Issues with neighbours- constantly on edge

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 1:55pm #1

My partner and I rent our house off his mother. We had new neighbours move in around the beginning of the pandemic. To say they’re difficult is an understatement. At the start it was small complaints; our friend laughed outside, kids were playing in the green, etc. Recently though it feels like there’s a complaint every week. Because she knows my partners mom, she never comes to us, she always texts or rings her.

She just point blank won’t speak to us. The big issue started when we bought a dog. He’s a hound and does have a loud bark when he gets going. The complaints started and they basically said that he would bark from the moment we left the house to the moment we came back.

We got him a dog trainer to try and fix this issue, as well as others, and still the complaints came in. We started putting him in doggy day care until we just could no longer afford to do so. A couple of weeks ago she rang my landlord and said she’d call the guards if it wasn’t sorted. We bought cameras for the house so we could see exactly what he’s like.

It was a far cry from what they were saying. He would bark for about 2 minutes when we left and that was it (that barking has now completely stopped) we were food shopping around 2 weeks ago and my partners mom called saying out dog was howling and that our neighbour had tried to call in to speak to me. We found that funNy because she won’t speak to us, in particular me. We checked the cameras and found that he hadn’t barked until she rang the doorbell. The moment she rang the doorbell she called my partners mom. It seemed that she wanted my partners mom to hear him bark. He barked for less than two minutes and that was it.

Since then it just seems like any noise that happens is automatically our fault. There’s been small things since then but last night, my partners mom got a text at 3.22 from our neighbour giving out that our house alarm was going off and we wouldn’t turn it off. We checked the cameras this morning and it wasn’t even our alarm. This is about the 5th time we’ve caught them in a lie with the cameras.

I am at the end of rope with them. I’m anxious to be alone in my house, I get nervous every time my partners mom calls. I don’t like having people at my house, because they’ve given out to our friends in the past. I feel like because we’re younger they feel as if we’re scummy. We’ve had no problems with any other neighbours, we get along with everyone. The area was so nice to live in until they moved in. Really I’m just looking for advice. I know we could move but I don’t want to be forced out of our home. Any suggestions?

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 2:05pm

I should clarify that when I say they won’t speak to us, my partners mother will tell her to come speak to us directly. She says she will but she never does. I know we could go to them but unfortunately the relationship has just completely broken down. When we got the cameras and saw just how much they are lying about us, my partner has no interest in any complaint or anything they have to say. And I understand where he is coming from with that

irelandrover · 18-07-2022 2:09pm

Have ye told them that ye have cameras and know they are lying?

To be honest tell your partners mother whats going on, that you can show they are lying. And then continue on with your life. If the neighbour wont talk to you and your partners mother knows they are lying then there really is no issue.

Warn your friends that you invite over about the annoying neighbour

whippet · 18-07-2022 2:15pm

if they are going to complain - give them something to complain about .. other than that - confront them and warn them that if they keep making spurious complaints you will be going to guards to explain that they are harassing, intimidating and intruding on you.

Time to grow a pair and stick up for yourself

Furze99 · 18-07-2022 2:16pm

Is your partner's mother also renting to troublesome neighbours? If she is, then she probably has to take their calls.

If not and even if friends with them, she should just politely decline any contact on related matters and insist they deal direct with your partner & you.

Up to your partner really to sort out how to deal with this with mother.

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 2:22pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354276#Comment_119354276

Yeah I’ve discussed the possibility of going to the guards but was unsure if it would be classed as harassment. I know you’re right, in any other situation this would be over by now as I’m not exactly quiet. But I’m reluctant as I don’t want it to be made out that we’re disrespectful, and potentially cause trouble with our other neighbours. She is in her early 60s and definitely seems like the type of person who would play on the fact that we’re early 20s picking on her

SteM · 18-07-2022 2:23pm

Outline every lie to your partner's mother. Tell the mother to send a message to your neigbor saying that they will have to directly speak to you from now on. If the neighbor contacts her directly again then she should block their number.

Doesn't matter if your neighbor calls the guards about a dog barking, they won't do a thing about it.

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 2:24pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354283#Comment_119354283

No she’s not renting to them. They bought the house next door. Yes, I can’t lie she’s a big part of the problem here. She’ll tell them to come speak to us but the next time they ring, she’ll answer.

CreadanLady · 18-07-2022 2:26pm

People like this are common enough. There is something wrong with them mentally usually. Or they are bored attention seekers with nothing better to do.

