What's the etiquette here??

There is nothing worse.

Nothing.

Unseemly and not in the “spirit” of the thread.

Yes, its a metaphor for predictive text.

I dread to think what was actually intended.

I made my own homemade Greek pork gyros yesterday with pitta bread, tzatziki, mixed leaves and chips. This was followed by 3 cans of strong Polish beer and a shot of Kilbeggan Black whiskey. I've been suffering all day as a result. Extremely hot molten sludge has been pouring out of my ring at regular intervals since 5.30am this morning. It has a malodorous bang of burning rubber, tomato ketchup and hydrochloric acid off of it. To make things worse, it's still repeating on me today with every burp I make tasting like strong spice :(

Merciful hour, I've never been caught that short that I've had to hit the throne while still dripping wet.

Honestly if the Sheriff's badge was twitching that badly I'd let it go in the shower and deal with the consequences. A shoot first, ask questions later approach, if you will.

Hmmm…..

Difficult situation to tackle .

Was in the shower the other morning and was on the one leg ‘swiping the credit card’ vigorously.

Encountered a thick nest of arse raisins- solid fcukers well ‘ bet in’ and difficult to dislodge, like the current bumper crop of blackberries in the hedgerows.

Anyway the hot water loosened the ‘ clag’ and they dropped like dead flies on the shower floor.

Trick is to have a good tight cover on the water outlet, nothing that mini arse beads can get through.

Then wait till they ‘bake out’ naturally and get the missus up with the brush and scoop to collect them.

Job done….. hope that helps.

PS

Tip of the hairdryer on them if too slow to firm up.

Suggest a mask if that procedure is needed.

I think I threw up in my mouth a little reading that. Honestly though, yourself and Dr Phibes should start a podcast and have a different Boardsie on each week as a guest 😆

You could always shave the crack hairs to prevent the auld "men in the rigging" from building up. I had a back, sack and crack job done myself a while back. The disadvantage of no crack hair however is that the friction of both cheeks rubbing together can cause severe ire, and this is only compounded by the unbearable itch caused by the hair starting to grow back.

Good advice Sgt. as you can now see I offered the same advice but you certainly outlined the downsides very succinctly.

As an aside I’d never take any kind of a brush to the rusty rivet, lad I knew used the skid cleaning brush regularly for the procedure and the results would not be suitable to describe on this respectable thread.

Jasus lads, drying nuggets out in the shower and so on, what? Do ye have pressure problems or something. If ya get caught in the shower just aim the shower head at it and break it down, no probs at all.

If having real trouble, disassemble the shower head and remove the restrictor.

I stayed in a pals house not so long ago and there was one of the loffa things on a rope in the shower. His mrs is fierce fond of the feminine touches like that around the place.

Had some cray fish the night before against my better judgement and there was some consequences form it.

The loofa thing got right in there and cleaned it out right and good. Grand job really, might get one for the home place now

Had a particularly pungent episode this morning in work. Job done, celanup reasonable. Back to desk.

My co worker who is usually tuned in to my "trips to the office" and will usually approach the toilet door like a bomb disposal team carefully cracking open the door to see if there's dangerous whaft emanating from the scene

He must having marital problems because he wasn't thinking this morning, he didnt perform his usual due diligence. He just walked straight in, and was slapped right into the face with my ass gas.

I know straight away I almost claimed a life. Because down the hall I could hear "uuugh he got me, he got me" followed by a dry reaching sound x 3

No wonder she is “ex”.

Filthy kernt!!

Oh dear me. Really folks, my Dog could just have died and I'd still get a hearty chuckle from this thread.

The fact I don't currently own a dog is irrelevant to the level of mirth.

As i've disclosed before, i'm a big fan of the few loud "tut tut tuts" (always has to be three, to get across the distain). Always great for quietening down those absolute animals who simply cannot unload without the panting, grunting and sphincter whistling

Hope u weren’t wearing a set of white breeks Parsnipp, as holding an ‘oven roast’ on the clutch for too long can have disasterous outcomes.

Had that experience recently and I thought I had the issue contained, even had the heated car seat on.

I arrived at my destination to give a presentation when I checked my appearance and discovered a fokking ochre stain like a cockapoodles jaw area seeping thru the seat of the breeks.

Had to cancel and return to base…..just a heads up.

Fedexed the suit to Oxfam, saved the cleaning bill anyway.

Well, first lesson is don’t have the car seat warmer up on high when a ‘leg of mutton’ is roasting and the fuhherking timer is bleeping!

Thought I had ‘scarified’ the area for winnitts too, but obviously left a few ‘deep rooted’ raisins intact which didn’t help.

Expensive lesson as it was a good suit ‘Hugo Boss’ , had to complete the presentation on line later in total fresh clobber as the kex were well plastered with arse gravy.

Not a good day…appreciate your concern.

Had a chipper for my tea last night. A “treat day/cheat day” type thing. Just a quarter pounder and chips, nothing major.

Since first thing this morning I’ve been blowing out rotten, hot, burger farts. A real bang of Big Al’s “reheats” with onion and ketchup. The ketchup really gets you in the back of the throat.

This is still going on even after my “morning constitutional”, which left the trap reeking like the bins out the back of a Macaris.

Obviously, I played dumb when someone, in passing, asked “what’s that smell?” but if it continues on past lunch I’ll have to pin the blame on one of the admin crowd. Hoping it won’t come to that, though.