I’m more worried about it making things worse and there’s only one way to find out unfortunately!

Pissy Missy · 11-07-2022 8:55pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058254036/so-lonely-and-feel-so-frustrated-and-stuck-in-life

Absolute feels, in my 30s and in a similar situation. Could you try find a better paying job? Even if its slightly unrelated to your profression, that's what I'm aiming for as my profession is massively underpaid and my focus is on saving for a house

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 9:34pm

Same here just entered my 30s, not what I had pictured 😂🤔

This isn’t my dream job to be honest but there are a lot of pros to it so I said I would wait it out till after 1 year and see.

please message me any time sounds like we are in a similar boat ☺️

forestgirl · 11-07-2022 9:48pm

Maybe I will get flamed for saying this but I took anti depressants and they just made me sleep all day op.I know you want to get going so that points out to me that you don't seem depressed but obviously fed up as you feel you should be out there in the world. You seem really eager which is good and I hope something works out for you

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 9:50pm

Thanks for your lovely comment, and it’s a pity they didn’t work out for you.

I am just eager to do anything to get out of this situation I’m in right now 🙈 also holding on hope that things will get better or easier really soon.

11-07-2022 9:55pm

Don't go near anti depressants they will only make things worse in the long run.

Stay away from alcohol and drug's

Exercise like he'll and sweat buckets you'll feel so much better

Drink plenty water and just try different thing's especially stuff you've never tried before.

Keep going stay busy you'll get through it, it's only temporary.

Purple Mountain · 11-07-2022 9:56pm

Are you going to work every day or working from home?

If you're going into a work environment, can you stay back afterwards and put on a pair of trainers and ask a colleague to go for a walk 2 or 3 times a week?

Go into the nearest town and use the swimming pool a few times a week?

Getting the fresh sir and exercise will fire up your endorphins and can open the door to meeting people.

You might find you won't need antidepressants after all.

Do you want a life partner? Have you joined dating sites to see if you can make this happen? Even going on a few dates will get you out there meeting people and open up your social life again.

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 11:24pm

I am feeling 50/50 about taking them myself, but then again maybe should speak to the GP.

I don’t take drugs or drink, I try to work out as much as possible but I haven’t enjoyed it recently or felt better from it, seem to be missing this serotonin buzz everyone gets!

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 11:27pm

These are great suggestions thanks. I work with older ladies who work later than me and have families to get back to unfortunately. I try meet friends during the week but they are often busy with partners etc. and I’m getting tired of being the one to make plans but I will still do it.

I am in a relationship at the moment and my partner is great and supportive and makes plans with me as much as possible but he has so much going on I dont want to be dependant on his company.

11-07-2022 11:36pm

Anti-D's are not the long term answer!

You need to change your living/working environmental lifestyle.

That will not be easy but it will be easier in the grand scale of things!

rtc123 · 11-07-2022 11:45pm

Yeah one of the reasons I’m worried about them, that they are going to be hard to get off and I’ll end up feeling worse.

im trying hard to make changes in any way and I even recently applied for a totally different job but that didn’t work out so I felt knocked again (though didn’t dwell on it). I feel like every day I want to do something drastic like move country or something just because I’m so damn bored.

Purple Mountain · 12-07-2022 2:33am

If you can see yourself with your bf longterm, have you factored in his share into a mortgage?

What I'm saying is that your goal of owning a house won't be as far away as you think.

As for living at home, see it as a temporary solution and a blessing that you don't have to fork out for rent. Offer to help around the house to get a bit of motivation going: painting, gardening etc. physical work.

rolling boh · 12-07-2022 7:04am

Do you spend much time with your partner and do you see a future with him ? . Is he aware that you are feeling the way you are and you say he is supportive in what way ? .

rtc123 · 12-07-2022 8:52am

Yeah he is in college and works full time and lives an hour away so it can be tricky but we see eachother as often as possible, but I know with him going into his masters it will be harder again with study time etc.

he’s aware I feel this way and he is trying to help with suggestions as what to do, supporting any idea I come up with and also he is the one who got me into counselling through his job, we talk about it regularly but I don’t want to keep talking about it and still feel the same way.

rtc123 · 12-07-2022 8:56am

Yeah we have talked about it and that is hopefully the plan but me being the anxious head I am worry that something will go wrong and feel I need a plan for myself so I’m not fully reliant on his share for a mortgage, we aren’t together many years yet either.

it definitely is a blessing to not have to fork out on crazy rent prices and I keep telling myself how lucky of a position this is but for some reason my brain isn’t allowing it as it’s just so lonely. I used to do some gardening so I will help Out more on that front.