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 2:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354240#Comment_119354240

They know about the cameras as my partners mother told them after the doorbell incident. I’m not sure if they necessarily believe it as it hasn’t made a bit of difference. We’ve told her and showed her some of the videos and yet she’ll still answer the phone when she calls, she’s definitely a part of the problem.

Oh my friends all ready know! A couple of months ago, we had some friends over and two of my girlfriends stepped out for a smoke. I went to join them about a minute later and they weren’t even in my garden. They were across the way in the green because one of the men came out to them!

pauliebdub · 18-07-2022 2:28pm

Tell your partners mom to block them and not be a go between between them and you. She should have better things to be doing. You also need to stand up to the neighbour and tell them that there's always going to be some noise. Also guards won't get involved in difficulties between neighbours, you're not doing anything illegal

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 2:31pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354326#Comment_119354326

I feel like she’s bored or bitter with life maybe. I know she bought the house because she got divorced. Definitely seems like a bitter lady

KaneToad · 18-07-2022 2:35pm

There are usually 3 sides to every story. Your side, their side, the truth. None of which are mutually exclusive. It is unlikely your neighbours want to be rowing with you but something has sparked it.

The best neighbours are seen but never heard.

Dogs barking can be quite annoying. You say it's only for 2 mins...but, when it's not your dog, it can feel longer. Plus the neighbour has little idea when the dog might start (or stop) as they have no control over situation. This can also be quite annoying.

Out of interest what are your thoughts on playing music while you are in your garden?

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 2:35pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354347#Comment_119354347

Unfortunately I don’t think she will block her. They are friendly with each other outside of this. I don’t care if they’re friends, I just want the complaints to stop. My partners mother has to be entertaining her in some way, otherwise she wouldn’t keep ringing. Yeah, I know we need to stop being so polite because they haven’t shown us the same respect. I’m not worried about the guards, even if they did show up we have plenty of videos to back up our side.

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 2:42pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354391#Comment_119354391

Oh I completely agree, dog barking is annoying. I get annoyed by my dog barking. But it feels as though they want us to get rid of him altogether. Seeing as they’ve still complained about him barking in the last 2 weeks when he literally hasn’t barked. We used only turn cameras on when we left but now we keep them on 24/7 to prove he doesn’t bark. I don’t think they’re rowing with us as much as they like complaining. I mean they sleep with the bedroom window wide open (like flung out) all the time, no matter the weather and complain about noise (not just us making noise, just noise in general). We also live in the biggest and busiest housing estate in our town. Makes no sense to me.

Never play music in the garden, think I might start.

Hooked · 18-07-2022 2:44pm

Ok - stumbled into this thread (on home page)... but felt compelled to reply.

First off... I'm assuming that you and your boyfriend are not 10 and 11 years old. And are, in fact, ADULTS? Between ye, tackle the first issue - his mammy being the point of contact. She needs to also block this neighbour(s) because texting ANYONE at nearly 3.30am about YOUR alarm is, quite simply, the behaviour of a mental person. And this neighbour(s) is/are definitely unhinged. Or simply do not answer calls or reply to texts.

MAKE them deal with ye! My guess is - they probably won't want to!

And, if they do - take a firm but curt stance. None of what you are doing is illegal. And no Garda is gonna be arsed in following up with this moron's claims. Tell them that THEY need to stop harassing ye... or ye will go to the Gardaí!!!

Sorry now to put this bluntly - but ye need to grow up... and take charge of this situation. Because it sounds like its making day to day stuff stressful. This will spill into your work life and relationship. Nip this in the bud. NOW.

CreadanLady · 18-07-2022 2:45pm

Don't worry about the Gardai. If she calls them they will just give her the old "its a civil matter" fob off. The Gardai won't get involved in neighbourly disputes unless things escalate to extreme levels of antisocial behaviour or if there is violence, threats or criminal damage involved. Otherwise, they won't want to know.

KaneToad · 18-07-2022 2:49pm

"Never play music in the garden, think I might start."

This type of statement doesn't do you any favours.

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 2:52pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354463#Comment_119354463

They play music in their garden. Am I not entitled to play it in mine?

Ash.J.Williams · 18-07-2022 2:56pm

They haven’t a leg to stand on , f** em

Former Former Former · 18-07-2022 2:56pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354391#Comment_119354391

Your side, their side, the truth.

The OP claims to have video evidence of the neighbour lying, so two of these would indeed seem to be mutually exclusive

GavPJ · 18-07-2022 2:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354240#Comment_119354240

Exactly this.

