Uninterested Grandmother

If genes were split out evenly then your grandchild is made up of the genes of 3 others besides yourself. In the case of great grandchild this increases to 7 others and keeps doubling from there. Your decendants very quickly become complete strangers genetically and in many other ways. I don't think I would have much interest either.

I had wonderful grandparents, ironically they were more doting over their grand kids than their actual kids when they were younger. Anyone who tells you that the grandparents owe you nothing or shouldnt bother with their grand kids are talking out their holes. Everything about how you describe your mother screams narcissism. Normal and healthy family relationships are where your family engage with each other and help each other out, anything else is dysfunctional. No family is perfect, you always allow for certain quirks, but never indifference.

Both sets of my kids grandparents dot on them, this is normal behaviour form grandparents. A grandparent doesnt have to baby sit every week to show they love their grand kids, but some engagement or effort is required otherwise they are just self centered.

Your brother needs to grow the **** up, sounds like a begrudging twat.

From the child's point of view it would be nice to have a relationship of some sort.

My child's grandparents are elderly and I don't expect them to drive long distances to visit regularly.

We have a "policy" of attempting to visit one day each weekend but we limit visits to 20-30 minutes as noisy kids are a handful. We also deliberately meet sometimes at playgrounds as it allows kids to run and not be bored.

In reality many grandparents are not up to the job, don't have interest, don't have the strength, remember it's your kid not theirs. I have deliberately not asked them to babysit as I feel it's unfair.

Families often have problems but it's still family particularly from childs point of view. A 15 minute visit once a month might be plenty from all involved.

Some people aren't interested in kids or family. Thats just life.

Not really. Not everyone gets on.

OP, it will be better in the long-run for your daughter to have no relationship with her grandmother than one where she feels like a burden. Children pick up on what’s being said and energy/tension a lot more than they’re usually given credit for. She’ll start realising what’s going on sooner than you’ll think.

Let your mother and brother come to you if/when they realise what they’re missing out on, and you can use the extra time and energy you would have spent on your mother on your daughter instead.

I think there's a point where you have to accept you can't get the relationship you want with a parent or sibling. Then move on, life is short, don't waste it on people who aren't interested.

I think there's a litany of excuses.

They just aren't interested.

This thing were it's assumed grandparents should be readily available for childcare...

My OH's aunt is a recent grandmother and she is pretty much babysitting 4-5 times a week, all while she works night shift and struggles to sleep...she is utterly miserable but feels ridiculous guilt if she says no or pushes back even a little

Whatever the sensibilities involved and whether or not depression might be a factor, a parent has to cut to the chase and put their child's best interests first at all times. You do not want anyone, be they relative or not, taking care of your child when there is any sign whatsoever that they are unwilling or unable to do so for whatever reason, be it emotional or physical. Just don't do it. The grandmother described by the OP is showing you who she is. Believe her. Your child's safety and security comes first and way ahead of issues of understandable sadness over unmet expectations.

Yes weirdos

I'm sure if they didn't get on then the OP wouldn't be surprised by it

Very few aren't going to be interested in their kids or grandkids

not normal

Every family is different so there is no “normal”. The OP has clarified that the parent had always been somewhat distanced and passive, so this isn’t a new dynamic.

Just because it seems weird to you doesn’t mean that it is not normal.

I've 2 young children. I have a sibling with fertility issues, going on several years. Yes I have been a little careful in some of the things I'd say around them, e.g., not talking about how difficult it can be having kids, blahh blahh. But I'd never have dreamed of hiding the birth of my children from that sibling as a shield to protect their feelings! It's a big occasion in a family, it's utterly bizarre to conceal the birth of a child from a sibling on grounds of protecting their feelings!

Your brothers reasons for not visiting or having an interest in your child is tripe. Of course he may feel a little envy, or find baby conversations a little much (fertility issues or not.. .most find those conversations a bit much!), but he needs to manage that himself, same as you need to be considerate of his feelings by not blathering on about baby stuff. But I wouldn't accept his reasons as excuse for not seeing the child who is almost 2.

Remember this though OP, nobody gives as much of a toss about your child as you do. Other people's kids aren't all that interesting to many - me included.