Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Graces7 · 18-10-2022 6:22am

My issues with this are seasonal . As part of the complexities of CFS/ME. This year it hit suddenly and hard and is taking me time to adjust.

And most physical activities are very limited. So mood is affected. That awareness is what helps most of course,,,

Reduced already to mostly abed in comfort, knitting for sale, and walking the house etc every hour or so... And as far as the gate to gaze at the ocean.

Each is different and has different methods.

One More Toy · 18-10-2022 5:38pm

Mods delete if inappropriate

Does anyone use cbd? If so, where is the best/cheapest place to get it? Tia

Gremlinertia · 18-10-2022 6:20pm

I've tried it for a while but no good to me anyway, didn't help with physical or mental illness. I got it from a so called head shop, discussed at length what strength etc to go for. Gave it two full months, I wish you luck, it seems very helpful to those it works for.

18-10-2022 6:35pm

When I find myself thinking very negatively I often turn to satire (I’m creative) but that means posting on social media and occasionally getting roped into the spirals of “I know better than you”.

I break down social media into the the following idioms:

Instagram & Facebook: look at me, what a fantastic life I have.

Linkedin: Look how qualified & great I am & I’m earning a fortune.

Twitter & Boards: My opinion is more correct than your opinion.

I often find I have to laugh at my own behaviour on these platforms too, to keep some sort of perspective.

One More Toy · 18-10-2022 6:35pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119761722#Comment_119761722

Thanks Grem, sorry it didn't work out. I'm desperate right now and exploring all avenues to get a night's sleep

RabbleRouser2k · 19-10-2022 12:31am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119761567#Comment_119761567

Used it for certain things, to help me sleep and whatever. Have used it on pets too, when they've had a sprain or pulled something. Seen noticable improvement.

You can get it in a tincture (similar to lavender or any drops) or from a vape shop. It has helped me with sleep, tho I haven't used it in while.

Graces7 · 19-10-2022 10:31am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119761792#Comment_119761792

Try lemon balm? I use the leaves in summer and it eases stress gently for me, allowing sleep. I have a larg e plant but you can get it from the usual kind of shops. (I rather enjoy nibbling leaves!) .

Gremlinertia · 24-10-2022 11:49pm

Really feeling it here the last few days, desperate, teary, useless. Nothing prompted it, just a thing that overcomes me on occasion

nothing · 25-10-2022 12:38am

Totally understand that, sometimes it can wash over me unexpectedly, and I just have to try not to drown until it passes. If I had a good coping mechanism, I'd definitely share it.

Sending virtual hugs.

RabbleRouser2k · 25-10-2022 3:19am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119789630#Comment_119789630

It's strange, I can get that too- just this feeling of complete and utter loss. Like you're almost 'mourning' someone, or something, and it's inexplicable.

Try and just do something for yourself. Even if it's just sitting down for an hour and doing nothing.

Graces7 · 25-10-2022 3:34pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119761567#Comment_119761567

Have a look at Holland and Barrett? I have a full bottle here; maybe I will give it another try..

Deja Boo · 25-10-2022 9:16pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119789510#Comment_119789510

I am sorry you are enduring such intense negative feelings. (((hugs))) Surely the short winter days and rain doesn't encourage positivity.

May it pass quickly for you Grem, and not come back anytime soon! The "mean reds" (from a movie) or purple funk, or whatever you call it - get thee away from grem! :D

and p.s. -- clearly feelings aren't facts, because useless is not a word anyone could ever attribute to you, missus.

Graces7 · 28-10-2022 8:41am

When it was bad I would look at the clook and say, in half an hour it will be better. Often conncted that with a TV programme,,, it always WAS better. I think it was because I was limiting its power? If that makes sense - and yes it does.

It is never like that now. Interesting. Maybe that is why. Taking control amd allowing it a limted time... THUS FAR AND NO FURTHER works. And knowing it will end.

SuperBowserWorld · 28-10-2022 12:32pm

Off work today and just crashing with a rotten low mood as I don't have work to occupy me. How crap is that?

I have valid reasons for this.

Hoping to see a counsellor next week. I have been this way, constantly getting worse for years now.

I fear I've left it too late and wasted my life. I blame the whole suffering mindset and dumb ruled of our catholic culture that I did not sort out my problems when I could.

Sardonicat · 28-10-2022 12:52pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119803998#Comment_119803998

I can relate to how you are feeling tight now. Hope you get the counselling sorted soon and can start unravelling the emotional knots.

In a state of suspended animation here. Numb,with anxiety balled up, crunched down and a lid rammed on top. Not sure what's gonna happen first; the other shoe dropping or the lid blowing off the anxiety pressure cooker. Crying a bit, too.