Big Bag of Chips · 18-07-2022 5:44pm

What is your partner's mother saying to you? Is she asking you to stop making noise? Is she asking you to get rid of your dog? Is she asking you to check your alarm at 3am? If she's just passing on that neighbour said x, y z, then just reply to that with "Did she? That's strange. Nothing showing up on the camera". Every time.

Is she ringing you or ringing your partner? Your neighbour is a crank - but is not actually saying anything to you directly. And it seems your partner's mother isn't dealing with you directly either - so just ignore it all.

AidoEirE · 18-07-2022 5:50pm

Live your life in your own house, the neighbour will eventually annoy your partners mother.

If guards or any of that happens or if your partners mother has had enough, document the times she gets the complaint and follow it up with the cameras for timestamps.

But to be honest feck the neighbour and enjoy your own home.

Ljmscooter · 18-07-2022 5:51pm

You need to buy another dog and have a baby. Twins if possible.

And a guitar 🎸

gameoverdude · 18-07-2022 5:59pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119354489#Comment_119354489

Bit of rammstein.

amacca · 18-07-2022 6:04pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119355417#Comment_119355417

Or develop a sudden keen interest in the digirido!

Keep watching reruns of 2010 world cup and chime in with your vu vu zela...

Bit of death metal on the weekends and mow the shape of a pentacle into the back lawn...

Buy the house next door at a steep discount when yer one moves out....sell later for profit after establishing a good rep for the area in subsequent years....could be quite an interesting project 😛

gameoverdude · 18-07-2022 6:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119355455#Comment_119355455

I'm ridiculously impressed with the thought you put into this project! Missing one thing...depeche mode.

yosser hughes · 18-07-2022 6:16pm

To be honest people who have dogs are utterly oblivious to the fact that not everyone loves dogs. A barking dog is seriously irritating and it sounds like you leave the dog on its own a lot.

I'm with your neighbours on this as I'd say you're down playing your precious doggy's behaviour.

amacca · 18-07-2022 6:19pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119355487#Comment_119355487

Only one song on continous repeat

Barrel of a gun?

Dead of night?

John the revelator sounds too upbeat for a "project" like that imo 🤔

Big Bag of Chips · 18-07-2022 6:19pm

Posters are reminded you're posting in the Personal Issues forum - mature, sensible advice to the OP please.

Thanks

Pistachio19 · 18-07-2022 6:31pm

Tell your partner to tell his mother to stop passing on these ridiculous messages to you both. There is nothing to complain about. If your partner's mother chooses to engage in this nonsense with the neighbour, then she's as bad as the neighbour. You need to ignore his mother and he needs to tell her to either stop taking calls from the neighbour, or stop bothering you both with the complaints.

Furze99 · 18-07-2022 7:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119355566#Comment_119355566

Yes but bear in mind that the OP might want to keep a good relationship with partner's mother. Really up to her partner to take the lead on matters like this.

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 10:02pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119355520#Comment_119355520

Lol I’m far from oblivious. I’m not even a dog person, it was my partner who wanted a dog. I love him but he can be annoying as f**k but I’m not going to have complaints when I have video proof of them lying.

Leave the dog on his own a lot? If going shopping for food once a week and going to work constitutes to leaving him alone a lot then yeah. I worked from home up until 2 months ago and then was written off work for my mental health. I only went back to work 2 weeks ago. If we go anywhere he either comes with us or we put him in the kennels over night.

But please, if I’m downplaying his behaviour I can send you the last 2 months of footage no problem at all.

ted1 · 18-07-2022 10:11pm

How long are you leaving the dog for ?

chloe775 · 18-07-2022 10:22pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119356702#Comment_119356702

Normally he’s never on his own more than about 3 hours and that’s rare. It’s usually about an hour when we go food shopping once a week. When I started my new job, I had to go into the office but we’re lucky my partner has flexibility with working from home so he’s been home the past two weeks bar 2 days (one each week) so he was on his own all day. If we ever actually go anywhere he either comes with us or goes to the kennels if we’re going out for the night. We’re putting him back into doggy day care but it’s just finding somewhere that has availability, but we’ve one or two options so hopefully in the next two weeks we’ll be sorted in that aspect.

spaceHopper · 19-07-2022 10:38am

I think you need to lay down the law to your partner's mother. Every time the contact her she should say to talk to you partner. If they keep it up she will have to end her friendship with them.

They are making a nuisance of themselves I'd get solicitor to send them a letter. Telling them to stop bothering you. If they make anymore false statements about you then you will take them to court for defamation. Also drop into the Guards and ask them to have a word with them.

