Wife and her male colleague

Which is why I wonder why you're so intent on saving the marriage when intimacy happens so infrequently. The thoughts of a near sexless marriage for decades to come is not appealing - been there and got out!

Exactly, I think I remember OP saying the bloke made a point of repeating how lucky he was several times over. After the first couple of times hes not just saying it, he's challenging him in my opinion. I feel for you OP but whatever you do don't let her pin any blame on you, should your worst fears be realized. She's the one committing emotional abuse in that case.

OK - thanks for the additional info.

it now makes a lot more sense.

She obviously told him she felt threatened by you and he went back to the hotel to protect her.

are you a bully?

There is no other way to explain his protective instinct.

he seems to be a good guy - your wife is lucky to have him having her back

How the mods haven't thread banned you yet is a mystery

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Mod edit

@raclle if you've a problem with a post or poster report it, either through flagging it or PMing the mods.

HS

I had, a number of years ago, a female colleague I grew very close to. We talked a bit, then a bit more, then a bit more... We started to talk about our personal lives.

She was telling me how her husband didn't appreciate her, had not interest in her etc.

I was quite fond of her, and at some stage, the thought did cross my mind; if I ever meet her husband, I'll have to tell him what an idiot he is, that he doesn't know how lucky he is.

But I still had a bit of sense to know that this was totally crazy. I had been very good friend with female colleagues in the past, but never ever had this kind of thoughts.

This specific thought, together with other ones, made me realise that the situation was indeed an emotional affair, and that it was well on track to become more than that, as we had some kind of chemistry that was hard to explain.

So I decided to pull back from the relationship. It took a lot of strong will as I am in a sexless marriage (worse than yours OP, zero, nothing in ten years now), and as I was also losing the closest friend I ever had.

What I want to say is, it's impossible to say with absolute certainty what your wife did or did not do, but definitely, your gut instinct that something is off with this guy is undoubtedly absolutely correct. There is more than a simple friendship here, in his head at the very least. Keep an eye on this.

Just re the 5 year thing and OP's doubts that anything could be going on between them for that long: I think it's completely possible that they've had some sort of on again/ off again 'thing ' , even if just flirtation or emotional affair, during this time. Speaking from experience, when I was unhappily married I fell in love with a work colleague and, though we never even met outside of the confines of work, or ever slept together, we were entangled in whatever it was for years on end. I never mentioned his name at home. My feelings only ended when he finally said he had to choose his marriage and kids and we took the decision to make a complete break and just drop contact at work. But, by all means, these things can drag on and on for years. Maybe even more so when nothing physical has actually happened as the longing just keeps it going.

Sorry OP, I have been following the thread but I can’t remember if you have kids or not. I assume you do and that is the only reason you are staying in a sexless marriage with a selfish person.

I don’t think your wife should consider you jealous if there is nothing going on just because you ask about this other guy - it would be different if you were constantly asking about all the guys she hangs out with but you don’t. So go for it.