SuperBowserWorld · 28-10-2022 1:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119804089#Comment_119804089

Yep, it's an awful state to be in. I have today off and I'm mentally torturing myself here. I can't even relax without beating myself up.

Graces7 · 29-10-2022 2:49pm

The last few posters... Wondering re the timing as my old enemy SAD has me floored to extremes. I am really struggling physically and emotionally in addition to the CFS/ME

Look it up? The scientific aspects. Not only the shortening of daylight byt the actual quality and intensity of the light, the "lux". It makes infinite sense. Hibernation mode. Even bears get very dark and down.. bit

I went way downhill when I lived in Orkney which is far far north and it fitted. One year we had no sunshine AT ALL, Week after week of heavy cloud. And GPs were handing out anti-ds,,, Nothing grew in the gardens. Depression hit hard.

I researched and recognised! Bought an SAD lamp but the ME means bright light is out, Gave it to a neighbour...

It is an insidious condition that mimics depression and causes emotional disturbances and despair.

But just knowing what it was helped and I found a smaller lamp with a daylight bulb that did help.

I was fine three weeks ago. Now getting out of bed is a challenge and mood is badly affected. But I KNOW that this is largely seasonal ..oh and the craving for sweet stuff... This is not coincidental and I only realised today and reading this thread that my old enemy is here. I never expect it!

Thank you as I couldl have written some of these posts myself..

Dreading the weeks ahead but we will get through it.. And I am blessed as I have no outside commitments, being a pensioner...

Read up on it? Oh I used 5HTP to good effect for a while. Anything that helps at all.. Lemon balm,, lavender oil

Now old age is adding its burden and I am struggling as the days shorten. Mentally emotionally, physically. I HAVE to keep mobile .. nearly 80 years old... Far far worse then even a week ago.

We deserve all the awareness and knowlledge we can get. I never had counselling as it was never available and it just never appealed as my main health issue is the CFS/ME misdiagnosed for three decades...and now I am abed most of each day and at peace with that.. but have one excellent friend. And a deep faith.

29-10-2022 3:50pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119803998#Comment_119803998

Sorry to hear like you feel you have wasted your time or your life. That's a hard feeling to live with.

The worst part of that feeling is it makes us waste even more. Every moment - even just a second or a minute - that we spend in that feeling is actually a moment wasted. But it pulls you in and says "come to me" and makes you waste even more time beside it.

The way I think about it for myself: The past is the past. You have neither wasted it nor used it. It is just that time that amalgamated to make the you that is here today. The time in the past was neither wasted nor used. It just was.

The only time you can actually use, waste, give, gift, fill, empty or anything else - is the time before you. The choice is yours whether you get to use that time - or that past can take it.

I'm a naturally jealous person. What's mine is mine. The past ain't having it. Whatever time I have left in this world is mine and mine alone. The past can F off. It's not getting one second of it.

SuperBowserWorld · 29-10-2022 3:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119808519#Comment_119808519

Thanks for that support - I really appreciate it.

Sigyn · 29-10-2022 10:50pm

Hi,

I am new here. I am currently in Effexor withdrawal (mid-50s, on them for past six years due to external circumstances, took 225mg once a day). I've been thinking about coming off them for at least a year now and finally decided to to take the plunge. It's going to be two week this coming Monday since I took the last one. Despite tapering them off as directed I had some horrendous withdrawal symptoms the first week, extremely vivid nightmares that were paralysing, brain zaps like you wouldn't believe, strange sensations on my skin, "sea legs". No nausea or headaches, though. Now it's down to slight brain zaps, vivid dreams (but not nightmares). I have also noticed that I tear up for no reason and am quite irritable, too.

I am not looking for medical advice, I've got my GP for that. I am looking for people who went through the same regarding stopping. How did you do? How long until you felt "alive" again? Did you relapse? Stayed off them? Anything really just to show me I am not the only one. Thanks in advance!

Gremlinertia · 29-10-2022 10:56pm

I've changed meds a few times by tapering off one before trying another and it's no picnic but sounds like you are through the worst of it.. I'd expect brain zaps and some mood swings (for want of a better term) for another two weeks or so but less difficult to cope with.. Hope it works out for you, sounds like you've a decent relationship with your GP, that's a major, major help..

08-11-2022 11:11am

I am dealing with bad depression for last number of months

I tried consilling and I didn't work out

I ended up blaming alot of stuff on my partner

I eventually got an appointment with my GP and have started on anti depression tablets

Now my partner wants to break up because he has had enough of me

Gremlinertia · 08-11-2022 11:19am

That's awfully rough, sorry to hear it.. Stay the course it's not easy but there's always this thread and hopefully the medication will help you.