Dial Hard · 12-07-2022 1:30pm

OP, I'm 40 and have recently had to move back in with my parents (and am paying rent to do so). I'm lucky enough to be in a pretty well-paying job but not well-paying enough for me to ever afford a mortgage on my own. My Plan B is to find somewhere else to rent, but I'm competing with couples in the market for one-beds and it's proving *extremely* difficult to find anywhere. It's a sh!t situation but I'm far from the only person in it and all I can do is accept it, not let it get on top of me.

I honestly think you should speak to your GP about anti-depressants. There's been a lot of negative sentiment towards them on the thread but I have a sister who struggled with depression and anxiety for years and they changed her life when she finally "gave in" and tried them. She's been off them for years but is very open about the difference they made to her and her only regret is that she didn't consider them years earlier. Have the conversation, anyway. What have you got to lose?

Finally, I'm curious as to what your good, stable job that took so long to get, but pays so poorly is? It would also be helpful to know what your qualifications/experience are, people might be able to advise you on sideways/diagonal moves that could improve your earning power.

shesty · 12-07-2022 8:41pm

I was in a similar hole in 2011 OP, except I was unemployed.Going round in circles all day, had a mortgage, so had to work, but my qualification was in a field that took a huge hit in the recession so I felt I needed to go back and study.But how to do that while also working...and fund it...

I got stuck in an awful loop of negative thinking.Eventually I started having panic attacks.I remember after about 2 or 3 of them, I got an interview.It was in another part of the country and I had to stay overnight with a friend to do it.I had a massive panic attack before I left -I mean debilitatingly bad - and I remember sitting on the floor thinking if I didn't do something about it, these could take over my life and I would have a huge mountain to climb.

I put one foot in front of the other that day in order to get out and through the interview, but I contacted a counsellor after that.

I cannot say anything madly groundbreaking occurred with her, but honestly, after a few weeks of talking to a stranger and laying out my situation and hearing her view of it - an outsider's view, looking in - it made me see things so differently.I still had to work on things, but I felt I had the tools, I could see the wood from the trees.

I can't say you need anti depressants but I certainly think talking to someone would be worth it.And it is hard to take that first step, but it does help.

Count Dracula · 12-07-2022 9:08pm

Take out a large piece of paper and write down where you would like to be in 5 years time. Give it a few columns at the top of the page and label it, much along the lines of the items which you initially raised as being things that you are currently finding to be ominous and challenging.

You mentioned where you want to live in the future, write that place down. What job would you like? Like really like to do? Give it a column. What course in college would you like to do? Why do you want to go to college, how will you benefit from college at this stage in your life, how long will it take, is it worth the commitment and the hassle? Give this question a column also. I would also find space for a " love" column, a "leisure" column and I might go for an "interests" column, the most important one of all, cultivating and nurturing your interests will benefit you right the way through your life - you will need such vitality to make everything worthwhile, what is the point otherwise?

Now all you have to do is give each column your own preference or value. This is important as you need to work out how much time each column will take to achieve and how you can synergise the columns to make your wishes and dreams attainable. Try to give everything a time scale and set realistic goals and time limits.

There is sooooooo much more to life than buying a gaff and slaving a job to pay for it, especially if the very thought of it makes you depressed or pissed off? Be yourself and live your own life, your way. Do things that give you satisfaction.

Find out what or where you want to be in the future and design your own special way to achieve it.

standardg60 · 12-07-2022 9:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119326408#Comment_119326408

Completely agree, in my experience anyone who has tried AD's and were more concerned about the side effects rather than the benefits didn't really need them in the first place, usually due to a temporary 'crisis'. But for a long term anxiety sufferer they can be a godsend (they are also known as anti-anxiety medication).

Didn't realise you were in a relationship OP and still having these feelings, definitely have a chat with your (or any) GP.

Ash.J.Williams · 12-07-2022 10:01pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058254036/so-lonely-and-feel-so-frustrated-and-stuck-in-life

Start doing some random cool things for yourself, even a short course unrelated to work my, Anthony bourdain has loads of quotes related to this that are really inspiring, like have a drink at the bar in a strange pub !

all I can say is go abroad to see rammstein live weather you like them or not

rtc123 · 13-07-2022 3:00pm

I took a 6 week course a little while back and I liked fhe course alot but it was a 2 hour round trip after work so I’m looking for some closer.

haha can’t say I’ve heard much of them but they are obviously effective!

rtc123 · 13-07-2022 3:03pm

Yeah that’s what I’ve been thinking like I know it’s my circumstances that are making me feel this way and I’ve been thinking of every possible way to feel better and so far anything I have tried has temporarily worked or hasn’t worked so I’m running out of options.

So lonely and feel so frustrated and stuck in life

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