Are these workmates toxic? If so how to save my skin?

Nolurking2022 · 19-08-2022 11:33pm #1

I started a job in January in a multinational and I have a year contract. I have had a few jobs up to now but i decided to go to college a bit later than normal to get my degree so this is my first job in my area of expertise which is QA.

I was put into a team of 9 people and trained for a few weeks by an older guy about 40 who is there 17years. Because we were spending the shift together he brought me to lunch where i joined his other 2 buddies, also there a long time in the job. They all seemed nice and friendly at the start but it quickly became apparent that they literally despise 99% of the people and management there and almost all conversations are about destroying people they hate in the job: their clothes, sexuality, work ethic and even their race. They loudly and unashamedly use swear words such as "oh yeah that fcuking cnut should just go and kill themselves...even his wife is an ugly fcuk....that guy is the biggest pr!ck in a suit ever..".

I know it sounds like a pack of spolit teenagers but these are grown men in their 40s who are so bitter that they seem to repel everyone around them: ive seen people sitting nearby look at them with real distate and shock when they are effing and blinding about some work colleague they hate but they seem completely unaware of the impression they are making on others. They barely talk to anyone outside their clique and they never socialise with workmates and i quote "why the fuk would i want to spend anymore time than i need to with these people".

Im not naive, i know there are disgruntled workers everywhere but these guys are on a different level altogether i couldnt even repeat half of their insults. And now im in a habit of only going for breaks and lunch with these people and im finding myself drawn to their negativity. They showed me the ropes and they seem happy to eat with me but im scared it might reflect badly on me as my boss told me recently that i should "watch the company you keep". I think the bosses of these people have just given up on them. Im anxious of being their next target if i suddenly cut off eating with them and start mixing with others.

Am i over reacting or do these work colleagues sound toxic from what i describe? Any advice is welcome!

SouthWesterly · 19-08-2022 11:42pm

Find a new group to sit with.

If they ask, just say you want to get to know more people in the company

thefa · 20-08-2022 12:22am

An unpopular group indiscreetly ripping and name calling colleagues and bosses regularly with no consequences in a multinational?

If it’s the case, keep your contact with them work only and try to make friends with the rest of the team or other new starts.

Mrs OBumble · 20-08-2022 1:00am

Ask you manager how to engineer some situations which mean you have to mix with other groups

20-08-2022 1:06am

harden up its only workplace bitching.

sit with somebody else but ffs leave it at that.

Pissy Missy · 20-08-2022 1:12am

'that fcuking cnut should just go and kill themselves'

Some people truly are disgusting individuals.

Definitely scout any opportunities you get to sit and hang out with others. Maybe even get there 5 mine early before your other gang get there etc so you can try join with someone else.

I wouldn't worry about offending them, the way they talk they're probably talking **** about you and each other too where they can

dotsman · 20-08-2022 2:04am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119496346#Comment_119496346

I have never experienced anything like that in my career. The odd joke about someone - fine. Venting about a certain someone's incompetence when it's causing you frustration in your work - fine. Complaining about a certain middle-manager who is a a terrible manager/politician etc - fine. But constantly bitching about everybody??? Definitely not fine.

OP, them not wanting to socialise with work colleagues is the dead giveaway. Break free from them or everyone will assume you are with them.

Mongfinder General · 20-08-2022 8:03am

If you’ve got facilities at work, like showers etc., go for a run at lunch time. That should buy you a way out of spending time at lunch with these guys.

Jim2007 · 20-08-2022 8:40am

Work is not a social club, you are not there to be popular you are there to get the job done, you will always end up having to work with people you'd prefer not to associate with. If you don't like hanging around with these guys then stop. Just make your excuses and exit:

I need to get some exercise
I need to do a bit of shopping
Make a private phone call
Need to finish a task and will take lunch later
Need to leave a bit early this evening so not taking lunch
etc.

cml387 · 22-08-2022 9:13am

I know the type. Bitching and moaning and running everyone down.

One really wonders if they hate the place so much why they are still working there?

The risk is that you either become associated with them, or worse adopt some of their attitude.