SuperBowserWorld · 08-11-2022 1:35pm

Had my first appointment with a psychotherapist last week. Was ok. Good to start I guess. Really I've a ton of issues that I need to work through.

Every minute feels like I've am about to sit an exam. Crazy anxiety. I haven't been taking any stimulants. It's just all the problems at the moment. I can take a break from them, but there are no easy solutions to them.

nothing · 08-11-2022 3:43pm

Stick with it 6480 and hopefully it will get better. Might be worth looking into counselling again down the line, can sometimes take time to find the right one for you.

Sorry to hear that Bowser, it can be very overwhelming when it piles up on you, hopefully the psychotherapy will help you to cope.

I finally got onto the psychologist waiting list on my mental health team, after 3 years of requesting it after the last psychologist left and signed me off, despite asking her to wait list me for her replacement. Battling for what I need from the system is sometimes worse than battling the illness.

Gremlinertia · 09-11-2022 4:01am

On the couch. Pain and depression so on the couch with hot water bottles feeling sorry for myself.. Tough session with psychologist earlier too.

Sardonicat · 09-11-2022 4:23am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119851798#Comment_119851798

Ouch, Grem. Perfectly okay to lick your wounds if the session opened a few up. Hugs

I'm still up because I'm avoiding going to sleep because I'm avoiding waking up, if ya get me?

Gremlinertia · 09-11-2022 4:27am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119851807#Comment_119851807

Understand that so totally, I often stay up way longer than I should, then when I go to bed getting me back out of it is some job too.

Sardonicat · 09-11-2022 4:36am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119851811#Comment_119851811

Got a feeling tomorrow will be like that for me. Gonna head into bed now, though, seeing as I've identified self destructive behaviour, to continue to engage in it is just stupid and apparently I'm a grown-up. Be nice and kind to yourself, give yourself some "hugs", Grem.

Gremlinertia · 09-11-2022 5:00am

Mind yourself Sardi, chat soon *hugs*

09-11-2022 1:32pm

I think of all the things I have done in life to deal with my depression and depression related issues - my relationship with sleep has to be in the top list somewhere.

People who know me tend not to know I have any issues with depression mainly because I have not had an attack of it for years and I am quite happy and content and stable in life. It's a bit like an alcoholic who has not had a drink for 15 years or someone who is diabetic who has never visibly had an issue. They are still an alcoholic/diabetic. But since they have successfully kept on top of it for so long - no one knows/notices and often even find it hard to believe there is a problem if the person mentions it.

But the work to keep on top of it is constant and daily. Some of it is difficult. Some of it is so routine that it's almost instinct. But the work is always there. And even one day of slip can be disaster. I know it's always there and it peeks out just enough every so often to remind me it has not gone away. But I so far have kept it down. I often think of a beautiful line I heard coming from a guy in the homosexual community back in the day they were fighting for right which essentially went "Those who tried to push us down and bury us - did not realize we were seeds". A line that gave me a kind of respect for my depression that it is in many ways similar.

But for me sleep was a huge one as most of my demons and attacks and descent into the darkness came late at night. That is when I was most vulnerable and prone to all kinds of negativity or suffering. So the only thing that worked for me was a complete shift in my sleep schedule. So nowadays I get out of the bed at 4a.m. and go straight for a run regardless of the weather. And I am in bed by 10 most nights.

For me at least this has usurped a huge chunk of the battle ground my old nemesis used to fight and often win on. He is still powerful and I still have to keep him down. But that one move at least knee capped the bugger and let me focus on the other moves / routines / practices in my life that keep him down.

But since sleep is such a foundational thing in my never ending war - the platform that for me is foundational to everything else - I have a lot of deep sympathy and empathy for anyone who is having trouble sleeping. There are so many things that help me sleep and have helped others - so I guess all there is to it is to try them all until you find the one (or combination) that hopefully works for you. I know what works for me - but alas human diversity does have it's downsides and everyone is different.

RabbleRouser2k · 10-11-2022 6:59am

Funny how everyone's sleep has been disrupted this week, my own included.

Weather most definitely isn't helping. It's affecting many people's moods, and it's most definitely making some people I know very...disagreeable, to put it mildly.

Last few days, sleep is up and down, I think Wednesday I got about 4 hours sleep. Then today I think I got about 12 or so. It's no fun. IF the weather were at least stable, I think my sleep would be too.

Graces7 · 11-11-2022 7:15am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119855909#Comment_119855909

Amid our first LOUD autumn gale out here in the Atlantic and two sleepless nights. My life just now is total nasty chaos all round and my only solace is abed "good cause" knitting snugged in with youtube and a cat or two ...We are totally cut off of course... Wish it would TURN THE VOLUME DOWN ...

