Child left out of birthday party.

It's understandable that you're defending yourself, but none of know the reason your son wasn't invited so we're trying to read between the lines.

He was invited last year, he is quite immature and he can be loud and boisterous. Some parents 'tune out' their children's more extreme behaviour or have come to consider it normal, others are so adept an managing things that they never really see those extreme behaviours. Your neighbour may have made the choice, which she is entitled to do, not to have to try to manage extreme behaviour at her son's birthday party this year. There's no doubt she handled it very badly, and in a way I hope she reads this thread so she understands the effect of her choice.

It might be the case that she feels that your son needs closer supervision at a party and she couldn't guarantee she could do this herself. Maybe she didn't have the nerve to have the conversation with you. This could be your starting point. Have a proper face to face conversation, don't risk doing it over text.

"Did little Percival enjoy his party? My chap was a bit put out but he's grand now. I've been meaning to ask you though, thinking ahead to future parties, do you think my lad needs me there with him at parties? I hate to see him left out but I know he can be a one-man cyclone when he gets excited, maybe if I stayed at the party to make sure he didn't get too rambunctious there wouldn't be a problem."

You're telling her he felt left out without putting her on the defensive. You're offering a possible solution and giving her an opportunity to give her side of things.

You had said "My son has spent the day upset" and that he "watched other children going into the house for the party through our sitting room window with tears in his eyes." It really wasn't clear at all from these clues whether he spent hours sitting there crying, mere minutes, or what. Which is why I and multiple other posters have asked repeatedly for clarification on this issue, because allowing your child to sit and cry in that scenario is just plain cruel. I am very happy to hear that you attempted to make him feel better.

Given that he was invited last year but not this year, it does sound as though you were given a "soft no" by the neighbour with the whole "I'll-text-later"-followed-by-radio-silence thing. Echoing @HazeDoll, your neighbour handled this very badly indeed, but people are awkward, especially when caught as she was by her son's spontaneous invitation. She should have clarified with you privately what the situation was, but that ship has sailed. Either way, your job was and is to explain to your son that not all invitations will include him, and that this does not mean he is any less special, but that sometimes there is only so much room and that's life. (In this case, telling him that the party was only for younger children would work.) It is a hard lesson for a child to learn, but an important one.

I looked up dyspraxia, and one of the hallmarks is difficulty regulating emotions. You and your partner have a tough road to hoe teaching him to regulate his emotions to the best of his ability, but that is your job. You need to help him work past this rather than wallowing in it. The tone of your posts comes across as a little combative as well as a little immature; you sound more upset about the neighbour letting you down than you do about your son's disappointment, and that is concerning. Hopefully I'm reading that wrongly. You should be framing this for your son as something to learn from and move on from. He will still feel badly about it for a while; social rejection hurts, plain and simple, but having a supportive parent in his corner should help immensely.

I do feel sympathy for your son. It is a lot harder for a child who is emotionally volatile to adjust to and put up with the normal slings and arrows of growing up. There is a tendency for such children to view themselves as defective, especially as they get older and pick up on the fact that they are different from their peers. Make sure you let your son know over and over again that you love him and that he is special. Yes, I know, we are all unique, just like everyone else, but he's too young for such cynicism (I hope), and he needs to hear that he is special and has value, especially to you and your family.

also, i love the ignorace in your post. .IM sure that xyz MAY"... Thats like saying im certain it might rain tonight. Im certain that it might not rain tonight. slow brain day?

if they dont feel the same way in return, then they are not real friends. In this case, its snobbish parents trying to set the kids into an upper and lower class, and is more of a terrible reflection on the parents than the kids. and if that is the case, then i have absolutely no objection to gate crashing the party. if you send your kids over to my house, and wont reciprocate on your kids birthday, then that tells me you are an arrogant and selfish low life, and if i recall correctly, you value the like of a dog over the life of a kids, so your opinion doenst count. :P

Just on this. My best friend growing up lived next door. We were constantly in & out of each others houses through the front door & the back gardens etc. However I would have never just rocked in when they had family over for any kind of celebration or event or vice versa without an invite (formal or not) as it's not my house or my family! It's called common curtesy. Doesn't matter how close you think you are to someone, maybe they want private time with family or other friends. And that's more than ok. Imposing yourself or your children on someone, uninvited, when they have guests over is just terrible manners in my opinion. In fact I think it's a higher commentary on friendship to respect those boundaries.