Find any excuse to get away.

bucketybuck · 22-08-2022 9:29am

Negativity feeds on itself, if you hang around these lads you absolutely will start to feel more negative about the job itself and your own outlook will change. It is incredibly difficult to remain positive if you spend your day listening to others complaining.

And yes, if you become part of their clique then you will be treated the same way they are, ie: with disdain by the rest of the company.

Luckily it is easy to fix, just stay away from them as much as possible. You don't need to fall out with them, just drift away from them by not being available.

If you are worried about being their next target, well, does that really matter? They sit in their bubble bitching about everybody, and everybody in the company already appears to know what they are, so what odds if they bitch about you too? Its not as if others are going to take any notice of them.

Fact is that you are probably already a target anyway. Do you really think they bitch about every single person in the company but stay quiet about you when you aren't there?

ted1 · 22-08-2022 11:04pm

they sound toxic. Distance yourself as much as possible. Try to find a new group.

n0minus1 · 25-08-2022 11:52am

The specific comments aside, theres probably an element of truth in what they are saying. Ignore the comments but try to see what causes thrm to say these things. Will probably help you in the long run to watch out for others. Distance yourself and dont get pulled into their name calling. Find a new group using the excuse "we have things in common" etc but be aware that theres such a thing as toxic positivity too and can be just as bad. I bet thats where some of their hatred of others come from

Brid Hegarty · 25-08-2022 12:05pm

So you've been palling around with these guys since January, long after the training (a few weeks) has finished? They will most certainly notice that you have distanced yourself from them. But that's fine if you are no longer dependent on him. They may have even been getting off on the fact that they know you don't feel that you (being the new guy) can't correct them... which may make their venting more fulfilling. What about the other 8 people in the group? Have they managed to avoid him?

spaceHopper · 25-08-2022 12:09pm

You've left it a long time to make a move, your manager has even noticed, it's hard been a grown up, you need to rip the plaster off and make the move.

Bring in your own lunch change the time you go for lunch, eat quick and go for a walk. Go early and join another table before they arrive.

Nolurking2022 · 10-09-2022 8:22pm

OP here with an update. Thanks by the way for all who replied, I appreciate it.

I took the advice to use exercise to dodge them for 3 of the 5 days, especially the recent hot weather which is a perfect reason to get some air! The 4th day i finish early by working through lunch so im only sitting with them once a week. They dont seem to take it personal, and its probably true they bitch about me too of course they must, but i can tolerate it once a week plus ive been chatting to other people and making an effort..sadly a lot of them seem to have written me off as one of the whingers, people have long memories but i can only do my best and be professional.

To answer the question of why they dont leave they openly admit they are only there for easy money and that none of the managers want to touch them as the hassle of managing out long term union workers is too much for them. In their words "if they are too spineless to fire me, why would i move", they are very upfront about this! I think all that bitterness cant be good for someone so i have pledged to leave a job if i ever get like them.

One aside: one of them is extremely bitter that he put in the cv of his girlfriend for a position a few yrs back and they turned her down, picking instead a woman with fewer qualifications and in his words "a thick cnut". Now im actually as confused as him on that one. Its a large factory and wives get their husbands in, husbands get their wives in, sons and brothers also get in. Surely all those people cant be the best fit? I agree with him on that: some useless or disliked people manage to get their relation in, so why not him..mystery.

Thanks again, after reading the replies here im convinced that this level of bitterness is not typical.

backwards_man · 16-09-2022 1:42pm

If they are as dispised as you say they are, its likely that no one wants to add to their numbers by hiring one of their girlfriends, no matter how good she is at the job.

tinytobe · 20-10-2022 12:03pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119601070#Comment_119601070

Most work cultures and workmates are more and more toxic these days, whilst multinationals, especially American multinationals wave the gay and lesbian rainbow flag, speak about diversity and inclusion and think they are the best workplace in the whole country. They could not be more wrong.

20 years back, it wasn't as bad, but since pressure is getting higher, cost of living, inflation, cost of housing rents as well as mortgage rates etc.. this translates into the workplace. Workmates get competitive, work against each other, see each other as competitors, rules are broken or encouraged to get broken, and even managers and other leadership roles are under pressure.

Are these workmates toxic? If so how to save my skin?

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