SuperBowserWorld · 11-11-2022 7:33am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119852926#Comment_119852926

Thanks for reminding me of the important of sleep.

Have not been sleeping well recently due to ongoing hard problems. But ... Not enough exercise, too much caffeine, inconsistent bed times - I can fix these.

Got up at 4:30 to fix up some work stuff that was bothering me, so that a little problem does not escalate into a storm in a teacup. 5 mins work to save a load of hassle today. So, it's worth it. Stupid life to be honest.

The weather is all over the place. Cold, warm, wet, windy.

RabbleRouser2k · 11-11-2022 5:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119860188#Comment_119860188

An annoying bugger of a mouser isn't helping. Been hearing him scratching in the walls, then he appeared last night, being somewhat foolish and moving all over the place. Usually put down some kind of poison or bait in the attic, and then monitor if any of it has been eaten. For months, nothing has been touched. But wet weather means they seek out a new place to 'chill'. Our cat's usually catch them, as in you might see a mouse outside, but the following day mouse has disappeared. And cat looks happy with themselves.

And now he's chilling in the walls, or making an appearance last night. Gonna put down another trap... might catch him.

RabbleRouser2k · 11-11-2022 11:15pm

Had a new therapy session today. Been a few weeks due to the weather and having to change therapists a few times due to scheduling clashes.

Felt strange to open up again. Actually felt physically...drained, after. Like, the feeling you have after a heavy workday. Therapist was genuinely kind and friendly.

Even for a first session, opened up a few wounds again.

ifeelabreeze · 12-11-2022 4:30am

Recently started on 50mg Setraline after tethering on a breakdown, for no apparent reason.

I'm only 2 days in and I feel weird, like I'm fully of energy but also still not 100% mentally, my eyes just feel wired or something..

I'm also somewhat worried I may be bipolar and not depressed but as my GP said 'we'll try this and see how we go'.. I was quite proud of myself, I've spoken to professionals in the past and this is the first time I've been deeply honest, as opposed to just surface level.

Graces7 · 12-11-2022 11:10am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119860197#Comment_119860197

We do what we need to. Lack of sleep this week ( gales are deafening out here) has resulted in the SAD moving in BUT I had to walk a little this morning to prevent immobility creeping in. Swings and roundabouts always and that is normal.

My cats have the best method.. Food then crash for the day... But I am near tears with sheer weariness. Need to stay awake until early bed to get back into the habit. Crevee a s the French say..

Graces7 · 12-11-2022 11:16am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119862255#Comment_119862255

Careful with poison... I will not use it. When I was new here it had been empty years. There was apparently a "rat run" along the gate and the cats took up residence there. One was as big as a well grown kitten, and they are such beautifully designed critters. Just not by my home. Depresses me some. No more rats...

nothing · 12-11-2022 12:43pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119864233#Comment_119864233

It can increase anxiety in the first couple of weeks, but do keep an eye on it

RabbleRouser2k · 13-11-2022 2:02am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119864604#Comment_119864604

Only use it indoors, never outdoors. Cats and dogs do the ratcatcher/ mouse catching work. For us, it's in the attic, and in a press, that's it.

nothing · 13-11-2022 2:17am

Have over-peopled the last few days and just want to hide for a week.

Gremlinertia · 13-11-2022 2:24am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119867868#Comment_119867868

Ooh i feel that one. The most talking i do is on here really.. Don't have the spoons for a full on engagement every day.

RabbleRouser2k · 13-11-2022 3:12am

I feel that. Even an hour long conversation can be draining. I wonder if that's why many of us don't talk on the phone anymore.

Emails, and other apps, seem to be a lot less.... energy consuming.

Graces7 · 13-11-2022 12:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119867855#Comment_119867855

No attic or even roof space here! I found blue poison at the back of the food cupboard when I moved it but my cats deter..

Graces7 · 13-11-2022 12:17pm

In an ever deepening black tunnel due to others' totally evil and knowledgeably deliberate actions .... Helpless and sinking more each day. Cannot take much more. I have done nothing to merit this. Nothing.

SuperBowserWorld · 14-11-2022 8:58pm

Feeling pretty awful today. Too many things haunting me.

Gremlinertia · 14-11-2022 10:03pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119874550#Comment_119874550

You took the words from my mouth. I feel like i'm being dragged too many directions too.

Graces7 · 15-11-2022 1:41pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119862255#Comment_119862255

That reminds me of one rental in Donegal when a mouse RAN ACROSS MY PILLOW... It gave the dog and cats the runaround until I finally threw my nightie over it and liberated it in the garden...

SuperBowserWorld · 15-11-2022 1:50pm

My head is wrecked.

Time to slow down and give up crap.

Again 😄

Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

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