It's over, isn't it?

You really should separate out the intimacy bit from your general frustration at help with household tasks. Most relationships function better with an understanding about how often you have sex. If you're denying this on the basis of being pissed off, that will further eat away at him. Not a good strategy on your part. You haven't answered though, if you are giving the chap sufficient time & space to do these things. Don't demand that things be done, that puts the other persons back up. Say it would be helpful if they did so & so, get to point where they agree to do it and leave it up to them to do it in their own time. Don't step in and do it yourself, just because they haven't don't whatever the moment you wanted it done. That's controlling behaviour.

I think the key here is in whether you can work together to resolve the major issues and develop a better partnership going forward. It will take work from both of you, and is more likely to succeed with the help of a therapist who understands the impact of autism on an intimate relationship.

Op look up Melissa Orlov, she provides some good insights for circumstances like yours.

Finally, don't be tempted to think you can just kick your partner out, and live happily ever after having removed that particular problem from your life. He is your children's father, and he has as much right to live in the house as you. I'm not saying you shouldn't break up if that's what needs to happen, just that it won't be a quick, easy or straightforward process, its good to be aware of that.

Also to add, what treatment or therapy does he receive for his autism? There would be help available from Occupational Therapists for example. He may find other types of therapy or certain activities therapeutic which would help him to be in a better headspace at home.

Not saying it's your job to "save" him, just that if he is not receiving adequate professional or other help he may struggle to have the capacity to change his behaviour to the extent you might be looking for.

You say he works, so he can obviously manage tasks and interactions with people well enough in that environment. That shows you that it is also possible for him to manage that at home also if he gets the right supports in place.

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That's why you need counselling.

You say, you don't need one because you tell him, what needs to be done. But are you able to get through to him? Does he hear you? It all might fall on deaf ear because of the way you both communicate.

You don't fight, because you leave, when he tries to tell somethings, on the other hand you yell at him. It is not healthy way of communication from both sides.

Counselling would help even for break up. It can teach him to be more responsible person, so you won't be afraid to leave kids with him.

Maybe that's what is wrong? You are doing too much, so he doesn't have to. Counselling would help with it as well.

level 1

top post is probably the best advice here, in regards asd, im autistic myself, but the disorder is absolutely no excuse for disrespectful behavior, yes we are developmentally delayed, but there truly is a time to step up to the mark, and when someone commits to spending their life with you, and when kids are involved, that time is now!

i suspect both of you need counselling at this stage, and possible some couples therapy also, if you can get things to that stage, but this behavior cannot go on, everyone will eventually become deeply unhappy. to a degree i can understand where the op's partner is coming from, but his behavior is still wrong, its not easy being neurodivergent in an nt world, its frankly overwhelming most of the time, the crippling depression and anxiety probably being the worst, but again, its not an excuse.

definitely trial separation, you both need space to figure things out, it would be truly devastating to see the end of the relationship, breakups are beyond dreadful for me, generally leading to more severe depression, its a very painful disorder....

just beware op, the chances of your kids developing the disorder are high, so.....

he needs to start creating far more productive and healthier routines, including regular exercise, and with the kids also, naturally this will help with bonding, but also any anxiety issues hes dealing with. excessive phone use can sometimes be related to 'thought-blocking' behaviors, its done to reduce anxiety issues, but can of course become 'maladaptive', which i think is the case here, its not good for anyone, disconnection is required from time to time, but when its excessive, its excessive! i have to disconnect in the evenings, be completely alone, this helps with reducing anxiety and stress, and helps greatly with sleep, but i have no kids, so, its a completely different story.... he still needs some alone time though, but he also needs to do his fair share...

currently cant think of anything else, but i ll link these autism channels, there might be some better advice on them

best of luck

What will he do once you move away? Has he got family that he can return to?

What a load of ignorant nonsense. If the OP didn't know that Autism was a factor, she wouldn't have mentioned it in the OP. She obviously does realise it can be an issue in relationships. But sure, lets follow your train of thought(lessness) and the next time a wheelchair user is blocked by a car parked on the pavement, tell them to stop whining and to get up off their hole and walk around the car like everyone else!

this is very much untrue, the op's partner needs to change, but may require professional guidance in doing so, this is actually the advice that has been given by some, including myself, the op may also require professional guidance and therapy, to try resolve the situation, which of course may lead to the end of the relationship, but of course, may also save it, which would be a better solution for all. the op's partners behavior is dysfunctional for themselves and of course for all involved, and requires alteration, and professional help is probably whats needed here

If I married a deaf person, and years later found that they were ignoring their children because they were deaf, were useless around the house because they were deaf, were totally self absorbed because they were deaf, and I was no longer attracted to them because they were deaf...

then the advice I want to hear is not "5 ways to make their life better". I would want to hear about the ways to make "my" life better.

I also don't agree with the dealbreaker point. If she wants to consider it a deal breaker today then she has every right to do that. Again, she only has one life, she does not have to lock herself into misery for the rest of it because of bad choices in the past.

OP life would be better with the help of her husband. And the advice here was mostly, what to do to get that help.

Of course, if he stays that way after professional help, the OP has her choices, which will be then with no guilt attached. So easier to do. OP wouldn't ask, if it was easy for her to do.

OP question was, if it is over. So my answer is yes. The relationship you had uptill now is over, but you have a choice to change it with professional help or to leave the situation.

Ignoring the red flags and marrying him anyway because she wanted children. It's right there in the OP.

I think some posters are being incredibly unfair to Kylith. It sounds like she has bent over backwards to accommodate his condition and is now - understandably - at the absolute end of her tether. She needs constructive advice, not judgement for not being able to "save" him.

Marrying a grown man who ignores his children so that he can play on his phone.