Ukrainian refugees in Ireland - Megathread

I came across this on Facebook and thought some of you guys might be interested. It’s a bit long, but worth a read. it’s aimed at English host families, but relevant to those of us volunteers who sometimes struggle with the culture difference

“We are uprooted trees suspended above the ground. This is a stressful time for us all and everyone experiences it differently, because the trees are different. (Some take root easily, while others need time.) It takes time and patience on both sides for the tree to take root and bear fruit. One tree needs constant attention and watering, while the other needs only an initial support, so that drop by drop life awakens in it. It takes patience and tact for the tree to decide to lower the first root to the ground and time for the roots to sprout into the ground.

A good friend of mine asked me to write a this post for sponsors to explain some of the cultural differences of Ukrainians to English people, but I'll start with a general explanation of the situation.

We all left our country not out of a desire to live somewhere else, but because we needed to save our lives and the lives of our children. We all left our homes, cars, jobs, businesses and relatives in our country, and a part of our soul remained there. We drove without thinking about where and to whom we were going to and therefore, we were at a loss to where we ended up.

Almost all of us have lost friends or property. We have seen terrible things and participated in terrible events. For example, when the food was over, I thought if I could eat my dog. Thank God, I did not have to check it, but the fact that I had such thoughts haunts me till now. I cry every time I think about it. Therefore, we cannot sometimes respond normally to normal words.

Many of us do not understand English at all. Do you want to know how it is? Agree with your family not to say a word for at least one day. It's very hard... We are avery sociable people, but how can one communicate if one doesn’t understand anything and can't say anything? Sometimes tears well up when you can't explain something. I once could not remember the word “Sorry” and instead said “Please”. You might think, how they can be confused? I will tell you - both are single words and that is enough to confuse me. We are very grateful to our sponsors, but we cannot say this. I want to say so many words of gratitude, but I just say “Thank you”, because I don't know other words and it seems to me dry and without emotions, but I can't do otherwise.

We are very emotional, our language is fast and loud. You are not used to it and it seems that we are screaming all the time. This is how we communicate! It's normal for me to shout to a child in the next room: “Tikhon! I love you!” And he replies: “And I love you mom!” Without knowing what we are talking about, you might think that we are arguing, but this is not always the case.

Our children are moreactive and noisy. They do not always follow the rules of conduct and will allow themselves to intervene in adult conversations. Yes! We are noisy! But we are learning, we are trying to imitate you. My sponsor calmly and tactfully asks my children to wait while us adults talk. She does this over and over again and recently I noticed that my son came into the room, waited until I finished and only then asked if I could be distracted. It works, but it takes time.

In our country in general, children are more independent. We leave our children at home by themselves from the age of 6, and sometimes even earlier, depending on the child. Moreover, we entrust them with household chores and they do them, at first with mistakes, but then they learn. Also, from the age of 6, they go to school and to the grocery store on their own. We respect your culture and laws and try to abide by them, but here we are in an emergency. And if the mother decided that her child can spend time on his own without consequences, then this is so. But again, this is not always advised in England. You have laws to for child safety and we are learning that too.

We love to cook and eat delicious food. We eat a lot of vegetables and soups that need to be cooked every day. It is very difficult for us to live without a kitchen. Some may feel free in someone else's kitchen, but for someone it is uncomfortable and embarrassing. Add to this that we do not know where everything is and what is used, which products can be taken and which not. My mother put an electric kettle on the gas stove on the very first morning at the sponsor's. Do you understand what happened? She is not stupid, we also had an electric kettle in Chernigov, this is not a new device. But with all the confusion and excitement she made a mistake. Her sponsor was not upset, she just smiled, we bought her a new teapot. But then, my mother couldn't cook for another week, she was afraid that she would spoil something.

In Ukraine, we do not sort waste for recycling. This is new for us. We are confused and do not know in which bin to throw in. And your foxes! They've become adept at opening green food waste bins. In our family, it is customary that children throw out the garbage. My poor sponsor, I feel so ashamed every time, forgive us. I try to check, but you can't keep track of everything, either they closed the green tank bin badly and the foxes stole everything, or they empty the bags by scattering outside the bin, rather than into the bin. We are still learning, but it has been several months.

We are a very hardworking people. Everyone who worked with the Ukrainians will tell you this. And we do not like to sit on the neck? or depend on someone. No need to feed us or give money, thanks for giving us a safe roof. Having said that, do not be alarmed if your Ukrainians are not looking for work upon arrival. People are different, some need more time to get used to. You can offer to help them find a job but don't push them. The’ll ask again when they're ready.

In Ukraine the utilities are not so expensive. I understand in England, it is very expensive and people are trying to use only what is necessary. We too are used to saving. My sponsor explained this to me calmly and without nerves. Then she reminded me again when she saw that the children forgot to turn off the light.

So some people may forget to turn off the light at first, simply because the switch is in the wrong place. We find ourselves in new conditions, we are lost and do not understand much. If your Ukrainians do not save – talk to them, maybe remind them , or maybe wait.

I know that many of the Brits have not thought about what it will be like when strangers move into your house, you just followed your heart and opened your houses. I know that everyone had their own thoughts and dreams about how it would be. For some one's expectations were met, but unfortunately for others, it was not and this came as a surprise. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE MORE THAN YOU COULD! It is wonderful that the call of your heart has won. But if something didn't go the way you expected, please take your time and don't get discouraged. Calm down, rest and give us a little more of your patience and we will open our hearts to you in return. But it takes time...

Of course people are different and situations are different. I have just tried to describe the situation in general to help understand what's going on. I know there are many more good stories.

With great gratitude to all the British people.

Maria Kartashova”

The point of the post is the huge difference in cultures.

I’m glad you read it anyway!

If it had happened, you can bet it was videoed and shared by now!