J Mysterio · 21-07-2022 9:31am

If you're not hearing from the neighbour directly, maybe it's actually the mother in law who is the problem.

Might be a handy excuse for her to pick up the phone and stay in contact.

Pissy Missy · 21-07-2022 9:38am

🙈This makes me so grateful to live in the sticks

gameoverdude · 21-07-2022 9:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119367315#Comment_119367315

No stones?

-------------------------------------------------------

Warning for breach of charter. Please stop posting irrelevant posts on threads.

Markus Antonius · 23-07-2022 4:22pm

So many people sit at home with nothing to do other than look for petty ways to preoccupy their time. Such a waste of life...

My sister has a similar problem to this but she owns the house and the neigbour is a psychopath.

Citygirl1 · 23-07-2022 6:52pm

Reading this, I tend to agree that there are two sides to every story. And, in this story, while your neighbour is certainly difficult, you've clearly put yourselves in the wrong by bringing this dog into the equation.

In your first post you've admitted he is a hound with a "loud bark". Immediately this sounds unsuitable for a residential area.

And initially the dog's behaviour was such that you had to get a trainer. His barking prior to that would have got any neighbour offside. You seem to believe that you did this as a favour to the neighbour, and any further complaints were unreasonable.

What strikes me most is when you say "He would bark for about two minutes when we left...". You must consider that to you this was predictable, as you know when you're leaving the house. And of course, as you're walking/driving away you don't have to listen to it. From your neighbour's perspective this means the barking would start at any random time throughout the day, and continue for several minutes.

I would suggest you stop and consider how you would feel in the following scenario: Say your neighbour, every single day for months on end, at completely random times, turned on some rock music at top volume, for a few minutes each time.

Also, regarding your cameras, do these actually record sound? Most cameras I'm familiar with only record images. Assuming this, it's not really possible to always tell if the dog is, or is not, barking.

PalLimerick · 23-07-2022 7:05pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119378032#Comment_119378032

You don't need to have a neighbour on side to keep a Dog. Op ignore that neighbour they seem like a head case.

SnuggyBear · 23-07-2022 8:08pm

I'd be very pissed off if I was the mother inlaw if I had to pass on these messages. What does she think about all this?

chloe775 · 23-07-2022 9:13pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119378032#Comment_119378032

Put ourselves in the wrong by getting a dog? Are you for real? Do you live your life based on decisions made by your neighbours? We’ve had our dog a year. They’ve been causing tension around here for two years. There was problems long before the dog came into the equation.

We didn’t get a trainer for just his barking, we got him a trainer because we wanted him to be the best dog he could be and we felt we’d got him to the best we could get him on our own. The main reason for the dog training was leash training as hounds are notoriously bad for pulling.

I can completely appreciate how annoying it is for him to start barking randomly. I understand where they are coming from. It was when we bought the cameras and realised what they were saying and what was actually happening wasn’t adding up, that we became annoyed.

In terms of the cameras, yes they record sound and we can speak to him from our end too if necessary.

chloe775 · 23-07-2022 9:15pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119378279#Comment_119378279

At the beginning she was. Since we got the cameras and have video and sound proof to show her, she doesn’t really get annoyed (not at us anyway!) She puts up with the calls and texts because they’re friendly anyway, but I’ve told her I’d rather her not. She does what she wants though so

chloe775 · 23-07-2022 9:18pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119377519#Comment_119377519

Literally. She once gave out to my friend because he laughed as he was walking out of our house to leave. It was 9pm on a Saturday night and she’d only been living there a month. Not a great impression lol.

I feel for your sister! Hopefully things aren’t too bad for her

asdfg87 · 23-07-2022 9:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058255032/issues-with-neighbours-constantly-on-edge

if the dog is causing a problem get rid of dog... problem solved...

chloe775 · 23-07-2022 9:49pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119378555#Comment_119378555

Considering they complained about everything before we got the dog, doubt it will solve the problem. Also not gonna let neighbours dictate who lives in my house and who doesn’t

asdfg87 · 23-07-2022 9:52pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119378647#Comment_119378647

So you addes petrol to a fire and come here whinging that its hot... I wouldn't trust you with matches... you likely burn the house down...

*********

Warning given for breach of Charter

HS

chloe775 · 23-07-2022 9:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119378662#Comment_119378662

Add petrol to the fire? We got a dog bro, like more than half the people in this country have. We didn’t do anything completely out of this world rare.

Issues with neighbours- constantly on edge

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